Many more positives here than negatives...

Mark,

Thanks so much for getting back in touch.

It was very tough to arrest him BUT we did what we had to do with the information on hand. The lesson here is that he does not remember how he got there. He woke up in jail and all he remembered was that he had been with his friends the night before.. We left him in jail as long as we could so he had all of that time to think about how he got there. It scared him really bad. He got a misdemeanor charge of being under the influence as a minor and has a court date in April. He will be on Probation for 6 months-have to take drug tests , etc. He has already been through this when he was 17.

==> This is good. Now he's got a lot of accountability again.

He just turned 18 in February.


We are divorced . He had been living with me for over a year and just at his Dad's for about a month. After this, he asked if he could come back to my house. And...here were my circumstances:

No friends over-I'm trying to sell my house.
Respect me and my house
He would have to get evaluated.
No drugs, etc. over here.

==> Good!!

We went for an evaluation on Wednesday and he was honest and cooperative. They just said he needed some Outpatient Therapy-like a counselor-which we have already done in the past 3 times.

So far, 3 days later...I smelled pot this morning at 3AM.

==> I think he needs IOP. You described a black-out earlier.

He dropped out of high school his Sr year and just got his GED in December.

==> That's fine. A GED is a very respectable degree.

He got this the same day his best and oldest friend died in his sleep at the age of 18. They do not know why yet. This has devastated him.

He has been accepted to two Jr Colleges and really wants to go. He just started a job yesterday but needs more hours.

==> GREAT!

He has not been driving for 6 months as he had too many points. He is now eligible to get his license this month. His car needed repairs so it is in the shop.

In the past 6 months, we have given him no money. We will not send him to college until he shows us he can work consistently and show responsibility. For his 18th birthday, we are repairing the car. He has to take a Defensive Class before he can get his car and he must pay for that.

==> ALL GOOD! Many more positives here than negatives. I'm encouraged. I hope you are.

==> He'll do just fine eventually. He's a late bloomer - for sure.

Mark

Online Parent Support

Getting her up for school and out the door...

Mark, I first want to thank you for such a wonderful online tool for parents who are at their wits end. I listened to and read the video suggesting you put on your best poker face. This is easier said than done but working on it. I do provide a lot of intensity for my 8 year old. The past few weeks the recurrent argument is getting her up for school and out the door. I get angry because I am late for work. Obviously she needs to be held accountable for her dilly dallying, etc. However you can't leave an 8 year old by herself. So while I try to remain calm and have her do A, B, and C to get out the door what are some consequences that are realistic to hold her too. I am taking this program slowly but need some direction NOW to get out the door in the morning. This is ridiculous. And not a good way to start the day. Please help as I work this program. Many thanks, K.

He may have a Chemical Imbalance...

Mark,

Our child got put in jail last night. He is 18. He had been drinking and did a Xanax and went out of control. My x-husband had to call the police for his safety and our child’s. We had to make the decision if they would take him and we did the " tough love" thing and told them to take him. I know you would think that was the right thing to do. We will pick him up this afternoon.

Now...we think he needs a treatment program. He may have a Chemical Imbalance as my mom and sister have one. We also must get him away from the people he is hanging around with. Do you have any suggestions of a place near Marietta, GA. or Atlanta or ANY OTHER IDEAS ???

Thank you so much. We need you.

P.

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Hi P.,

I’m glad you called the police and had him arrested.

He’s 18?

Is he still living at home?

Is he going to college?

Does he have a job?

If not, uh oh!

He needs a drug and alcohol evaluation, but if he’s not in any legal trouble, no one can force him to get the evaluation. And he’s not likely to go on his own accord.

I’m also a bit concerned that you are taking responsibility for the peers your 18-year-old son “hangs around.” He’s an adult now. If he picks friends who get him into trouble, that’s his problem – not yours. And the more you take responsibility for his choice of friends, the less responsibility he will take.

I think you have much bigger fish to fry than his possible “chemical imbalance” – namely, preparing him for adulthood (now that he is already an adult).

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen

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