Kids Who Can't Pay Attention

Mothers and fathers are troubled once they get a note from school stating that their youngster won't pay attention to the teacher or causes problems in class. One possible reason behind this sort of behavior is ADHD. 

Even though the youngster with ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER (ADHD) often wants to be a good student, the impulsive behavior and difficulty paying attention in class frequently interferes and causes problems. Educators, parents, and friends know that the youngster is misbehaving or different but they may not be able to tell exactly what is wrong.

Any youngster may show poor attention, distractibility, impulsivity, or hyperactivity sometimes, however the youngster with ATTENTION DEFICIT/HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER shows these symptoms and behaviors more frequently and severely than other kids of the same age or developmental level. ADHD occurs in 3-5% of school age kids. ADHD must begin before the age of seven and it can continue into adulthood. ADHD runs in families with about 25% of biological mothers/fathers also having this medical condition.

A youngster with ATTENTION DEFICIT/HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER often shows some of the following:

• blurts out answers

• easily distracted

• fidgets or squirms

• impatience

• inattention to details and makes careless mistakes

• interrupts or intrudes on others

• leaves seat and runs about or climbs excessively

• loses school supplies, forgets to turn in homework

• seems "on the go"

• talks too much and has difficulty playing quietly

• trouble finishing class work and homework

• trouble following multiple adult commands

• trouble listening

• trouble paying attention

You will find 3 forms of ATTENTION DEFICIT/HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER. Some individuals only have trouble with attention and organization. This is sometimes called Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD. This is ADHD inattentive subtype. Other people have only the hyperactive and impulsive symptoms. This is ADHD-hyperactive subtype. The Third, and most commonly identified group consists of those people who have difficulties with attention and hyperactivity, or the combined type.

A youngster presenting with ATTENTION DEFICIT/HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER signs and symptoms needs to have a comprehensive assessment. Moms and dads should ask their pediatrician or family physician to refer them to a youngster and adolescent psychiatrist, who can diagnose and treat this medical condition. A youngster with ADHD may also have other psychiatric disorders such as conduct disorder, anxiety disorder, depressive disorder, or bipolar disorder. These kids may also have learning disabilities.

Without appropriate treatment, the youngster may fall behind in schoolwork, and friendships may suffer. The youngster encounters more failure than achievement and is belittled by educators and family who do not understand a health problem.

Research plainly shows that treatment can help increase attention, focus, goal directed behavior, and organizational skills. Medications most likely to be helpful include the stimulants (various methylphenidate and amphetamine preparations) and the non-stimulant, atomoxetine. Other medications such as guanfacine, clonidine, and some antidepressants may also be helpful.

Other treatment methods may consist of cognitive-behavioral therapy, social skills training, parent education, and modifications to the youngster’s education program. Behavioral therapy can assist a youngster to control aggression, modulate social conduct, and be more successful. Cognitive therapy can help kids build self-esteem, reduce negative thoughts, and improve problem-solving skills. Moms and dads can learn management skills such as issuing instructions one-step at a time rather than issuing multiple requests at once. Education modifications can address ADHD symptoms along with any coexisting learning disabilities.

Moms and dads are often anxious when their youngster has learning difficulties in the school. There are many reasons for school failure, but a typical one is a particular learning disability. Kids with learning disabilities generally have a normal range of intelligence. They try very hard to follow instructions, concentrate, and "be good" at home and in school. Yet, despite this effort, he or she is not mastering school tasks and falls behind. Learning disabilities affect at least 1 in 10 school kids.

It is believed that learning disabilities are triggered by a difficulty with the nervous system that impacts receiving, processing, or communicating information. They may also run in families. Some kids with learning disabilities are also hyperactive; unable to sit still, easily distracted, and have a short attention span.

Psychiatrists point out that learning disabilities are treatable. If not discovered and treated early, however, they can have a destructive "snowballing" effect. For example, a youngster who does not learn addition in elementary school cannot understand algebra in high school. The youngster, trying very hard to learn, becomes more and more frustrated, and develops emotional problems such as low self-esteem in the face of repeated failure. Some learning disabled kids misbehave in school because they would rather be seen as "bad" than "stupid."

