Showing posts sorted by relevance for query anger and depression. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query anger and depression. Sort by date Show all posts

Daughter is Angry with Mother Most of the Time

My 13 year old daughter is angry at me most of the time. It is hard to say anything to her without her snarkyness "don't talk to me" or "I know" ect. I never know if I should let it pass or jump on it. Then later she will ask rather nicely if she can go to a friends. Do I say "no" now because of the earlier rudeness that I endured BUT did not act on at the time? Week 2 is hard. So many issues and hard to pick where and what battles to tackle in the heap.

Also, her 16year old sister is so "good". This builds a lot of resentment with my 13year old. She wonders why all these rules only seem to apply to her. She always says we favor her sister. Her sister does what she is suppose to without problem. She is pleasant and works hard at school. I don't know what to say to my 13 year old about why only she had to have all these extra chores and rules.

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Teen anger takes many forms. It may be expressed as indignation and resentment, or rage and fury. It is the expression of teenage anger, the behavior that we see. Some teens may repress their anger and withdraw; others may be more defiant and destroy property.

They will continue their behavior, or it may escalate, until they decide to look within themselves to the roots of their anger. But teenage anger is a feeling, an emotion, not a behavior. And anger is usually caused by something going on in a teen's life.

Teen anger can be a frightening emotion for the teen and for the parents, but it is not inherently harmful. Its negative expressions can include physical and verbal violence, prejudice, malicious gossip, antisocial behavior, sarcasm, addictions, withdrawal, and psychosomatic disorders. These negative expressions of teenage anger can devastate lives, destroying relationships, harming others, disrupting work, clouding effective thinking, affecting physical health, and ruining futures.

But, there is a positive aspect to such expression, as it can show others that a problem exists. Teenage anger is usually a secondary emotion brought on by fear. It can motivate us to resolve those things that are not working in our lives and help us face our issues and deal with the underlying reasons for the anger, specifically things such as:

• Abuse
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Grief
• Alcohol or substance abuse
• Trauma

Teens face a lot of emotional issues during this period of development. They're faced with questions of identity, separation, relationships, and purpose. The relationship between teens and their parents is also changing as teens become more and more independent. Parents often have a difficult time dealing with their teen's new-found independence. And it can bring up issues of the parents' own anger.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

This can bring about frustration and confusion that can lead to anger and a pattern of reactive behavior for both parents and teens. That is, teens are simply negatively reacting to their parent's behaviors, and parents react back in an equally negative manner.

This sets up a self-reinforcing pattern of interaction. Unless we work to change our own behavior, we cannot help another change theirs. We need to respond rather than react to each other and to situations. The intention is not to deny the anger, but to control that emotion and find a way to express it in a productive or at least, a less harmful, manner.

Teens dealing with anger can ask these questions of themselves to help bring about greater self-awareness:
  • Where does this anger come from?
  • What situations bring out this feeling of anger?
  • Do my thoughts begin with absolutes such as "must," "should," "never?”
  • Are my expectations unreasonable?
  • What unresolved conflict am I facing?
  • Am I reacting to hurt, loss, or fear?
  • Am I aware of anger's physical signals (e.g., clenching fists, shortness of breath, sweating)?
  • How do I choose to express my anger?
  • To whom or what is my anger directed?
  • Am I using anger as a way to isolate myself, or as a way to intimidate others?
  • Am I communicating effectively?
  • Am I focusing on what has been done to me rather than what I can do?
  • How am I accountable for what I'm feeling?
  • How am I accountable for how my anger shows up?
  • Do my emotions control me, or do I control my emotions?

So what can teens and parents do? Listen to your teen and focus on feelings. Try to understand the situation from his or her perspective. Blaming and accusing only builds up more walls and ends all communication. Tell them how you feel, stick to facts, and deal with the present moment.

Show that you care and show your love. Work towards a solution where everyone gets something, and therefore feels okay about the resolution. Remember that anger is the feeling and behavior is the choice.

RE: "Do I say 'no' now because of the earlier rudeness that I endured BUT did not act on at the time?"  Only if you've told her ahead of time that backtalk and rude comments result in withheld privileges.

RE: "This builds a lot of resentment with my 13year old."  Click here for information on sibling rivalry

Mark Hutten, M.A.


 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

What Parents Need to Know About Oppositional Defiant Disorder in Their Child

It's not unusual for kids -- especially those in their "terrible twos" and early teens -- to defy authority every now and then. They may express their defiance by arguing, disobeying, or talking back to their moms and dads, teachers, or other adults. When this behavior lasts longer than six months and is excessive compared to what is usual for the youngster's age, it may mean that the child has a type of behavior disorder called Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).

ODD is a condition in which a youngster displays an ongoing pattern of uncooperative, defiant, hostile, and annoying behavior toward people in authority. The child's behavior often disrupts the child's normal daily activities, including activities within the family and at school.

Many kids and adolescents with ODD also have other behavioral problems, such as attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, learning disabilities, mood disorders (such as depression), and anxiety disorders. Some kids with ODD go on to develop a more serious behavior disorder called conduct disorder.

Symptoms of Oppositional Defiant Disorder—

Symptoms of ODD may include:
  • Actively refusing to comply with requests and rules
  • Being spiteful and seeking revenge
  • Blaming others for your mistakes
  • Deliberately trying to annoy or upset others, or being easily annoyed by others
  • Excessively arguing with adults
  • Having frequent outbursts of anger and resentment
  • Saying mean and hateful things when upset
  • Swearing or using obscene language
  • Throwing repeated temper tantrums

In addition, many kids with ODD are moody, easily frustrated, and have a low self-esteem. They also may abuse drugs and alcohol.
 

Causes of Oppositional Defiant Disorder—

The exact cause of ODD is not known, but it is believed that a combination of biological, genetic, and environmental factors may contribute to the condition.

Genetics: Many kids and adolescents with ODD have close family members with mental illnesses, including mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and personality disorders. This suggests that a vulnerability to develop ODD may be inherited.

Environmental: Factors such as a dysfunctional family life, a family history of mental illnesses and/or substance abuse, and inconsistent discipline by moms and dads may contribute to the development of behavior disorders.

Biological: Some studies suggest that defects in or injuries to certain areas of the brain can lead to serious behavioral problems in kids. In addition, ODD has been linked to abnormal amounts of special chemicals in the brain called neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters help nerve cells in the brain communicate with each other. If these chemicals are out of balance or not working properly, messages may not make it through the brain correctly, leading to symptoms of ODD, and other mental illnesses. Further, many kids and adolescents with ODD also have other mental illnesses, such as ADHD, learning disorders, depression, or an anxiety disorder, which may contribute to their behavior problems.

How Common Is Oppositional Defiant Disorder?

Estimates suggest that 2%-16% of kids and adolescents have ODD. In younger kids, ODD is more common in boys. In older kids, it occurs about equally in boys and in girls. It typically begins by age 8.

How Oppositional Defiant Disorder is Diagnosed—

Mental illnesses in young people are diagnosed based on signs and symptoms that suggest a particular illness like ODD. If symptoms are present, the doctor will begin an evaluation by performing a complete medical history and physical exam. Although there are no lab tests to specifically diagnose ODD, the doctor may use various tests -- such as X-rays and blood tests -- to rule out physical illness or medication side effects as the cause of the symptoms. The doctor also will look for signs of other conditions that often occur along with ODD, such as ADHD and depression.

If the doctor cannot find a physical cause for the symptoms, he or she may refer the youngster to a child and adolescent psychiatrist or psychologist, mental health professionals who are specially trained to diagnose and treat mental illnesses in kids and adolescents. Psychiatrists and psychologists use specially designed interview and assessment tools to evaluate a youngster for a mental illness. The doctor bases his or her diagnosis on reports of the child's symptoms and his or her observation of the child's attitude and behavior. The doctor often must rely on reports from the child's moms and dads, teachers, and other adults because kids often have trouble explaining their problems or understanding their symptoms.
 

