"My son did not get his required highschool credits..."

"Hello Mark, Well his grade 12 graduation is this week-end. He is not able to “walk the stage” as he did not get his credits required. Natural consequence of not attending school and not getting his work done. He is still planning to go in a limo with his friends and attend the banquet with his girlfriend. My husband says we should not attend any of the grad events, however, will our son ever forgive us for being the only parents not there? We have tried to talk him out of going but is insisting he wants to. Please advise whether we, as the parents, should be “celebrating” a grad event when he is not technically graduating. 

Thank you Mark. ~ S."

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Hi S.,

Re: Please advise whether we, as the parents, should be "celebrating" a grad event when he is not technically graduating.

Great question!

Should you be celebrating? No. There's nothing to celebrate, unless you want to celebrate lack of credits.

Should you attend at least one grad event? Probably. Not to celebrate, but to show your son that you support his education and all that is associated with it.

Should he go in a limo with his friends and attend the banquet with his girlfriend? Absolutely. This may wet his appetite for finishing his education on a strong note.

Don't feel sorry for him, but do bear in mind that he may feel a bit inadequate during the events.

Mark

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RE: "She had the most amazing temper tantrum and was kicking me..."

 Hi Mark, Another question from Australia (I have SO many questions)! M__ and I are in the process of starting up some chores and allowing A__ to earn some money from the non-mandatory ones. We thought we'd have a rule where the mandatory ones had to be done first and then there would be the capacity to earn money from other chores. If the mandatory ones are not done, then there is no pocket money for the week. Is this OK? Can we put a caveat on her spending like no lollies, fizzy drinks or junk food-her behavior is so much worse if she has these things-she can buy books, toys clothes or save some for example?

 

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Also, what happens if we have bad behavior during the week-can we tie it all in together-bad behavior, no money or is that a separate issue of consequences? A__ was so awful the other night-she had the most amazing temper tantrum and was kicking me and M__ had to restrain her-she is getting too big for me-at the age of 8 she is up to my chin (I'm 5'7") and it was not easy to just walk away as she was grabbing hold of me (I have a torn rotator cuff muscle in my right shoulder courtesy of her wrenching my arm in a fit of rage) and I've endured an MRI and 5 months of physio to get it better... Thanks Mark.

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Hi L.,

Re: If the mandatory ones are not done, then there is no pocket money for the week. Is this OK?

Absolutely.

Re: Can we put a caveat on her spending like no lollies, fizzy drinks or junk food-her behavior is so much worse if she has these things-she can buy books, toys clothes or save some for example?

Yes but …here’s one caveat to your caveat: Allow her to have one “treat” that falls into the junk food category per week.

Re: …what happens if we have bad behavior during the week-can we tie it all in together-bad behavior, no money or is that a separate issue of consequences?

Make the consequence fit the “crime” (i.e., the misbehavior) as much as possible. Not every poor choice your daughter makes will be linked to money.

Re: Domestic battery. This should involve the authorities if it happens again. You don’t want to send her the message that physical violence goes un-punished.

Mark

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