I feel betrayed...

Mark,

Last evening our daughter who is living out of our home came home and she said she is going to write us a letter of all the things she is feeling. She tells her dad when she wants to do homework that I am always yelling at her because something else needs to be done.

The last time I wanted help to clean the laundry room which she had agreed to help with but she hollers at me, mom, can't you leave me alone I’m trying to do homework. I thought ok, fair enough but when I checked later she spent all afternoon chatting to friends on the computer and little homework would have been done.

When your children need computers for homework now, do you control them not being on the chatline otherwise? I always felt this was trust and now I feel betrayed. Any suggestions? She also does not want us to respond to her letter, but I feel we have a right to let her know what our feelings are on the whole situation also.

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Hi E. & P.,

Out of control kids often use “homework” as an excuse to avoid doing chores. If she has a chore to do, then give her a choice: She can choose to do the chore within the next 5 minutes, or she can choose the consequence for NOT doing it – it’s her choice. More on this here: www.myoutofcontrolteen.com

Re: computer use for homework.

Out of control kids often say they are doing their “homework” when in fact they are on MySpace (or something similar). The computer should be viewed as just another toy (i.e., a privilege, not a right). Thus, if she abuses the privilege, the toy should be taken away. If she complains that she will get into trouble with her teachers for not doing her “homework,” then she will get a double consequence – one at home and one at school. But that would be her choice.

Mark

I'm a disabled parent...

Hello...

I'm a disabled parent of two adopted twin boys who are getting WAY out of my control. Are there any special parenting strategies for parents with disabilities?

J.J.

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Hi J.,

In all honesty, "special parenting strategies" are not needed just because you are disabled. You may need some "non-traditional" strategies for your strong-willed, out of control boys. But this is because of their intensity -- not your disability.

The strategies in the eBook will work just fine whether or not you are disabled. You need nothing special.

I am interested in a sample of what you claim does work....

{In your sales letter} you have given a lot of examples of what you know doesn't work, but I am interested in a sample of what you claim does work. Can you give me an example of one of your suggestions?

_____________

Hi A.,

Here are just a few strategies that we detail in the eBook. I’ll show you how to:

1. Issue a consequence in a way that gets your child to work with you rather than against you.

2. Learn to differentiate between your kid’s wants and needs.

3. Follow through with the consequence without “nagging” or “arguing.”

4. Deal with your out-of-control kid when he/she resists your new parenting strategies.

5. Give equal love to all your kids, but parent them differently.

6. Give only one warning -- then follow through with a consequence.

7. Foster the development of “self-reliance.”

8. Control YOUR anger as well as help your child with his/her anger.

9. Avoid your child’s guilt-trips.

10. Develop a parenting-plan that is likely to be supported by both parents – even if they are divorced.

11. Learn to say -- and stick with -- “no.”

12. Respond to your kid’s anger with a poker face.

13. Take away privileges in a way that influences your child to change unwanted behavior.

14. Avoid pitfalls that accidentally reward your child for negative behavior.

15. Use active listening, empathy, paraphrasing and validation.


I want to show YOU how to be the “therapist” and how to approach your child -- in spite of all the emotional and behavioral problems. There is no need for you to continue living as a frustrated, stressed-out parent. I will help you bring the behavior problems to a grinding halt, but I can’t do it for you!

I’m here for you whenever you’re ready to Join Online Parent Support: www.myoutofcontrolteen.com


Mark Hutten, M.A.
Online Parent Support