How Oppositional Defiant Disorder is Treated—

Treatment for ODD is determined based on many factors, including the youngster's age, the severity of symptoms, and the child's ability to participate in and tolerate specific therapies. Treatment usually consists of a combination of the following:
  • Medication: While there is no medication formally approved to treat ODD, various drugs may be used to treat some of its distressing symptoms, as well as any other mental illnesses that may be present, such as ADHD or depression.
  • Psychotherapy: Psychotherapy (a type of counseling) is aimed at helping the youngster develop more effective ways to express and control anger. A type of therapy called cognitive-behavioral therapy aims to reshape the child's thinking (cognition) to improve behavior. Family therapy may be used to help improve family interactions and communication among family members. A specialized therapy technique called parent management training (PMT) teaches moms and dads ways to positively alter their youngster's behavior.

Outlook for Kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder—

If your youngster is showing signs of ODD, it is very important that you seek care from a qualified doctor immediately. Without treatment, kids with ODD may experience rejection by classmates and other peers because of their poor social skills and aggressive and annoying behavior. In addition, a youngster with ODD has a greater chance of developing a more serious behavioral disorder called conduct disorder. Treatment is usually very effective when started early.

Prevention—

Although it may not be possible to prevent ODD, recognizing and acting on symptoms when they first appear can minimize distress to the youngster and family, and prevent many of the problems associated with the illness. Family members also can learn steps to take if signs of relapse (return of symptoms) appear. In addition, providing a nurturing, supportive, and consistent home environment with a balance of love and discipline may help reduce symptoms and prevent episodes of defiant behavior.

==> My Out-of-Control Child: Parenting Children With Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Father Lets Son Get Away With Bad Behavior

Question:

I have a 14 year old son, and we always seem to be angry with each other. I try to be patient, but whatever I do seems to annoy him and vice versa. My husband takes a different approach than me, and this also causes conflict between us as he lets our son get away with bad behaviour by ignoring it. If our son is rude to me, he doesn't say anything, he just says that I should deal with it. What can I do?


Answer:

I believe you have mentioned 3 issues here:

1. anger control problems (between parent and child & between wife and husband)
2. father uses an indulgent parenting style
3. husband and wife are not united and bonded on some issues

Let’s look at each one in turn...

Re: anger control –

Power struggles can create frustration, anger and resentment on the part of the parent and the out-of-control kid. Resentment can cause a further breakdown of communication until it seems as if all you do is argue with your out-of-control kid.

In order to end such arguments, it must be the parent that begins to take charge in a positive way. However, the most effective step, to simply stop arguing, can also be the most difficult. It sounds quite simple, just stop arguing, but in reality, it takes discipline and effort to change the pattern of behavior. By refusing to participate in the argument, the power of the out-of-control kid disappears. The out-of-control kid only continues to have power over you if you allow them to.

To stop the power struggle, prepare yourself ahead of time. Sit down, after your out-of-control kid is in bed for the night and it is quiet, and make a list of the times that you most often argue. Is it getting ready for school, doing homework, completing chores, getting ready for bed, etc? For each situation, determine a few choices that you can give your kid.

When preparing the choices, make sure to list only those that you are willing to carry out. If you are not willing to pick up your out-of-control kids and bring them to school in their pajamas, don’t threaten to or they will know that they still have control of the situation. Once you have decided on the choices you will give your out-of-control kid, stick to them and practice your self-control to not yell. Walk away, leave the room, and wait outside if you have to. But an argument can only happen if there is more than one person. With just one person, it is simply a temper tantrum.

Re: indulgent parenting style –

Parenting style has two elements: sensitivity and strictness. Sensitivity refers to the extent to which parents provide warmth and supportiveness. Strictness refers to the extent to which parents provide supervision and discipline.

Categorizing parents according to whether they are high or low on strictness and sensitivity creates four parenting styles:

· Indulgent
· Authoritarian
· Uninvolved
· Assertive

Indulgent parents are more sensitive than they are strict. Children of these parents tend to have high self-esteem, but low motivation (e.g., perform poorly at school, do few if any chores). Also, they are more likely to have behavioral problems at home and school.

Authoritarian parents are very strict, but not very sensitive. Children of these parents tend to have high motivation (e.g., do well in school, do chores at home), but have very low self-esteem. They also have poorer social skills and higher levels of depression.

Uninvolved parents are low in both sensitivity and strictness. Children of these parents tend to have both low motivation and low self-esteem.

Assertive parents are both strict and sensitive. Children of these parents tend to have both high motivation and high self-esteem.

Thus, it might be in your husband’s best interest to adopt a more assertive parenting style -- for his son’s benefit!!

Re: not being united and bonded –

When mom and dad are not on the same page with their parenting strategies, several negative outcomes result:

1. One parent is forced into playing the role of the “bad guy” (this is probably you mom).

2. The child is always able to play one parent against the other (e.g., if he gets a “no” from the more assertive parent, he will go to the indulgent parent to get a “yes”).

3. The child is always able to convince the indulgent parent that the more assertive parent is “mistreating” him.

4. Due to the above outcomes, resentment builds in the more assertive parent, thus creating tension between husband and wife.

Thus, it will be important for you and your husband to sit down together and come up with a united plan. A weaker plan supported by both parents is much better than a stronger plan supported by only one. When husband and wife do not develop a united front, it is often the kiss of failure (i.e., the child continues to suffer emotional and behavioral problems).

Understanding Your Defiant Teen’s Resentment and Aggression

Teenage anger takes many forms. It may be expressed as indignation and resentment, or rage and fury. It is the expression of teen anger -- the behavior -- that we as parents see. Some teenagers may repress their anger and withdraw while others may be more defiant and destroy property. In this post, we will look at what happens when “normal” teenage anger turns into resentment and aggression.

Why such resentment and aggression in my child?

1. It’s important to make a distinction between resentment and aggression. When you’re resentful, you feel as if you’ve been wronged; you want to get back at someone. Aggression is about striking back, but resentment is more a sense of defensiveness and waiting for an attack. In other words, resentment is the attitude, and aggression is the action. So the attitude is, “I hate that you try to control me.” Aggression is the behavior you get.

2. Moms and dads may feel some “hatred” coming from their defiant teen, and they often overreact to that by doing something that makes them feel powerful (e.g., yelling, screaming, threatening, etc.). But these responses don’t solve the problem or motivate your youngster to take responsibility for her own aggression.

3. Once your teen is in an agitated state, she’s thinking that you’re the enemy, that you don’t understand, and she’s blaming you and other authority figures. She sees herself as a “victim.”

4. Part of the function of aggression is to build a wall. It’s like a brick mason: aggression is meant to stop you from getting too close.

5. Another reason for a resentful attitude is that parents are comparing their teenager to other teens – or to themselves when they were teenagers. This often happens when the teenager has gotten in trouble or has started to get bad grades. Moms and dads need to remove statements such as “you should be more like…” -or- “when I was a teen…” -or- “you used to be so…” out of their conversations with their teenager. This allows the teen to start at the present and improve from there rather than constantly “living down” the past.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

6. Some teens want to appear “out of control” whether they are or not. So remember, aggressive teens get more control by looking like they’re losing control. And that’s the agenda – to gain control.

7. Defiant teens are very ambivalent about their moms and dads during their teen years. They love you when you’re nice to them, but they hate you when you tell them what to do. This is because they still “need” you – but at the same time – they wish they didn’t.

8. Teens that are chronically “pissed-off” are like this because they have developed a way of thinking that makes them the “injured party” all the time. These “thinking errors” tell them that things are never fair, that their moms and dads are unreasonable, and that their educators are “retarded.” They think that nobody understands them but their peers. After teens have used these “distortions in thinking” for awhile, they get into even more trouble and develop an increasing sense of hyper-vigilance.

9. Another reason for unreasonable resentment on your teen’s part is depression. Resentment is one of the symptoms of depression and can be a warning sign that something else is happening in your adolescent’s life outside the normal realm of teenage defiance. Questions to ask are:
  • Are they acting confused?
  • Are they eating more or less than usual?
  • Are they feeling guilty about something?
  • Are they having difficulty concentrating?
  • Are they more angry or irritable?
  • Are they seeing or hearing things that others don’t?
  • Are they sleeping more or less than they have in the past?
  • Do they have a lack of patience with others or with themselves?
  • Do they seem to have lost their energy?
  • Have they been crying a lot?
  • Has there been a significant weight gain or loss?
  • Have they lost interest in their usual activities?
  • Is their self-esteem lower?
  • Is there an increased interest in sexual desires to the point where they are “acting it out”?

