Right now you are the only one who might have any idea of what I am going through. I wish I knew what to ask you. I guess one of my first questions to you would be: How much contact should I have with my kids?
Their grandmother said I could call or stop over whenever I wanted. I told her I would rather let my children call me when they wanted, and I would like to come see them if they asked her if I could come over.
She said that they do not usually tell her what they want, so I should probably make the first move towards contacting them. I have been emailing them, but that is it so far except for calling their grandmother twice to see how they were doing.
If I contact them first, will it make the situation worse? If I wait for them, will they think that I don't miss them? I might be their Mom, but I feel like no matter what I do, it will be wrong in their eyes.
Do you have any suggestions?
I agree with their grandmother. You will have to be the one to initiate contact – at first. After everyone has recovered from “resentment flu,” your kids will start to initiate contact as well.
Don’t make a big production out of the visits, and keep them short initially. Simply pop-in unannounced, ask how things are going, tell them you love them (don’t wait for a response; it doesn’t matter how they respond), then go on about your day.
Make visits a habit – a weekly event that is never missed. But, again, keep them short at first. And don’t expect anything from your kids (e.g., kind statements, hugs, kisses, eye-to-eye contact, etc.). Don’t require them to respond to you in any particular way.
Ask your higher power -- whoever that is -- to give you guidance. Trust that you will receive the guidance you need. Be patient with the process. Detach from the outcome. And never, never give up!
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