Moms and dads should be aware of the most frequent signals of learning disabilities, when a youngster:

• cannot understand the concept of time; is confused by "yesterday, today, tomorrow"
• easily loses or misplaces homework, schoolbooks, or other items
• fails to master reading, spelling, writing, and/or math skills, and thus fails
• has difficulty distinguishing right from left; difficulty identifying words or a tendency to reverse letters, words, or numbers; (for example, confusing 25 with 52, "b" with "d," or "on" with "no")
• has difficulty understanding and following instructions
• has trouble remembering what someone just told him or her
• lacks coordination in walking, sports, or small activities such as holding a pencil or tying a shoelace

Such difficulties should have a comprehensive assessment by a specialist who can evaluate all of the various issues impacting the youngster. A psychiatrist can help coordinate the assessment, and work with school professionals and other people to have the assessment and educational testing done to clarify if a learning disability exists. This involves speaking with the youngster and loved ones, analyzing their circumstances, critiquing the educational testing, and consulting with the school.

The psychiatrist will then make suggestions on suitable school placement, the need for specific help such as special educational services or speech-language therapy and help mothers/fathers assist their youngster in maximizing his or her learning potential. Sometimes individual or family psychotherapy will be recommended. Medication may be prescribed for hyperactivity or distractibility. It is important to strengthen the youngster's self-confidence, so vital for healthy development, and also help parents and other family members better understand and cope with the realities of living with a youngster with learning disabilities.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Parenting Oppositional Teens

As much as a teen’s peer group has its influence over her actions, you are also a prime role model for her behavior. And the values or ideals you hold dear most likely may be passed on to your youngster.

Don’t be a hypocrite. In order to keep your household lie-free, of course don’t get caught lying yourself! Adolescents cannot look up to someone who’s telling them one thing while doing another. As much as possible, live by what you preach.

Use humor when you can. When discussing sensitive topics with your teen, such as sex or drug abuse, one can always look towards humor as a great tool in softening things up. If you crack a joke as an icebreaker to begin a topic about sex education, then once you are both laughing it’ll be easier to ease into the topic’s details.

Humor can also make you both feel instantly more comfortable with one another. It’s a great way to alleviate any stress! This is just one helpful hint that may clear up the communication line between you and your adolescent.

What exactly is active parenting?

An active mother or father:

• would not wait for a teen to ask for help, but offer it
• is not too busy with work to ask an adolescent how his/her day went after school
• asks a question and takes the time to really listen to the answer

A point which can contribute to your adolescent’s misbehavior is your own underestimation of him. If you do not keep yourself fully aware of your teen’s full capabilities and the different possibilities that he may turn to when looking for a way around a given penalty, then you’re digging a hole for yourself to fall into. You mustn’t underestimate your adolescent.

When faced with a penalty, your oppositional adolescent will try and look for a way out. It may help to even think of back-up penalties to use in place of set ones in order to keep yourself a step ahead of your teen in the case of him trying to avoid original penalties. It’s never a waste to ask yourself, What if? By thinking things through beforehand, you can lessen the chances of your teen thinking them through ahead of you.

For a complete program on how to deal with oppositional teens, go to MyOutOfControlTeen.com.

Why Teens Have So Much Anger

There is probably no greater problem facing moms and dads than dealing with angry teens.

Anger and learning to deal with anger is a necessary and important part of growing up. Rather than rely on techniques to manage your angry youngster, it seems to help a lot of moms and dads if they understand what makes kids act that way.

