How Can Your Program Help?

Mark,

I came upon your site when searching for support group for parents of bipolar children. I have 2 sons 12 & 15. They are running over me because I just do not know what else to do. I am ready to give up. They fight constantly. I am a single parent & HAVE ACTUALLY THOUGHT OF RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME! How can your program help!?

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Hi Kim,

My program is an online parent support group with several additional components.

In my day job, I work with teens and pre-teens who are experiencing emotional and behavioral problems associated with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Conduct Disorder, ADHD and Bipolar Disorder. I also work with their parents.

When parents of these children use a specific set of unique parenting strategies (which I talk about in my book), they are quite successful at helping their child behave appropriately both at home and school.

You may download my book here: myoutofcontrolteen.com

You get an online version and a printable, hard-copy version.

Here a just a few of the additional benefits of joining Online Parent Support. You'll have access to:

---Live Audio Recordings of the entire parent-program I conduct at Madison Superior Court

---Power Point Presentations shown during the program

---Online Parent Support Website (updated daily with many additional parenting resources)

This website is ranked #1 in MSN for parenting "out of control" teens.

---Bonus eBook Site (I obtain re-distribution rights to other parenting eBooks and offer them FOR FREE to members; currently there are 22 additional eBooks for download - $418. value)

---Bi-weekly Newsletter (provides additional resources for parenting today's teens and pre-teens)

---Access to me via phone, email, or Chat Room (always feel free to contact me as often as needed while you begin to implement your new parenting strategies)

---100% Money Back Guarantee

--- and much more...

Yes it costs only $29. But if you can find another program as good or better than mine for under 30 bucks -- you better take it.

Here's to a better home environment,

Mark

Son Is Bitter and Angry

Mark,

Thanks so much for your comments. I have shared these with my husband and do agree with much of your advice and opinion.

We have tried in this past week to do as you advised about having me be more of the disciplinarian and my husband take more of a quieter role. He is so bitter and angry all the time. I have had more conversation with my son about him moving out and I did discover it's not just from our home he wants to move from it is from the area we live in. He hasn't told me what exactly is going on but he has shared that he wants a clean start to get away from the problems he has in Green Bay.

I have told him that running away from the problems won't solve anything and they eventually will just catch up to him. He likes to blame us for a lot of his problems but I think he is just angry with himself and it comes across like he is angry at us.

I found some medication missing in our cabinet and I asked him about this and he said he didn't know anything about it. Later he left his back pack sitting around unattended and I looked inside to see if he had these and I found them along with other medication he had taken from us. He asked me later if I took something from his back pack and I said I hadn't. He thinks it was stolen from school at this point. I don't know what he was doing with these.

He did tell me later that one of his friends had him holding a couple of pills for him and now he is mad at him because he doesn't believe that they were stolen. I haven't told my son that I have them, and I'm not sure I will. We just can't trust anything he tells us.

We started giving him some money as of last week. We did this because we thought maybe he was selling them because he didn't have any money. All we asked was that he work on giving us some respect, by talking more nicely and following the rules of the house, i.e. curfew, bed time, being polite. Which curfew is about the only one of them that he is following. On Wednesday's is when he is due to get some more cash for the week and I told him before he will get this we want to sit and talk about how this is going, he said no, he wont' talk to us and just wants to move out.

I don't know why he is so angry, I suspect he has made some poor choices and is having problems with friends, school, alcohol or other bad influences that he feels he is tainted or cast in a bad light with others that he wants to just run away from everything. Do you have any advice in light of this new information? Thank you so much.

D.R.

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Hi D.,

Thanks for waiting for me to find time to get back with you. I want to be able to spend some time on this email.

Allow me to share with you what I see in those cases where parents seem to have difficulty getting 'off the ground' with these parenting techniques:

Some parents have always been indecisive about what course of action to try with their child. They jump from one parenting technique to the other without giving any one technique enough time to be effective, or they try a new parenting technique once and then give up in frustration because it didn't work fast enough.

Some parents will say, "We've tried everything and nothing works with this kid." On rare occasion, this may be true. What I usually see is parents drifting from one parenting tool to another without refining their parenting tools.

Here are several ways to refine:

---Realize the same discipline may not work for all children, because of the unique features of different children

---Try to blend a combination of several parenting tools to create a more effective discipline

---Don't believe it when your children seem unaffected by discipline. Children often pretend discipline doesn't bother them. Continue to be persistent with your planned discipline, and consider yourself successful by keeping your parenting plan in place. When children pretend a discipline doesn't bother them, parents often give up on a discipline, which reinforces the child's disobedience. Remember, you can only control your actions, not your children's reactions.

Let's trouble shoot...

