ONLINE PARENTING COACH

"My 16-year-old son’s grades were in rapid decline in the last school semester. Should I get more involved in his school activities this next semester? If so, what would be the best way to go about it?" Your teenage son needs you in his life more than he may admit – although he may want you present under different terms and conditions than he did previously. Some moms and dads misread the signals that their teenagers send and back off too soon. For example, for teenagers at age 13, about 75% of moms and dads report high or moderate involvement in school related activities, but when teenagers reach age 16, the rate of parent involvement has dropped to 55%. The rate continues to drop throughout high school. Research shows that teens do better in school when their moms and dads are involved in their lives, and that education works best when educators and both parents work closely with one another. Here are 15 crucial parenting tips for staying involved in a teenager’s s...

Will your son or daughter be starting middle school in the fall? If so, then be sure to read this: During the past 20 years, many changes have taken place in how young teens are taught. These changes continue as we learn more about how these kids develop and learn. Today, fewer and fewer young teens attend junior highs. Instead, a growing number attend middle schools. Most of these schools are for grades 6–8 (although some may have grades 5–8, 5–7 or even 7–8). As the middle school movement has accelerated, many high schools have moved from serving grades 10–12 to grades 9–12. As a mother or father, you may wonder, "Is one grade structure better than another for my youngster?” Most teachers believe (and research verifies) that the way a school organizes the grades is not as important as what goes on inside the school (i.e., what gets taught and how it gets taught). Additionally, the grade span of a school doesn't tell you much about the quality of the school and whe...

It's hard to understand the world of young teenagers without considering the huge impact on their lives of the mass media. It competes with families, friends, schools and communities in its ability to shape adolescents' interests, attitudes and values. The mass media infiltrates their lives. Most young teenagers watch TV and movies, surf the Internet, exchange e-mails, and listen to radio stations that target them with music and commercials and read articles and ads in adolescent magazines. However, look on the bright side. The new media technologies can be fun and exciting. Used wisely, they can also educate.  Good TV programs can inform, good music can comfort, and good movies can expand interests and unlock mysteries. Additionally, many forms of media are being used in classrooms today; computers and cell phones are all part of the landscape. Indeed, recent years have seen a commitment to connecting every classroom to the Internet and providing a reasonable number ...

Friendships can affect many areas of children’s lives (e.g., grades, how they spend their time, what clubs they join, how they behave in public places, etc.). Youngsters who have trouble forming friendships are more likely to: do poorly in school drop out get involved in delinquent behavior have poor self-esteem suffer from a range of psychological problems as grown-ups Kids of all ages need to feel that they “fit in.” As kids approach the teenage years, the need to be "one of the gang" is stronger than at any other age. Friendships become closer and more important and play a key part in allowing children and young teens to sort out who they are and where they're headed. They are likely to form small groups or cliques, each with a special identity (e.g., jocks, brains, preppies, geeks, etc.). Many moms and dads worry that their kids’ friends will become so influential in their lives that their own roles will diminish. They worry still more that their kids...

Young adolescents (13 – 15 years of age) often feel inadequate. They have new bodies and developing minds, and their relationships with peers and parents are in flux. They understand for the first time that they aren't good at everything. The changes in their lives may take place more rapidly than their ability to adjust to them. Poor self-esteem often peaks in the early teenage years, and then improves during middle and late adolescence. At any age, however, a lack of confidence can be a serious problem, for example: Young adolescents with poor self-esteem can be lonely, awkward with others, and sensitive to criticism and with what they see as their shortcomings. Young adolescents with low confidence are less likely to join in activities and form friendships. This isolates them further and slows their ability to develop a better self-image. When they do make friends, they are more vulnerable to negative peer pressure. Some younger teenagers who lack confidence hold bac...

As kids enter the teenage years, they often beg for more freedom. Moms and dads walk a tightrope between (a) wanting their kids to be confident and able to do things for themselves and (b) knowing that the world can be a scary place with threats to their kid’s health and safety. Some moms and dads allow too much of the wrong kind of freedom, or they offer freedom before the teen is ready to accept it. Other moms and dads cling too tightly, denying young adolescents both the responsibilities they require to develop maturity and the opportunities they need to make choices and accept their consequences. Research tells us that teenagers do best when they remain closely connected to their moms and dads, but at the same time, are allowed to have their own points of view – and even to disagree with their mother or father. Here are 10 crucial parenting tips to help you balance closeness and independence: 1. Teenagers look to their moms and dads first and foremost in shaping their ...

"My teenage daughter has stopped talking to us. She just shuts us out. What can I do to get her to open up?" Teenagers often aren't great communicators, particularly with their moms and dads and other grown-ups who love them. Adolescents often feel they can talk with anyone better than their mother or father. They tend to be private, and don't necessarily want to tell parents what they did at school today. Many psychologists have found, however, that when moms and dads know where their kids are and what they are doing (and when the teen knows the parent knows), teens are at a lower risk for a range of problems (e.g., drug, alcohol and tobacco use; sexual behavior and pregnancy; delinquency and violence, etc.). The key is to be inquisitive – but not interfering. Work to respect your youngster's privacy as you establish trust and closeness. It's easiest to communicate with an adolescent if you established this habit when your youngster was little. You don...