What Teens Say About Their Anger—

• "I get angry at my parents because they argue with each other. I don’t respect them."
• "I get angry because I love my parents and they act like they hate each other. How am I supposed to respect them when they act like that?"
• "I get angry when I have a lot of things on my mind that I can’t do anything about and then my parents ask me to do something when I’m already tired and over loaded."
• "I get angry when my parents are unfair and there’s no point in talking to them."
• "I get angry when my parents ask me how my day went. I’m trying to forget it and they make me remember it. I wouldn’t care if they didn’t make everything worse."
• "I get angry when my parents make me feel guilty for something that already happened. I get tired, bored and angry and I forget to do things that make it worse."
• "I get angry when there are other priorities, no time for me and I feel like I don’t matter."
• "I treat my parents the same way they treat me."
• "I’d rather be angry at my parents than feel afraid or feel hurt. I’d probably hurt myself if I wasn’t angry at them. That’s no excuse but that’s how I feel."
• "I’m not angry but my voice gets louder when I end up with more things on my mind that make me feel bad."
• "My parents are stupid. They don’t understand. They just say they do but they don’t. I can’t stand to be around them."
• "When my parents make me feel bad it reminds me of all the other times that people make me feel bad. I already don’t like myself and criticism just makes it worse."

What Can Parents Do?

What kids tell you is not necessarily the whole truth but there is always an element of truth. Just listening to your youngster and understanding what makes them angry can help in most cases. You don’t have to agree with your teenager but it helps to just listen and show your youngster that you care.

There can be no simple solution when facing an angry youngster. It is not fair or even effective to expect moms and dads to avoid upsetting their teenager. Once your child gets angry, you can’t always make it better. But unfortunately moms and dads can make it worse and even reinforce angry behavior if they shout, insult or argue back. Sometimes the best we can do is to not make it worse and then deal with a youngster’s anger at a better time in a fair and effective manner. Giving kids a consequence later when you are not upset and they are not upset is always best. They may get upset later but at least your punishment was not given out of anger. Kids are less likely to "get even" later if you don’t punish them when you are angry.

Kids typically have a lot of expectations that they have not examined rationally. Changing our expectations is not easy – especially when we are used to getting what we want. But the fact is, the best time to explore your youngster’s expectations is not when they are upset. Lecturing an upset teenager or anyone who is upset for that matter is not a "teachable moment". Exploring and gently challenging a youngster’s expectations when they are calm is best. The key is to explore your youngster’s expectations before they get upset and then help correct any errors.

Some kids are just plain temperamental no matter what you do. Others kids are easily frustrated no matter what happens. But the underlying reason is almost always this: Kids become angry when they are frustrated and they assume they are being picked on, treated unfairly or made to feel bad on purpose. They get angry because anger is often the only way they know how to escape or avoid feeling sad, hurt, afraid or out of control.

Blaming others and ignoring their own behavior is a clear sign of an insecure youngster. Insecure kids with low self-esteem feel better when they are angry and blaming other people. Any teenager who is extremely angry at their self can become self-destructive, create failure or think about suicide. It is a sad reality, but anger at the world is not nearly as depressing as feeling like a failure with no excuses.

For help with angry teens, download your copy of the "My Out-of-Control Teen" eBook today…

Tips for Multi-Racial Families

There are approximately 7 million people in the United States who identify as mixed-race with half of these being under the age of 18, and it is estimated that the mixed-race population in the U.S. will reach 21% by 2050. Yet, multiracial people and families remain marginalized and overlooked by mainstream U.S. society. As a result, the unique issues and struggles they face are often poorly understood by professionals, co-workers, friends and extended family, making it difficult to successfully manage challenges when they arise.

Racial Struggles in Multi-racial Families—

All families, regardless of race, encounter challenges and stressors, but there are a variety of unique racially-based issues and struggles that tend to confront multiracial families. To assess if your family may be grappling with any of these, consider the list of questions below.

"Who am I?"

A core struggle for mixed-race people is how to define themselves racially, which is influenced by a host of factors including physical appearance, family values, geographic location, etc.

Does anyone in your family, especially kids or teens, have difficulty defining themselves racially, and experience persistent confusion, anxiety, distress, or irritability when posed with this question?

"Whose side are you on anyway?"