Below is a summary of all the assignments I gave you in My Out-of-Control Teen eBook. If parents do not implement ALL of these assignments, it will be the "kiss of failure." For example, the transmission in your car has hundreds of parts, but if just one little tiny part is not working -- the whole transmission does not work. The same is true with this "parent program." Omit just one strategy, and the whole plan falls through the floor.

1. Are you asking your son at least one question each day that cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or a "no" to demonstrate that you are interested in what is going on in his/her life? (page 20 of the printable version of eBook)

2. Are you saying to your child "I love you" everyday and expecting nothing in return? (page 20)

3. Are you eating dinner together at least one evening each week -- either at home or out? (page 20)

4. Do you use "The Art of Saying Yes" whenever your answer is yes? (page 25)

5. Do you use "The The Art of Saying - and Sticking With - No" whenever your answer is no? (page 25)

6. Do you catch your son in the act of doing something right at least once each day? (page 25)

7. Do you use the "When You Want Something From Your Kid" approach as needed? (page 31)

8. Do you give your child at least one chore each day? (page 31)

9. Do you find something fun to do with your teen each week? (page 54)

10. Do you use the "I noticed ...I felt ...Listen" approach when something unexpected pops-up? (bottom of page 50)

11. When you are undecided about what to say or do in any particular situation, are you asking yourself the following question: "Will this promote the development of self-reliance in my child, or will this inhibit the development of self-reliance?"

If it is supportive of self-reliance, say it or do it. If it is not supportive, don't!

12. Is your son EARNING ALL of his stuff and freedom? (see "Self-Reliance Cycle" - page 19)

If you answered "no" to any of the above, you are missing some important pieces to the puzzle. Most parents DO miss a few pieces initially -- you can't be expected to remember everything! But don't get frustrated and give up. We must be willing to hang in there for the long haul.

I'm talking about refinement here. Refinement is a necessary tool to use in order to truly be successful with these parenting strategies.

HERE IS THE GOOD NEWS: Parents who refine are, on average, 95% - 100% successful at getting the parent-child difficulties reduced in intensity and severity (i.e., the problems are easily managed).

The same can be true in your case. Keep up the good work. Please continue to refine by emailing me again. Refinement is a process, not a one-time event.

Here's to a better home environment,

Mark

Click for more help ==>   www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Show No Emotion When Your Teenager Is Acting-Out: Tips for Parents

GOOD EVENING, I AM ON PAGE 25 of "My Out-of-Control Teen" eBook. I UNDERSTAND WHAT I HAVE DONE WRONG AND THAT HAS PUT ME IN THE PLACE I AM NOW. BOTH MY TEENS KNOW HOW TO BREAK ME AND GET WHAT THEY WANT. I CANNOT KEEP A POKER FACE AND GET VERY, VERY UPSET. NOT SURE IF I AM ABLE TO FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THE DIRECTIONS. WILL BE VERY HARD. ALSO BOTH MY TEENS WILL GO IN A RAGE ATTACK, WHICH I WOULD LIKE MORE INFO ON HOW TO HANDLE THEM. DO YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ON RAGE? IT REALLY SCARES ME. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING. ~ T.

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Hi T.,

I respectfully disagree with you when you say you cannot keep a "poker face" (i.e., showing no expressions of being upset or angry, because if you do, you are showing a sign of weakness to your teenager - and then he will know he has you in the palm of his hand).

But you are not alone with this belief. Many people believe that wearing a poker face is impossible (i.e., showing no emotion when things are going wrong). But those same people have already done it!

For example:

Many people have received terrible service at a restaurant. But when the waiter asked, “How was your dinner,” they put on a poker face and said “fine.”

Many people have been pulled over by a police officer and received a speeding ticket even though they knew they were not speeding. But instead of cussing out the cop and telling him to “go to hell,” they put on their poker face, said “yes sir,” signed their signature on the ticket and went on about their business.

You get the idea. It’s not a question of whether or not you can wear a poker face – you’ve already done it more times than you realize.

So, you too can wear a poker face – and you MUST wear a poker face for these strategies to work for you -- especially if your teens have a propensity for slipping into rage.

Try very hard not to show any emotion when reacting to the behaviors of your teens. The worst thing to do is to react strongly and emotionally. This will just make them push you that same way again.

Also, you do not want them to figure out what really bugs you. You want to try to remain as cool as possible while they are trying to drive you over the edge. This is not easy. But once you know what you are going to ignore and what will be addressed, it will be far easier not to let your feelings get the best of you.

I’m NOT asking you to NOT be afraid. I’m NOT asking you to NOT get angry. But I am asking you to "act as if" you are not afraid -- "act as if" you are not angry. This is a “fake it until you make it” approach.

Practice doing it -- then practice some more -- then practice doing it again.

Eventually, wearing a poker face will come as easily as “getting very, very upset.”

Hope this helps ...stay in touch,

Mark Hutten, M.A.

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents