ONLINE PARENTING COACH

My 13 year old daughter is sexually promiscuous. I know she has had sex twice with one boy, one time being in a public toilet. She is not in a relationship with him. I know she has kissed three different boys this week. I cannot watch her 24 hours a day and I think that she will damage herself psychologically is she continues this destructive behavior. She doesn't know that I know all of this, but knows I found out about the sex. Any advice? Click here for my response...

"My son was a excellent student in high school used to have awards in Science, Music, and Arts i was so proud as parent and also got high results at GCSE exams mostly A's & A* but since he start college he is under achieving student to the point he failed subjects last year, notice not doing his college work progress report are disappointing, noticed teachers are feed up as i feel the same and today he told me sorry that he is not doing his work my son said to me i do not want to do my work and said i do not know why? My question why my son is feeling this way?" As young people today are confronted with new and unfamiliar issues when compared with young people in any recent or long-term past, many moms and dads struggle to identify the catalysts or strategies to stimulate and motivate their young people. Today's young people are faced with choices and circumstances their moms and dads didn't face. They live in a world where it requires a security badg...

Most single fathers I know struggle to know where to start in the beginning. What should be first on my list, and how do I even begin to get my arms around the rest? Having talked to a number of single fathers who have successfully negotiated this transition with their children, let me offer the following recommendations… As adults, we have at least learned some coping mechanisms in our life to deal with change. Often, our children are totally unprepared for having a single father as their primary caregiver. So as you help your children adjust, consider the following suggestions: • Accept help. Often, as others you love see you struggle, they will ask if they can help. Learn to be a gracious receiver of their offers. Swallow your pride, recognize that you can't do it all, and express gratitude for the help of others. • Consider early mornings. Once the children are up and around, it’s harder to make time for you. And at night, there are lots of temptations like TV and...

"My 17 y.o. daughter has shutdown (i.e., isolates in her room, doesn't eat dinner with us, hates school, seems very depressed and moody). This has come on the heals of moving to a different city 3 hours away from where she grew up. She's 'lost' all of her friends in the truest sense on the word and frequently says 'I wish I were dead'. But we had to move here due to my husband's work. How can I help in this situation?" Click here for my response...

Hello Mark: This is a strange experience. That is, sending a stranger, albeit we believe, a caring stranger such as you, an e-mail. My wife and I have used your program with our now 14 year old daughter, but not as fully as we could or should have. Nevertheless, we thought we had used our ‘poker faces’, and given ‘consequences’ lectures effectively, and that a real change (with constant and exhausting monitoring) was taking place. We had a real setback a month or so ago, in terms of inappropriate Facebook activities, and had our daughter cancel her Facebook profile and account. This was disappointing, but again we thought it was one of a series of setbacks that we thought would diminish in severity and with time. We were thinking a level of real trust was slowly taking hold. We were wrong! Today is Saturday evening. Yesterday evening we found out that our daughter and her only real friend, (according to her), a 15 year old girlfriend whom she has been very close ...

Hi, I have been using the parenting strategies since July. Things were going well, and my son even earned the privilege of a driving permit in October, which would allow him to take his driving test to have a driver's license. If he had stayed on track, he would have had his driver's test scheduled in November. However, within 1 week of earning the driving permit, he began to become rebellious again, argumentative, and sloppy or forgetful about his chores. I asked him what was bothering him, but he refused to say; he only had insults for me. In the beginning of November, my son said that it was not fair for us to make him attend church on Sundays. I reminded him that it was a house rule that was agreed to by him. He told me that he did not believe there was anything after a person dies. I did not argue with him. 2 days after that statement, my son was hospitalized for 8 days because of seizures. He had over 60 seizures in that time span. My son was upset with...

Yes I do. Here's how to get difficult children to cooperate: • Avoid physical struggles. If you start holding a youngster down to give him medicine, you may have to do it again and again. If you find you are physically forcing a youngster to take his medicine on a regular basis, this may be a sign that you should talk with your doctor, nurse or social worker for professional advice. • Explain how medicine helps children get well. Young children don't always understand how medicine works. You could explain it by simply saying, "This medicine will help you feel better so you can go back to the playground." You could also mention what the medicine is accomplishing: "You didn't wake up at all last night. That's because the medicine took your pain away." • Explain the consequences. If a youngster refuses to take medicine, explain that he is making a choice that has consequences. You could say, ‘I see you're choosing to stay in the house ...

Good Morning Mark, I have finished the 4 weeks and have used some of the suggestions. I have a couple of questions at this point. Before we started the course, we had pretty much taken away "all" of my daughters "stuff" and "freedom". Over the last 4 weeks, we have been looking for reasons to give things back so we can get on track. However, things keep coming up: she gets caught not telling the truth, skipping class at school, being late at school and not turning in assignments. I feel like I can't give her "stuff" and "freedom" back when things keep coming up - and I have lost any leverage with her at all for future offenses. Do you have a suggestion? Secondly, as a parent, what is your opinion about reading our kids e-mail, etc.? We have found things out this way in the past. The problem with this is that if I find something, I usually end up trying to circumvent the situation - it is very hard to let her make the mi...