Parental conflict sometimes creates "sides" that kids have to choose between, and in multiracial families, this pressure can be “racialized.” Kayla's father (whose is white) and her mother (who is African American and Native American) argue constantly and Kayla feels torn between them, including racially. According to Kayla, "I'm afraid if I'm too in touch with my black and Native roots my father will think I'm rejecting him and siding with my mother, and if I'm too white my mother will think I'm rejecting her and siding with my father."

Are there parental conflicts in your family that, directly or indirectly, create "sides" and do the "sides" extend to racial issues as well?

When the Misdeeds of One are Held Against All—

Sometimes the hurt that a loved one causes is generalized to an entire racial group. Teresa (who is white) and Jose (who is black and Latino) recently divorced after Teresa fell in love with another man. Their three kids, who felt abandoned, have generalized their hurt and anger with their mother towards all white people. As their daughter stated, "You just can't trust white people, they let you down every time."

Has anyone in your family used the hurt and anger caused by an individual as "proof" of stereotypes or negative beliefs about an entire racial group?

Racial Devaluation—

Racial devaluation occurs when negative attitudes and behaviors are expressed toward any of the racial groups represented in the family. This may occur directly when family members make denigrating racial comments, or indirectly through behaviors where lighter or "whiter looking" kids are treated more favorably than darker kids.

How might you or other family members express racial devaluation? How often does this happen? What effects might this have on the family, especially on kids?

Between Siblings—

While some sibling rivalry and conflict is natural, beware of when it becomes racial. Tensions among siblings around differences in complexion, hair textures, eye color, and facial features often are tied to painful wounds that can strain relationships and compromise healthy racial identity development.

Do any of the sibling conflicts in your family revolve around racial issues?

“Race doesn't matter in our family…”

Wanting to see everyone as "just human" and to not make race "an issue" leads some families to avoid talking about race altogether. Yet race and racism are inescapable realities in our society. Families who don't talk directly about race often fail to provide their kids with the racial socialization they need to understand and manage racial realities outside of the family. As Mr. Jones explained, "In this family, we're all people, so we don't dwell on the race stuff." While a noble ideal, in refusing to address race, Mr. Jones failed to prepare his son, Carl (half white and half Asian), to handle the "the race stuff" he encountered when he went away to college.

Is it hard for your family to discuss race openly and directly? What messages do kids learn about race and how are they prepared to manage racial issues in the wider world?

When Friends are Unfriendly—

Many mixed-race kids experience racial scorn and rejection from peers. Such experiences are painful but with appropriate guidance and affirmation kids can cope successfully.

If and when your kids encounter racial rejection from peers, do they talk to you about these experiences? Do your kids have the coping skills and resources to manage these experiences with confidence?

What to Do If Any of These Signs Are Present—

If you recognize any of these signs in your family, consulting with a marriage and family therapist is highly recommended. Family therapists are trained to understand, restructure, and heal family relationships. A family therapist may spend some time meeting alone with mothers and fathers or just with kids, but at all times they are working for the benefit of both the whole family and for each individual member.

Online Parent Support

“S e x t i n g” Can Result In Going To Prison!

Can an adolescent girl who sends nude pictures of herself to her boyfriend face prosecution for child pornography? Incredibly, the answer is yes!

“Sexting” is a new phenomenon that describes the process by which teens send nude, semi-nude, or otherwise risqué pictures or videos of themselves or others via cell phone. The child or teen receiving the picture or video can easily download it onto the Internet, where millions of surfers can view it.

If the individual in the picture is under 18 years old, then taking, sending, or possessing the photo is in violation of child pornography laws. As it stands today, if an individual under the age of 18 takes a nude photo of herself and distributes it to others, she is in violation of these laws.

The penalties for these crimes are stiff. You can go to prison, and when you are paroled, you have to register as a sex offender. Such registration means your name and picture will be on the Internet and other media, making it hard for you to get a job. Many sex offenders have had to move multiple times because their neighbors harass them.

