Today’s Prevalence of School Shootings: Prevention and Intervention

Columbine Shooting Security Camera

School shootings are becoming an increasingly common aspect of life. We often hear in the news that there has been another shooting at a school, or a youngster has been arrested for taking a weapon to school. Our schools should be safe havens for teaching and learning – free of crime and violence. Violence on school grounds not only affects all the students and teachers involved, but also severely disrupts the educational process, the school itself, and the surrounding community.

School violence is a multi-faceted dilemma, making it difficult for researchers to pinpoint its causes. According to the U.S. Secret Service, there were 37 school shootings between 1974 and 2000. Although this averages less than one per year, statistics indicate that the prevalence of school shootings increases dramatically each decade. Disturbingly, there were 10 school shootings in 2012 – and there were 8 more during January 2013. Unfortunately, the past decade has seen an unprecedented increase in these incidents, which truly highlights the fact that something needs to change. As one parent stated, “What the HELL is happening to kids today! I strongly believe that many parents are tacitly teaching them that violence is just a way of life by allowing them to spend endless hours playing violent video games!”

Too much exposure to violence through media does indeed desensitize kids and teens to violence. As a result, today’s younger generation may be learning to accept violent behavior as a normal way to solve problems.

School Violence: Some Alarming Statistics—

• 6% of elementary school educators have reported being physically attacked by their students.
• 8% of children in grades 9–12 have reported being threatened or injured with a weapon (e.g., gun, knife, or club) on school property. 
• 8% of secondary school educators have reported being threatened with violence by a child in their classroom.
• Firearms used in school-associated homicides come primarily from the perpetrator's home. 
• Homicide is the second leading cause of death among young people aged 5-18. Data indicates that about 2% of these deaths happen on school grounds or on the way to or from school. 
• About 10 % of male children in grades 9–12 have reported being threatened or injured with a weapon on school property, compared to 5 % of female children. 
• Just during the school year of 2008–09 alone, there were 1,579 homicides among school-age kids ages 5–18, of which 17 occurred at school. 
• Most school-associated violent deaths occur during transition times, immediately before and after the school day and during lunch.
• Nearly 50 % of homicide perpetrators gave some type of warning signal (e.g., making a threat or leaving a note) prior to the event.
• Violent deaths are more likely to occur at the start of each semester.

Let me ask a question to all you parents out there: How many homicides were committed in your school while you were growing up? None? That’s what I thought! 

Here is a list of school shootings just for the year of 2013 alone:

January 7, 2013— Shots were fired at Apostolic Revival Center Christian School, leaving 27-year-old Kristopher Smith dead in what was believed to be a retaliation killing, possibly for talking with police about a previous incident.

January 10, 2013— A gunman entered a science classroom of Taft Union High School with a 12 gauge shotgun and opened fire. A 16-year-old male student, identified as Bowe Cleveland, was shot in the chest and critically wounded. Another student was shot at, but was not hit. The classroom teacher, Ryan Heber, convinced him to drop his weapon, and the gunman followed his order and was later arrested. Additionally, Heber suffered a minor wound from being grazed by a shotgun pellet during the ordeal. The gunman is suspected to be a 16-year-old student of the school, Bryan Oliver. Cleveland and the other student that was shot at are both believed to be intended targets of the gunman. On January 14, Oliver was charged with two counts of attempted murder and assault with a firearm.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

January 15, 2013— A gunman shot an administrator in his office on the fourth floor of Stevens Institute of Business and Arts, wounding him. The suspected gunman, Sean Johnson, a part-time student, shot and wounded himself on a stairwell. Both the administrator and Johnson were hospitalized in stable conditions. Johnson was charged with three felony charges, including assault.

January 15, 2013— Two people were shot and killed and a third person was wounded at the parking lot of Hazard Community and Technical College. The third victim, 12-year-old Taylor Cornett, died from her wounds the next day. 21-year-old Dalton Lee Stidham was arrested and charged with three counts of murder.

January 16, 2013— A 17-year-old boy, Tyrone Lawson, was shot to death in a parking lot of Chicago State University. The shooting happened after high school basketball games were being held on the university campus, and Lawson was a spectator at the event. Police arrested two people after the shooting and recovered a weapon.

January 22, 2013— Between the Library and Academic Building outside of Lone Star College North Harris, two men got into an argument and one of the men pulled out a gun and shot the other man, a student, injuring him. A maintenance man suffered a gunshot wound to the leg. The gunman accidentally shot himself in the leg. After the shooting, the gunman fled into the woods and was arrested hours later. The charges against the initial suspect were dropped and another man was arrested.

January 31, 2013— A 14-year-old male student was shot and wounded in the back of the neck at Price Middle School. The gunman, a student, was believed to be arguing with the other student before taking out a handgun and firing multiple shots at him. In addition, a teacher was injured during the shooting. Afterward, the gunman was disarmed by a school resource officer and subsequently apprehended. He was charged with aggravated assault.

March 18, 2013— At the University of Central Florida, 30-year-old student James Oliver Seevakumaran pulled a fire alarm went off at the Tower 1 dormitory. According to plans he had written, Seevakumaran intended to attract a large amount of people inside the building to gather and shoot them. He then pointed a handgun at his roommate and threatened to shoot him inside their dormitory room. Seevakumaran released his roommate who ran into a bathroom to call 911. Seevakumaran then fatally shot himself in the head. Authorities found an assault weapon, a couple hundred rounds of ammunition and four homemade bombs inside his backpack.

April 12, 2013— Two women were wounded during a shooting at the campus of New River Community College. Neil Allen MacInnis was taken into custody.

April 16, 2013— Three students were shot and injured on the campus of Grambling State University.

April 18, 2013— At the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, near Building 32 (Stata Center) at 10:48 p.m. EDT, a campus police officer was shot multiple times. The officer, 26-year-old Sean Collier, was taken to Massachusetts General Hospital in nearby downtown Boston, where he was pronounced dead. The shooting was believed to be perpetrated by the suspects of the Boston Marathon bombings that took place in Boston three days prior to this shooting. The two suspects are brothers Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and Tamerlan Tsarnaev. About three hours after the MIT shooting, Tamerlan died in a gunfight with police in Watertown, Massachusetts. In that gunfight, another officer was shot and seriously wounded. Dzhokhar was arrested 18 hours afterward in Watertown, and was hospitalized in critical condition from a gunshot wound to the neck.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

June 7, 2013— 2013 Santa Monica shooting: Six people, including the shooter died and four others were wounded at or near the campus of Santa Monica College when a lone gunman opened fire on the school campus library after shooting at several cars and a city bus at separate crime scenes. The gunman, John Zawahri, was fatally wounded by responding police officers. Among the dead were the shooter's father and brother, both of whom died inside a house that was set on fire a mile or so from the Santa Monica College campus.

August 20, 2013— A man with an AK-47 fired six shots inside the front office of Ronald E. McNair Discovery Learning Academy, an elementary school. After the gunman fired the shots, he barricaded himself in the office and police at the scene returned fire. Nobody was injured. Children had to leave the building and were being guided to a corner of a field, where they were picked up by their parents. The alleged gunman is a 20-year-old male named Michael Brandon Hill. In the front office of the school, Hill talked with Antoinette Tuff, a woman who worked in the front office, who had called 9-1-1. Tuff talked him down, and helped him surrender to the police before anyone was hurt. Hill was apprehended.

August 23, 2013— A student, Roderick Bobo, 15, was shot during a football game at North Panola High School in what was termed as a gang-related shooting. Two others were injured in the shooting, and three men were charged as being responsible for the crime.

August 30, 2013— A 15-year-old male student was shot in the neck and shoulder at Carver High School, at 2:30 PM. The victim was hospitalized with non-life threatening injuries. An 18-year-old male student was apprehended by a school resource officer without incident. The suspected gunman is charged with assault with a deadly weapon inflicting serious injury, carrying a concealed gun, possessing and discharging a firearm, and carrying a firearm onto educational property. The shooting was believed to be the result of an on-going dispute between the suspect and the victim.

October 4, 2013— A 16-year-old student was shot in the hip at Agape Christian Academy after a fight broke out at 2 pm. An innocent bystander was hit in his ankle by a stray bullet or shrapnel. The two victims were treated for non-life-threatening injuries. The suspected shooter reportedly fled in a car with several other males. He was not caught.

October 21, 2013— 12-year-old seventh-grade student Jose Reyes opened fire with a semi-automatic handgun at the basketball courts of Sparks Middle School, injuring one student in the shoulder. A teacher, Michael Landsberry, who was trying to intervene with the gunman was then shot and killed by Reyes, as he was standing on a playground. Reyes shot and wounded student who tried to come to Landsberry's assistance after he fell onto the ground. That student suffered an injury to his abdomen. Reyes then committed suicide by shooting himself in the head. The shooting happened before classes, and the school was evacuated and was closed for the week.

November 2, 2013— A 21-year-old student was shot and wounded at North Carolina A&T State University. The victim was hospitalized for serious but non-life-threatening injuries. The university was temporarily locked down that night, and the lockdown was lifted about half an hour later. No suspects are in custody.

November 3, 2013— A Stephenson High School student and a janitor were shot in an apparent confrontation between team members and a group of teens who were not attending the school. Both were innocent bystanders in the ordeal.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

November 13, 2013— After classes ended, at least one gunman came out of the woods and opened fire on three students as they were walking to their cars at Brashear High School. One student was grazed in the head, another was struck in the neck and shoulder, and a third was hit in the leg and foot. Six people were taken into custody. The shooting is believed to be drug-related.

December 4, 2013— A 15-year-old student was shot and wounded by a 17-year-old student near a soccer field on the campus of West Orange High School. The shooting occurred after a fight broke out between the two students. The 17-year-old suspected shooter was taken into custody several miles away from the school, and is charged with attempted murder, aggravated battery with a firearm, possession of a firearm by a minor and possession of a firearm on school grounds.

December 13, 2013— 18-year-old Karl Pierson shot 17-year-old student Claire Davis in the head, fatally injuring her, in a hallway in Arapahoe High School. Pierson then committed suicide by shooting himself. Pierson was armed with a shotgun, three Molotov cocktails, and a machete. He was looking for a faculty member who had disciplined him, and intended to shoot him. Claire Davis died from her injuries on December 21, 2013.

December 19, 2013— Four teens went into Edison High School in what was believed as a gang-initiation process. After accosting a 62-year-old woman about a mile away from school grounds, they found an athletic trainer who taught at Edison High and shot him several times in the leg and stomach. It took a few days for the youths to get caught, and this was cinched when the 62-year-old woman and some surveillance video gave police the information they needed.

Strategies for Eliminating School Violence—

Reducing school violence can only be accomplished by a holistic approach using the children themselves, the community, media, educators – and moms and dads. Regardless of what role you play within the community, whether or not you are directly involved with a school, there are practical things you can do to help reduce and eliminate school violence. 

Let’s look at some crucial steps to accomplish this very important goal:

1. Allocate increasingly focused interventions and “staff attention” on children with more chronic behavioral problems. Principals commonly observe that a relatively small number of children in their schools account for a disproportionately large number of disciplinary office referrals. Staff should keep track of child behavioral performance and provide increasingly structured, intensive interventions for children whose classroom conduct has not improved with less intensive consequences.

2. As educators play an important role in a child’s life, he or she should provide attention to each and every child. If the teacher should notice anything irregular, he or she should provide extra attention towards that child and inform the mom or dad about the changes and suggest ways in dealing with it.

3. Be open to ongoing conversations. Make yourself available and let children know that they can talk to you about their concerns and fears about school violence. Keeping these lines of communication open is essential to violence prevention.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

4. Create a common school-wide definition of ‘violence’. Before a school or district can effectively mobilize to combat school violence, stakeholders must agree on a shared definition of ‘violence.’ A definition of violence is most useful if it is sufficiently broad enough to cover verbal and physical acts that, intentionally or unintentionally, cause harm, hurt, or embarrassment to another.

5. Don't allow prejudice or stereotypes in the classroom. Set this policy on the first day. Come down hard on children who say prejudicial comments or use stereotypes when talking about people or groups. Make it clear that they are to leave all of that outside the classroom.

6. Foster relationships with law enforcement, outside clinicians, and community agencies. Not all misbehavior can be addressed solely within the confines of a school. Relationships with law enforcement is critical (e.g., making it easier for a teacher to communicate with a probation officer for children in the PINS program or on probation). For children with psychiatric disorders or other medical issues that can influence behavior, schools should work to maintain close contacts with doctors and other clinicians in the community. Also, schools need to know the full range of counseling and other therapeutic services offered by community agencies and organizations, which make valuable recommendations about what services would best address the needs of a particular youngster.

7. If school violence is being discussed in the news, this is a great time to bring it up in class. You can mention the warning signs and talk to children about what they should do if they know someone has a weapon or is planning a violent act.

8. If you hear a student (or a group of students) cursing, teasing or bullying another child, say or do something. Do not turn a blind eye, or you are tacitly approving of that behavior.

9. Implement anti-violence organizations. If your school has such a program, join in and help. Become the club sponsor or help facilitate programs and fundraisers. If your school does not, investigate and help create one. Getting children involved can be a huge factor in helping prevent violence. Examples of different programs include peer-education, mediation, and mentoring.

10. Know the danger signs. There are many warning signs that show up before actual acts of school violence occur. Some of these include: depression and mood swings, lack of anger-management skills, obsessions with violent games, sudden lack of interest, talking about death, bringing weapons to school, violence towards animals, writing that shows despair and isolation, etc. A study of the students who have committed acts of school violence were found to have depression and suicidal tendencies, both of which often result from being teased and bullied by peers. The combination of these two symptoms can have terrible consequences.

11. Know your community. Where are the popular hangouts for teens? Are there any new kids hanging out in the community that may be involved with drugs or gangs? Are there groups of children that bully others? Is there graffiti in your neighborhood? Do you or the police know what is written? Is it tagging, gang related or malicious?

12. Offer jobs and training to young people. If you own a business or know of work or volunteer opportunities, talk to local schools about opportunities that bring children and teens into contact with productive role models and out of contact with violent associates. Such contacts give young people a strong self-esteem. Hire local kids for odd jobs (e.g., lawn care, car washing, babysitting, etc.). Many states allow 15- or 16-year-olds to work (if they have parental permission).

13. Provide assistance at an early stage to children with academic problems. There is a strong relationship between academic failure and misbehavior. Unsuccessful kids often find schools to be unwelcoming places. Children who struggle academically and fail to build an emotional attachment to the academic process are at significantly greater risk than typical peers for gang membership and other delinquent behaviors.

