Neurofeedback for ADHD

Hello Mark, Just curious if you have any knowledge about Neurofeedback, EEG and HEG and it's effectiveness. Thanks! D.Z. _________________ Hi D., I do know that Neurofeedback can train the ADHD kid to alter his brain functioning so that he daydreams less and pays attention more (through the use of special software and computer enhanced techniques which allow him to monitor his progress in a videogame format). One of my adolescent clients who tried this couldn't sit still for his Neurofeedback sessions at first. After about the third session he began to enjoy the sessions. By about his tenth session he was more attentive at home and less oppositional. Within six-months his reading and math scores had progressed one grade level. He continues to make grade-appropriate progress in school, but does have occasional setbacks. He goes back periodically for booster sessions. So Neurofeedback is a cool adjunct to the implementation of appropriate parenting strategies for ODD kids. However, it should not be used in lieu of these strategies or as a sole treatment modality. 

 

Mark 

 www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Mom Has To Attend Counseling

My child has been removed from the home at this time for approximately 3 to 6 months. He was charged with assault on me for the second time. I asked for some mental evaluations to be done to see if he could get counseling rather than go into state custody and foster care or reform school. So he will be returning home, and I do have to complete some counseling participation myself. Is this program in any way board certified or recognized by the law or state? If you would send me any information you have on that I would appreciate it. Thank you, B. ______________________ Online Parent Support is not certified by any board; however, there are occasions when the Judge has court-ordered a parent to complete the program. I can provide you with a ‘certificate of completion’ in the case where you would be permitted to use our services.

What do we do next?

Hi Mark,

I have wanted to contact you sooner but time has slipped away. I have received your material and have released control of my son's school issues. They are now his responsibility - his grades that is - not his behavior.

He has been grounded since November - the 1st report card ~ even though he was told he would get his privileges back if his progress report showed improvement ~ when the progress report came the grades were still the same. He made no effort. Finally after a constant tense household ~ several conversations - talks about his future and how his grades will effect him ~ calm talks ~ screaming matches~ crying and all of those adjectives I have missed ~ I finally let go. I took your advice and let him become responsible for his schoolwork. From that moment forward I would not email the teachers, make excuses or try to get extra credit to bring up his grade ~ it was now his responsibility.

Now it is a new card marking and he is showing effort. I have not asked him to do his homework ~ I have not questioned him about it ~ I have helped him with it and been positive.

I am less tense and there has not been a constant source of tension (for that I thank you).

He is still grounded from his privileges until he brings his grades up, but when we do see an effort we are rewarding him - last Friday night he was able to have two friends over because of the improvement. Now my question to you is - if the report card comes home and the grades are still bad - and he is still grounded - what do we do next? Since he is already grounded - from cell phone - friends - going places - would we take something else away - the ipod for example - and for how long? Or what would we do.

Bet you are sorry you asked - lol . Just kidding! Thank you.

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Hold on to your horses.

Actually, he shouldn't be grounded at all!!! (You didn't want to hear that, I bet).

Grounding him is just another version of attempting to take responsibility for his academic performance. You wouldn't ground him if he got fired from his job at McDonald's. Getting fired would be the consequence. In the same way, a bad report card is the consequence.

Parents absolutely hate this advice. But when I ask, "Did grounding your kid for the whole grading period make his grades come up?" ...they drop their heads and say, "No ...his grades got worse."

Hang in there. You are doing a great job. Thanks for being moldable.

Mark

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Can you help me sort this out?

I’ve responded to your email below. Please look for these arrows below >>>>>>>>>>>

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Good Morning,

Thank you for responding to my last set of questions so quickly. I'm a single parent and the guidance and support is greatly appreciated and needed! So ... we got through the first 3 day punishment. Things seem to be getting better, daughter had a better attitude for a few days, etc.

>>>>>>>>> You may want to review "When You Want Something From Your Kid" (in the Anger Management chapter of the online version).

>>>>>>>> step 1: Pick the least restrictive consequence first (e.g., ground for one day with no computer).

>>>>>>>>>step 2 (if needed): If she doesn't accept this discipline (i.e., she gets on the computer anyway, or leaves the house), then take everything away (or at least her favorite items) and ground her for 3 days.


>>>>>>>>>step 3 (if needed): If she violates the 3-day discipline at any point, merely re-start. If she completes the 3-day discipline successfully, but a few days later behaves inappropriately again, return to step 1 rather than jumping to step 3.


Then, yesterday I had to enforce another 3 day restriction. I have been using her computer time because she loves it. First question ... should I try to use other things as well ... it's not a good idea to ALWAYS use the computer time as the first privilege that is taken away is it?

Second issue is that absences from school have been a real problem. So, I've made it clear that going to school is an expectation in our household and is the law in this country. I've been trying very hard to be consistent and not play in to her constant minor ailments to get out of school.

>>>>>>>> You are on track here.

Yesterday, she called from school with a "headache" so instead of picking her up ... I took some Tylenol down to the school and sent her back to class. I also spoke with the school nurse about what was going on. I don't want to seem unsupportive if she's truly ill, but I'm really trying to stand my ground.

>>>>>>>>> You're still on track -- good work.

This morning when I woke her up she was very combative -- yelling, screaming she doesn't want to live with me and she hates me, slamming doors ... so, I imposed another punishment of no phone (along with no computer) for three days. Should I have simply extended the computer restriction to another 3 days or is it ok to take away another privilege?

