I’m the bad guy...

My 16 year old son has diagnoses of A.D.D. and O.D.D. His resentment of expectations at home, i.e. chores, rules, and discipline is being used to justify an attempt to change custody. Dad is promising him a driver’s license, car, and job (to pay $15-$17 per hour) while I told him that he needed to be getting passing grades in school to be permitted to get those things. Because I restricted him and Dad is willing to permit him, I’m the bad guy. Help! The court date is THIS Wednesday.

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Hi N.,

First of all, I know you are a good mother, so let's not waste anytime debating this.

Second of all, if you read my eBook, you discovered that the main focus revolves around fostering the development of self-reliance in our kids. Withholding a driver's license and employment will foster dependency -- not self-reliance.

Re: the car. If your son goes to live with his father, I think getting him a car is O.K., but only if he earns it by making money to pay for at least half.

Lastly, you said he needed to get passing grades in school to be permitted to get these things. This tells me that he has been making failing grades, in which case you and your son's father will do well to follow my recommendation for "poor academic performance" in the Emails From Worried & Exasperated Parents [Online Version of the eBook].

Mark

Online Parent Support

I’m going out of my mind...

Hi Mark,

Hope you can help me with this matter, I’m going out of my mind...I've had legal guardianship of our granddaughter since she was 6yrs old, she's now 14. The last year has been pure hell - she's now into drinking and smoking pot. Her friends are the be all and end all to her and she'll make any excuse to be with them.

She has failed her first year of high school, its not that she can't do the work - her teachers have said she's perfectly capable. Her Mom lives in another province and she has gone to stay with her for a while - she now tells me she wants to stay and go to school there.

Now I don't know if her Mom is discussing these problems with her or not, or how she's going to handle them. I hate to see her like this and think we should do all we can to set her on the right path. I've told her she would have to change schools, of course she said no I’m not going to.

She hasn't really shown any respect to me in a long time -- my god what can a person do besides locking them up.

Thanks,

M.E.

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Hi M.,

Re: drinking and smoking pot. Please refer to the recommendations on the Q & A page in the online version of the eBook.

Re: failed her first year of high school. The Q & A page also has the recommendation for dealing with poor academic performance.

Re: she now tells me she wants to stay and go to school there. I’d let her try it. It will give you a break from her. Plus, if she and her mother can work on their relationship, it might be a better arrangement for your granddaughter anyway. However, if she asks to come back at some point in the future, you should tell her what the house rules are - as well as the consequences for violating any house rules (which may include her having to return to her mother’s).

Mark

Online Parent Support

Will the program work for a 19-year-old?

Hello Mark,

I stumbled across your website today after I googled: living with difficult teenagers. Your site looks promising to me, but I am wondering if it is appropriate for our situation.

My husband and I are married 27 years. We have 2 boys, both out of the house. One is soaring (age 23), and one is really struggling. He is 19, and out of the house about 5 months ago. In a nutshell: depression, counseling, barely finished high school, lacking direction and motivation, four months in a work release program, sleep issues, enrolled at community college, but never attended, always short on money. Biggest issue for us: when we interact with him, it is often because he is short on money and there is usually deception involved. It creates a really tense relationship.

Are we a fit for your program, even though we have a son who is 19 and out of the house?

Cordially,

C.

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Hi C.,

Ideally, parents should implement these strategies while the teenager is still living at home. But, few things in life unfold in an ideal fashion. So yes, you'll benefit from the information in the ebook. Most of these strategies are not age-specific, and "it's never too late" in spite of what others may say.

If you're not satisfied with the material - for any reason - just email me for a 100%, unconditional refund. You don't have anything to lose here.

Mark
www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com