14. Provide swift, consistent consequences for misbehavior. Schools should recognize positive behaviors by granting privileges, specific praise, and opportunities to be recognized for hard work and civility. Negative behaviors should also result in prompt, consistent consequences that take into account both the severity of the infraction and the number of times the child has had behavioral problems in the past. Consequences for negative behaviors are not intended to be punitive, but to provide the youngster with support and to teach that misbehavior comes at a cost.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents 

15. Update yourself on current culture. What sites, games and trends are becoming popular with today’s children? If you are a parent, teacher, administrator, or are involved in schools in any way, know what is popular with kids nowadays. What does their slang mean? Terms children use in texts and emails may be code for behavior they want to hide from grown-ups.

16. Use teachable moments to help teach conflict resolution. If you have children disagreeing in your classroom, talk about ways that they can resolve their problems without resorting to violence. Furthermore, teach ways to manage anger.

17. Volunteer your resources. If you are a social worker, clergyman, law enforcement official or psychologist, you can help your community and local schools by offering your services. Offer classes to educators, moms and dads, and administrators on any information you can provide. Can you help children identify depression and anger in peers? Can you teach a creative writing or poetry class as a way of helping children relieving anger and stress? Can you coach after-school sports? Often children gain a great deal just by seeing an adult that cares.

18. Whenever there is "downtime" in your classroom, and children are just conversing among themselves, make it a point to listen in. Children do not have - and should not expect - a right to privacy in your classroom. As one example, some children knew at least something about what the two teens were planning at Columbine. If you hear something that puts up a red flag, jot it down and bring it to your administrator's attention.

19. When you see a child who seems to be “holding something in” (e.g., always has an angry face, doesn’t talk to others, seems to be in a world on his own, chronically looks discouraged and disgruntled, seems very disconnected from peers, etc.), then you may have a depressed child who is struggling to fit in, or a child who is silently enduring taunts from peers. This could be a deadly scenario if not addressed. Talk to this child to see what’s going on. Talk to the child’s parents to see what’s going on in the home. And, refer the child to the school counselor.

20. While most educators feel that what happens in their classroom is their responsibility, few take the time to involve themselves in what goes on outside of their classroom. In between classes, you should be at your door monitoring the halls. Keep your eyes and ears open. This is a time for you to learn a lot about ALL the students in the school.

Violent deaths at schools are tragic events with far-reaching effects on students, teachers, and the surrounding community. Establishing good indicators of the current state of school crime and safety across the nation, and regularly updating and monitoring these indicators, is important in ensuring the safety of our children. Clearly, schools nationwide need to take a closer look at their security and take measures to help prevent these potentially deadly incidents from occurring.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Behavioral Problems In School

"What are your suggestions for a 13 yo (boy) who behaves well enough at home, but is in constant trouble at school for arguing and fighting with some of the other students?"

There are all sorts of reasons why kids misbehave in school. By the time a child is reacting with violence, it's too late to institute a quick fix. Newspaper articles about kids whose behavior problems have turned tragic often talk about missed opportunities and why nobody helped. Here are five ways to start dealing with problems or potential problems early, when there is still time to work with teachers and administrators to make school a tolerable place for your youngster.

1. Be realistic about your youngster's abilities— Pushing and motivating and holding high expectations can drive some kids to be all they can be, but it can drive others straight into anxiety and depression. Would you want to work at a job, day in and day out, where you always had to be at the top of your abilities, handling things you weren't quite on top of and hoping things turn out alright? Children can't quit, and they have very little recourse in terms of demanding better working conditions, but they can find all sorts of ways to act out their anger and despair. Be honest and compassionate when considering what sort of classroom your son will learn best in and what sorts of supports he will require. Academics are important, and it's not wrong to make them your biggest concern, but emotional support and feelings of mastery are important, too.

2. Be respectful of authority yourself— We all know how important it is to fight for our kids and be strong, effective advocates. That struggle may lead us to conclude that some teachers and some administrators are not worthy of our respect, and their judgment is subject to doubt. But be very, very careful how you communicate that to your youngster. You may think the message you're giving is that grown-ups can be wrong, and you will always stick up for him, and he should value himself even when others criticize. The message your youngster receives, though, may be that it's okay to be disrespectful to teachers, the rules don't apply to him, and you will clean up every mess he makes. That's an attitude that's sure to cause major problems at school, and beyond. If you teach a kid to question authority, sooner or later he's going to question yours.

3. Listen when your youngster talks— Children don't answer the question "How was school?" because they know moms and dads only want to hear good news. Moms and dads need to reconnect with what it really feels like to be in school -- the uncomfortable desks, the stuffy classrooms, the disengaged teachers, the work that is either too easy or too hard. Think about what it really feels like to be your youngster at school. Ask questions about feelings, and really listen to what he says. Don't be quick with a pep talk and a pat on the back. Having someone to listen, without judging, can help defuse some of the frustration that might later erupt in dangerous behavior. And if you listen closely, you may be able to figure out other ways to lessen your son's emotional burden.

4. Request an FBA— If the school is sending home complaints about your youngster's behavior -- and expecting you to do something about it -- put the ball back in their court by requesting a Functional Behavior Assessment (FBA). This will force school personnel to really think about your youngster's behavior, not just react to it. An FBA examines what comes before bad behavior and what the consequences are for it, what possible function the behavior could serve for the youngster, and what sorts of things could be setting him off. If a youngster finds class work too hard or a classroom too oppressive, for example, getting sent to the hallway or the principal or home could become a reward, not a punishment. Conducting an FBA and writing a behavior plan based on it is probably the best way to head off discipline problems. If teachers and administrators refuse to go along with it, you might need to do a little behavior analysis on them.

5. Volunteer at your youngster's school— Being a presence at your son's school -- whether you volunteer at the library or help in the lunchroom, serve as class parent, or staff special events -- pays numerous dividends. It gets you known by the administration in a non-adversarial context. It lets your youngster know that school is important to you and a place you want to be. It gives you an opportunity to observe what goes on in that building, from the conduct of the children to the morale of the teachers. If you can't spare the time to volunteer during the school day, attend every Home and School Association meeting you can, and be sure to show up for Back to School nights and teacher conferences. When school personnel get to know you as an involved and interested parent, they're more likely to be your ally when problems come up.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Runaway & Pregnant Daughter

Dear Mark Hutten,

I don't want to alienate my runaway daughter; I don't want to enable her. I haven't seen her since Wednesday morning. She does text me. I can't practice your principles because she's not here to practice them on. I want her to come home at night. When she has the baby, around Thanksgiving, I want to help her raise her and not have her dragging the baby around as she hangs out with whomever. I know where she works, I know approximately where her new lover lives. We own the title on her car. I need specific strategies and approaches, please.