“I hate you, you’re such a bitch, I am too going to wear my red dress! You promised me yesterday, and if I can’t wear it today, I’m not getting ready for school!” Molly had been arguing about the dress for the past forty-five minutes. It was 8:05, mom was running late, and the dress was filthy. That overwhelming exhausted feeling enveloped mom and, once again, she caved. “Go ahead and wear it,” she screamed. If your youngster has been diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), this scenario may sound much too familiar. According to the Diagnostics and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth Ed., oppositional defiant disorder can cause clinical impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning, and is characterized by a recurrent pattern of negativistic, defiant, disobedient and hostile behavior toward authority figures which persists for a period of at least six months. Since kids pass through many developmental stages as they mature, it is imp...

Hi Mark, We bought my out of control teen for our problem teen, H___ aged 16 (with undiagnosed emotional problems) and have found the tools very helpful, however we are at a loss to know how to deal with her runaway episodes which she does when she receives a consequence. She ran away late one night in bare feet and walked all the way to her dad's house 7& 1/2 kms away, (he was convicted with 18 charges of violence against me) she hadn't seen him for 10 years...and it turned out to be a bad experience...then went and stayed at a friend’s. As she told us she wasn't coming home but was planning to move out which she can legally do at the age of 16, which she is now. I just told her how her choice to move out would affect her...we wouldn't support her financially...she would have to arrange all that herself and stayed in constant contact with her. We have contacted the police and they have said unless she is considered at risk (ie mental health issues which ...

Hello Mr. Hutten, I have a question for you. I have a 14 year old step son who does not know that I am not his biological father. His mother and I have been separated for 9 years. I get him and his brother, who is my biological son, three times a week. I have had this visitation arrangement with their mother for the entire 9 years. I met the boy when he was 8 months old, and he really has no idea I am not his biological father. That said, the boy treats me with no respect, gets into trouble and generally makes the time I have with him and his brother a nightmare. I could go on, but I am sure you can imagine what I have been going through. My question-- Should I tell him that I am not his biological father? I really want to tell him because I do not think he appreciates exactly how good I have been to him. I spend a lot of time being angry at him and I think if he knew the real situation he might have a little more gratitude. Please let me know what your prof...

Hi Mark, Just wanted to thank you for this web site, it pretty much saved my relationship with my 16 year old son. We went from arguing, fighting and a final physical confrontation to him giving me a hug and telling me he loves me every morning before he leaves for school. It's been a year since our last argument. You're my hero! Lee Michaelis, DDS Online Parent Support

Mark, I just wanted to follow up to let you know that your program is spot-on! I am just starting Session 3 in your materials and using the suggestions in my household with my 14 year old twins. They are blown away with my lack of engagement with their verbal attacks, behaviors and disrespect. I'm following your advice and using my words and actions carefully, as well as being consistent, and they are totally confused as to what happened to me. I simply refuse to let them get me angry or engage in their misbehavior; then I talk to them about consequences of continued behavior. It took several days of me calmly repeating myself with these new rules, one of them is getting it right away while the other is a bit more resistant but is coming to realize that she can't push my buttons anymore. Thank you so much for making this program so affordable and supportive for the parent!!! I think we will make it through the next four years in a much calmer household. D.B. Online Parent Suppo...

Our 17 yr old daughter won't stop smoking pot – which she does daily to get through school. We have taken away privileges. Do we just ignore and ask her to leave once she's 18? ````````````````````````````````````````` This is a tricky subject and different for every family, but I truly believe that every teenager who wants to get marijuana, can. Therefore, I always tell moms & dads, it is extremely difficult to try to shield a teenager today from being exposed to marijuana because it is so prominent. I believe parents, and what I do with many of my clients, need to spend their efforts trying to equip teenagers to make the right choices, so when they are exposed to it, they will choose not to get high. No matter how strict a curfew you have, how often you drug test your teenagers, or whether they are an athlete, a scholar or a jock, your teenager will always find a way to use marijuana if they want to. They key is making sure they do not want to. 1...

My name is L___ and I just want to thank you for your website that I stumbled upon while doing research on Reactive Attachment Disorder. Your column "ask the parent coach" was like reading about my family's life story the last 9 months. I have found a lot of websites on this disorder but yours really hit home for me. We have a child that has been with us for 9 months that we were getting ready to adopt but have since decided that we do not have the capacity or time commitment to care for him. He was diagnosed with RAD by a school counselor recently and shows every sign of RAD except cruelty to animals. The more research I have done, the more I understand this disorder and the severity this boy has (he is 7). With 3 other young children, we have come to the conclusion that we can't commit to years of therapy without the rest of the family suffering in some way. We know his family and he was taken away at the hospital and put into foster care for 3 months becaus...

Who would you call for help if your 15-year-old teenager becomes so out-of-control with violent outbursts that it leads him to going after his parent with a knife? • Child Protective Services? • Crisis Hot Lines? • Doctors? • Mental Health? • Support Groups? • The Police? • Therapists? Try and imagine feeling more like a prisoner then a parent with your teenager, because no one can handle your teenager not even school, so you home school. Try spending thousands of dollars and going everywhere you can to find a cure, support, the newest medication, therapy, clinic, diet, only to realize your teenager is getting older, bigger and the violence is getting worst. Try to imagine being scared of your own minor child (not teen) at times and there is NO WHERE TO TURN FOR HELP! Try to imagine knowing if you try to escape, you can go to jail for “child abandonment” when you always want to be there for you teenager, however you can’t control them and need to be sa...