>>>>>>>>>>Use the steps I listed above.

Lastly, in the course of observing her ...I realized she really was sick. She was coughing like crazy, her eyes were clearly swollen, nose running, etc. I didn't notice when I first woke her up ... of course I just naturally assumed she was faking again. What do I do? Do I still enforce the no phone restriction ... she was probably so combative because she is sick and I wasn't hearing her or even considering the possibility.

>>>>>>>>> If she has a temperature or swollen lymph nodes in her neck, she should stay home; otherwise, she should go to school.

So, of course I feel guilty. I know I can't let guilt guide my decisions and the words in your e-book "better not to start this program at all than to do it half way" keep ringing in my head.

>>>>>>>>>When you feel guilty, remind yourself that will be doing the most harm possible if you choose to enable her (i.e., save her from uncomfortable emotions associated with poor choices or irresponsibility).

I just want to do the right thing and I'm committed to making these changes and doing what's best for her. Can you help me sort this out?

>>>>>>>>> You are doing great. Relax and keep it simple though.

Mark


www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Military School Option

Today's public school system is poorly equipped to handle out of control teenagers. Many teachers will tell you they are afraid of some students. Often times, parents turn to military schools as an option to discipline and educate their out of control teenagers. Military schools, which seemed headed for extinction in the late 1960s and early '70s, have seen enrollments increase steadily in recent years. Many military schools are jammed to capacity and sport long waiting lists, as anxious parents scramble for slots. 

She won't go to school...

My 16-year-old daughter will not go to school. I ordered and read your online book last night. She came to me this morning and told me she would not be going to school tomorrow and I told her I would not argue with her about it anymore. If she didn't go to school tomorrow, she would not be able to talk on the phone or use the computer to communicate with anyone. She said fine. I told her the three-day restriction would continue every three days until she goes to school. My only fear is that I am going to get in trouble for not sending her to school. Do you think she will finally give in? She is a very strong-willed child. She has been diagnosed with ODD, OCD, ADHD and is supposed to be taking anti-depressants. She refuses to take any medication. Give me your thoughts, please. T.W.

_____________

Hi T.,

Re: getting her to take her meds. Pick your battles carefully. I would let go of this one. If she were bipolar, she wouldn’t be able to neglect her meds, but with odd/ocd/adhd, she will probably be all right without meds (although her psychiatrist would shoot me for saying this).

Re: school attendance. Let her know that she is grounded for 3 days with no privileges – BUT -- the clock does not start until she goes to school. Also, you may want to go to your local juvenile probation department and let them know that she refuses to go to school (this will cover you from a legal standpoint).

Going to school usually is an exciting, enjoyable event for teens. But for some it brings intense fear or panic. Parents should be concerned if their child regularly complains about feeling sick or asks to stay home from school with minor physical complaints. These children may suffer from a paralyzing fear of leaving the safety of their parents and home. The child's panic and refusal to go to school is very difficult for parents to cope with, but these fears and behavior can be treated successfully, with professional help.

Teens who refuse to go to school usually:

· feel that others see them in a negative way

· become unduly self-conscious and avoid social situations in which they fear others may criticize them or make fun of them behind their back

· have negative and troublesome relationships with their peers

· get teased by mischievous children or harassed by a bully

· are reluctant to go to school because of an appearance and self-esteem problem, or social "image" problem prompted by a school rumor or being let down by a friend

· are depressed and experience significant difficulty in getting up and getting out of bed in the morning.

Don't make staying home more rewarding than going to school. Eliminate or reduce all incentives for staying home. Also, attach rewards and incentives to going to school and staying there throughout the school hours.

Having investigated the possible causes and offered your support as a parent, you may have to "push" your child out to school. You may have to learn to ignore the tantrums, complaints, and the pleading to "let me stay home just for today."

Mark
www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

How can he help himself?

I have read through all your information. I feel inspired. My 14 year old son has anger rages when things do not go his way. He says he wants to help himself but he doesn't know how. Your information is wonderful in how to help us parents but how can he help himself?

______________

Hi W.,

When your son feels better about himself, he will begin to help himself.

Your child is like a computer, and you are the computer programmer. He takes your disapproval/criticism as instruction. For example, if the parent says to the child, “You’re such a slob,” the criticism downloads in the child’s unconscious mind as “I am a slob” and he ‘acts-out’ the criticism as if it were instruction to be sloppy.
The good news is that your son takes your compliments and encouragement as instruction as well.

For example, the parent’s compliment, “You do such a great job of not blowing-up when your younger brother annoys you” downloads in the child’s unconscious mind as “I am in control of my strong emotions,” and he acts on the compliment as if it were instruction to be calm even we he is annoyed.

Also, catch your child in the act of doing something right at least once each day – accuse him/her of being successful!!!

For example:

“I noticed you picked your jacket up off the floor …I appreciate that!”

“I see that you’re doing your chore without having to be asked …thank you!”

“You got home by curfew …that’s you being responsible!”

“Your sister annoyed you and you walked away …that’s good self-control!”

“I see that you’re upset, and I appreciate that you’re handling your strong feelings well.”

“I see that you’re frustrated with the assignment and that you’re sticking with it."

“I like that you were honest when it would have been easy to lie …that’s respectful!”

“You’ve been using much more self-control when you’re mad.”

“You did what I asked right away …you followed directions beautifully!”


Good luck,

Mark
www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com