Thank you,

A.

```````````````````

Hi A.,

Runaway teens, seemingly unmanageable, desperate, desolate, lonely AND alone… they run, in one of two directions:

1. Away from something, someone, a bad situation, perceived threat, disciplined unloving and/or abusive, or in more complex cases of troubled teen run-aways a loving home environment where there are for them, in their minds no real future; or maybe in the other direction.

2. Towards something, the unknown, safety, a life where they can live according to their own rules, not answering to anyone else, where they can be independent, make the rules, be their own boss, independence and freedom to do as they please and answer to no-one… the list could go on and on hypothetically speaking.

Teens who run away from home are often crying for attention. Some teens will attempt to run away just once, after an unusually heated argument or situation in the household, and return shortly after. More serious cases, however, happen with teens in extreme emotional turmoil.

Parents also need to be extremely aware of the symptoms, warning signs and dangers of teenage depression. Far too many teens are suffering from this disease and going untreated. Often, runaways feel they have no other choice but to leave their home, and this is in many cases related to their feelings of sadness, anger and frustration due to depression.

Teens who become runaways will have shown symptoms and warning signs prior to running away. Knowing these signs is the first step to prevention; the second is learning how to prevent symptoms all together. Communication is KEY!
Here are concrete prevention tips:

• Always use direct eye contact when speaking.

• Anger is difficult to subside. However, it is important to never raise your voice or yell/scream at your teen, especially when they are already doing so. A battle of strength doesn't get anyone anywhere.

• If both parents are involved in the conversation, it is very important to take turns, rather than gang up on your teen together. Make sure each parent allows time for your teen to speak in between.

• If your teen is demanding or threatening you, be sure to get professional advice or help from a qualified mental health professional.

• Keep a calm demeanor and insist that your teen does as well. Do not respond to their anger, but instead, wait until they are calm.

• Keep in mind that it is possible to agree with your teen, without doing whatever they want you to. For example, you might agree that there are little differences between 17 year-olds and 21 year-olds, but that doesn't mean you agree with having a party serving alcohol at your house.

• Let's say you are sure you understand your teen's point of view and they understand you understand. If you still don't agree with their statement, tell your teen "I think I understand, but I do not agree. I want to think we can understand each other, but we don't have to agree."

• Make sure that you comprehend what your teen is saying, and when you do, let them know. Simply stating "I understand" can go a long way to making your teen feel as though you are respecting their feelings and thoughts, as well as taking them in to consideration.

• NEVER interrupt your teenager when they are speaking or trying to explain their feelings or thoughts. Even if you completely disagree, it is important to wait until they have finished. Keep in mind that just listening and using the words "I understand" does not mean that you agree or will do what they want.

• Never use threats or dare your teen to run away, even if you think they wouldn't do it.

• Refrain from using sarcasm or negativity that may come off as disrespect for your teen.

• Take a break if you get too overwhelmed or upset to continue the conversation with a calm attitude.

• Talk less, slower, and use fewer words than your teen.

• Under no circumstances should you use derogatory names, labels or titles such as liar, childish, immature, untrustworthy, cruel, stupid, ignorant, punk, thief or brat. Continue to be respectful of your teen, even if they have been disrespectful to you.

• When your teen has finished speaking, ask politely if they have anything else they'd like to talk about or share with you.

If your teen runs away—

• Call every one of your teenagers friends. Talk to their parents first, not the friend. Teenagers tend to stick together and will not always tell you the truth. The parents will tell you if they've heard their child talking to yours on the phone and it will also alert them to watch for what their child is doing.

• Call your local Juvenile Detention Officer and ask for their help in finding out your rights concerning what you may or may not do if you find your child yourself.

• Call your local television stations. Many today are more than willing to run stories on missing teens since so many have been lured from home by 'friends' they met online.

• Check any local weeklies and online community papers; they are usually more than willing to help.

• Contact your teenager's friends, their parents, and school staff. Express concern and clearly state your willingness to work out any problems that might exist.

• Do not "storm" a relatively safe place that your child might be staying. If they run out the back door you'll have no idea where they are. They might also run to a less safe harbor.

• Do not threaten the school, friends, or parents. These people may be potential allies. They are the most likely to help if they understand, that you are willing to listen to your child and be open to other perspectives. Even though you're very worried, remain calm. Threatening statements or making accusations only reinforces the notion that you are an unreasonable person. If you have reason to believe that specific individuals are harming your child, pass that information onto the police.

• Go straight to the local authorities, be it police station or sheriff's office. Take with you the flyers you have made up, a copy of the id, color pictures and digital pictures on a floppy. Get in their faces. Do not just make phone calls, be there in person. Drive them nuts until they do something. Make them understand that you are a concerned parent and that you will not let them ignore the fact that YOUR child is missing.

• If your teenager is gone for over 24 hours, or if you have reason to suspect foul play, call the police.

• Make sure they list your runaway in the national database.

• Make sure you follow up and stay in touch with parents and the police. They are your best bet in finding your child and bringing them home.

• Make up one-page flyers that have a clear picture of your child's face and all information you have. Height, weight, age, last seen, etc.

• Post your flyers everywhere kids meet. Phone booths, soda machines, local hangouts, grocery stores, anywhere and everywhere that will let you.

• Put out the word asking that your teenager check in, just to let you know they are safe. You may want to offer an alternative contact of an adult you both know and trust.

• When you get home, call your local paper and ask if they will run a description and picture of your child. Tell them you will either bring them a flyer or email the information. Whichever option they prefer. Beg if you have to.

Regarding teen runaways, know that:

· 40% of runaways return home at their own initiative

· 50% stay within 1-10 miles of home

· 60% percent of runaway episodes last 1-3 days

· Forcing a child to come home without resolving the problem is likely to result in another runaway incident.

· The majority of teenagers who run do so because of a problem they perceive to be unsolvable

I hope this helps,

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen

Understanding Self-Injury in Distressed Teens

Self-injury among teens is common – and the rate is increasing. This behavior is more common in adolescence than previously thought. Although it is important to assess the associated risk of suicide, self-injury is generally used to cope with distressing emotions, especially anger and depression.

Many therapists have encountered teens that have harmed themselves, but denied suicidal intent. Recent studies have found that one-third to one-half of teens in the U.S. have engaged in some type of self-harm. Self-harming behavior is a considerable problem for therapists, not only because of the obvious danger of the client harming himself/herself, but also because of the difficulties in ascertaining whether the teen was trying to commit suicide.

Self-injury intended to inflict pain on oneself most commonly includes the following:

• Banging walls
• Breaking bones
• Burning
• Cutting
• Hitting
• Ingesting toxic substances
• Interfering with healing of wounds
• Pinching
• Punching objects to induce pain

Self-injury typically begins in mid-adolescence. Adolescents who injure themselves are often impulsive, engaging in self-injury with less than an hour of planning. They commonly report feeling minimal or no pain. Once started, self-harm seems to acquire addictive characteristics and can be quite difficult for the teenager to discontinue. While some studies indicate that self-injury is more frequent in females than males, other studies indicate that there are no consistent gender differences.

Self-injury frequently occurs in teens that, at other times, have contemplated or attempted suicide. Thus, there is a significant risk of suicide and suicide attempts among young people that engage in self-injury. One recent study found that 70 percent of adolescents engaging in self-injury had made at least one suicide attempt – and 55 percent had multiple attempts. However, the non-suicidal and suicidal cases serve distinctly different purposes. Some clients report that they hurt themselves in order to stop suicidal ideation, or to stop themselves from actually attempting suicide. Consequently, self-injury without suicidal intent may be a morbid form of self-help.

