Mark,
This may sound like a ridiculous question ...but why don't we, as parents, just KNOW how to parent our children the right way. Why don't we just know it!!! Why does it seem that we HAVE to get outside help with our kids nowadays (otherwise all hell breaks lose).
K.
____________________
Hi K.,
All parents are experts in 'HOW' their child behaves. But few, if any, are experts in 'WHY' their child behaves the way she/he does. And if the parent doesn't know the 'WHY' part, she will beat her head against a brick wall for years without finding a solution to the behavior problems.
Kids are extremely complex creatures-- especially when they suffer with ADHD, ODD, CD, etc. How could anyone be expected to know how to parent these individuals. If I pulled the automatic transmission from my car and placed it on a table in front of you, would you just "KNOW" how to fix it. Of course not. The idea is absurd. Parenting kids with emotional/behavioral problems is no different.
This is why I'm glad you are a member of Online Parent Support (OPS). Members of OPS are my hero's. Why? Because they are willing to spend a significant amount of time figuring out the 'WHY' part, and are working hard at making the necessary adjustments in their parenting.
I'm proud of you K. -- you have what it takes.
Mark
www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com
Terminate The Relationship?
Mark,
In the Emails From Parents ("This Mom Has A Backbone"), you used the word "terminate." Could you elaborate on what you mean exactly by this term? Surely you're not telling us to abandon our kids.
J.D.
______________
When you "terminate the relationship," you're not saying to your child, "Hey ...I don't love you anymore, and I never want to see you again." Rather, you are sending a clear, verbal message that "as long as you choose to use abusive language and threats, I choose not to be around you." You could include the comment, "whenever you decide to stop using abusive language and threats, I'd love to spend time with you" (tough love that, in many cases, is equally tough for the parent).
In those cases where the child does not have the luxury of going to live with the other parent, you have to adopt a different approach obviously (which is discussed in the ebook).
I hope this clarifies,
Mark
www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com
In the Emails From Parents ("This Mom Has A Backbone"), you used the word "terminate." Could you elaborate on what you mean exactly by this term? Surely you're not telling us to abandon our kids.
J.D.
______________
When you "terminate the relationship," you're not saying to your child, "Hey ...I don't love you anymore, and I never want to see you again." Rather, you are sending a clear, verbal message that "as long as you choose to use abusive language and threats, I choose not to be around you." You could include the comment, "whenever you decide to stop using abusive language and threats, I'd love to spend time with you" (tough love that, in many cases, is equally tough for the parent).
In those cases where the child does not have the luxury of going to live with the other parent, you have to adopt a different approach obviously (which is discussed in the ebook).
I hope this clarifies,
Mark
www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
How do I get my over-achieving daughter to slow down?
"I have taken the quiz and surprisingly found that I was a severely over indulgent parent. This angers me because I didn't think...
-
Teen: “Hey mom. I’m spending the night here at Sarah’s.” Mother: “No you’re not. I told you to be home by 11:00 PM.” Teen: “But ... -
It may be difficult to get your teenage daughter or son to follow house rules in the beginning. One thing about house rules is to let ev... -
One minute, your teenager is begging you to take her to McDonald’s for lunch. The next minute, she’s insulting your intelligence and ca...