RAD Child

Mark:

Thank you for the quick email. My wife C___ and I are starting to go through the material now.

One question (I think I know the answer, but figured I would check), I am assuming these strategies have been successful on children with a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder as well as ODD. Our son C___ is 15 years old and exhibiting most of the issues you describe. He is extremely confrontational and defiant at this time, but not violent. He is insisting upon control of his life than making very poor decisions with that control. C___ was removed from his biological mother at 18 months and his father was already incarcerated by that time for sexually molesting one of C___'s sisters. Ended up, he later admitted to sexually molesting three of C___'s sisters (none were the father's biological children). The six children were all in foster care for a minimum of 7 years prior to being adopted.

We adopted C___ just before his 10th birthday. He had lived with us for approximately 10 months prior to the adoption. While there were always minor behavioral issues, the out of control teenager aspect has completely taken over since last January, providing us with truly 9 months of hell. While never a great student, he has lost ALL interest in school. He does attend, but is disruptive and refuses to do any work. Despite doing decently for the first two 10 week marking periods last year (mid to high 70's, some 80's), he ended up failing both math and english basically for not doing his work. Due to his behavior, the school is very close to filing a PINS (person in need of supervision) application with the courts.

C___ and I will be completing the article over the next two days and we are starting to try to put some of the strategies into play. We are definitely saying our prayers on this one. C___ is a good kid who was dealt a very poor hand early in his life.

R.

````````````

Hi R.,

It seems to me [going on what you’ve told me] that a main issue currently is poor academic performance. Please be sure to read the recommendation for this on the page entitled “Emails From Exasperated Parents” [online version of the eBook].

Mark

Have children evaluated...

Dear Mark,

I think your "my out of control teen" site is extremely rich in content with so many links and avenues for reader participation. The information on camps and schools and the even the links to blogs offers such a variety of help.

That you repeat often the advice to have children evaluated is so important. When my husband's nephew at age 12 began to sleep more and lost interest in after-school activities, a few weeks passed with his parents worrying about depression and what might be happening at school before they thought to take him to the doctor. It was leukemia.

I think missing important medical clues with children will worsen with fewer families able to afford general health care and more destitute families using emergency rooms instead of family physicians.

C.

Online Parent Support

Are you too young to be a parent?

Online Parent Support

I am not a person who normally seeks outside support...

Mark,

I am very interested in your eBook and would like to make the purchase. I am not a person who normally seeks outside support or help for my family. But my 18 year old son is just out of control, I cant seem to get a handle on him.

I have three other children, 1 out of college, 1 in college, 1 in Junior high. My other three children are good students and are very respectful to themselves and others. My 18 year old son Kurt is the one that I need help with. The friends he hangs out with, the breaking of his curfew, not being able to keep a job, anger issues, Pot & Alcohol, and poor grades in school.

I can go on..................

Can you help with him?

Is your $29 fee only for the eBook, you mention videos and PowerPoint's?


Please advise. Thanks again.

R.

```````````````````

R.,

As a member of Online Parent Support, you get the following:

· My Out-Of-Control Teen eBook which contains the text version of the parent -program -- you'll get the online version and the printable hard-copy version

· Live audio recordings you can listen to online

· Power Point Presentations and Videos you can view online

· Full access to OPS Website

· Full access to Bonus eBooks Site

· Parent Forum where a community of parents support each other

· OPS Bi-weekly Newsletter

· On-going & easy access to your own personal parenting-coach via phone, email correspondence, or OPS Chat Room

· No hassle money-back guarantee


If for any reason, you are not satisfied with this package, you can call me or email with your refund request and I'll see to it that you get an immediate 100% refund - no questions asked.

You may join here whenever you're ready to get started...

==> www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Mark

I see many signs...

Thank you for sending me information on ODD and CD. It is very interesting, and quite scary to read as a parent, as I see many signs in my 13 year old son.

After years of frustration in school (and difficulties with behavior at home), I finally broke down about two years ago (after an absolute last resort) and my son was put on Concerta. It seemed to help with his concentration, but he didn't like the feeling it gave him and it became a battle for him to take his meds towards the end of last year. He doesn't want to take it this year either. It was used strictly for school - never weekends or school holidays. I told him that this would have to be re-examined again once school starts (tomorrow).

