Poor Academic Performance - Part 2

Mark,

I understand that I need to let go of micro-managing my son's academic progress (which is, predictably, poor). How do I reconcile this with allowing my son to do what he enjoys (e.g., playing XBox) when it's clear he's shirking his schoolwork responsibilities? If I'm not to be on top of his homework and grades, do I then allow him to enjoy what he wants, in spite of poor academic performance?

C.

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Hi C.,

First, what does your son do to earn Xbox privileges? Remember, ALL privileges must be earned. In this way, you are not “allowing” (i.e., a free handout of privilege) him to do anything – he is earning the privilege for himself.

Next, we don’t want to “micro-manage” schoolwork – but we don’t want to reward lack of effort either. Thus, set aside a one-hour chunk of time (e.g., 4:00 – 5:00 PM) that is either “homework time” or “chore time.” Then let your son decide what he wants to do with that hour. He can do chores or schoolwork, or some combination thereof. In the event he refuses to do either, then revert to the 3-day-discipline outlined in the eBook.

The above recommendation is based on the assumption that (a) your son has a history (i.e., at least 6 months) of “poor academic performance” and (b) “poor academic performance” is a major source of parent-child conflict.

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen

Is it possible for this program to work when only one parent in the home is committed to this?

Hi K.,

Please look for the arrows throughout your email: ==>

On Tue, May 13, 2008 at 6:57 AM, K___ wrote:

Hello.

I purchased your e-book this morning and am excited to hopefully have found the tools I need to get back in control of my home, which has revolved around my oldest daughter, now 13, for years.

I'm not sure where to find the videos on the online version you reference in your email. Please tell me where I can find these.

==> Here's the link back to your original download site: My Out-of-Control Teen: eBook Download Site

When you get to that page, click where it reads Click Here to access the Online Version of the eBook.

Also, is it possible for this program to work when only one parent in the home is committed to this? My husband firmly believes this program is allowing her too much leniency. He has said he will take a completely "hands off" attitude with Amanda (our daughter) and allow me to try this program, but I am afraid his negative attitude towards it will only give her ammunition to use against me, and that, like so many other things I have tried, this too will fail.

==> Yes it is very possible. However, a weaker plan support by both parents is much better than a stronger plan supported by only one parent.

I can't fail again when it comes to regaining control. I'm at my wit's end. More days than not, I find myself wishing I could just run away and leave her for her dad to deal with. But I don't. I love her and keep trying every day to work with her. I'm a stay-at-home mom and her dad works 12 hour days and only sees her a few minutes a day. It is so frustrating to be told day in and day out that I'm doing it all wrong when he can't even deal with her the little bit of time he spends with her! So, please, if it is going to require BOTH me and her dad to work this program, tell me now so I can try to find another alternative.

==> I would also suggest that you and your husband divide up areas of responsibility and agree beforehand which one of you will have the final word in each particular area. You can then explain to your children which one of you will have the final word in each situation. If disagreements occur (as they inevitably will) you can discuss them in private. In front of your children, however, it will be clear who has the final word.

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen