Your program has been an absolute life-saver for our family...

Hi Mark

When I called the cops on my daughter due to a similar situation a year earlier (she was 14yrs old), the Police took her aside in a separate room and she told them a big story about how her behaviour was not her fault and that I was a bad mother and so the Police advised her to go to live with her father. They did not bother to find out from me what the truth was about her behaviour, and also that her father had bashed her (and our son) in a drunken/drugged rage. In short, the Police here would not help me and instead guided our daughter into a dangerous situation (and she then witnessed her stepmother and step-brother being bashed by her father. - They then left and had him charged but our daughter was then left alone to live with her father who threatened to kill her if she left him.)

BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS is that I did continue diligently with your program, and every time that I was in danger of being hit by our son due to setting limits or issuing a consequence for our son’s misbehaviour, I would quickly leave the house and go for a walk or drive for 30 to 60 minutes to give him time to calm down (even if it was cold and raining in the middle of winter). I had to persevere with this for a few months and now things have improved DRAMATICALLY. Our son knows that I will follow through with consequences (it was taking the TV cord so that he couldn’t watch TV).

Our son is no longer physically violent or threatening to me and does not tease or hurt our dogs anymore. I am now working on his bad language towards me and that is greatly improved.

Then, about 3 weeks ago, our daughter, thank goodness, returned to me. She is much more grown up and appreciative of me now and even said to me yesterday ‘I thought I was right Mum but now I know I was wrong’. Though she herself is still at risk of acting violently towards her brother, she is really looking at herself and listening to me and I am totally confident now that with your program that I can discipline her to change her tendency towards violence to her brother (she is not violent to me anymore).

A big part of the change in the whole situation (where our daughter got the confidence to leave her father) was because I filed an Affidavit in the Family Court speaking out about everything that has happened in our family which came as a big shock and wakeup call to their father. Even though he has punished me repeatedly and harshly every time I have spoken up, because I have been using the principles of your program on him, his retaliation is slowly but surely diminishing.

I want to tell you that your program has been an absolute life-saver for our family, without the use of ‘the cops’. I have found that many police lack understanding and willingness to do anything, except for a very few, however despite that, I am managing to pull our family back from chaos to civilisation.

I am also continuing to use the philosophy of your program on my ex-husband as best as possible. Thank you very much, I will keep going.

C.


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How to Deal with Teens Who Won't Follow Rules

It may be difficult to get your teenage daughter or son to follow house rules in the beginning. One thing about house rules is to let everyone know what they are. Don't give the teenagers any warnings after they are aware of the rules. 
 
If they break the rules then they will have to deal with the consequences. Don't let them slack off, otherwise then they will think that you aren't serious and won't care about the rules.

Teenagers need to know that you are the boss of the house. Whichever rules that parents have for their house then the teenagers should follow. Make sure that both mom and dad enforce the rules otherwise the teenagers will try to use parents against each other. 

Here are ten tips in order to help you let your teenagers know that you are serious about them following the house rules:

1. Be respectful of your teen but let him know that you expect the same in return. He is living under your roof and let him know that you will do everything in your power to prevent him from engaging in behaviors that jeopardize the well-being of the family.

2. Do not make unsolicited and/or negative comments about changes in your teen's dress or physical appearance. Although a child who changes his look may be looking for attention or may be signaling to you that he feels like an outcast, give him the freedom to experiment with his identity if he needs to, as long as he is not endangering himself or others. 
 
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3. Make them have consequences every time when they misbehave. Be firm about this and don't let them slack off on the rules. Let them know that you are serious about the house rules and that you expect them to follow the rules. You can make them do extra chores or ground them from seeing friends or any after school activities.

4. Relax. You made it through the teen years and so will your child. Let your teen express his feelings and show respect when he withdraws or needs some space. Refrain from taking his outbursts personally. Remember how difficult it is to go through the transformation of adolescence. Your child is transforming physically, emotionally and spiritually. This can be a painful second birth.

5. Stand strong. Ever since its inception, there has been resistance to the tough love parenting movement, primarily because people think it is harsh. If your teen is in danger of destroying his life, sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to be firm. Being tough doesn't have to mean being cruel. Cruelty is taking no action in the face of your teenager's impending self-destruction. Although it was probably inaction on your part that has helped create your teen's sense of self-entitlement today, you have a chance to help him turn things around. Do this in a way that shows that you mean business, but also lets him know that loving someone means that getting them to take responsibility.

6. Stop enabling your child. When your teen does something wrong, don't stand in the way of his consequences. Some parents enable their teen by making excuses for his bad behavior. If your kid gets suspended from school for drug use, don't defend his behavior. Everybody knows there are no drugs at school. Let him suffer the consequences so he learns from them. Make it clear that you can't rescue him when he does things he knows are wrong. Even if things have been tough in your family life and you can understand why your child might want to escape his life, do not prevent the natural consequences of his actions. Instead, acknowledge this as a cry for help and get it for him.

7. Take away the Internet or take away the keys to their car. Teenagers either love to play on the Internet or love the freedom of having a car. You will only have to take away the Internet or the car keys a few times for them to understand that you are serious. They won't try to keep pushing the limits since they want their freedom back.

8. You can always send your teenagers to summer school. Most teenagers don't like summer school. Summer school would get teenagers to behave pretty quickly since they would dread going to summer school for the entire summer. One thing to keep in mind though that summer school wouldn't work on a teenager would does love to learn since he or she would probably enjoy summer school.

9. You can remove each television and computer out of the house. It will really make the teenagers bored. They will want to have the television and computer back real fast so they would be willing to follow the house rules then. You want to use this as a last resort in order to get them to behave. Teenagers love to be entertained so taking away all entertainment devices such as television and computer will make them want those privileges back soon.

10. You can take away their money. You can take away their allowance money and you can even take away money from them that they earn from a part time job while still in high school. They will eventually get tired of not being able to spend any of their money that they earned. Teenagers love money and if you take away their money then they will be more eager to follow the house rules.

Tough love is hard, but it works. If your teen thinks she is involved in making a decision to help find a solution, she may think she matters. A lot of the anxiety that teenagers feel is because they think they are alone and no one listens and no one cares and people suck. Well, some of that may be true but there are ways to not be alone and to say things people want to hear and do things that people will care about.

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Top 10 Tips for Parenting Defiant Teens

1. Be a role model. Your actions -- even more than your words -- are critical in helping adolescents adopt good moral and ethical standards. If they have a good role model from early on, they will be less likely to make bad decisions in their rebellious teen years.

2. Choose your battles wisely. Doing themselves harm or doing something that could be permanent (like a tattoo) -- those things matter. Purple hair, a messy room -- those don't matter. Don't nitpick.

3. Decide rules and discipline in advance. If it's a two-parent family, it's important for parents to have their own discussion so they can come to some kind of agreement and stay on the same page. Whether you ban them from driving for a week or a month, whether you ground them for a week, cut back on their allowance or Internet use -- whatever -- set it in advance. If your kid says it isn't fair, then you have to agree on what is fair punishment. Then, follow through with the consequences.

4. Discuss "checking-in." Give adolescents age-appropriate autonomy, especially if they behave appropriately. But you need to know where they are. That's part of responsible parenting. If it feels necessary, require them to call you during the evening to check in. But that depends on the teen and how responsible they have been.

5. Give teens some leeway. Giving adolescents a chance to establish their own identity, and giving them more independence, is essential to helping them establish their own place in the world. But if it means he's going out with a bad crowd, that's another thing.

6. Give adolescents a game plan. Tell them: If the only option is getting into a car with a drunk driver, call me -- I don't care if it's 3 in the morning. Or make sure they have cab fare. Help them figure out how to handle a potentially unsafe situation, yet save face. Brainstorm with them. Come up with a solution that feels comfortable for that child.

7. Invite their friends for dinner. It helps to meet children you have questions about. You're not flat-out rejecting them, you're at least making an overture. When children see them, see how their friends act with their parents, they can get a better sense of those friends. It's the old adage, you catch more bears with honey than vinegar. If you flatly say, you can't go out with those children, it often can backfire -- it just increases the antagonism.

8. Keep the door open. Don't interrogate, but act interested. Share a few tidbits about your own day; ask about theirs. How was the concert? How was the date? How was your day? Another good line: You may not feel like talking about what happened right now. I know what that's like. But if you feel like talking about it later, you come to me.

9. Let teens feel guilty. I think too much is made about self-esteem. Feeling good about yourself is healthy. But people should feel bad if they have hurt someone or done something wrong. Children need to feel bad sometimes. Guilt is a healthy emotion. When children have done something wrong, we hope they feel bad, we hope they feel guilty.

10. Talk to adolescents about risks. Whether it is drugs, driving, or premarital sex, your children need to know the worst that could happen.

==> Online Parent Support: Help for Parent of Defiant Teens

Chat with a Therapist

WELCOME! Feel free to post a comment or question in the chat room below. For information regarding psychiatric medication, please address your question to David McLaughlin, MD (Consultant: Psychiatry). For information regarding psychiatric testing, please address your question to Julie Kennedy, Psy.D (Consultant: Clinical Psychology). For all other questions, please address Mark Hutten, M.A. (Counseling Psychology). Someone will respond to your inquiry within 1 - 24 hours.


Emails From Parents Who Have Tried "PC Tattletale"

“You might be surprised at what you find out is not what you expected. Thanks so much.”

“You can see everything that happen on pc and give the mother the opportunity to speak with children (or block) if necessary. This software just give me more peace of mind. I also think this software is affordable - especially with the fact that you can monitor 2 pc's!”

“There is simply no time for naivety in our society. With all of the temptations placed upon our kid's via the internet, we can't just assume that they're not succumbing to that temptation. We must put our children 1st, at all cost... and if they lose a little privacy as part of that cost, so be it!”

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“The latest information about FaceBook, MySpace, etc in addition to the publicity about chat rooms and unmonitored IM among children and others who pose as children made my wife and me decide we need to monitor much more closely. PC Tattletale had everything we wanted. We need to mandate accountability in our children and they need to know that the internet is not a private site--that everything they do and say is monitored by someone, and it might as well be their moms and dads catching them before something wrong happens. It is easy to use and monitors our children's every move. This will let us keep our children safe, teach them important lessons so they don't fall, and also let them learn that honesty and morality are always better than sneaking around accompanied by borderline behavior.”

“The installation and interface were very smooth and easy to use and geared more towards home/family use rather than office/employer/employee like comparable software. The single license for two computers was an awesome bonus. Especially compared to some other software in this category. When I accidentally downloaded and installed an older version of the software, I was notified by you and informed that I had the wrong version. The notification also included the links I needed to get the correct one and instructions necessary to remove and reinstall the software.”

“Thanks pc tattletale for saving my child from going down the right path. Had I not downloaded your software I would never have know the extent of his friend’s illegal activity. Thanks for helping me be a better mother.”

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“PC Tattletale keeps you informed on what your children deal with at school and helps you to understand situations and also provides material to discuss with them. I love being able to easily read their emails and chatting. It has brought up situations to discuss with our child regarding the use of bad language, the issues dealt with at school with friends, etc. I love it. Also, it is very easy to use.”

“PC Tattletale just makes me feel more at ease knowing that I can see everything that goes on MySpace is very popular among teens and the more I go through the many teens that display drugs and tell all I wonder where all the parents are. I have found a lot of information concerning my child’s friends and plans, so I think every mother should have a copy on the computer and find out what their child is doing.”

“PC Tattletale is the best parental control I have ever seen; with the added benefit that it also records activity so I can see where my children are going and what they are doing. If I don't watch my children and correct them when they are wrong then they will think that their actions have no consequences.”

“PC Tattletale has helped me to understand how my child is using the computer and the extent of their relationships online. I learned something very unexpected. It helped me to understand how my child thinks while doing homework. I was able to see how many times during the course of doing homework they got distracted by instant messages, music videos and web surfing. No wonder very little homework was getting done!”

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“PC Tattletale has helped me keep an eye on where he goes and I can also check people's MySpace sites by following where he has been.”

“PC Tattletale has enabled me to give them more freedom on the web and teaches them to use their good judgment in selecting what they do online. They know they will be held accountable for their actions, and if they get into something they shouldn't then PC tattletale is there as a safety net to allow me to protect them from something that might harm them.”

“My wife and I felt like we were in the dark with our child's life and the people that she hung around. We caught her lying about things she was doing and places she was going. So now since she basically lives on the computer, we know exactly what's going on at all times. PC Tattletale is the only way you're going to know what is going on all of the time. It's amazing all of the small details that get left out when talking to your child directly. It has helped build a trust. Our child knows that in order to use the computer, she has to have it monitored which has helped tremendously.”

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“My child does not know about the PC Tattletale program. Seeing where she goes, and says online helps me with "stories" and the "hypothetical scenarios" to teach her the importance of not abusing the internet or accessing inappropriate web sites.”

“It is good to see what the children are up to and if they are listening to the rules of the computer use and respecting your request. I like that I can see everything that is going on and what is being said in the chats and emails. My husband had a very ugly divorce and his ex is very bitter and with held access to his children for over 5-years, now that the child has come to live with us we need to be able to monitor what is going on, because the child did not come without many issues.”

“It has helped me keep an eye on where he goes and I can also check MySpace sites by following where he has been. It just makes me feel more at ease knowing that I can see everything that goes on.”

“It gives you a sense of security in knowing that you are taking care of your children while they are online. I loved the fact that it was so simple to use. I can't believe that it kept track of all the information.”