Teenagers often respond to stressors of new situations by getting depressed (e.g., attending a new school, breakup of friendships, divorce or other parental problems, recent move to a new neighborhood or city). Look back a few months and note the changes in your son’s/daughter’s life.

10. Here’s a big one: Low Self-Esteem. Resentful, aggressive teens have a very small sense of self-worth.

What resentful teens often say:
  • "When my parents make me feel bad, it reminds me of all the other times that people make me feel bad. I already don’t like myself, and criticism just makes it worse."
  • "I get resentful at my parents because they argue with each other. I don’t respect them."
  • "I get resentful because I love my parents and they act like they hate each other. How am I supposed to respect them when they act like that?"
  • "I get resentful when I have a lot of things on my mind that I can’t do anything about and then my parents ask me to do something when I’m already tired and over loaded."
  • "I get resentful when my parents are unfair and there’s no point in talking to them."
  • "I get resentful when my parents ask me how my day went. I’m trying to forget it and they make me remember it. I wouldn’t care if they didn’t make everything worse."
  • "I get resentful when my parents make me feel guilty for something that already happened. I get tired."
  • "I get resentful when there are other priorities, no time for me and I feel like I don’t matter."
  • "I treat my parents the same way they treat me."
  • "I’d rather be resentful at my parents than feel afraid or feel hurt. I’d probably hurt myself if I wasn’t resentful at them. That’s no excuse but that’s how I feel."
  • "My parents are stupid. They don’t understand. They just say they do, but they don’t. I can’t stand to be around them."

So what can parents do to reduce resentment and aggression in their teenagers?

1. Do not allow rude and disrespectful behavior. If you "over-react" (rather than respond) to their putdowns and backtalk, you're allowing it! Learn to walk away and say something like: "If you continue to talk to me that way, the consequence will be __________” (insert serious consequence). Is he/she continues to “trash you” over the course of the next few minutes (less than 5), then follow through with the consequence.

2. Do not let yourself be swayed by the "but everyone else is doing it" line. You know what is best for your teenager and the hostility they feel towards you for putting your foot down will soon pass – and they even thank you later.

3. Don’t try to talk your youngster out of her resentment, and don’t try to reason with her. Reasoning just gives your youngster a feeling of false power (i.e., more of a sense that she’s in control and you’re not).

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

4. If there are clothes or electronic items they want that exceed your budget, make them pay a portion of the cost. They will appreciate what they have much more and will less likely grow up with a sense of entitlement.

5. If you tend to do things for your defiant teen in order to get her to love you, she might love you – she might not! But if you do things and carry yourself in such a way that she respects you, then she will “want” to love you. Teens tend to “want” to love the parents they respect.

6. Make sure you set clear and consistent boundaries. Teens do well when the guidelines are clear. Even if they argue with your rules, stick to them anyway. Part of the role of adolescence is to oppose their moms and dads.

7. Make yourself emotionally and physically available despite your teenager wanting distance from you. They're on the fence. Part of them is leaving the nest and the other part of them needs the safety and security of home.

8. Remember, you’re not looking for friendship, love and affection. Rather, you’re looking to gain their respect.

9. Respect their personal space. It is not your right as a mother or father to randomly snoop through your teenager's room. They do not become more trustworthy by hearing, “I don't trust you anymore.” If you have no reason to snoop – don't do it.

10. Show an interest in the things that interest them. Grab any chance you get, just to chat (e.g., in the car when you're chauffeuring them places). They still need to know their life is important to us.

11. The more you ask, “Why the attitude?” …the more your youngster will simply state (or scream) her case. Thus, never question “the attitude.”

12. Get professional help if things do not improve!

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Understanding Your Teenager’s Mood Swings

Adolescence is a time of storm and stress. Cultural, spiritual, and familial factors play a role in whether or not an adolescent will experiences mood swings. A teenager’s mood may suddenly shift from elation and euphoria to extreme sadness or frustration – and then on to another emotion. In some cases, mood changes are reactions to the teen’s environment or circumstances (although the intensity of the mood might seem out of proportion with the significance of the event). In other cases, mood swings may occur for no apparent reason. Most researchers agree that it is a combination of emotional and biological factors that affect an adolescent’s mood.

Adolescents have not yet developed the skills to deal with the pressures, frustrations, and worries of life. As their lives become more complicated and adult-like, they don’t have the built-in coping strategies that grown-ups have developed. Thus, they are prone to react very emotionally to certain circumstances. Also, adolescents are typically very preoccupied with identity formations and becoming separate from their moms and dads. While the world seems to be changing constantly around them, they feel as though they can’t handle the pressure, and this will inevitably lead to a slightly off-balance emotional state. This is one reason behind adolescent mood swings.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Researchers have discovered that the brain continues to grow and develop through the teenage years much more than originally thought. Because the brain reaches 90% of its full size by the age of 6, it has historically been believed that it had also reached almost full development. Now it is believed that the brain changes much more during the teenage years than previously believed. One of the last areas to go through this change process is the prefrontal cortex, which is the area of the brain responsible for planning, judgment, and self-control. This means that while adolescents have very strong feelings and passions, they don’t have the mechanisms in place to control these feelings. This is yet another reason for adolescent mood swings.

Adolescence is a time when the body starts producing sex hormones and goes through a major growth spurt. The physical changes that adolescents experience cause them to feel strange, confused or uncomfortable, and this often erodes their sense of security. Because of the effect that this has on their psychological state, they may strike out or experience conflicting moods.

Mood swings can leave adolescents feeling like they’re out of control. If the mood swings are severely abnormal or prolonged, the adolescent should see a professional about other possible issues. Normal adolescent mood swings can make the young person feel unbalanced, though, and are not to be taken lightly.

A teenager’s mood swings may accompany other psychological or cognitive symptoms including: 
  • Withdrawal or depression
  • Confusion or forgetfulness
  • Reckless or inappropriate behaviors
  • Poor judgment
  • Mood depression or elevation
  • Hallucinations or delusions
  • Anxiety, irritability or agitation
  • Alcohol consumption
  • Drug use
  • Difficulty with memory, thinking, talking, comprehension, writing or reading
  • Racing thoughts and rapid speech
  • Difficulty with concentration or attention
  • Changes in mood, personality or behavior
  • Boredom

Mood swings may also accompany symptoms related to other body systems including: 
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Nausea with or without vomiting
  • Missed menstrual cycles
  • Seizures and tremors
  • Appetite and weight changes
  • Incontinence, weakness, or sensory changes
  • Fatigue
  • Shortness of breath
  • Cough that gets more severe over time

Parents should try to get answers to the following questions related to their teen’s mood swings: 
  • Is your teen using any illicit drugs?
  • Does he drink any alcohol?
  • Does she have any other psychiatric or medical problems?
  • Do he have any other symptoms (e.g., anxiety, depression)?
  • Does anything make her better or worse?
  • What medications is he taking?
  • What behavior does she exhibit when she has mood swings (anger, lethargy)?
  • When did you first notice your teen’s mood swings?

 ==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Here are some tips for dealing with teenage mood swings:

1. Behavioral therapy helps to weaken the connections between troublesome circumstances and habitual reactions to them. Reactions common to mood swings (e.g., fear, anxiety, depression, anger, etc.) can be controlled. Behavioral therapy teaches your adolescent how to calm the mind and body so he can feel better, think more clearly, and make better decisions.

2. Cognitive therapy teaches your adolescent how certain thinking patterns are causing unwanted symptoms (e.g., having a distorted picture of what's going on in her life that makes her feel anxious, depressed or angry for no apparent reason – and provokes her into negative actions). Resolving the cognitive aspect of mood swings can mean improved social interaction, more confidence, and a more positive outlook on life.

3. Communicating with your physician is an important part in the diagnosis and treatment of mood swings. By talking to your physician openly, you allow him to provide your teenager with the best mood swings treatment program possible.

4. Exercise releases endorphin into the blood stream, and these chemicals can help to regulate mood and ease frustration.

5. Literary therapy incorporates articles, books, and other research materials into the process of healing. By gathering information about mood swings, your teen can acquire in-depth knowledge about his problems. This knowledge can provide the essential tools for controlling and resolving his issues. There is a lot of information available from a wide range of perspectives. Many books can be checked out from a local library, and most internet information is presented free of charge.

