ONLINE PARENTING COACH

"I know there are lots of changes going on and my daughter is going to react, but I need some support on another issue. She asked this morning if her friend could come over after school (chores had been done) so I said yes, but asked her to please call me and let me know if her friend was coming or not this afternoon (it was kinda up in the air awaiting approval from the other child's parents). My daughter called, as I requested, but left a vm on my work phone saying this: "Hi Mom, Mallory is coming over, I hate you, Goodbye." This for some reason annoys me to no end. I have no idea why, but I'm both infuriated and want to cry. Do I address it or not ... and if so, how?" When your daughter says, “I hate you,” what she means is “I hate some of the things you say and do.” Your daughter obviously knows that she can get a reaction out of you when she pushes your “I hate you” button (which is, in reality, a “rejection” button). Ignoring misbeha...

Hi Sad Mom, Several points: When she tells people she was kicked-out, she is attempting to garner their sympathy. I’m guessing she has done a great job of pulling this one over on you too. Do you feel guilty? Do you occasionally – or frequently – feel sorry for her? Do you “beat up on herself” sometimes because of the mother-daughter conflict? If so, then she has successfully manipulated your emotions. If she is like the other juveniles I work with, she is an expert manipulator. This doesn’t make her a “bad kid,” she’s just a good ‘con artist’ (which is a strength or a weakness depending on how she uses it). You said that your daughter “acts like she could care less if she ever sees” you. The operative word here is “acts.” I’m sure she is “acting” like she doesn’t care. This too is a manipulation that apparently you have fallen for. She DOES care; she’s just attempting to push your “abandonment” buttons (i.e., she wants you to feel bad/rejected because she’s mad). Y...

"Last night my apartment was broken into and my car was stolen. I am sad to say that I think it was my 13-year-old son and some of his friends. My son has recently been directed to reside with his father. He is not happy with this decision and keeps running away. He is has been taken into custody a few times recently and in court he agrees to go to his fathers then runs. I was away working for a couple of days and came home to a broken kitchen window and remains of a party in the living area. My car keys and house keys have been taken. I woke up later last night someone was in the apartment when they realised I was there, they left quickly, and then I realised my car was no longer parked outside. I have reported it to the police...do you have any advice?" Unfortunately, this is a very common experience for parents who have sent their child to live elsewhere, whether at another parent’s house, a relative, or placement in a facility. It’s not uncommon for the child to ret...

Question: I am a “bitch” Mark ...can u tell me if I did anything wrong? …let me give u some background ...daughter’s boyfriend keeps sneaking in her bedroom at nights ...I told him not to, but he kept doing it, and one day they sneaked him into her bedroom and hid in the attic closet when I came home and they didn’t expect me.... the closest is right over my living room ...the ceiling didn’t hold my daughter's boyfriend's body weight and it destroyed my ceiling of my living room (cost over $100 to fix it). Well after everything that I told her he was not welcome onto my land anymore. I have warned her many times about him being on my land. Well today I took her to school and then she asked me if I could pick her up after school ...and I said sure, and then she said that Justin (her b/f) was going to be here and could I give him a ride, and I said no. I wasn’t going to give her friends rides all over the place. Then she said fine I will walk home... Well she came h...

==> Online Parent Support: Help for Parents with Defiant Children and Teens

==> Online Parent Support: Help for Parents with Defiant Children and Teens

Has your son or daughter been "out-of-control" for several months - if not years? If so, then alarm bells should be going off! You know changes need to happen! ==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents with Defiant Teenagers

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents   ==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Mark Hutten, M.A.                                                                     Welcome to OnlineParentingCoach.com !  We have joined with Online Parent Support, LLC to create a single resource for children, parents, teachers, mental health professionals, and others who deal with the challenges of Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Conduct Disorder, ADHD and other childhood disorders. This site provides articles, conference information, educational resources, links to local/national/international support groups, lists of camps/schools, moderated support message boards, recommended reading, sources of professional help, and online parent-coaching. We...

Adolescent depression can harm your youngster's relationships and academics, as well as increase the risk of substance abuse. Understand what you can do to help prevent adolescent depression. Adolescent depression is a serious health problem that can cause long-lasting physical and emotional problems. Not all adolescent depression can be prevented, but there's good news. By promoting your youngster's physical and mental health, you can help him or her handle stressful situations that might trigger adolescent depression. What causes adolescent depression? There's no single cause of adolescent depression. Genetics and environment may play a role. In addition, some adolescents are more prone to depression than are others — including kids of depressed moms and dads, as well as kids who have anxiety or behavior problems. Adolescent girls may be more vulnerable to depression than adolescent males, because females are more likely to derive self-esteem from relation...

