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Dealing with a Runaway Daughter

Mark, I'm the one that wrote you about my daughter running away. She is still missing and we keep hearing various chatter rumors from school that she is with this person or that person. Today I heard that she is with the original person she was with, which I've heard is dangerous! I also heard that they’re in downtown Reno jumping from hotel to hotel to not be detected. The police are not looking for her since she is a runaway – so they’re no help. I have to get all the leads and report them to the detective. I'm also working with the school police, which are also not much help! We've made posters and posted them everywhere, but in this one area, they are being taken down. I don't know if this is the lifestyle she wants or if she's being exploited. Her twin sister is very agitated everyday and wants to know if her sister is okay, but does not want her to come home because she says she's such a bitch.

Mark, I know you can't do much from where you are at but I'm desperate for some kind of support...I’m going crazy with worry and the unknown. Thank you, D.

Click here for my response...


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1 comment:

Elise Martin said...

Hi, I'm sorry for your situation and understand how you must be so worried. I just wanted to make a comment because I get what Mark is saying and I want to try to explain it in a little more detail. When your runaway daughter maintains a certain distance from you and is able to "be the one who is telling YOU the way it is", in other words, she has "the power and control" over you and she is manipulating you from afar. This is a very satisfactory scenario for her. With you reaching out for her, the distance between you that your daughter wants to be in control of, is just the distance she wants to maintain. It's an abstract concept, but let's say you two are 10 feet apart, well, every time she steps farther away, you step forward, always allowing, 1. Her to manipulate you. And 2. Her to be the one moving away from you to maintain the distance of 10 feet. Mark is saying that there are certain unseen universal laws of attraction and repellant. As long as you are always the one reaching for her, she can continue to be the one moving away from you and the one controlling you and your actions. However, if you simply STOP moving toward her, stop being a detective, stop putting up posters, stop collecting information from school friends etc...then YOU take a step backward and OPEN up a new "space" that is, say 12 feet apart- well since the space your daughter wants is 10 feet apart, you are "making room" for HER to move toward you for a change. In my work in social services I have seen this phenomena play itself out many times. There is a dance people do to maintain the space in the relationship that is preferred. When one steps back, the other steps forward. So it is up to you to step back and stop being a puppet to your daughter's puppeteering. If you try to redirect your energy for even a week, I'll bet you will see a change of some kind. I hope this makes sense and explains in more detail what Mark was saying <3

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