6. Painting, drawing, writing, or building something can help an adolescent to express his emotions in a healthy way.

7. Regular sleep helps keep the mind in top shape.

8. Stepping back and trying to look at the situation from another angle, counting to ten, or just sitting with the uncomfortable feelings for a moment will help the adolescent to realize that it’s not as bad as it seems.

9. Talk therapy involves the idea of healing through communication. Talking to friends, parents, or a therapist can help your adolescent to find support for dealing with mood swings. Communication comes naturally to people, and the simple act of discussing life’s problems can be extremely helpful in the healing process.

10. Talking to a friend who is dealing with the same issues will make your teen feel less abnormal and help her realize that she is not crazy.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

11. The mood may pass as quickly as it struck, so wait before acting out on extreme emotions.

12. There are many non-prescription alternatives on the market today. Some of these alternatives contain supplemental vitamins and minerals, while others contain herbal alternatives that have been used to naturally treat mood swings. Clinical evidence for Kava Kava, Valerian, and St. Johns Wort suggests that these herbal supplements can provide significant benefit in helping to relieve negative mood and other symptoms related to anxiety and depression.

13. Avoid negative sighs when your adolescent is having a hard conversation with you. Don't roll your eyes, look in a different direction or shake your head no.

14. Don't demand that your teen wear a certain outfit.

15. Don't treat your teen like a little kid.

16. If your teen tells you to stop doing something (e.g., singing, whistling, humming, dancing), stop!

17. Learn about what your teen does at school and who he hangs out with (but don't ask questions about who's dating who).

18. Let your adolescent finish her sentences without interruptions. Most adolescents, whether they are moody or not, hate when their mom or dad interrupts because it makes them feel as if you weren't listening to what they had to say.

19. Listen with your heart, be all ears.

20. Never act like your teen’s friend, as in, if you are with her and her friends, don't try to include yourself in her conversations. This won't only bother her, but it will bother her friends.


 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Disruptive Behavior Disorders


Disruptive Behavior Disorder is an expression used to describe a set of externalizing negativistic behaviors that co-occur during childhood and which are referred to collectively in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: Fourth Edition (DSM-IV) as: "Attention-Deficit and Disruptive Behavior Disorders".


There are three subgroups of externalizing behaviors:

• Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
• Conduct Disorder (CD)
• Oppositional Defiant disorder (ODD)

Treatment for Oppositional Defiant disorder and CD at the clinic is based on the premise that these behaviors are the result of a combination of a metabolic dysfunction and environmental factors. We approach treatment in a similar way to our treatment of kids and teens with ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER. There is however an added emphasis on Counseling and Behavior Modification techniques. Please read our treatment model for ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder—

Oppositional Defiant Disorder consists of a pattern of negativistic, hostile, and defiant behavior lasting at least 6 months, during which four (or more) of the following behaviors are present:

• Is often angry and resentful
• Is often spiteful or vindictive
• Is often touchy or easily annoyed by others
• Often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
• Often argues with adults
• Often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
• Often deliberately annoys people
• Often loses temper

Each of the above is only considered diagnostic if the behavior occurs more frequently than is typically observed in kids of comparable age and developmental level and if the behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning.

Oppositional Defiant disorder is not diagnosed if the behaviors occur exclusively during the course of a Psychotic or Mood Disorder or if CD is diagnosed.

Conduct Disorder (CD)—

CD is very common among kids and teens in our society. This disorder not only affects the individual, but his or her family and surrounding environment. CD appears in various forms, and a combination of factors appears to contribute to its development and maintenance. A variety of interventions have been put forward to reduce the prevalence and incidence of CD. The optimum method appears to be an integrated approach that considers both the youngster and the family, within a variety of contexts throughout the developmental stages of the youngster and family's life.

The DSM-IV categorizes CD behaviors into four main groupings:

1. aggressive conduct that causes or threatens physical harm to other people or animals
2. non- aggressive conduct that causes property loss or damage
3. deceitfulness or theft
4. serious violations of rules

CD consists of a repetitive and persistent pattern of behaviors in which the basic rights of others or major age-appropriate norms or rules of society are violated. Typically there would have been three or more of the following behaviors in the past 12 months, with at least one in the past 6 months:

Aggression to people and animals:
• has been physically cruel to animals
• has been physically cruel to people
• has forced someone into sexual activity
• has stolen while confronting a victim (e.g., mugging, purse snatching, extortion, armed robbery)
• has used a weapon that can cause serious physical harm to others (e.g., a bat, brick, broken bottle, knife, gun)
• Often bullies, threatens, or intimidates others
• Often initiates physical fights

Destruction of property:
• has deliberately destroyed others' property (other than by fire setting)
• has deliberately engaged in fire setting with the intention of causing serious damage

Deceitfulness or theft:
• has broken into someone else's house, building, or car
• has stolen items of nontrivial value without confronting a victim (e.g., shoplifting, but without breaking and entering; forgery)
• Often lies to obtain goods or favors or to avoid obligations (i.e., "cons" others)

Serious violations of rules:
• has run away from home overnight at least twice while living in parental or parental surrogate home (or once without returning for a lengthy period)
• is often truant from school, beginning before age 13 years
• Often stays out at night despite parental prohibitions, beginning before age 13 years

Subtypes of Conduct Disorder (CD)—

There are two subtypes of CD outlined in DSM-IV, and their diagnosis differs primarily according to the nature of the presenting problems and the course of their development.

The first, childhood-onset type is defined by the onset of one criterion characteristic of CD before age 10. Kids with childhood-onset CD are usually male, and frequently display physical aggression; they usually have disturbed peer relationships, and may have had oppositional defiant disorder during early childhood. These kids usually meet the full criteria for CD before puberty, they are more likely to have persistent CD, and are more likely to develop adult antisocial personality disorder than those with the teen-onset type (American Psychiatric Association, 1994).

The second, the teen-onset type, is defined by the absence of CD prior to age 10. Compared to individuals with the childhood-onset type, they are less likely to display aggressive behaviors. These individuals tend to have more normal peer relationships, and are less likely to have persistent CDs or to develop adult antisocial personality disorder. The ratio of males to females is also lower than for the childhood-onset type (American Psychiatric Association, 1994).

Severity of symptoms—

CD is classified as "mild" if there are few, if any, conduct problems in excess of those required for diagnosis and if these cause only minor harm to others (e.g., lying, truancy and breaking parental rules). A classification of "moderate" is applied when the number of conduct problems and effect on others are intermediate between "mild" and "severe". The "severe" classification is justified when many conduct problems exist which are in excess of those required for diagnosis, or the conduct problems cause considerable harm to others or property (e.g., rape, assault, mugging, breaking and entering) (American Psychiatric Association, 1994).

Co-morbidities and associated disorders—

Kids with CD are part of a population within which there are higher incidences of a number of disorders than in a normal population. The literature abounds with studies indicating the co morbid relationships between Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, CD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Learning Difficulties, Mood Disorders, Depressive symptoms, Anxiety Disorders, Communication Disorders, and Tourettes Disorder. (American Psychiatric Association, 1994; Biederman, Newcorn, & Sprich, 1991). A high level of co-morbidity (almost 95%) was found among 236 ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER kids (aged 6-16 yrs) with CD, OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER and other related categories (Bird, Gould, & Staghezza Jaramillo, 1994). In an 8 year follow-up study, Barklay and colleagues (1990) found that 80% of the kids with ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER were still hyperactive as teens and that 60% of them had developed Oppositional Defiant or CD.

Prevalence of Conduct Disorder (CD)—

According to research cited in Phelps & McClintock (1994), 6% of kids in the United States may have CD. The incidence of the disorder is thought to vary demographically, with some areas being worse than others. For example, in a New York sample, 12% had moderate level CD and 4% had severe CD. Since prevalence estimates are based primarily upon referral rates, and since many kids and teens are never referred for mental health services, the actual incidences may well be higher (Phelps & McClintock, 1994).

Course of Conduct Disorder (CD)—

The onset of CD may occur as early as age 5 or 6, but more usually occurs in late childhood or early adolescence; onset after the age of 16 years is rare (American Psychiatric Association, 1994). The results of research into childhood aggression have indicated that externalizing problems are relatively stable over time. Richman and colleagues for example, found that 67% of kids who displayed externalizing problems at age 3 were still aggressive at age 8 (Richman, Stevenson, & Graham, 1982). Other studies have found stability rates of 50-70%. However, these stability rates may be higher due to the belief that the problems are episodic, situational, and likely to change in character (Loeber, 1991).