Until recently, self-injury was seen as primarily associated with the following three specific psychiatric diagnostic categories: developmental disabilities, eating disorders, and borderline personality disorder (BPD). Self-injury occurs in roughly 15 percent of kids with developmental disabilities, especially profound and severe mental retardation. Among adult females, self-injury accompanies up to 35 percent of those diagnosed with anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and other eating disorders; girls with anorexia nervosa also tend to engage in self-injury more than those without the eating disorder. Repetitive self-injury is so common among people with BPD that BPD is the only clinical diagnosis in the DSM for which self-harm, whether suicidal or non-suicidal, is a symptom. However, no studies have examined the prevalence of self-injury among boys or girls exhibiting borderline personality symptoms.

Recent research calls into question the assumption that teen self-injury is primarily limited to young people with developmental disabilities, eating disorders, or borderline personality disorder. Psychiatric conditions that are specifically associated with self-injury in teens include internalizing disorders (e.g., depression, posttraumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety), externalizing disorders (e.g., conduct disorder, oppositional defiant disorder), and substance abuse disorders. There is a strong link between self-injury and maltreatment in early childhood, especially sexual abuse.

About 50% of young people who engage in self-injury may not meet criteria for depression, anxiety, eating disorder, substance use disorder, or other major psychiatric disorders. In fact, self-injury appears to be a common psychiatric symptom found in a variety of disorders, as well as being found in teens without a specific psychiatric diagnosis. It seems more useful to understand self-injury in functional terms rather than as a distinct diagnosis, because a separate diagnostic category is not well supported by current research findings.

Some teens who engage in self-injury have elevated rates of emotional reactivity, intensity, and hyper-arousal. Interpersonal processes associated with self-injury include increased use of avoidant behavior and decreased emotional expressivity. Adolescents who self-injure are more likely to report being bullied by peers and experience discomfort regarding their sexual identity. A recent study also found an association with Goth subculture and self-harming behavior among adolescents. Knowledge of self-injury in peers is a risk factor for self-injury due to an apparent “copy cat” effect, and there has been an increase in publicity about this behavior. A variety of internet websites and chat rooms provide information – and even encourage self-harming behavior.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

The major purpose of self-injury appears to be affect regulation and management of distressing thoughts. For example, in one study of high school kids, 55 percent of those who engaged in self-injury indicated their reason for self-injury was, “I wanted to get my mind off my problems,” while 45 percent asserted, “It helped me to release tension or stress and relax.” When a child feels overwhelmed by negative feelings, self-injury can be an effective, although harmful, strategy to stop or reduce these negative thoughts and emotions.

Adolescents that engage in self-injury demonstrate higher levels of physiological arousal during a stressful task compared with teens without self-injury. This finding is consistent with primate research. For example, monkeys engaging in self-harm (usually self-biting) have a blunted cortisol response to mild stress when compared with controls. After experiencing a stress-induced escalation in heart rate, these monkeys appear to use self-injury as a coping strategy to decrease arousal. In turn, the self-injury is associated with a rapid decrease in heart rate.

Self-injury may also regulate emotions by increasing the affective experience. The teen may have the subjective experience of being emotionally “numb” or “empty” or feeling disconnected with others. Self-injury may help the young person to gain a sense of control, to feel excitement, or to stop dissociative experiences. Self-injury may also give the teen the experience of being “real.”

Self-injury may serve interpersonal functions for the teen. It may elicit positive reinforcement in the form of attention from others (although many who injure themselves do so in private and do not tell others). Self-injury may also help the teen to avoid difficult situations. The threat of self-injury may cause parents to decrease interpersonal pressure or to stop attempting to get the child to complete his or her homework, chores, or other tasks.

Treatment—

Self-harm in the teenage years has only recently been recognized as a commonly occurring phenomenon. Consequently, there are few randomized, controlled trials for the specific treatment of self-injury. In grown-ups, the therapeutic intervention with the most research demonstrating efficacy in reducing self-harming behavior is dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). DBT uses a combination of individual and group therapy to teach skills in emotional regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance, core mindfulness, and self-management. The intensive treatment requires the therapist to be on call for these clients at all times. DBT has been adapted for teens with features of borderline personality disorder, with the additional expectation that the group therapist is on call at all times for the mom and dad of the client. The clinical and financial demands of DBT have led to applications of less intensive treatments to reduce self-injury, but these treatments are still under study.

Treatment is based on a thorough psychiatric evaluation, with a focus on safety issues, suicidal risk, and clarification of comorbid psychiatric conditions. Treating self-injury involves determining the needs that the behavior fulfills and helping the teen devise other, healthier ways to meet those needs (e.g., if self-injury helps a teen to calm down, the therapist will help to find techniques that may provide the same result).

Involving parents in the support and treatment of teens who engage in self-injury is also very important. Poor communication with parents has been associated with suicide in some teens. Improving the parents’ understanding of self-injury can be useful in decreasing conflicts. It can be helpful for the parents to learn de-escalation strategies and expand listening and communication skills. Mothers and fathers can also help with safety plans and practicing problem solving skills.

Medication for self-injury should primarily focus on any underlying psychiatric disorders. Currently, there are no specific medications approved for the treatment of self-injury. Since depression and anxiety often accompany self-injury, identifying and treating these disorders should be a top priority. Concerns about an increase in suicidal thoughts with teens using antidepressant medication should be reviewed with the client and his/her parent(s). While the protective effects of antidepressants appear to outweigh the risk of increased suicidal thoughts, medications should be monitored regularly.

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Does your material work on kids who don't live with you...?

Hi Mark,

I found your website in my search for guidance on handling rage-filled, rebellious teens. I am sure I'm not in a unique situation, (though it feels like it) and wondered if your information would help when it's a divided home setting.

To make a long story somewhat shorter, my husband got custody of his 4 children when his youngest was 3. Their mother walked out on them. I married him when she was 5, and was mother to all of the kids. The 2 oldest refused to see their bio mom (at about ages 13 and 14 - she mentally and physically abused them, alcoholic, addicted to prescriptions due to a back injury, you get the picture). The middle child saw bio-mom about 40 days a year (per parenting agreement) until she was 13 then refused to see her (drunk, bringing strange men over, etc.). Our youngest, out of all the children though, has steadfastly seen bio-mom, and 2 years ago wanted to start living there 1/2 time and with us 1/2 time when she was 11. She is now 13.

She has been struggling with her sexuality, and has had major upheavals with her friends. She is full of anger and if anyone (family or friend) does something she doesn't like, or agree with, she explodes. A "girlfriend" apparently liked another girl, and that set her off and she downed 10 Tylenol, then told us, so she was taken to the ER and then to a psychiatric hospital for a few days. During that stay, she announced she wanted her mother to be her legal guardian and to live there full time. This was at the end of November of last year.

During this whole timeframe, and months previously, she's been in therapy for counseling. It's not doing any good. The therapist will say she won't accept responsibility for any of her behaviors or any of her actions. And if she doesn't want to get better, she won't.

About 10 days after she got out of the psychiatric hospital, she was at our house. And she lied one lie too many. My husband and she had a major blow-up and he was tired of the disrespect. She threatened to run away, and he thought "take her to her mother's or have to call the police". So he took her to her mother's. And though we've tried repeatedly to have sessions with her, with the counselor, trying to arrange family dinners (she has siblings that she is also not seeing and rarely talking to as well), all she does is blame us. We kicked her out. We don't love her. Yadda. But we also know that she is at her mother's because there is no discipline at all. She hangs with the wrong crowd over there, her mother is on morphine and about 4 other "prescribed" meds so is in zombie land most of the time, her grades are the worst they've ever been (currently flunking 4 classes), and of course, we're to blame because we kicked her out of the house. She's getting into in school suspensions, being disrespectful to her teachers, etc.

