He chose to steal 2 games from the local Kmart...

Dear Mark,

Thank you for the great e-mails. I have a 16 year old, out of control son, that was diagnosed with ODD in September. I had him attend counseling after a series of bad grades in school. He chose to steal 2 games from the local Kmart, refuses to do his homework, refuses to go to bed at night & get up in the morning, and wanders the halls in school.

He then in September was expelled for a week from school after he took 2 Ipods from one locker & put them into another. The boy's parents pressed charges & we went to court. He was put on probation for 6 months, has community service, is required to keep his grades up, and wrote an apology letter to the person from which he stole. You would think he would feel some sort of remorse? He sees this as a thorn in his side. Even the class on theft that he will be attending doesn't seem like it is going to make him think. It's like he has no fear.

The only things that are important to him are playing his guitar, talking on the phone and being on the computer. Surprise, surprise, I know...he's a teenager. But the thing is he used to be a straight A student, attended Math Masters in the State of MN, and was an academic All star. Skinny legged-girls jeans, dying his hair, and piercings along with MySpace has now taken the place of these other things. He only does what he has to so he doesn't fail in school, and it seems to be getting worse.

I went through a divorce 6 years ago, but all of this is just in the last 12 months. I don't know how to help him anymore. I don't want him to mess up the last 2 1/2 years that he has left in school and want desperately for him to go back to being that compassionate young man that he used to be...please help.

Thank you,

K.N.

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Hi K.,

I've summarized the problems here:

--ODD

--bad grades

--stealing

--doesn't do homework

--sleep problems

--skips class

--legal problems

--unable to empathize

All of this is covered in my eBook. Have you read it yet? If not, please do. Then please email me with a specific question. To address all the above problems in one email will take hours to address properly. Please don't wait any longer to address these problems, because it WILL continue to get worse -- and you have a lot on your plate at this point.

Thank you,

Mark

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

I could really use some help...

I really could use some help with dealing with my 9-year-old son, who may be dealing with this ODD disorder. He is very disrespectful towards myself, and I am his mother, also to his siblings not quite as bad, and a tiny bit with his father. He is fine with his friends and does great in school. I don't feel that physically hitting him is going to make the situation any better and is only making him resent me even more. How can I go about getting an accurate diagnose for his behaviors? Thanks, you may email me @ anytime.

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ODD is a psychiatric disorder that is characterized by two different sets of problems. These are aggressiveness and a tendency to purposefully bother and irritate others. It is often the reason that people seek treatment. When ODD is present with ADHD, depression, Tourette's, anxiety disorders, or other neuropsychiatric disorders, it makes life with that child far more difficult. For Example, ADHD plus ODD is much worse than ADHD alone, often enough to make people seek treatment. The criteria for ODD are:

A pattern of negativistic, hostile, and defiant behavior lasting at least six months during which four or more of the following are present:

1. Often loses temper

2. Often argues with adults

3. Often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules

4. Often deliberately annoys people

5. Often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior

6. Is often touchy or easily annoyed by others

7. Is often angry and resentful

8. Is often spiteful and vindictive

The disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functioning.

All of the criteria above include the word "often". But what exactly does that mean? Recent studies have shown that these behaviors occur to a varying degree in all children. These researchers have found that the "often" is best solved by the following criteria.

Has occurred at all during the last three months:

Is spiteful and vindictive

Blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior

Occurs at least twice a week:

Is touchy or easily annoyed by others

Loses temper

Argues with adults

Actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules

Occurs at least four times per week:

Is angry and resentful

Deliberately annoys people

The usual pattern is for problems to begin between ages 1-3. A lot of these behaviors are normal at age 2, but in this disorder they never go away. It does run in families. If a parent is alcoholic and has been in trouble with the law, their children are almost three times as likely to have ODD.

ODD is diagnosed in the same way as many other psychiatric disorders in children. You need to examine the child, talk with the child, talk to the parents, and review the medical history. Sometimes other medical tests are necessary to make sure it is not something else. You always need to check children out for other psychiatric disorders, as it is common the children with ODD will have other problems, too.

What can parents do? They can use the strategies outline in my eBook: http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/sl

Mark Hutten, M.A.