Age of onset of OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER seems to be associated with the development of severe problems later in life, including aggressiveness and antisocial behavior. However, not all CD kids have a poor prognosis. Studies suggest that less than 50% of the most severe cases become antisocial as adults. Nevertheless, the fact that this disorder continues into adulthood for many people conveys that it is a serious and life-long dysfunction (Webster-Stratton & Dahl, 1995).

While not all OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANT DISORDER kids develop CD, and not all CD kids become antisocial adults there are certain risk factors that have been shown to contribute to the continuation of the disorder. The risk factors identified include; an early age of onset (preschool years), the spread of antisocial behaviors across settings, the frequency and intensity of antisocial behaviors, the forms that the antisocial behaviors take, having covert behaviors at an early age and also particular parent and family characteristics. However, these risk factors do not fully explain the complex interaction of variables involved in understanding the continuation of CD in any one individual.

Causes of Conduct Disorder (CD)—

There is evidence from research into causes of CDs that indicates that several biological and environmental factors may contribute to the development of the disorder.

Neurological Dysregulation:

The high co-morbidity rate of CD with ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER, Tourettes syndrome and other disorders known to be due to neurological dysregulation suggests that CD may be a co-manifestation of the same underlying dysregulation. Although there are no studies to our knowledge, which have directly investigated the neurological basis for CD, there is ample clinical evidence indicating that when treating ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER with Neurotherapy, and Nutrient supplementation, CD abates. It appears that Neurotherapy may address the underlying dysregulation and facilitate clinical treatment using cognitive and behavioral interventions. More research is needed in this area to determine whether Neurotherapy is directly responsible for this abatement or whether the resultant improvement in attention and reduction in hyperactivity promotes better self image which in turn improves behavior.

Child Biological Factors:

Considerable research has been carried out into the role of child temperament, the tendency to respond in predictable ways to events, as a predictor of conduct problems. Aspects of the personality such as activity levels displayed by a youngster, emotional responsiveness, quality of mood and social adaptability are part of his or her temperament. Longitudinal studies have found that although there is a relationship between early patterns of temperament, and adjustment during adulthood, the longer the time span the weaker this relationship becomes.

A more important determinant of whether or not temperamental qualities persist has been shown to be the manner in which moms and dads respond to their kids. "Difficult" infants have been shown to be especially likely to display behavior problems later in life if their parents are impatient, inconsistent, and demanding. On the other hand "difficult" infants, whose parents give them time to adjust to new experiences, learn to master new situations effectively. In a favorable family context a "difficult" infant is not at risk of displaying disruptive behavior disorder at 4 years old.

Cognitions may also influence the development of CD. Kids with CD have been found to misinterpret or distort social cues during interactions with peers. For example, a neutral situation may be construed as having hostile intent. Further, kids who are aggressive have been shown to seek fewer cues or facts when interpreting the intent of others. Kids with CD experience deficits in social problem solving skills. As a result they generate fewer alternate solutions to social problems, seek less information, see problems as having a hostile basis, and anticipate fewer consequences than kids who do not have a CD (Webster-Stratton & Dahl, 1995).

School-Related Factors:

A bidirectional relationship exists between academic performance and CD. Frequently kids with CD exhibit low intellectual functioning and low academic achievement from the outset of their school years. In particular, reading disabilities have been associated with this disorder, with one study finding that kids with CD were at a reading level 28 months behind normal peers (Rutter, Tizard, Yule, Graham, & Whitmore, 1976).

In addition, delinquency rates and academic performance have been shown to be related to characteristics of the school setting itself. Such factors as physical attributes of the school, teacher availability, teacher use of praise, the amount of emphasis placed on individual responsibility, emphasis on academic work, and the student teacher ratio have been implicated (Webster-Stratton & Dahl, 1995).

Parent Psychological Factors:

It is known that a youngster's risk of developing CD is increased in the event of parent psychopathology. Maternal depression, paternal alcoholism and/or criminal and antisocial behavior in either parent have been specifically linked to the disorder.

There are two views as to why maternal depression has this effect. The first considers that moms who are depressed misperceive their youngster's behavior as maladjusted or inappropriate. The second considers the influence depression can have on the way a parent reacts toward misbehavior. Depressed moms have been shown to direct a higher number of commands and criticisms towards their kids, who in turn respond with increased noncompliance and deviant child behavior. Webster-Stratton and Dahl suggested that depressed and irritable moms indirectly cause behavior problems in their kids through inconsistent limit setting, emotional unavailability, and reinforcement of inappropriate behaviors through negative attention (Webster-Stratton & Dahl, 1995).

Familial Contributions--

Divorce, Marital Distress, and Violence:

The inter-parental conflicts surrounding divorce have been associated with the development of CD. However, it has been noted that although some single parents and their kids become chronically depressed and report increased stress levels after separation, others do relatively well. Forgatch suggested that for some single parents, the events surrounding separation and divorce set off a period of increased depression and irritability which leads to loss of support and friendship, setting in place the risk of more irritability, ineffective discipline, and poor problem solving outcomes. The ineffective problem solving can result in more depression, while the increase in irritable behavior may simultaneously lead the youngster to become antisocial.

More detailed studies into the effects of parental separation and divorce on child behavior have revealed that the intensity of conflict and discord between the parents, rather than divorce itself, is the significant factor. Kids of divorced moms and dads whose homes are free from conflict have been found to be less likely to have problems than kids whose moms and dads remained together but engaged in a great deal of conflict, or those who continued to have conflict after divorce. Webster noted that half of all those kids referred to their clinic with conduct problems were from families with a history of marital spouse abuse and violence.

In addition to the effect of marital conflict on the youngster, conflict can also influence parenting behaviors. Marital conflict has been associated with inconsistent parenting, higher levels of punishment with a concurrent reduction in reasoning and rewards, as well as with moms and dads taking a negative perception of their youngster's adjustment.

Family Adversity and Insularity:

Life stressors such as poverty, unemployment, overcrowding, and ill health are known to have an adverse effect on parenting and to be therefore related to the development of CD. The presence of major life stressors in the lives of families with CD kids has been found to be two to four times greater than in other families.

Moms' perception of the availability of supportive and social contact has also been implicated in child contact disorder. Moms who do not believe supportive social contact is available are termed "insular" and have been found to use more aversive consequences with their kids than non-insular moms (Webster-Stratton & Dahl, 1995)

Parent-Child Interactions:

Research has suggested that moms and dads of kids with CD frequently lack several important parenting skills. Parents have been reported to be more violent and critical in their use of discipline, more inconsistent, erratic, and permissive, less likely to monitor their kids, as well as more likely to punish pro-social behaviors and to reinforce negative behaviors. A coercive process is set in motion during which a youngster escapes or avoids being criticized by his or her parents through producing an increased number of negative behaviors. These behaviors lead to increasingly aversive parental reactions which serve to reinforce the negative behaviors.

Differences in affect have also been noted in CD kids. In general their affect is less positive, they appear to be depressed, and are less reinforcing to their parents. These attributes can set the scene for the cycle of aversive interactions between parents and kids.

Other Family Characteristics:

Birth order and size of the family have both been implicated in the development of CD. Middle kids and male kids from large families have been found to be at an increased risk of delinquency and antisocial behaviors.

Psycho-physiological and Genetic Influences—

Studies have found that neurological abnormalities are inconsistently correlated with CD (Kazdin, 1987). While there has been interest in the implication of the frontal lobe limbic system partnership in the deficits of aggressive kids, these problems may be the consequence of the increased likelihood for kids with CD to experience abuse and subsequent head injuries (Webster-Stratton & Dahl, 1995).

While twin studies have found greater concordance of antisocial behavior among monozygotic rather than dizygotic twins, and adoption studies have shown that criminality in the biological parent increases the likelihood of antisocial behavior in the youngster, genetic factors alone do not account for the development of the disorder.

While the risk factors outlined have been shown to be implicated in the development of CD, it is important to note that not all kids exposed to these factors develop a CD. Rather, the evidence suggests that in those kids who do develop CDs have an etiology comprised of a combination of these factors (Webster-Stratton & Dahl, 1995). There is strong evidence that 75% of ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER kids with hyperactivity develop behavioral problems including 50% CD and 21% antisocial behavior (Klein & Mannuzza, 1991).