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“I was concerned about my 15 y.o. child and who he was spending time with and what they were like. Turns out that many of them are dealing drugs and committing crimes. If I had not downloaded PC Tattletale I never would have known what my sons and his friends were up to. He has since stopped hanging with these children who now have all been arrested on several occasions. My child is now spending his spare time in an organized sport that he is really enjoying while his ex friends are spending time reporting to a probation officer.”

“I was a computer consultant starting in 1997, and was going to many homes in the Atlanta area, and saw how many children were just given free rein on the 'net, simply because moms and dads were unaware of HOW to see or monitor what they were doing. I saw horrible stuff that parents had no idea about. Already, I've told at least 20 or so people about PC Tattletale PC monitoring software in about 2 years.”

“I tried many different programs and they either didn't work or were very difficult to install. PC Tattletale was extremely easy to install and worked right away. PC Tattletale has given me peace of mind. I no longer have to worry if there is something or someone trying to hurt my children.”

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“I told my children I was putting tattletale on our computer. Knowing that I am monitoring has worked well. Before PC Tattletale I found them on sites I didn't approve of occasionally, but with PC Tattletale they stay away from those sites. PC tattletale has made me feel much more comfortable with my children being online. I don't feel like they are going to be the targets of the many bad things that I know can happen on the net.”

“I purchased this software just in time. The insight the documentation provided allowed me to know what was going on and reference it thru possible other methods of access. I turned my child's attitude around just in time before she could have back strongly influenced by the wrong crowd of people. PC Tattletale offered great insight into what my child was thinking and feeling - rather than what she was telling me.”

“I like using the PC Tattletale because I feel more at ease knowing that I will be seeing whatever my child sees and I will be able to help him should he need help. The scary part is that I have learned that there are a lot more predators than I first realized!’

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“I have not been able to find another program that has all of the features this one has. My favorite is the screen recording, but I use them all. We've told our child over and over that the 16-yr-old girl talking to him on the internet may very well be a 50-yr-old man, looking for little boys who are gullible enough to believe him. With this program, there may still be a chance for someone to contact him once, but with me checking the recordings every day, I can end it before something bad happens.”

“I consider monitoring my kid's activities on the computer to have saved one of my children lives or from being abducted. My 2nd oldest child, when she was 13, (She turned 14 in April) had a chat with someone in a kid's chat room. He wrote to her that he was around 16 years old and in High School. He also lied about his location. After a while he wrote her a personal e-mail with things that a 13 year old shouldn't have read but made it sound like he wanted to be her boyfriend, etc. After doing some research on the computer myself, I found out this guy was 32 years old and lived in the same city as us! I was in shock and I admit, Upset!”

“I bought the program, for the concern of my grandchild, aged 13 & 15. When at my house, they spend a lot of time on myspace.com, and other questionable web sites, which greatly concern me. For my own peace of mind, (with my child consent), I decided to purchase this program, to monitor them. I think it's a wonderful program, and I’m thrilled to be able to know who they are chatting with and who they are emailing. My child and I are quite happy with the results.”

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“I believe in the adage "trust, yet verify" and that is exactly what this software allows me to do. I feel better knowing that as of yet my child relationships with older teens are above board. They are not trying to persuade her to do things that I feel are inappropriate. I know that if an inappropriate situation should arise, I will be able to protect my child from her own naivety.”

“I believe even the most trusted teenager needs to be monitored. A mother should always be one step ahead of their child/children. It makes it a lot easy to tackle a situation, than a problem.”

“I am one of the computer experts in my Church and I have received many inquiries regarding how to monitor child activities. I did some research and selected your product because it looked like it would do what others in my Church are looking for. It does and I am now recommending it to others. I also am considering holding some educational sessions to help them install and use your software effectively. The screen captures feature has given me great insight into usage of the family PC. We home school and this feature has helped us to discover and correct times when some of our children were "playing games" during school time instead of actively doing their school work.”

“Being a single mother, it gives me an extra set of eyes to protect my children. I know there are a lot of moms and dads that would be surprised what their children are doing. I was and I'm glad I was able to put a stop to it by using PC Tattletale.”

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“Although I have good children, I know they are susceptible to influences from others and sometimes don't use good judgment in what the post on the internet. This way I can keep an eye on everything to make sure they are safe and not getting involved in anything questionable.”

“After learning hearing so much about the chat rooms, my space, FaceBook and other sites children frequent today I became concerned with my child on the computer for hours at a time. Purchasing PC Tattletale put my mind at ease. I now know who my child chats with, what they say and of course the web sites he visits.”

