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Mark, Well, M______'s final court date was set for this Thursday (we were told by the PO she was recommending release from probation). We have had some difficulties over the past 5 months he was in the intensive probation program, but we felt we were handling them well. M______ was even accepting our consequences better with less/minimal anger. Or so we thought. We had a family graduation yesterday that M was told about at least a month ago. He was told to not schedule himself to work. His g'friend was invited. (The graduates sister was also planning on asking him to be an usher at her wedding in July so he knew it was important to be there). Well, he has 2 jobs. He was scheduled to work. His Dad (friend of the manager) arranged for M to have the day off. M needed the income to pay off his debts (he pays his own car insurance, overages on his phone, and now a "bad driver fee" from a recent speeding ticket. He also is in dept for gas money). His Dad and he ...

Hi Mark, Another question from Australia (I have SO many questions)! M__ and I are in the process of starting up some chores and allowing A__ to earn some money from the non-mandatory ones. We thought we'd have a rule where the mandatory ones had to be done first and then there would be the capacity to earn money from other chores. If the mandatory ones are not done, then there is no pocket money for the week. Is this OK? Can we put a caveat on her spending like no lollies, fizzy drinks or junk food-her behavior is so much worse if she has these things-she can buy books, toys clothes or save some for example? More ...

Dear Mark. On trying your technique for my granddaughter B__, my daughter found some good responses - as I previously mentioned. However, after a couple of weeks B__ got worse, far worse. Now she simply takes off and we don’t hear from her for days. Although only 14 she gets around seemingly without money. My daughter has taken all her clothes from her so she cannot go out, but even then B__ finds something and clears out. She has become more violent with her mother. Currently, B__ has been at large for two days with only the bare clothes she was in and without money. We have had the police looking for her on the previous occasion and probably will have to do the same again. My daughter took B__ to the police station where B__ was given a real dressing-down, but she refused to look the officer in the eye and during the time she turned and said to her mother, “I f.....-well hate you.” I understand that this type of behaviour is becoming frequent around Australia, especially with y...

Hi S., == > I’ve responded throughout your email. Dear Mark First off, thank-you for your ongoing support. In reading the letters you get from parents, it is amazing to me that you respond to each individual question. It is clear that you really believe in what you are doing. You told me to toughen up lately and I have…believe me. Our situation is that our son has had his car taken away due to skipping classes at school and most recently his cell phone was canceled, as we currently pay for it and his bills have doubled the last few months. He has become desperate when he wants to do something and does not have access to a car or cell phone. (You know, the Boredom thing). He does not have a job so has to do chores for money and that is a struggle. Question: How do I respond to my son when I tell him no to making an exception to a consequence and he calls me a dumb bitch, and “am I not embarrassed to be the stupidest person alive” ect.......? I currently put on m...

Hi Mark,  We seemed to be moving along ok (not great) in the last few weeks. About 3 Saturdays ago, my daughter went out (with permission) but never came home until 7 am the next morning. She was not contactable on the phone (claims her mobile phone battery was dead) and we had no idea where she was. We called her boyfriend, George, and even he didn't know her whereabouts.   I believe they had a fight and this is usually how these incidents start. She was grounded for 3 days, which didn't work because she refuses to comply with the grounding. It ends up being a joke because whenever we say that it will start from day 1 if it is not adhered to, she just scoffs at us. We then took away all her clothes and make up but she started coming in and taking my stuff. I tried to put away as much as I could so she started getting things from her friends. Last night (Saturday) she was at her boyfriend's house. His father has told her not to come there so he rang me as so...

Hello again Mark, Things are going significantly better... We have been trying your 3-part mantra: poker face, repeat the rule/plan/consequence, no emotion. Not always successfully, but better every day. I'm still very much grieving the child I will never have and would welcome ideas about how to move through this. But, my bigger question for today is, what is the outlook for teens with Oppositional Defiant Disorder as they move into adulthood? I'm especially concerned that my son is in for a life of turbulent and broken relationships and will likely have trouble holding a job. I guess I do have another question. Upon receiving his grade card today for the end of his sophomore year, our son declared that he is not a good match for public school and that he will not be going to school in the fall (reminder that his IQ is in the 140s, he scored 32 on the ACT as a sophomore but also has ADD and dysgraphia). Could it be that in his case he really isn't ever going to ...

Hi Mark,  We've been following your programme for the last 4 weeks and things are improving. Thank you. Our son still has days where he refuses to get up and go to school. We implement the discipline by cutting of his cell phone, no TV or computer for three days. However he still goes to his girl friend who lives 3 mins walk from us (after school). By saying he cannot go out, is this correct, or is it like the dishes being broken in the sink scenario? (More consequences on top on the 3 day discipline.) Also can he earn back his privilege of going out on sat night?  We are on track so I don't want to rock the boat and start bending the rules.  Thanks for your guidance.  Regards,  L. ``````````````````````````````````````` Hi L., Re: By saying he cannot go out, is this correct, or is it like the dishes being broken in the sink scenario? The clock starts over whenever a child (a) repeats the original offense (e.g., returns home after a curfew time...