Treatment—

A number of interventions have been identified which are useful in reducing the prevalence and incidence of CD. Interventions consist of prevention and treatment, although these should not be considered as separate entities. Prevention addresses the onset of the disorder, although the youngster has not manifested the disorder, and treatment addresses reduction of the severity of the disorder. In mainstream Psychology, prevention and treatment for CD primarily focuses on skill development, not only for the youngster but for others involved with the youngster, including the family and the school environments. As previously discussed there may be clinical advantages in applying nutritional supplementation and Neurotherapy where appropriate with CD clients, if the client appears to respond to this form of neurological intervention, followed by cognitive and behavioral intervention. The following paragraphs considers three interventions, that assist in preventing and treating CD; child training, family training, and school and community interactions.

Child Training:

Child training involves the teaching of new skills to facilitate the youngster's growth, development and adaptive functioning. Research indicates that as a means of preventing child CD there is a need for skill development in the area of child competence. Competence refers to the ability for the youngster to negotiate the course of development including effective interactions with others, successful completion of developmental tasks and contacts with the environment, and use of approaches that increase adaptive functioning (Kazdin, 1990). It has been found that facilitating the development of competence in kids is useful as a preventative measure for kids prior to manifestation of the disorder rather than as a treatment (Webster-Stratton & Dahl, 1995).

Additionally, treatment interventions have been developed to focus on altering the youngster's cognitive processes. This includes teaching the youngster problem solving skills, self control facilitated by self statements and developing pro-social rather than antisocial behaviors. Pro-social skills are developed through the teaching of appropriate play skills, development of friendships and conversational skills. The social development of kids provides them with the necessary skills to interact positively in their environment. A youngster's development of cognitive skills provides a sound basis from which to proceed. However, cognitive development should not be considered in isolation, but as part of a system, which highlights the need to include the family in the training process.

Family Intervention:

A youngster's family system has an important role in the prevention and treatment of CD. The youngster needs to be considered as a component of a system, rather than as a single entity. Research supports the notion that moms and dads of CD kids have underlying deficits in certain fundamental parenting skills. The development of effective parenting skills has been considered as the primary mechanism for change in child CD, through the reduction of the severity, duration and manifestation of the disorder.

A number of parent training programs have been developed to increase parenting skills. Research indicates that the parent training programs have been positive, indicating significant changes in parents' and kid’s behavior and parental perception of child adjustment. Research suggests that parents who have participated in parent training programs are successful in reducing their youngster's level of aggression by 20 - 60 %.

Various training programs have been developed, which focus on increasing parents' skills in managing their youngster's behavior and facilitating social skills development. The skills focused on, include moms and dads learning to assist in administration of appropriate reinforcement and disciplinary techniques, effective communication with the youngster and problem solving and negotiation strategies.

A further component of parental training incorporates behavioral management. This involves providing the family with simple and effective strategies including behavioral contracting, contingency management, and the ability to facilitate generalization and maintenance of their new skills, thus encouraging parents' positive interaction with their youngster.

However, although these interventions assist moms and dads in developing effective parenting skills, a number of families require additional support. There are various characteristics within the family system that can have an impact on parents' ability to cope. This includes depression, life stress and marital distress. Research suggests that family characteristics are associated with fewer treatment gains in parent training programs. As indicated by Webster-Stratton and Dahl (1995), several programs have expanded upon the standard parent training treatment. These programs have incorporated parents' cognitive, psychological, and marital or social adjustment. Through addressing the parent's own issues it assists their ability to manage and interact positively with the youngster.

School and Community Education:

A youngster's' environment plays an active role in the treatment of CD and as a preventative measure. A number of interventions have been developed for schools and the community in relation to CD. The various programs outlined in this paper have a primary focus involving the skill development for the youngster in the areas of problem solving, anger management, social skills, and communication skills.

School based programs:

There are various preventative programs devised which focus on specific cognitive skill development of a youngster. A number of programs developed focus on encouraging the youngster's development in decision making and cognitive process. In addition school based programs have involved teaching the youngster interpersonal problem solving skills, strategies for increasing physiological awareness, and learning to use self talk and self control during problem situations.

In addition to prevention programs, a number of treatment interventions have been developed for kids where CD has manifested. The treatment programs focus on further skill development, including anger management and rewarding appropriate classroom behavior, skill development of the youngster including the understanding of their feelings, problem solving, how to be friendly, how to talk to friends, and how to succeed in school. As Webster and colleagues describe, one school based program has been designed to prevent further adjustment problems, by rewarding appropriate classroom behavior, punctuality, and a reduction in the amount of disciplinary action. In addition, the program provided moms and dads and educators with the opportunity to focus on specific problems of a youngster and for these to be addressed.

Community programs:

Community based interventions have also addressed both treatment and prevention. A number of programs have been developed, and focus on involving the youths in activity programs and providing training for those activities. The kids are rewarded for attendance and participation in the programs.

The treatments discussed are helpful in reducing the prevalence and incidence of CD. In their application it is important to provide an integrated multidisciplinary approach to treatment in multiple settings and by providing relevant nutritional supplements, Neurotherapy and behavior training as appropriate.

==> My Out-of-Control Child: Parenting Children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)


References—

1. American Psychiatric Association. (1994). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV). (Fourth ed.). Washington DC: American Psychiatric Association.
2. Barklay, R.A., & Fischer, M., Edelbrock, E.S. & Smallish, L. (1990) The adolescent outcome of hyperactive children diagnosed by research criteria, I: An eight year prospective follow-up study. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 29, 546-557.
3. Biederman, J., Newcorn, J., & Sprich, S. (1991). Comorbidity of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder with conduct, depressive, anxiety, and other disorders. American Journal of Psychiatry, 148(5), 564-577.
4. Bird, H. R., Gould, M. S., & Staghezza Jaramillo, B. M. (1994). The comorbidity of ADHD in a community sample of children aged 6 through 16 years. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 3(4), 365-378.
5. Forgatch, M. (1989). Patterns and outcome in family problem solving: The disrupting effect of negative emotions. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 51, 115-124.
6. Kazdin, A. (1987). Treatment of antisocial behaviour in children: Current status and future directions. Psychological Bulletin, 102, 187-203.
7. Kazdin, A. (1990). Prevention of conduct disorder. Paper presented at the National Conference on Prevention Research, NIMH, Bethesda, MD.
8. Klein, R.G. & Mannuzza, S. (1991). Long Term outcome of hyperactive children: A review . Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 30, 383-387.
9. Loeber, R. (1991). Antisocial behaviour: More enduring than changeable? Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 30, 303-397.
10. Phelps, L., & McClintock, K. (1994). Conduct Disorder. Journal of Psychopathology and Behavioural Assesment, 16(1), 53-66.
Richman, N., Stevenson, L., & Graham, P. J. (1982). Pre-school to school: A behavioural study. London: Academic Press.
11. Rutter, M., Tizard, J., Yule, W., Graham, P., & Whitmore, K. (1976). Research report: Isle of Wight studies. Psychological Medicine, 6, 313-332.
12. Webster-Stratton, C., & Dahl, R. W. (1995). Conduct disorder. In M. Hersen & R. T. Ammerman (Eds.), Advanced Abnormal Child Psychology (pp. 333-352). Hillsdale, New Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Today’s Prevalence of School Shootings: Prevention and Intervention

Columbine Shooting Security Camera
School shootings are becoming an increasingly common aspect of life. We often hear in the news that there has been another shooting at a school, or a youngster has been arrested for taking a weapon to school. Our schools should be safe havens for teaching and learning – free of crime and violence. Violence on school grounds not only affects all the students and teachers involved, but also severely disrupts the educational process, the school itself, and the surrounding community.

School violence is a multi-faceted dilemma, making it difficult for researchers to pinpoint its causes. According to the U.S. Secret Service, there were 37 school shootings between 1974 and 2000. Although this averages less than one per year, statistics indicate that the prevalence of school shootings increases dramatically each decade. Disturbingly, there were 10 school shootings in 2012 – and there were 8 more during January 2013. Unfortunately, the past decade has seen an unprecedented increase in these incidents, which truly highlights the fact that something needs to change. As one parent stated, “What the HELL is happening to kids today! I strongly believe that many parents are tacitly teaching them that violence is just a way of life by allowing them to spend endless hours playing violent video games!”