Last year, I provided the junior high school my son attended with forms to complete to have him tested at a clinic that deals exclusively with behavioral problems. This was after doing much research. The school's recommendation was to have the testing done at the school first (funding for special needs??). I just now received a copy of the report and I am concerned with some of the comments in the report which are not accurate, and some embellished information, all of which are on his permanent school record. After a one hour consultation with my son, and review of forms completed by myself, his teacher, and a review of his school file, the psychologist diagnosed him as ADHD (no surprise), severe ODD (the severe was a surprise) and CD (very much a surprise but not many symptoms). Would this allow for an accurate assessment? There were some suggestions for improvements, although in my view, rather vague ones.

My son is funny, athletic (has played hockey competitively since age 4 always at high levels) social (sometimes too much so!), loving, sincere and gentle (especially to animals and the elderly and to anyone he loves that he feels he hurt), and has a smile that could melt any heart. He can also be difficult, demanding, defiant, impulsive and frustrating. He struggles with academics in school - not because he's not bright, but because he gets behind and frustrated. I want to do whatever I can to help him be the successful person that I know he can be.

I am reading your Ebook and thank you so very much for the information in it. It IS making a difference. I am very concerned right now about his schooling. I have just enrolled him in grade 8 in an academy that provides an excellent hockey program. This leaves academics in the morning (when he has better concentration) and nothing but physical activities and hockey in the afternoon.

Is medication the only thing that will help an ADHD/ODD succeed? What other options do I have? Would you recommend a more thorough evaluation?

Thanks for reading this rather long request....

Very concerned mom,

```````````

Hi concerned mom,

Medication may be recommended for ADHD depending on the severity of symptoms; however, medication for ODD is not recommended. Parent Education Training [PET] is the standard course of action for ODD, and if you downloaded my eBook, you now have that training.

My Out-of-Control Teen eBook

I hope we are doing the right thing...

Mark,

I hope we are doing the right thing with our son, and feel sad about what has happened, but no guilt, which is an improvement. We were leaving for vacation (only 1 1/4hrs away) last Saturday at noon. M______ has known about this for several weeks and we even told each child they could bring a friend (M______ still had not been able to find someone to go). We had rented a house on Lake Huron. I would be able to commute to work on Wed, Thur, and Fri. Fifteen minutes before we are to leave (both cars packed up and we only need to pick up 9yr olds friend) he starts with his "I'm not going". He takes his bike and leaves. I file "runaway".

Four hours later, we leave. It was the hardest thing to do--leave without him. We did have both cars packed and it was not fair for the 9yr old and his friend (also pretty close to home). Oldest son (at home due to working) call us about 1:30am to say the bathroom window is broken open and screen is cut, and front door unlocked. We know M______has been home. About 2:40am contacted by a neighboring police department (1/2hr from home) they have our son. Stopped for speeding, out past curfew, and doesn't have a license on him (we had taken it away). It was not his vehicle, the person who owned it was in the car, and had been drinking (our son blew a 0). Car was impounded. Go get him, pick up bike where he ditched it, went home, made him pack, and left for the lake house. Get back at 7:00am.

Not very sociable in the interim. Sometimes he is playing with the dog, or the younger boys, other times he's in his room, playing PS2. Tuesday, I see he has a cell phone when he's laying down (not his--it was taken away). He denies he has one, rolls over on his stomach, and WILL NOT show me his hands, check pockets, etc. I walk away. Wednesday I'm at work, and husband sees the phone--again in the bedroom. Confronts M______, who again is denying it, husband tries to physically roll him over and son bites him in the arm. I do take a picture of this. Later Wed. M______ friend shows up. Something doesn't seem right, they keep on wanting to leave. We say no. They stay, but are clearly not happy.

Thursday, I'm at work again. Dad does let them go to a nearby mall but to be back at 3:00pm. They leave about noon. They are not back. Friend not answering cell phone. Husband does call this boy's mother who informs him, they are on their way home to have dinner at her house, then plan on attending the football game. Dad tells this mom our son is to return home immediately, friend can take him, or we will pick him up. M______ does get dropped off about 5:15-5:30pm. We are having friends up this day, and they are already here.

Friday I'm at work. They pack up to leave. He seems OK per Dad. When I get home, he will not help unload my car. He proceeds to clip fingernails at kitchen table and leaves nails all over. Won't clean them up (we leave them). Eats cookies later, I ask him to clean up the crumbs, he blows them all over the floor. Dad is taking TV out of room, and he causes Dad to trip and TV goes through the wall. He is claiming "accident" but we know better. We know he still has a phone, but he won't admit to it, or give it up.

By now, he has lost his cell phone, use of internet, use of the car, we are going to rescind his driver's license (Tuesday after the holiday), and we are changing his school (also on Tuesday). These are all things we have told him. Also he is to be financially responsible for any costs incurred--window repair, tickets, court fee, etc. We do tell him, if he completes all chores (defined to him), follows the grounding to the house, goes to/from school everyday for the next week, he would be able to go out on Friday (7 days).

Saturday, he works 9-1. Has lunch, takes a nap, does a load of laundry. Nails still on table. He gets out vacuum. He showers, put on nice clothes and cologne. We tell him he is still grounded until Friday and he is not to leave. He now is openly on the phone, making arrangements for someone to come pick him up. He is laying in his bed. I try to physically take away the phone. Husband comes to assist. M______ is resisting with everything he has. Finally he hits both of us. Dad calls 911. We are trying to keep him in the house (hallway) until police come. He gets out of the house, and is rounding the backyard when police drive up and stop him. They confiscate a phone on him (surprise surprise) and it is his girlfriends. They take him to the youth home. It is a holiday weekend and he is to be there until Tuesday. Court is at 1:30.

We are right, he has had the phone all week. He is texting threatening girlfriend's recent boyfriend (they had broken up for awhile and very recently back together) that he is going to beat him up (he did this once already in June and sent the boy (18yrs old) to the hospital). He had been planning his "escape" from the lake house all week. Now, all of a sudden, the girl's parents want to meet with us to retrieve the phone and to talk. We DO NOT want this girl involved with our son anymore. Almost all of the trouble he's been in has been related with this girl. We are considering asking the magistrate to make this part of his probation (if he gets probation).

Mark, do you think this is realistic? She does not go to the school he will be attending. He will not have a cell phone (that we know of). He has lost so much just to try to be with this girl. How much farther can this go before he "wakes up"? Also, it is hard to talk with him and even to tell him consequences when he walks away from us. I do try to tell him "I love you" every day, and find something positive. Also, I'm interested in learning more about Bi-polar that has very short mood swings. People who know about what is going on have on occasion asked us if we thought he was bi-polar. I have always heard, the highs and lows last for a week at least or more. His can last 15 minutes. He does not exhibit a "high" like I would expect either. Does this sound more like plain defiant teen behavior or more? He has been seeing a counselor for 15 months but as you suggest, I don't think it is helping as M______ is very smart, and is "playing" him and does a complete turnaround even before we are out of the parking lot.

I do feel bad about where he is and wonder what he's doing, thinking, who is around him, etc. but I'm more peaceful this time knowing I have done everything I know how to do (he was in juve. overnight in March 2006 for dom. violence--again over a phone and his girlfriend). Thanks again for the support and insight into this very difficult time in our lives and in our son's life.

J___