‘I like the fact that it is hidden and only I can access it and see all that goes on the computer and Internet It’s a great program!’

‘I feel that there is too much pornography on the internet, and way too easy to access. I therefore decided to try out your product to ensure all kinds of unsuited material would be inaccessible from our personal computer. The program was good at preventing the material reaching our PC too.”

‘I always wanted to know what my child did online - but I felt it was an invasion of his space. But after a Dr. Phil show where he said I had an obligation to know so I bought the program and boy am I glad I did!’

‘As moms and dads we have the right to know exactly what our children are doing on the internet. It's nothing different than getting to know their friends and find out what they are doing. The internet is great but also can be very dangerous, and PC Tattletale has helped me understand my child's way of thinking and also be on the watch out mode for friends that I don't want her hanging out with.”

‘As a parent it is our responsibility to teach our children about internet safety. But, I do also understand that some children don't realize the true consequences of the harm that can happen when they talk to strangers or view harmful material online. By using this monitoring software I am able to see if my children are at risk to any predators online. I looked into several other programs and so far PC Tattletale has the best features.”

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PC Tattletale: Parental Control and Internet Monitoring Tool

PC Tattletale offers a complete Internet Monitoring and Parental Control Software solution, that's unmatched in the industry. PC Tattletale Parental control software contains all the PC monitoring tools you'll need to keep your youngster safe - in a single easy to use software suite!

Your purchase of one (1) PC Tattletale registration key lets you use the software on TWO computers at NO extra charge! Also, they give you a 7 day FREE trial.

Check out these features:

1. Advanced Keystroke Logger - Records all keystrokes including passwords, "hidden characters" and true keystrokes too - including MySpace.Com and FaceBook.Com account passwords.

2. Email Monitoring - PC Tattletale captures both in AND outbound mail, records Outlook and Outlook Express, AOL Email, Eudora, SMTP/POP3 Email, MS Exchange Email, Hotmail, Yahoo Email, MSN System Email and Google Gmail. PC Tattletale can even send you copies of your youngster's emails in REAL TIME so you'll know what's going on even if you're at the office!

3. PC Tattletale captures the name of each software program that your youngster used, when that program was started and how long the program was active.

4. PC Tattletale makes it easy to keep tabs on what your youngster is doing on MySpace.com and other social networking web sites. Using the powerful screen capture and key stroke recording technology, PC Tattletale makes it easy for you to see exactly what they post on their MySpace.com account, what their password is, what they are say when they use My Space to chat, instant message and much more!

5. PC Tattletale solves the problem of helping you stay on top of what your youngster does when you're not there to watch over their shoulder. And it gives you the tools to invisibly monitor your youngster and help keep them safe on the Internet.

6. Powerful Chat Recorder - Records all chat sessions and Instant messages - Captures both sides of ANY Chat conversation or Instant Message, including: Facebook, AOL Chat Rooms and Instant Messenger, AOL Triton ICQ Chats, MSN Messenger, Yahoo Messenger, AIM, Trillain chat, MySpace.com, and many more.

7. Screen Shots Captures - PC Tattletale's "DVD like" controls and playback makes it as simple as clicking the “PLAY” button to watch EVERYTHING your youngster did when they were online! PC Tattletale even separates the screen captures by user and date. This means you can focus only on the youngster you want to watch. You save time by zeroing in on suspicious activity. Works with Internet Explorer and Fire Fox too!

8. The special "Stealth Technology" -- Once installed PC Tattletale will not appear in the Windows Start Menu, Desktop, Task Manager, Program Files Folders, or even the Add/Remove programs menu because PC Tattletale is TOTALLY invisible to the user.

9. URL Specific Web Filtering and keyword blocking -- Specify any web site that you want blocked. If your youngster tries to go to a web site that contains that keyword, PC Tattletale displays a "404 Page not found error," leaving them wondering why they can't get into blocked site.

The company guarantees that if PC Tattletale Parental Control and PC Monitoring Software doesn't give you a window into your child's/teen’s online world, and the peace of mind to know exactly what they see, where they go and who they talk to, then they will issue you a complete 100% refund!

I have used this software since 2006. I highly recommend it! This is like having a trusted babysitter watching over your child's shoulder and reporting to you - in real time - exactly what's he or she is doing online!

You've got absolutely nothing to lose to try it!!

Mark Hutten, M.A.

Click here for a free trial ==> www.pctattletail.com

The Impact of Divorce on Teenagers: A Closer Look

Divorce, a challenging and often tumultuous life event, can dramatically reshape family dynamics. For teenagers, who are in a critical phase...