The therapist says for my husband (as our daughter's rage is directed at him personally) to continue reaching out to her as it takes away her excuse -- if we are trying to see her and she's the one refusing, then she can't blame us. I guess that is the theory anyway.

My dilemma is this: Does your material work on kids who don't live with you, and who are being (I think brainwashed) by the ex-spouse who is just as angry and bitter at being divorced, and having 3 of her children do to her what this last one is doing to us? To me, our youngest daughter is a possession for her. A prize. A way to get additional monies from us each month. The bio mom wants to be the cool mom. The friend. The come hang at our house mom. The mom who lets high school kids take her child in their car and our daughter doesn't even know them -- but hey, they are a ride to a school event because zombie mom can't drive her. Sorry, I digress.

Can one-sided attempts by us using your information somehow get through to our daughter? All we can do is email or text her, and she doesn't respond. She is sinking fast, is on medication herself for depression, and I'm just at my wits end. Therapy is a joke and she's heading for disaster. Her sisters say she's a punk and they are tired of her b.s. and don't want to even talk to her. And if they do, it's all about safe subjects.

If you have any ideas, or even direction you can point me to for help, I'd SURE appreciate it.

Thanks so much in advance for your time and help,

B.

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Hi Beth,

Re: Does your material work on kids who don't live with you...

If your child does not live with you, but is dependent on you financially, partially or fully -- the program will work. Otherwise, it probably won't.

Mark

Online Parent Support

When Your Teenage Daughter Runs Away From Home

Hi Mark,

I’m sure you’ve heard it all before when it comes to teens etc everything you state in you initial page about teens and their out of control behaviour really does apply to my 15 year old girl…. And I do mean ALL of it. So thank you firstly for being a point of contact and believe me that I will do everything to gain more knowledge and power within my own family unit to enable my daughter to be able to make better choices in her life.

One question I do have is concerning persistent runaways – my 15 year old has runaway from home 5 times we had the police, authorities and even the school involved with trying to “help” her but to no avail, after the fourth time I ended up packing up and moving 1400 km away from everything we had known even becoming separated from her father (who she initially blamed for running away) thinking that a fresh start would help – obviously this hasn’t helped as the initial problem is still there (now she admits that it wasn’t anything to do with her father) and has not been dealt with effectively….

After only 5 weeks of being here, she is fighting with a few of her 'friends' – has had ignored my 'consequence' of not being able to go and stay over at her friends house for her continued violent and aggressive behaviour, instead smashed up her room, cussed as me with a fair few profanities and simply walked out stealing money and cigarettes on the way out!

I have not on this occasion contacted the police as I have previous times, instead I issued an ultimatum via text message (she wont answer my calls) that if she did not return by 6.30pm then the police would be called. She texted back to say she was fine and will return home in 2 days when she’s calmed down!!! I issued the ultimatum again…… and left it – as I say needless to say she has not returned and I have not contacted the police yet. The question is how do I deal with her on her return?????????

I need to get this right from the very start.

Thank you

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Hi L.,

Teens run for a multitude of reasons:

1. To avoid an emotional experience or consequence that they are expecting as a result of a parental, sibling, friend or romantic relationship/situation.
2. To be with other people such as friends or relatives who are supportive, encouraging and active in ways they feel are missing from their lives.
3. To change or stop what they are doing or about to do.
4. To escape a recurring or ongoing painful or difficult experience in their home, school or work life.
5. To find companionship or activity in places that distract them from other problems they are dealing with.
6. To keep from losing privileges to activities, relationships, friendships or any other things considered important or worthwhile.

As parents or guardians we strive to create positive, loving households in order to raise respectful, successful and happy adults. In order to achieve this, rules must be put in place. Teens who run away from home are often crying for attention. Some teens will attempt to run away just once, after an unusually heated argument or situation in the household, and return shortly after. More serious cases, however, happen with teens in extreme emotional turmoil.

Parents also need to be extremely aware of the symptoms, warning signs and dangers of teenage depression. Far too many teens are suffering from this disease and going untreated. Often, runaways feel they have no other choice but to leave their home, and this is in many cases related to their feelings of sadness, anger and frustration due to depression.

There are many causes of depression, and every child, regardless of social status, race, age or gender is at risk. Be aware and be understanding. To an adult juggling family and career, it may seem that a young teenager has nothing to be "depressed" about! Work for a mutual communication between the two of you. The more your teenager can confide his/her daily problems and concerns, the more you can have a positive and helpful interaction before the problems overwhelm them.

Teens who become runaways will have shown symptoms and warning signs prior to running away. Knowing these signs is the first step to prevention; the second is learning how to prevent symptoms all together. Communication is KEY!

Suggestions for preventative conversation:

1. Always use direct eye contact when speaking.
2. Anger is difficult to subside. However, it is important to never raise your voice or yell/scream at your teen, especially when they are already doing so. A battle of strength doesn't get anyone anywhere.
3. If both parents are involved in the conversation, it is very important to take turns, rather than gang up on your teen together. Make sure each parent allows time for your teen to speak in between.
4. If your teen is demanding or threatening you, be sure to get professional advice or help from a qualified mental health professional.
5. Keep a calm demeanor and insist that your teen does as well. Do not respond to their anger, but instead, wait until they are calm.
6. Keep in mind that it is possible to agree with your teen, without doing whatever they want you to. For example, you might agree that there are little differences between 17 year-olds and 21 year-olds, but that doesn't mean you agree with having a party serving alcohol at your house.
7. Let's say you are sure you understand your teen's point of view and they understand you understand. If you still don't agree with their statement, tell your teen "I think I understand, but I do not agree. I want to think we can understand each other, but we don't have to agree."
8. Make sure that you comprehend what your teen is saying, and when you do, let them know. Simply stating "I understand" can go a long way to making your teen feel as though you are respecting their feelings and thoughts, as well as taking them in to consideration.
9. NEVER interrupt your teenager when they are speaking or trying to explain their feelings or thoughts. Even if you completely disagree, it is important to wait until they have finished. Keep in mind that just listening and using the words "I understand" does not mean that you agree or will do what they want.
10. Never use threats or dare your teen to run away, even if you think they wouldn't do it.
11. Refrain from using sarcasm or negativity that may come off as disrespect for your teen.
12. Take a break if you get too overwhelmed or upset to continue the conversation with a calm attitude.
13. Talk less, slower, and use fewer words than your teen.
14. Under no circumstances should you use derogatory names, labels or titles such as liar, childish, immature, untrustworthy, cruel, stupid, ignorant, punk, thief or brat. Continue to be respectful of your teen, even if they have been disrespectful to you.
15. When your teen has finished speaking, ask politely if they have anything else they'd like to talk about or share with you.

 ==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

When parents begin to implement appropriate discipline for broken house rules, some children may respond by threatening to runaway from home if they do not get their way. If this occurs, defuse the situation, but do NOT threaten or challenge your child.

For example: Daughter, you know that I cannot control you. And if you really want to run away from home, I cannot stop you. I cannot watch you 24 hours a day, and I can’t lock you up in the house. But no one in the world loves you the way I do. That is why we have established these house rules. Because I love you, I cannot stand by and watch you hurt yourself by _______________ (e.g., not going to school, using drugs or alcohol, destroying house property), and running away from home will not solve the problem. You and I know it will only make matters worse.