``````````

Hi J.,

Re: We are considering asking the magistrate to make this part of his probation (if he gets probation) …do you think this is realistic?

Unfortunately ‘NO’. You best efforts have not kept that relationship from surviving. The only way he will have no access to her is while he’s locked up (which is where he should be for now). He will have to learn -- for himself -- whether or not he wants to be with this girl. When they decide to break up, the relationship will end – and not a moment sooner.

==> The more you try to keep them apart, the more determination they will muster. This issue should be put in the “I-Have-No-Control-Over-It” file. But this doesn’t mean you should tolerate the negative-behavioral issues that surround his pursuit of this girl (e.g., having a cell phone when it’s off limits, refusing to follow orders, being disrespectful, etc.).

Re: Does this sound more like plain defiant teen behavior or more?

Not to me. It sounds like Oppositional Defiant Disorder. But you do want to rule-out Bipolar. So, if you haven’t done so already, get him in for a complete psychiatric evaluation …because if he is Bipolar, he’ll need to be on medication for the rest of his life. (If no one else in the family has Bipolar that you are aware of, he’s probably not Bipolar.)

Mark

Online Parent Support

Things were out of control...

Hi Mark,

Thank you for your help. I have all of the info now.

I have had your book for only a week and already I see the changes in my daughter and in myself. I had actually made her leave home for a few days before I found your website. Things were out of control for both of us. It has been a great support and I thank you for the time you have invested for us.

Cheers,

R.

Online Parent Support