Question: How should I go about implementing the 3 day discipline. Should I explain to her what the 3 day plan is??
>>>>>>>>>>>1. Clearly state your expectation.
"Be sure to wash the dishes." "It's time for you to get the trash out." "I need you to pick up your dirty laundry."
2. If your child does what she is told to do, reward her with acknowledgment and praise.
"You did a great job of doing the dishes." "Thank you for getting to bed on time." "I appreciate that you picked up your dirty clothes."
Note: "Rewards" such as hugs, kisses, and high-fives increase your children's motivation to do what you ask them to do.
3. If your child refuses or ignores your request, then a clear warning (with your best poker face) should be given immediately in the form of a simple "If/Then" statement.
"If you choose to ignore my request, then you choose the consequence, which will be ________ " (pick the least restrictive consequence first, such as no phone privileges for one evening).
4. If the warning is ignored, then quickly follow through with the discipline.
"Because you chose to ignore my request, you also chose the consequence which is no phone tonight."
5. If your child refuses to accept the consequence ( e.g., she gets on the phone anyway), take everything away (or at least her "favorite" stuff and/or activities) and ground her for 3 days. If she has a rage-attack when she finds out she is grounded for 3 days, the 3-day-discipline does not start until she calms down. If she violates the 3-day-discipline at any point, merely re-start the 3 days rather than making it 7 days or longer.
6. Tell your child exactly she/he can do to EARN her way off discipline.
"If you do the dishes tonight and tomorrow, then you will be off discipline in 3 days." "If you get the trash out every night, you'll be off ground in 3 days."
Also, she has been playing games with me, like calling (at work) from school asking if she could go to her friends house, telling me I could pick her up on my way home so that would only be a few hours. She told me she didn't have any homework (still getting 2 E's and 2 D's). I let her, but then she called me and said they were going with another friend, then she ended up hanging out in a park.....give an inch, take a mile! And I fell for it.
>>>>>>>>>>>> What did she do to earn this privilege (i.e., going to friend's house)?
After she called me from the park, I told her to get home and this was not the deal! She came home. She was very mouthy to me and said she is so sick of me! Then I found homework that she had and didn't do! She totally lied to me! Of course she said she "she forgot".
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Ugh, I had to leave the house because I was going to blow. I went for a short ride. When I got back she was very "nice" to me, and the homework was sitting on the table....done.
There was no more discipline given for these actions???? I did praise her for the homework being done.
So what should I do when she tries this again??? Should I warn her first?
Should I bring up this past when she asked again. She uses this against me "you didn't ground me last time". Help me with this manipulation!
Never retract a consequence once instated ...and try to be consistent with consequences across time and across situations ( i.e., behavior "x" always gets consequence "y").
Mark Hutten, M.A.