Too much exposure to violence through media does indeed desensitize kids and teens to violence. As a result, today’s younger generation may be learning to accept violent behavior as a normal way to solve problems.

School Violence: Some Alarming Statistics—
  • 6% of elementary school educators have reported being physically attacked by their students.
  • 8% of children in grades 9–12 have reported being threatened or injured with a weapon (e.g., gun, knife, or club) on school property. 
  • 8% of secondary school educators have reported being threatened with violence by a child in their classroom.
  • Firearms used in school-associated homicides come primarily from the perpetrator's home. 
  • Homicide is the second leading cause of death among young people aged 5-18. Data indicates that about 2% of these deaths happen on school grounds or on the way to or from school. 
  • About 10 % of male children in grades 9–12 have reported being threatened or injured with a weapon on school property, compared to 5 % of female children. 
  • Just during the school year of 2008–09 alone, there were 1,579 homicides among school-age kids ages 5–18, of which 17 occurred at school. 
  • Most school-associated violent deaths occur during transition times, immediately before and after the school day and during lunch.
  • Nearly 50 % of homicide perpetrators gave some type of warning signal (e.g., making a threat or leaving a note) prior to the event.
  • Violent deaths are more likely to occur at the start of each semester.

Let me ask a question to all you parents out there: How many homicides were committed in your school while you were growing up? None? That’s what I thought! 

Here is a list of school shootings just for the year of 2013 alone:

January 7, 2013— Shots were fired at Apostolic Revival Center Christian School, leaving 27-year-old Kristopher Smith dead in what was believed to be a retaliation killing, possibly for talking with police about a previous incident.

January 10, 2013— A gunman entered a science classroom of Taft Union High School with a 12 gauge shotgun and opened fire. A 16-year-old male student, identified as Bowe Cleveland, was shot in the chest and critically wounded. Another student was shot at, but was not hit. The classroom teacher, Ryan Heber, convinced him to drop his weapon, and the gunman followed his order and was later arrested. Additionally, Heber suffered a minor wound from being grazed by a shotgun pellet during the ordeal. The gunman is suspected to be a 16-year-old student of the school, Bryan Oliver. Cleveland and the other student that was shot at are both believed to be intended targets of the gunman. On January 14, Oliver was charged with two counts of attempted murder and assault with a firearm.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

January 15, 2013— A gunman shot an administrator in his office on the fourth floor of Stevens Institute of Business and Arts, wounding him. The suspected gunman, Sean Johnson, a part-time student, shot and wounded himself on a stairwell. Both the administrator and Johnson were hospitalized in stable conditions. Johnson was charged with three felony charges, including assault.

January 15, 2013— Two people were shot and killed and a third person was wounded at the parking lot of Hazard Community and Technical College. The third victim, 12-year-old Taylor Cornett, died from her wounds the next day. 21-year-old Dalton Lee Stidham was arrested and charged with three counts of murder.

January 16, 2013— A 17-year-old boy, Tyrone Lawson, was shot to death in a parking lot of Chicago State University. The shooting happened after high school basketball games were being held on the university campus, and Lawson was a spectator at the event. Police arrested two people after the shooting and recovered a weapon.

January 22, 2013— Between the Library and Academic Building outside of Lone Star College North Harris, two men got into an argument and one of the men pulled out a gun and shot the other man, a student, injuring him. A maintenance man suffered a gunshot wound to the leg. The gunman accidentally shot himself in the leg. After the shooting, the gunman fled into the woods and was arrested hours later. The charges against the initial suspect were dropped and another man was arrested.

January 31, 2013— A 14-year-old male student was shot and wounded in the back of the neck at Price Middle School. The gunman, a student, was believed to be arguing with the other student before taking out a handgun and firing multiple shots at him. In addition, a teacher was injured during the shooting. Afterward, the gunman was disarmed by a school resource officer and subsequently apprehended. He was charged with aggravated assault.

March 18, 2013— At the University of Central Florida, 30-year-old student James Oliver Seevakumaran pulled a fire alarm went off at the Tower 1 dormitory. According to plans he had written, Seevakumaran intended to attract a large amount of people inside the building to gather and shoot them. He then pointed a handgun at his roommate and threatened to shoot him inside their dormitory room. Seevakumaran released his roommate who ran into a bathroom to call 911. Seevakumaran then fatally shot himself in the head. Authorities found an assault weapon, a couple hundred rounds of ammunition and four homemade bombs inside his backpack.

April 12, 2013— Two women were wounded during a shooting at the campus of New River Community College. Neil Allen MacInnis was taken into custody.

April 16, 2013— Three students were shot and injured on the campus of Grambling State University.

April 18, 2013— At the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, near Building 32 (Stata Center) at 10:48 p.m. EDT, a campus police officer was shot multiple times. The officer, 26-year-old Sean Collier, was taken to Massachusetts General Hospital in nearby downtown Boston, where he was pronounced dead. The shooting was believed to be perpetrated by the suspects of the Boston Marathon bombings that took place in Boston three days prior to this shooting. The two suspects are brothers Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and Tamerlan Tsarnaev. About three hours after the MIT shooting, Tamerlan died in a gunfight with police in Watertown, Massachusetts. In that gunfight, another officer was shot and seriously wounded. Dzhokhar was arrested 18 hours afterward in Watertown, and was hospitalized in critical condition from a gunshot wound to the neck.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

June 7, 2013— 2013 Santa Monica shooting: Six people, including the shooter died and four others were wounded at or near the campus of Santa Monica College when a lone gunman opened fire on the school campus library after shooting at several cars and a city bus at separate crime scenes. The gunman, John Zawahri, was fatally wounded by responding police officers. Among the dead were the shooter's father and brother, both of whom died inside a house that was set on fire a mile or so from the Santa Monica College campus.

August 20, 2013— A man with an AK-47 fired six shots inside the front office of Ronald E. McNair Discovery Learning Academy, an elementary school. After the gunman fired the shots, he barricaded himself in the office and police at the scene returned fire. Nobody was injured. Children had to leave the building and were being guided to a corner of a field, where they were picked up by their parents. The alleged gunman is a 20-year-old male named Michael Brandon Hill. In the front office of the school, Hill talked with Antoinette Tuff, a woman who worked in the front office, who had called 9-1-1. Tuff talked him down, and helped him surrender to the police before anyone was hurt. Hill was apprehended.

August 23, 2013— A student, Roderick Bobo, 15, was shot during a football game at North Panola High School in what was termed as a gang-related shooting. Two others were injured in the shooting, and three men were charged as being responsible for the crime.

August 30, 2013— A 15-year-old male student was shot in the neck and shoulder at Carver High School, at 2:30 PM. The victim was hospitalized with non-life threatening injuries. An 18-year-old male student was apprehended by a school resource officer without incident. The suspected gunman is charged with assault with a deadly weapon inflicting serious injury, carrying a concealed gun, possessing and discharging a firearm, and carrying a firearm onto educational property. The shooting was believed to be the result of an on-going dispute between the suspect and the victim.

October 4, 2013— A 16-year-old student was shot in the hip at Agape Christian Academy after a fight broke out at 2 pm. An innocent bystander was hit in his ankle by a stray bullet or shrapnel. The two victims were treated for non-life-threatening injuries. The suspected shooter reportedly fled in a car with several other males. He was not caught.

October 21, 2013— 12-year-old seventh-grade student Jose Reyes opened fire with a semi-automatic handgun at the basketball courts of Sparks Middle School, injuring one student in the shoulder. A teacher, Michael Landsberry, who was trying to intervene with the gunman was then shot and killed by Reyes, as he was standing on a playground. Reyes shot and wounded student who tried to come to Landsberry's assistance after he fell onto the ground. That student suffered an injury to his abdomen. Reyes then committed suicide by shooting himself in the head. The shooting happened before classes, and the school was evacuated and was closed for the week.

November 2, 2013— A 21-year-old student was shot and wounded at North Carolina A&T State University. The victim was hospitalized for serious but non-life-threatening injuries. The university was temporarily locked down that night, and the lockdown was lifted about half an hour later. No suspects are in custody.