Boundaries are the lines you can draw in the sand. The purpose of boundaries is to keep your son or daughter safe. They are not used to control your youngster into being a different person, to have a different attitude, to change their style of expression. Boundaries are for safety and guidance. If you are reading this blog post and have a situation with a defiant teenager, then it is already likely you have fallen into the trap of exercising too much control over your teen to change who he or she is. Excessive control will always lead to excessive playing-out of the youngster trying to break free from it. PERIOD! This is a “lose-lose” situation. However, you must have boundaries set to protect your children, obviously. This is how I drew the line in the sand with my own children: I would tell them that there are rules and there are cardinal sins. Not cardinal sins like from the bible, but cardinal sins from me. Cardinal sins are few, but absolute. Mine were: No drinking and...

Adolescence can be a confusing time of change for teenagers and parents alike. But while these years can be difficult, there's plenty you can do to nurture your adolescent and encourage responsible behavior. Consider these parenting tips for defiant adolescents: 1. Minimize pressure — Don't pressure your adolescent to be like you were or wish you had been at his or her age. Give your adolescent some leeway when it comes to clothing and hairstyles. It's natural for adolescents to rebel and express themselves in ways that differ from their moms and dads. If your adolescent shows an interest in body art (e.g., tattoos and piercings), make sure he or she understands the health risks (e.g., skin infections, allergic reactions, hepatitis B and C, etc.). Also talk about potential permanence or scarring. As you allow your adolescent some degree of self-expression, remember that you can still maintain high expectations for your adolescent and the kind of person he or she will ...

Text messaging can be a fun way for adolescents to communicate — but texting carries risks, too. To help your adolescent avoid texting problems, consider these important adolescent-texting tips. How should I talk about texting with my teenager? Your adolescent may be more digitally savvy than you are, but a lack of maturity can easily get him or her into trouble when using technology. That's why it's important to talk to your adolescent early about texting and proper use of cell phones. Before you start a conversation, get to know the technology firsthand, then ask your adolescent: Has anyone ever taken an embarrassing picture of you without your permission? Have you ever taken an embarrassing picture of someone else? What did you do with it? Has anyone you don't know ever sent you a text message? If so, what did you do about it? How did he or she get your number? Have you ever communicated with someone you met online through your cell phone? How many numbers d...

Sex education is offered in many schools, but don't count on classroom instruction alone. Sex education needs to happen at home, too. Sex is a staple of news, entertainment and advertising. It's often hard to avoid this ever-present topic. But when moms and dads and adolescents need to talk, it's not always so easy. If you wait for the perfect moment, you might miss the best opportunities. Instead, think of sex education as an ongoing conversation. Here are some ideas to help you get started — and keep the discussion going: Be direct. Clearly state your feelings about specific issues (e.g., oral sex, intercourse). Present the risks objectively, including emotional pain, sexually transmitted infections, and unplanned pregnancy. Explain that oral sex isn't a risk-free alternative to intercourse. Be honest. If you're uncomfortable, say so — but explain that it's important to keep talking. If you don't know how to answer your adolescent's questio...

There’s probably a good reason you’ve found us. You’re here because you want to change your defiant teenager’s behavior, and you want to learn some real parenting strategies that work. OnlineParentingCoach.com has been giving our website visitors real results since 2006. Here you will find articles with crucial parenting techniques you can use to help turn your teenager’s behavior around – immediately.  So, if you’re looking for professional advice that works, you’ve come to the right place. Our website is a single resource for children, parents, teachers, mental health professionals, and others who deal with the challenges of Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Conduct Disorder, ADHD and other childhood disorders. We provide articles, conference information, educational resources, links to local/national/international support groups, lists of camps/schools, moderated support message boards, recommended reading, sources of professional help, and online parent-coaching. W...

Many teens seem to be slaves to technology these days. They have their cell phones, iPads, iPods, laptops, etc. It's gotten so bad that, for some teens, it's an addiction in the fullest sense of the term. Everywhere you look, there's a cell phone and thumbs are texting. Anything that a teen can become obsessed with, and she does so much that she doesn't do the things she needs to do with family, school, work, etc. – that’s an addiction (FYI: adolescent females lead the charge). A full 75% of adolescents own cell phones, and a third of those text more than 100 times a day. About 11% say they send over 200 messages every day. Approximately 4% say they have sent a "nude" or nearly nude image of themselves to someone via text, while 15% say they have received such an image of someone else via text. With excessive texting come a number of problems (e.g., poor dietary habits, isolation from family, sleep deprivation, poor academic performance, etc.). Ado...