Family ties are one of the strongest contributors to individual character development. Many of us spend years trying to understand, erase, or copy the influence of our family unit. When Rage is part of a family's tradition, it spreads itself much like a virus to future generations. The wider the spread, the more difficult the Rage is to contain.
The effect of Rage in families is usually apparent in the way that members relate with one another. Our earliest experiences communicating and relating to others occurs within the family. Patterns of Rage in relationships are then taken and recreated in later relationships outside the family. Thankfully, a committed, well-designed treatment plan can repair the damage of having been raised in an hostile family system.
Rage in Relationships—
Rage is one of the most common negative patterns in relationships. Couples sometimes report that it is their Rage that makes the relationship feel alive. Rage takes root in insecure relationships where open communication is absent and the emotion of love is buried beneath years of Resentment. There is typically hopelessness in the present and doubt about the future in these relationships. The good news is that individuals committed to improving their relationships through the hard work of therapy are generally rewarded with a renewed sense of hope. Here are some tips on how to limit Rage producing interactions in your relationships:
1. Always consider individual or family therapy in instances where your Rage feels out of control and/or mysterious.
2. Ask yourself if you have legitimate assumptions about the intentions of others.
3. Before feeling attacked or hurt, make an attempt to give others the benefit of the doubt, especially if you have nothing to lose by doing so.
4. Explore your participation in relationships that repeatedly bring out the worst in you.
5. Keep the lines of communication open. When you feel Resentment building, see if you can journal your feelings and then share your thoughts with a loved one.
6. When you have Rage toward another person, start with an internal check of your own emotional state. Ask yourself why you feel the way you do.
How Do I Know If My Family or Loved One Has a Rage Problem?
Hostile individuals are, in most instances, very aware of their problems in controlling Rage. Unfortunately, too many come to accept their Rage as an unchangeable part of who they are and feel hopeless to change. If you feel that you or a loved one may have an Rage disorder, look for several of the following symptoms happening in your life on a regular basis:
1. Becoming more hostile than is appropriate in regard to mild frustration or irritation.
2. Family and/or friends approach you with the concern that you need help managing your Rage.
3. Having chronic physical symptoms such as high blood pressure, gastrointestinal, difficulties, or anxiety.
4. Having feelings of guilt or regret over something that you have said or done in a fit of Rage.
5. Repeated social conflict as a result of Rage outbursts (law suits, fights, property damage, school suspensions, etc.).
Where to Get Help for My Rage—
Fortunately, the mental health profession has been responsive to individuals seeking treatment for help with Rage. Referrals to treatment programs and services are often available and mandated for those individuals suffering moderate to severe social conflict. Many chronically hostile individuals feel shame and guilt about their Rage. There may be times when a friend or loved one may need to request help or plan an intervention for the hostile individual. In such instances, it is critical to take advantage of mental health professionals with a background in Rage management training.
What Kind of Help Will I Get for My Rage?
An effective Rage management plan can include individual or family therapies, which are some of the more common ways people attempt to deal with chronic Rage.
Individual therapy, which explores the root of hostile feelings and behavior, is traditionally a safer, more secure option to working with the entire hostile family at once. Treatment with individuals helps facilitate a thorough focus on the most important emotions beneath the individual's Rage.
Family therapy is a powerful way of repairing the damaging effect of long-term Rage interactions. Over time, chronic Rage drives a wedge between family members, resulting in the members becoming disconnected from one another, or overly involved with one another in an unhealthy manner. Therapy would consider each member's role in the Rage interactions, versus assuming any single member is responsible for the family's Rage.
How Marriage and Family Therapy Helps Control Rage—
More often than not, chronic Rage has a lengthy, definable history. Marriage and family therapists are trained experts in identifying Rage patterns that pass from one generation to the next. Identifying these patterns helps to explore individuals' learned perceptions about the appropriateness of Rage expression and suppression. Encouraging a parent to share how emotions were expressed in his or her immediate family allows other family members to understand the family's inherited concepts about Rage.
Online Parent Support
The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen
The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.
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