November 3, 2013— A Stephenson High School student and a janitor were shot in an apparent confrontation between team members and a group of teens who were not attending the school. Both were innocent bystanders in the ordeal.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

November 13, 2013— After classes ended, at least one gunman came out of the woods and opened fire on three students as they were walking to their cars at Brashear High School. One student was grazed in the head, another was struck in the neck and shoulder, and a third was hit in the leg and foot. Six people were taken into custody. The shooting is believed to be drug-related.

December 4, 2013— A 15-year-old student was shot and wounded by a 17-year-old student near a soccer field on the campus of West Orange High School. The shooting occurred after a fight broke out between the two students. The 17-year-old suspected shooter was taken into custody several miles away from the school, and is charged with attempted murder, aggravated battery with a firearm, possession of a firearm by a minor and possession of a firearm on school grounds.

December 13, 2013— 18-year-old Karl Pierson shot 17-year-old student Claire Davis in the head, fatally injuring her, in a hallway in Arapahoe High School. Pierson then committed suicide by shooting himself. Pierson was armed with a shotgun, three Molotov cocktails, and a machete. He was looking for a faculty member who had disciplined him, and intended to shoot him. Claire Davis died from her injuries on December 21, 2013.

December 19, 2013— Four teens went into Edison High School in what was believed as a gang-initiation process. After accosting a 62-year-old woman about a mile away from school grounds, they found an athletic trainer who taught at Edison High and shot him several times in the leg and stomach. It took a few days for the youths to get caught, and this was cinched when the 62-year-old woman and some surveillance video gave police the information they needed.

Strategies for Eliminating School Violence—

Reducing school violence can only be accomplished by a holistic approach using the children themselves, the community, media, educators – and moms and dads. Regardless of what role you play within the community, whether or not you are directly involved with a school, there are practical things you can do to help reduce and eliminate school violence. 

Let’s look at some crucial steps to accomplish this very important goal:

1. Allocate increasingly focused interventions and “staff attention” on children with more chronic behavioral problems. Principals commonly observe that a relatively small number of children in their schools account for a disproportionately large number of disciplinary office referrals. Staff should keep track of child behavioral performance and provide increasingly structured, intensive interventions for children whose classroom conduct has not improved with less intensive consequences.

2. As educators play an important role in a child’s life, he or she should provide attention to each and every child. If the teacher should notice anything irregular, he or she should provide extra attention towards that child and inform the mom or dad about the changes and suggest ways in dealing with it.

3. Be open to ongoing conversations. Make yourself available and let children know that they can talk to you about their concerns and fears about school violence. Keeping these lines of communication open is essential to violence prevention.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

4. Create a common school-wide definition of ‘violence’. Before a school or district can effectively mobilize to combat school violence, stakeholders must agree on a shared definition of ‘violence.’ A definition of violence is most useful if it is sufficiently broad enough to cover verbal and physical acts that, intentionally or unintentionally, cause harm, hurt, or embarrassment to another.

5. Don't allow prejudice or stereotypes in the classroom. Set this policy on the first day. Come down hard on children who say prejudicial comments or use stereotypes when talking about people or groups. Make it clear that they are to leave all of that outside the classroom.

6. Foster relationships with law enforcement, outside clinicians, and community agencies. Not all misbehavior can be addressed solely within the confines of a school. Relationships with law enforcement is critical (e.g., making it easier for a teacher to communicate with a probation officer for children in the PINS program or on probation). For children with psychiatric disorders or other medical issues that can influence behavior, schools should work to maintain close contacts with doctors and other clinicians in the community. Also, schools need to know the full range of counseling and other therapeutic services offered by community agencies and organizations, which make valuable recommendations about what services would best address the needs of a particular youngster.

7. If school violence is being discussed in the news, this is a great time to bring it up in class. You can mention the warning signs and talk to children about what they should do if they know someone has a weapon or is planning a violent act.

8. If you hear a student (or a group of students) cursing, teasing or bullying another child, say or do something. Do not turn a blind eye, or you are tacitly approving of that behavior.

9. Implement anti-violence organizations. If your school has such a program, join in and help. Become the club sponsor or help facilitate programs and fundraisers. If your school does not, investigate and help create one. Getting children involved can be a huge factor in helping prevent violence. Examples of different programs include peer-education, mediation, and mentoring.

10. Know the danger signs. There are many warning signs that show up before actual acts of school violence occur. Some of these include: depression and mood swings, lack of anger-management skills, obsessions with violent games, sudden lack of interest, talking about death, bringing weapons to school, violence towards animals, writing that shows despair and isolation, etc. A study of the students who have committed acts of school violence were found to have depression and suicidal tendencies, both of which often result from being teased and bullied by peers. The combination of these two symptoms can have terrible consequences.

11. Know your community. Where are the popular hangouts for teens? Are there any new kids hanging out in the community that may be involved with drugs or gangs? Are there groups of children that bully others? Is there graffiti in your neighborhood? Do you or the police know what is written? Is it tagging, gang related or malicious?

12. Offer jobs and training to young people. If you own a business or know of work or volunteer opportunities, talk to local schools about opportunities that bring children and teens into contact with productive role models and out of contact with violent associates. Such contacts give young people a strong self-esteem. Hire local kids for odd jobs (e.g., lawn care, car washing, babysitting, etc.). Many states allow 15- or 16-year-olds to work (if they have parental permission).

13. Provide assistance at an early stage to children with academic problems. There is a strong relationship between academic failure and misbehavior. Unsuccessful kids often find schools to be unwelcoming places. Children who struggle academically and fail to build an emotional attachment to the academic process are at significantly greater risk than typical peers for gang membership and other delinquent behaviors.

14. Provide swift, consistent consequences for misbehavior. Schools should recognize positive behaviors by granting privileges, specific praise, and opportunities to be recognized for hard work and civility. Negative behaviors should also result in prompt, consistent consequences that take into account both the severity of the infraction and the number of times the child has had behavioral problems in the past. Consequences for negative behaviors are not intended to be punitive, but to provide the youngster with support and to teach that misbehavior comes at a cost.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents 

15. Update yourself on current culture. What sites, games and trends are becoming popular with today’s children? If you are a parent, teacher, administrator, or are involved in schools in any way, know what is popular with kids nowadays. What does their slang mean? Terms children use in texts and emails may be code for behavior they want to hide from grown-ups.

16. Use teachable moments to help teach conflict resolution. If you have children disagreeing in your classroom, talk about ways that they can resolve their problems without resorting to violence. Furthermore, teach ways to manage anger.

17. Volunteer your resources. If you are a social worker, clergyman, law enforcement official or psychologist, you can help your community and local schools by offering your services. Offer classes to educators, moms and dads, and administrators on any information you can provide. Can you help children identify depression and anger in peers? Can you teach a creative writing or poetry class as a way of helping children relieving anger and stress? Can you coach after-school sports? Often children gain a great deal just by seeing an adult that cares.

18. Whenever there is "downtime" in your classroom, and children are just conversing among themselves, make it a point to listen in. Children do not have - and should not expect - a right to privacy in your classroom. As one example, some children knew at least something about what the two teens were planning at Columbine. If you hear something that puts up a red flag, jot it down and bring it to your administrator's attention.

19. When you see a child who seems to be “holding something in” (e.g., always has an angry face, doesn’t talk to others, seems to be in a world on his own, chronically looks discouraged and disgruntled, seems very disconnected from peers, etc.), then you may have a depressed child who is struggling to fit in, or a child who is silently enduring taunts from peers. This could be a deadly scenario if not addressed. Talk to this child to see what’s going on. Talk to the child’s parents to see what’s going on in the home. And, refer the child to the school counselor.

20. While most educators feel that what happens in their classroom is their responsibility, few take the time to involve themselves in what goes on outside of their classroom. In between classes, you should be at your door monitoring the halls. Keep your eyes and ears open. This is a time for you to learn a lot about ALL the students in the school.

Violent deaths at schools are tragic events with far-reaching effects on students, teachers, and the surrounding community. Establishing good indicators of the current state of school crime and safety across the nation, and regularly updating and monitoring these indicators, is important in ensuring the safety of our children. Clearly, schools nationwide need to take a closer look at their security and take measures to help prevent these potentially deadly incidents from occurring.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

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