Have you ever been to a friend's house, the Mall, or a restaurant and witnessed a very
disturbing parent-child interaction that caused you to have the thought, “Oh my
God …that parent should be arrested!” or something similar? Unfortunately,
there are a lot of good people out there who are just plain “bad” parents. And here’s
how they do it…
12 ways to be the best “bad” parent out there:
Bad Parenting Method #1: Don’t build strong bonds.
Corrective Measures: If you want your youngster to be more cooperative,
change your focus from improving him to improving your relationship. When you
dwell on the ways he's misbehaving, it just discourages both of you (you feel
like a bad parent, and he feels as if he can't do anything right). Besides, all
that energy you're using to correct him could be channeled into something more
uplifting and effective. So try to give him positive feedback several times a
day (i.e., a specific compliment on something you see him doing).
Bad Parenting Method #2: Don’t change
your “parenting practices” as the son or daughter grows older.
Corrective Measures: When discipline doesn't seem to be working for your
family, you want to step back and look again at the problem. The first step is
to learn “what is normal behavior” for your youngster's age and stage of
development. Some misbehavior is an expression of transitions in the school-age
child’s rapid development. Parental expectations may be beyond what the youngster
is able to achieve on a consistent basis.
==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents
==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents
Bad Parenting Method #3: Don’t change yourself first.
Corrective Measures: When your youngster misbehaves, ask yourself, “What is
it that I need to know?” “How am I contributing to this behavior?” “What could
I do differently that would help my youngster?” Seek first to understand the
situation, the contributing factors, and how you can change yourself. You may
discover that you need to add a few tools to your parenting tool box.
Bad Parenting Method #4: Avoid
having good family communication.
Corrective Measures: Giving instructions and consequences, planning for good
behavior, listening to your youngster, holding family meetings, and resolving
conflict are just a few of the opportunities moms and dads have to encourage
self-discipline and maintain good family relationships. When confronting a
problem, your style of communication will help or hinder a successful
resolution.
Bad Parenting Method #5: Don’t increase the number of tools in your parenting tool box.
Corrective Measures: When you develop a well-stocked parenting tool box, you
increase the likelihood that you will match the most effective tool with the
appropriate situation. The more you learn the more options you have when a
difficult behavior arises.
Bad Parenting Method #6: Don’t learn what best fits your kids.
Corrective Measures: Some kids are visual learners, some are auditory
learners, and some are more tactile in their learning. When your youngster
behaves in a way that calls for your correction and guidance, stop to ask
yourself what would be the best way to deliver the guidance. Choose the method
that fits their learning style and the odds that your youngster will learn more
efficiently increases
Bad Parenting Method #7: Avoid reinventing yourself and learning from others.
Corrective Measures: Take parenting classes. Read parenting books. Consult
parenting experts. Actively seek information and ideas from the many ways it is
provided today. One can find parenting techniques on YouTube, in books stores,
or by attending workshops in your community.
Bad Parenting Method #8: Punish and shame rather than teach and guide.
Corrective Measures: Your role as a mother or father is to help your kids
learn how to manage their own behavior. When you shame, threaten and punish
your kids, ask yourself, “What is my behavior teaching my kids?” Consider that
the main lesson you are teaching them is that shame, threatening or physical
force is an appropriate way to get what you want in this world. Is that the
lesson you want your kids to learn?
Bad Parenting Method #9: Show disrespect
for the youngster.
Corrective Measures: Discipline techniques that belittle or shame a youngster
are truly harmful. If your relationship with your youngster has become a power
struggle, then control – not discipline – has become your goal. Defuse this
toxic relationship with good listening skills. Show respect for your youngster's
feelings and thoughts, while standing firm on your expectations for good
behavior. Respect for moms and dads and other authorities is crucial to
self-discipline and healthy development. Help your youngster learn respect for
authority by making your own words and actions as a parent worthy of respect.
==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents
==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents
Bad Parenting Method #10: Parent the way you were parented.
Corrective Measures: Most moms and dads use similar techniques and
strategies to those their moms and dads used with them. “Well my parents did it
this way with me – and I’m fine,” some parents offer as an excuse to keep from
learning alternate ways of managing kid’s behavior. Much has changed in our
world from when we were growing up as kids. Be open to seeing new ways to
approach your important role as a mother or father.
Bad Parenting Method #11: Parent your children the way you wanted to be
parented as a child.
Corrective Measures: Many parents did not get the love and acceptance they
wanted - and needed - as children. As a result, they make the mistake of parenting
the opposite way they were parented. For example, “My parents were just plain mean,
so I am going to try to be my child’s best friend.” …or… “We were always poor
as dirt, so I’m going to see to it that my child has everything he needs!” You
may have been parented poorly by your parents, but that doesn’t mean they did
everything wrong. Take the good parts – and keep them. Trade-in the not-so-good
parts for something better.
Bad Parenting Method #12: Forget about using "I"
statements.
Corrective Measures: Children learn early on to tune-out their moms and dads'
endless "no's" and nagging. So if your requests and commands aren't
producing results, avoid using them. Using "I" statements,
tell your child what his actions do to you: "I get upset when I see you
throwing food because I have to clean up the mess" (try not to whine when
you say this!). When you give a warning, continue to emphasize what you'll do:
"You’ll go to your room without dinner if you throw your food again,"
and then follow through so it's not an idle threat. As you focus on your own
actions instead of harping on your youngster's behavior, you'll feel more in control,
and so will he. He'll begin to see the connection between his actions and their
consequences. Of course, no discipline strategy can make children behave
perfectly all the time. But if you and your youngster are caught in a bad
cycle, sometimes all it takes is a change in your behavior to bring out the
best in his.
==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents
