How to Enforce Grounding as a Working Parent

"I've been following your program for a couple months, seeing steady improvement. But here are my problems we can't seem to get by ...my husband and I both work full time and there is about 3-4 hrs of time our 15 yo son is by himself, so if a grounding punishment is needed, how do we enforce it? Also do we punish for bad behavior at school when he is monitored already through the truancy system?"

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Should I believe him...

My son lives with me in Illinois …he is 16 yrs old. His dad lives in Indiana. T__ sees his dad about 4 times per year, but talks regularly on the phone with him. T__ recently saw his dad and has become depressed about not seeing him often and admitted to drinking alcohol and smoking pot to relieve his anxiety about school tests and missing his dad. I made an appt. for a counselor, but in the meantime his dad called the parents of T__'s friends and told them that T__ and probably their children were also abusing drugs and alcohol. Now those parents want to know if T__ is a drug dealer and don't want T__ around their kids. My question is, was this a reasonable course of action to take? And if T__ says he will not drink or smoke until he is 21 yrs. old, should I believe him and monitor his behavior closely?

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Hi G.,

Re: ...was this a reasonable course of action to take?

Since T__ admitted to marijuana and alcohol abuse, I would say yes.

Re: ...should I believe him and monitor his behavior closely?

This may sound harsh, but you should NOT believe him. I’m sure he’s pulled the wool over your eyes more than you’ll ever know (or would care to know). And yes, you should monitor his behavior very closely.

Please refer to “Emails From Exasperated Parents” [Session #4]. I address drug and alcohol abuse in more detail there.

Stay in touch,

Mark

Online Parent Support

Do these same principles apply to a 4 year old...

hi mark,

i came across your info online and purchased the ebook.

my question is this...do these same principles apply to a 4 year old (i am assuming yes, and they would ward off any potential poor parenting and child behavior as we grow/learn together)... And if so, then, here's my next question.

after finishing session one and reviewing the assignments, i am confused as to what to do w/ the poker face and fair fighting strategies. What i understood was that i am to implement the poker face immediately and not respond (feed) his intensity seeking and look for times when he is behaving great and turn on the intensity then w/ praise. Also, the fair fighting...."when xyz....i have a problem w/...etc. - crime /pos reframe, problem solve together" - is that also to go into effect now?

i did begin both this week (as soon as i read them) and now tonight i see only the "nurturing" assignments offered. Am i to do all the ones i stated above? Am i on the right track?

thanks kindly and God bless

d.

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Hi D.,

Re: ...do these principles apply to a 4 year old.

Yes. It is sort of a myth that parents are suppose to parent one way when a child is 4 ...then a different way when he is 10 ...then yet another way when he is 16 ...and so on.

Re: ...am I on the right track.

Yes. Begin using the "Fair Fighting" strategy as needed. Also, you may want to draft a parent-child contract (this is discussed in Session #1 assignments as well).

You're on a roll. Keep up the momentum.

Mark

My Out-of-Control Child