Teens who run away are not bad. They have made a bad decision. They got themselves caught up in pressures that they felt the need to escape from. Instead of facing their problem and solving it, they chose to run from it. We need to teach our teen how to face their problems, even if the problem is us. When they have the right tools to fix some of the things that may be going on in their lives, the pressure lessens, and there is no more need for them to escape.

Every teen either has tried or knows another teen who has run away. I haven't met a teen yet who didn't know of someone's experience of running away. This can be a real problem, considering most teens will glamorize the experience.

Parents of teens who run away are not bad parents. You cannot lock them in. As much as you would like to build a wall around them, it is their choice whether or not to walk out the door.

If your teens runs:

1. Call the Police, IMMEDIATELY! Don't wait 24 hours, do it right away.
2. Get the name and badge number of the officer you speak with.
3. Call back often.
4. Call everyone your child knows and enlist their help.
5. Search everywhere, but do not leave your phone unattended.
6. Search your teen’s room for anything that may give you a clue as to where he went.
7. You may also want to check your phone bill for any calls they may have made recently.

When your teen comes home:

1. Take a break from each other. Do not start talking about it right away. Your emotions are too high at this point to get anywhere in a conversation. Go two separate directions until you both have gotten some rest.
2. Ask and Listen. Why did they leave? You may want to evaluate a rule or two after speaking with them, but do not do so while having this talk. Tell them you are willing to think about it, and you will let them know.
3. Tell them how you felt about them going. Let them know that they hurt you by leaving. Let them know that there isn't a problem that can't solve. If they ever feel that running away might solve something, have them talk to you first. You could always offer other choices, so they can make a better decision.
4. Get some help. If this isn't the first time or you have problems communicating when they get back, it's time to ask for help. This could be a person that your child respects (e.g., an aunt or uncle), or you may want to seek professional help.

Mark Hutten, M.A.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

 

 ==> Click here for more parenting advice on how to deal with teen rebellion...

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Teens and Mood Swings

Adolescent’s moods swings are not only confusing to parents, but they are also draining. It is not fun to walk around as if on eggshells in fear a 16 year old might erupt or become weepy. It is also not a good idea to try to punish the bad mood out of the youngster.

Researchers have discovered that the brain continues to grow and develop through adolescence much more than originally thought. Because the brain reaches 90% of its full size by the age of six, it has historically been believed that it had also reached almost full development. Now it is believed that the brain changes much more during the teenage years than previously believed. The grey matter on the outer part of the brain thickens over time with this process peaking at age 11 in females and age 12 in males.

After this process is over, the brain begins to trim away excess grey matter that is not used, leaving only the information that the brain needs and making the brain more efficient. One of the last areas to go through this trimming process is the prefrontal cortex, which is the area of the brain responsible for judgment, self-control, and planning. This means that while adolescents have very strong emotions and passions, they don’t have the mechanisms in place to control these emotions. This is one reason behind teenage mood swings.

Another biological factor is that this is when the body starts producing sex hormones as well as going through a major growth spurt. The physical changes that adolescents experience cause them to feel strange and perhaps confused or uncomfortable, and this erodes their sense of security. Because of the effect that this has on their psychological state, they may strike out or experience conflicting moods.

Adolescents have not yet developed the ability to deal with the pressures, frustrations, and anxieties of life. As their lives become more complicated and adult-like, they don’t have the built-in coping mechanisms that grown-ups have developed to help them deal, so they are prone to react very emotionally to situations. Also, adolescents are typically very preoccupied with identity formations and becoming entities with lives separate from those of their moms and dads. This, again, can cause confusion or frustration. While the world seems to be changing constantly around them, they feel as though they can’t keep up or handle the pressure, and this will inevitably lead to a slightly off-kilter emotional state.

What Parents Can Do—

Here are a few tips you can use to help your teenager learn to control or deal with his/her mood swings:

1. Allow your adolescents to wait out the mood. If they need a good cry or to just pace around their room, give them their privacy to do it. Offer comfort and let your adolescents know you are there if they need to talk.

2. Always take the upper road as the mother or father.

3. Don't take their mood swings personally. Don't let their moods alienate you from them. As moms and dads we tend to get our feelings hurt when our kids don't respond to us positively. It is important to remember that the mother/father must react in the more mature manner and always forgive the kids and keep your heart open to them.

4. Encourage your adolescents to identify what is happening. Help them recognize the signs of their bad moods, so they know what is happening. Let them know that they are not alone, this happens to most people.

5. Encourage your adolescent to take preventative steps though creativity and being involved. Being involved in a hobby will help your adolescent’s moods stay on an even keel. It will teaching him/her more coping skills and resilience.

6. Give them room and allow them to be miserable or sad for a period. Of course you will need to watch them to be sure they don't get depressed, but don't deny them the right to be sad or to need time alone.

7. Look for moments when they may be willing to talk. Just like they have times when they are in bad moods, they will also have good moments. Take advantage of these times to relate to them what you went through at the same age so they will know they are not alone.

8. Never let your youngster's bad mood cause you to react in anger.

9. Recognize what is happening. Do not be too busy that you aren’t looking at the situation correctly and go directly into 'discipline mode'. Know that it isn’t just your child, this is normal for adolescents. It isn’t easy to deal with bad or sad feelings when you can’t figure out what is wrong.

10. Stay firm where behavior is concerned. While you cannot dictate how they feel, you can dictate how they react. Don't allow a bad mood to mean disrespect of you, other elders. Also, don't allow them to be hurtful to siblings. If this happens, you must demand that they apologize.

11. Support a healthy lifestyle in your home. Getting enough rest and eating right goes a long way for anyone’s mood. This is also an opportunity for parent’s to model the appropriate behavior.

12. Teach your adolescent coping skills. When he/she is calm, use role play and show them how to count back from 10, go for a walk or listen to music. Modeling these appropriate behaviors when you are in a bad mood will help your adolescent be better prepared.

Mood swings can leave an adolescent feel like they’re out of control, which is a very uncomfortable state for anyone to be in. Of course, if the mood swings are severely abnormal or prolonged the adolescent should see a professional about other possible issues. Normal teen mood swings can make an adolescent feel unbalanced, though, and are not to be taken lightly.

Here are some tips for what your adolescent can do when dealing with a mood swing:

• Exercise - exercise releases endorphin into the blood stream, and these chemicals can help to regulate mood and ease frustration
• Get creative – painting, drawing, writing, or building something can help an adolescent to express their emotions in a healthy way
• Get plenty of rest – regular sleep helps keep the mind in tip-top shape
• Realize that they’re not alone – talking to a friend or peer who is dealing with the same issues will make them feel less abnormal and help them realize that they are not crazy
• Take a breather – stepping back and trying to look at the situation from another angle, counting to ten, or just sitting with the uncomfortable feelings for a moment will help the adolescent to realize that it’s not as bad as it seems
• Wait – the mood may pass as quickly as it struck; wait before acting out on extreme emotions

There are a variety of treatment options available to cope with mood swings. Examine the following list and decide which treatment works best for you and your youngster:

1. Behavioral Therapy: Behavioral therapy helps to weaken the connections between troublesome situations and habitual reactions to them. Reactions common to mood swings such as fear, anxiety, depression, anger, and self-damaging behavior can be controlled. Behavioral therapy teaches your adolescent how to calm the mind and body, so they can feel better, think more clearly, and make better decisions.

2. Cognitive Therapy: Cognitive therapy teaches your adolescent how certain thinking patterns are causing your symptoms — by giving a distorted picture of what's going on in their life, and making them feel anxious, depressed or angry for no apparent reason, or provoking them into negative actions. Resolving the cognitive aspect of mood swings can mean improved social interaction, more confidence, and a more positive outlook on life.