A survey of 1,280 young people that was conducted this year by the National Campaign to Prevent Teenage and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl magazine found that one in five teenagers has “sexted,” as well as one in three young adults, ages 10 to 26 years old. Females sexted as often as males, and the most common reason was to be “fun and flirtatious.”

Even though many teens believe sexting is harmless, authorities in certain counties are indeed prosecuting them as child pornographers. These officials take the matter seriously, pointing to cases like that of Jessica Logan, a 16-year-old Ohio girl. Jessica sent a nude picture of herself to her boyfriend, who then transmitted all over their high school. She subsequently hanged herself.

Right now several teens are facing legal charges for sexting, including one 14-year-old New Jersey girls who published 30 nude pictures of herself on the social networking site MySpace.

According to an article (from Akron Beacon Journal), the Center for Missing and Exploited Children saw these photos and contacted their New Jersey Task Force, which in turn contacted the Passiac County Sheriff. The teen girl now faces 17 years in prison if convicted.

Other cases include the following:

• A New York boy who broadcast sexy pictures from a party to over 300 classmates is also facing charges.

• One Florida teen who engaged in "sexting" has to register as a sex offender until he is 43 years old.

• Similar cases are scheduled to be adjudicated in Pennsylvania and Vermont.

• The one case every prosecutor is watching involves two Florida teenagers who took pictures of themselves having sexual contact and kept them on a computer. This case went all the way to the Florida Court of Appeals, which ruled that the pictures could become child pornography.

What all this means is that teenagers can get into serious trouble for sexting, although many unanswered questions remain, such as the following:

• Are these kids protected under Freedom of Speech laws?

• Is it fair to confiscate cell phones from students in classrooms, and then comb through them for evidence?

• Why are jurisdictions applying laws to minor kids that were meant to protect them, not imprison them?

Advice for Parents—

The best advice for parents is to talk to their kids about what can happen if they engage in sexting. Some “talking points” might be the ones recommended by the National Campaign to Prevent Teenaged and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• Don’t engage in sexting because of peer pressure.

• Nothing digital is private anymore.

• Nothing you post on the Internet ever really goes away.

• Nothing you post on the Internet is ever really anonymous.

Some surveys found that females felt pressure from their boyfriends to participate in sexting even when they did not want to. The pressure also worked the other way: many males receive sexy pictures as a way for females to get dates from them.

Talk to your youngster about using judgment in these matters, especially since the laws are unclear, and the potential consequences could be life-changing.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Is it just "normal" teenage rebellion - or something else?!

"My seventeen year old daughter is so very angry. She is involved with drugs and has gotten in some legal trouble as well. She is verbally abusive to me and to my husband who is her stepfather. The problem is that other times she is a joy to be around. She is funny, and very bright and creative. I wonder if she may have a psychological problem or may be an opposition defiant child. Not sure what to think right now."

Click here for the answer...

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Teenagers and Social Networking Sites: What Parents Need to Know

If your teenagers are like most adolescents, they spend a lot of time locked in their rooms on the computer. What are they doing in there? Although you'd like to think they're busily finishing their homework or doing research for an assignment, they're most likely updating their Facebook page or instant messaging their friends. While these activities may sound innocent enough, it's important for parents to watch carefully to ensure that their adolescents are safe online.

Social networking websites are places adolescents go to share their lives with friends. The popularity of these sites has made it so most adolescents - and even most parents - now have a Facebook account. But before you feel too confident just because you know your teen has an account, consider whether you really know what your youngster is doing on these sites.

According to a poll of 1,013 adolescents by Common Sense Media, a nonprofit organization that tracks kid's media usage, parents consistently underestimate how much time their kids spend on social networking sites and how often they engage in risky behavior, such as posting explicit photos of themselves, bullying other adolescents or hacking into other people's accounts.

The poll also revealed the following findings:

• 23 percent of parents said their adolescents log onto social networking sites more than once a day, but 51 percent of teenagers said they log in more than once a day.

• 24 percent of adolescents said they signed on to someone else's account without permission, while only 4 percent of parents knew that their kids did so.

