This may sound like a ridiculous question ...but why don't we, as parents, just KNOW how to parent our children the right way. Why don't we just know it!!! Why does it seem that we HAVE to get outside help with our kids nowadays (otherwise all hell breaks lose).
All parents are experts in 'HOW' their child behaves. But few, if any, are experts in 'WHY' their child behaves the way she/he does. And if the parent doesn't know the 'WHY' part, she will beat her head against a brick wall for years without finding a solution to the behavior problems.
Kids are extremely complex creatures-- especially when they suffer with ADHD, ODD, CD, etc. How could anyone be expected to know how to parent these individuals. If I pulled the automatic transmission from my car and placed it on a table in front of you, would you just "KNOW" how to fix it. Of course not. The idea is absurd. Parenting kids with emotional/behavioral problems is no different.
This is why I'm glad you are a member of Online Parent Support (OPS). Members of OPS are my hero's. Why? Because they are willing to spend a significant amount of time figuring out the 'WHY' part, and are working hard at making the necessary adjustments in their parenting.
I'm proud of you K. -- you have what it takes.