3. Literary Therapy: Literary therapy incorporates books, articles, and other research materials into the process of healing. By gathering information about mood swings, one can acquire in-depth knowledge about his or her problems. This knowledge provides the essential tools for controlling and resolving ones issues. There is an extensive amount of information available from a wide range of perspectives. Many books can be checked out from a local library, and most internet information is presented free of charge.

4. Supplements: There are many non-prescription alternatives on the market today. Some of these alternatives contain supplemental vitamins and minerals, while others contain herbal alternatives that have been used to naturally medicate mood swings. Clinical evidence for Valerian, Kava Kava and St. Johns Wort suggests that these herbal constituents can provide significant benefit in helping to relieve negative mood and other symptoms related to anxiety and depression.

5. Talk Therapy: Talk therapy involves the idea of healing through communication. Talking to friends, family members, or a therapist can help your adolescent to find support for those dealing with mood swings. Communication comes naturally to humans, and the simple act of discussing one’s problems can be extremely helpful in the healing process.

6. Talk to Your Doctor: Communicating with your doctor is an important part in the diagnosis and treatment of mood swings. By talking to your doctor openly, you allow him or her to provide your youngster with the best mood swings treatment program possible.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Dealing with Teens and Their Mood Swings

"I need some ideas on how to deal with my son's relentless bad moods (angry all the time, seems depressed, isolates in his bedroom and has no social life to speak of)."

Mood swings in adolescents are extremely common, and the best that moms and dads can do is to dig-in their heels and get ready for a few years of turbulence. At one point or another, virtually all adolescents deal with seemingly extreme shifts in mood.

Causes of Mood Swings in Adolescents—

Adolescence is a period of chaos and stress. This period of time will be marked by drama and “frustrated idealism” regardless of environmental factors. Cultural, spiritual, and familial factors play a role in whether or not an adolescent experiences “severe” mood swings. Most researchers agree that mood swings are a combination of biological and emotional factors that affect an adolescent’s mood:

1. Adolescence is a time when the body starts producing sex hormones as well as going through a major growth spurt. The physical changes that adolescents experience cause them to feel strange and perhaps confused or uncomfortable, and this erodes their sense of security. Because of the effect that this has on their psychological state, they may strike out or experience conflicting moods.

2. Researchers have discovered that the brain continues to grow and develop through adolescence much more than originally thought. Because the brain reaches 90% of its full size by the age of six, it has historically been believed that it had also reached almost full development. Now it is believed that the brain changes much more during the teenage years than previously believed. The grey matter on the outer part of the brain thickens over time with this process peaking at age 11 in females and age 12 in males. After this process is over, the brain begins to trim away excess grey matter that is not used, leaving only the information that the brain needs and making the brain more efficient. One of the last areas to go through this trimming process is the prefrontal cortex, which is the area of the brain responsible for judgment, self-control, and planning. This means that, while adolescents have very strong emotions and passions, they don’t have the mechanisms in place to control these emotions.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Teens are capable of very strong emotions and very strong passions, but their prefrontal cortex hasn't caught up with them yet. It's as though they don't have the brakes that allow them to slow those emotions down. Researchers say this may help explain the often irrational behavior of teens (e.g., mood swings, risk-taking, etc.). Psychologists believe this new understanding of the teenage brain and its limitations can help mothers and fathers recognize there are some behaviors teens can’t easily control. The more educators and the more moms and dads that understand that there is a biological limitation to the teenager’s ability to control and regulate emotion, the more they may be able to be a bit more understanding, and thus avoid taking certain behaviors personally (e.g., an occasional disrespectful attitude).

3. Adolescents are typically very preoccupied with identity formations and becoming entities with lives separate from those of their moms and dads. This can cause confusion or frustration. While the world seems to be changing constantly around them, they feel as though they can’t keep up or handle the pressure, and this leads to a slightly off-kilter emotional state.

4. Adolescents have not yet developed the ability to deal with the pressures, frustrations, and anxieties of life. As their lives become more complicated and adult-like, they don’t have the built-in coping mechanisms that adults have developed to help them deal, so they are prone to react very emotionally to situations.

How Mood Swings Affect Adolescents—

Mood swings can leave an adolescent feel like they’re out of control, which is a very uncomfortable state for anyone to be in. Of course, if the mood swings are severely abnormal or prolonged, the adolescent should see a professional about other possible issues. Normal adolescent mood swings can make an adolescent feel unbalanced, though, and are not to be taken lightly.

Here are some tips for what your adolescent can do when dealing with a mood swing:

• Exercise - exercise releases endorphin into the blood stream, and these chemicals can help to regulate mood and ease frustration.

• Get creative – painting, drawing, writing, or building something can help an adolescent to express their emotions in a healthy way.

• Get plenty of rest – regular sleep helps keep the mind in tip-top shape.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

• Realize that they’re not alone – talking to a friend or peer who is dealing with the same issues will make them feel less abnormal and help them realize that they are not crazy.

• Take a breather – stepping back and trying to look at the situation from another angle, counting to ten, or just sitting with the uncomfortable feelings for a moment will help the adolescent to realize that it’s not as bad as it seems.

• Wait – the mood may pass as quickly as it struck; wait before acting out on extreme emotions.

Treating Mood Swings—

There are a variety of treatment options available to cope with mood swings. Examine the following list and decide which treatment might work best for you and your teenager:

1. Behavioral Therapy: Behavioral therapy helps to weaken the connections between troublesome situations and habitual reactions to them. Reactions common to mood swings such as fear, anxiety, depression, anger, and self-damaging behavior can be controlled. Behavioral therapy teaches your adolescent how to calm the mind and body, so they can feel better, think more clearly, and make better decisions.

2. Cognitive Therapy: Cognitive therapy teaches your adolescent how certain thinking patterns are causing your symptoms — by giving a distorted picture of what's going on in their life, and making them feel anxious, depressed or angry for no apparent reason, or provoking them into negative actions. Resolving the cognitive aspect of mood swings can mean improved social interaction, more confidence, and a more positive outlook on life.

3. Literary Therapy: Literary therapy incorporates books, articles, and other research materials into the process of healing. By gathering information about mood swings, one can acquire in-depth knowledge about his or her problems. This knowledge provides the essential tools for controlling and resolving ones issues. There is an extensive amount of information available from a wide range of perspectives. Many books can be checked out from a local library, and most internet information is presented free of charge.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

4. Non-prescriptive Alternatives: There are many non-prescription alternatives on the market today. Some of these alternatives contain supplemental vitamins and minerals, while others contain herbal alternatives that have been used to naturally medicate mood swings. Clinical evidence for Valerian, Kava Kava and St. Johns Wort suggests that these herbal constituents can provide significant benefit in helping to relieve negative mood and other symptoms related to anxiety and depression.

5. Talk Therapy: Talk therapy involves the idea of healing through communication. Talking to friends, family members, or a therapist can help your adolescent to find support for those dealing with mood swings. Communication comes naturally to humans, and the simple act of discussing one’s problems can be extremely helpful in the healing process.

6. Talking to the Medical professional about Mood Swings: An important part in the diagnosis and treatment of mood swings is communicating with your medical professional is. By talking to your medical professional openly, you allow him/her to provide your teenager with the best treatment program possible. It is extremely important that you maintain open communication with your medical professional. He/she can help you to understand your symptoms and treatment options. The first step is to find a medical professional or that's right for you. Once you have started a treatment plan, it is important for you to provide your medical professional with updates about how you are feeling. Sometimes it is difficult to remember all of the points you want to discuss in your visit.

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents