My 16 year old son has diagnoses of A.D.D. and O.D.D. His resentment of expectations at home, i.e. chores, rules, and discipline is being used to justify an attempt to change custody. Dad is promising him a driver’s license, car, and job (to pay $15-$17 per hour) while I told him that he needed to be getting passing grades in school to be permitted to get those things. Because I restricted him and Dad is willing to permit him, I’m the bad guy. Help! The court date is THIS Wednesday.
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Hi N.,
First of all, I know you are a good mother, so let's not waste anytime debating this.
Second of all, if you read my eBook, you discovered that the main focus revolves around fostering the development of self-reliance in our kids. Withholding a driver's license and employment will foster dependency -- not self-reliance.
Re: the car. If your son goes to live with his father, I think getting him a car is O.K., but only if he earns it by making money to pay for at least half.
Lastly, you said he needed to get passing grades in school to be permitted to get these things. This tells me that he has been making failing grades, in which case you and your son's father will do well to follow my recommendation for "poor academic performance" in the
Emails From Worried & Exasperated Parents [Online Version of the eBook].
Mark
Online Parent Support
