The "Grief Cycle" that Many Parents of Defiant Teenagers Experience

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Would you suggest any further contact?

Here's an email from a mother whose 17-year-old son is "on the run." He has a drug habit, and is basically floating from one living arrangement to another. This mother sent her son a letter inviting him to Christmas Eve dinner: ________ Hi Mark, Sent letter to my son. He would have received it on Friday. In it I also expressed your advise. I have also invited him to join all our family for Christmas Eve dinner. It is Monday. Would you suggest any further contact? If yes when? Or do you think I should wait until he contacts us? Christmas Eve is in 6 days. It's frustrating when we don't have the answers ourselves anymore. What do you suggest? ________ Hi M., The main goal is for (a) your son to start taking responsibility for himself, and (b) for you to take less responsibility in order to achieve (a). Whenever you are undecided about what to say or do, ask yourself the question, "Is what I"m about to say or do going to promote the development of self-rel...
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When Teens Refuse To Come Home

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Teen: “Hey mom. I’m spending the night here at Sarah’s.” Mother: “No you’re not. I told you to be home by 11:00 PM.” Teen: “But her mom said it was O.K. if I stay here tonight.” Mother: “I don’t care. I let you go over there because you promised to be home by 11:00. Now, you either come home or you’re grounded for the rest of the week!” Teen: “Then I’m never coming home!!!” (CLICK) Sound familiar? For moms and dads with adolescents, setting curfews can be tricky. Adolescents should have curfews because they need discipline and supervision. They're at a point in life where they are experimenting and pushing boundaries. When adolescents rebel against their curfews, moms and dads shouldn't give in.    Parents are so easily manipulated by teens when it comes to curfews. It's not just about your teen hanging out with the wrong people or you staying up late worrying where he or she is at. A curfew is about an adolescent understanding that, yes, he or she can...
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From Chaos to Calm: A Parent’s Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Out-of-Control Teens

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Alternative Disciplinary Strategies for Parents of Strong-Willed, Defiant Teenagers When Parenting Feels Impossible: A Story Too Familiar It’s 9:30 on a Tuesday night. You’ve just finished a long day at work. The dishes are stacked in the sink, laundry is waiting, and all you want is a few minutes of peace before bed. But instead, you’re standing in the hallway, arguing with your fifteen-year-old about why he can’t stay up gaming until 2 a.m. again. Your voice gets louder, his eyes roll harder, and suddenly you’re in a shouting match you never intended to have. Doors slam. You feel angry, guilty, and exhausted. And the question haunts you: How did my sweet child turn into this defiant, impossible teenager? If that sounds familiar, you are not alone. Thousands of parents visit my program every year because they’ve hit this exact wall. They’ve tried punishment, grounding, yelling, even bargaining — and nothing seems to work. Many confess they feel like they’ve lost control of their ho...
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