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Kids behave according to the pleasure principle: behavior that is rewarding continues; behavior that is unrewarding ceases. While you don't have to go to the extreme of playing behavioral scientist, you can invent creative ways to motivate desirable behavior with rewards. To work, a reward must be something your youngster likes and truly desires. Ask some leading questions to get ideas: "If you had ten dollars, what would you buy?" "If you could go somewhere with a friend, where would you like to go? "If you could do some special things with your parents, what would they be?" Granting a reward is a discipline tool to (a) set limits and (b) get jobs done. The best reward is one that is a natural consequence of good behavior: "You're taking really good care of your bicycle …let's go to the bike shop and get you a battery-operated headlight." The natural consequences of good behavior are not always motivating enough in the...

Losing privileges is one of the few behavior shapers you never run out of. Children will always want something from you. For this behavior modification technique to have a good chance of preventing recurrence of misbehavior, the youngster must naturally connect the withdrawal of privileges to the behavior. Here are some good examples: “If you choose to ride your bike over to your friend’s house without asking permission, you also choose to lose your bike for 2 days.” “Since you dawdled and missed the morning carpool, you can walk to school.” “You get caught driving drunk and you lose your license.” Here are some bad examples: “Since you decided to come home late for supper, you cannot watch any TV tonight.” (What does withholding television have to do with being home in time for supper? ...the child wonders.) “If you keep picking on your sister, you will not go over to your friend’s house to play basketball later.” (Not much of a connection here either.) "If y...

You may have children who whine a lot. They may tattle on their siblings, complain about things that you’re not doing right, cry about house rules, moan and groan about school, etc. Part of their “acting out” is this kind of constant annoying level of voicing grievances. What do you do? Establishing a Grievance Time— Set up a “grievance time” (e.g., after dinner). This is a time where you’re going to sit down with these children for five minutes – and that’s their time to register complaints. That’s when they get to tell you what’s really on their mind. You may even instruct them to keep a journal so they can keep track of grievance and write them down. So, something goes into their “grievance journal,” and then in grievance time, you take the time to explain it to them and point things out to them. But… This approach is a much more focused situation in which they can’t pretend not to understand or pretend not to hear. The great thing about the use of grievance tim...