• 37 percent of adolescents admitted using social networks to make fun of other adolescents, but only 18 percent of parents thought their own kids engaged in cyber-bullying.

• 39 percent of adolescents had posted something online that they later regretted, and 28 percent shared personal information they normally would've kept private.

• Only 2 percent of parents think their teen has posted explicit photos of themselves online or engaged in sexting, but 13 percent of adolescents admitted they had engaged in these behaviors.

• While just 4 percent of parents think their kids check social networking sites more than 10 times a day, 22 percent of adolescents said they are online at least that often.

Although much of the information posted on social networking sites should be private, not all adolescents use the appropriate settings to protect their personal details from strangers, making these sites particularly attractive to online predators, scammers and identity thieves. Nothing posted on the Internet is ever truly private, and information posted today may be there forever.

Making the Internet Safe—

Your teen may be home, in your line of sight, and still be in danger. You may never know all of the details of what your teen is doing online, but you can take a number of steps to guard their safety:

1. Conduct Your Own Investigation— To be an effective parent, you have to know what risks your youngster is facing. Visit the websites your teen frequents, learn how they work and decide if they are a safe place for your teen. If your teen has a Facebook page, one of the conditions of use should be that your teen gives you the passwords. This way, you can check their personal profile and monitor the amount of personal information they post online (though there is always a risk that they have multiple accounts and pages). Also consider setting up your own page and ask your youngster to allow you to become a friend on their account.

2. Help Your Teen Keep Private Information Private— In an effort to rack up a massive number of friends on their account to prove their popularity, many adolescents accept friend requests from people they don't really know. Make sure your teen is selective in who they share their information with and realizes that not everyone is who they say they are.

3. Keep Passwords Private— Instruct your teen to keep their passwords private and never share first and last names, home addresses, social security numbers, class schedules, cell phone numbers, lists of friends or personal photographs on the Internet. If your teen is uncomfortable with anything that happens online, let them know they can come to you. Because information can stay on the Internet permanently, can be copied and changed, and can be difficult, if not impossible, to take back, adolescents should avoid using social networking sites to share their deepest secrets or confessions. College recruiters and employers routinely search the Internet before accepting an applicant, and any lapses in judgment can come back to haunt a teen years later.

4. Keep the Computer in a Central Location— Today's adolescents know more about technology than their parents, which makes it difficult for parents to monitor what adolescents are doing online. Putting the computer in a central place in the house (such as the kitchen or living room) will make your job a bit easier.

5. Set Rules with Your Teen— Have a frank conversation with your teen about your concerns. Together, decide what kind of information your youngster can make public, which websites are off limits and how much time your youngster can spend on the computer. Many parents limit their kid's Internet time to 30-60 minutes per day and require that homework be completed before any online time begins (including instant messaging). One of the most important rules is that your teen never meets someone in person that they met online. While you can enforce the rules in your own home, your teen may have Internet access at school and friends' houses, so be sure they understand the importance of using the Web responsibly even when you're not around.

6. Recognize the Risk— Knowing the dangers lurking on the Internet is the first step toward protecting your youngster. The following are just a few of the risks:

• Studies show that a large number of adolescents have been approached by strangers online, and identity thieves have been able to hack into user profiles to access private information and take out credit in other people's names.

• Adolescents are using the Internet to harass and bully their classmates, sometimes with devastating emotional and psychological consequences.

• A number of gambling websites, pornography sites and illegal online pharmacies that sell prescription drugs are accessible to adolescents who lie about their age.

Fortunately, most adolescents aren't interested in talking with strangers, especially creepy old men, and want to protect themselves from scams as much as you do. Those who are most vulnerable to the advances of strangers and other online dangers are adolescents who have lied about their age or are engaging in other risky behaviors like drug or alcohol use.

Even though there are risks involved, the Internet isn't your enemy, and there are many ways to responsibly enjoy the Web. With your careful oversight, your teen can explore the Internet with minimal risks and minimal worry on your part.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents