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Hi M.,
Grounded for 2 months?!
No offense, but it doesn’t sound as though you watched all the Instructional Videos in the online version of the eBook?
All parents dread the day when their son or daughter comes home with a new love interest. There will be many relationships that you know will not work out. And while you might be tempted to share your opinion with your child, I would suggest you didn’t. One point I can’t stress enough is to never tell your child you disapprove of his girlfriend.
This will only make him that much more attracted to her. If he asks your opinion, you can say that the girl isn’t the person you would have chosen for him, but it’s his life and he has to figure that out for himself. If you keep telling him how bad of a person his new fling is, she could turn out to be your daughter-in-law.
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I know this from first hand experience. My wife hated my daughter’s high school boyfriend - even forbid her from seeing him. All this did was make her want to see him even more. At one point my daughter said to me, “When my boyfriend and I would have disagreements, I would not see that the relationship wasn’t working. I would only see that I had to make it work to keep mom from knowing she was right about him all along.”
You have a Romeo & Juliet phenomenon on your hands that will need to be diffused (if not, they will work harder at sneaking rendezvous behind your back). Unfortunately, if your son wants to be with someone -- he'll find a way, no matter what you say or do. Parents can only guide their children in the right direction and hope for the best. If they do a good job, their children will make the right decision all on their own.
Since you will not be successful at keeping those two apart, you must adopt a philosophy of “if you can’t beat ‘em - join ‘em.” In other words, they should be able to see one another within limits, and you decide what those limits are. Maybe your limits will look something like this:
· They can be together at your house only during those times that you are home and can monitor their behavior (if not, she has to leave).
· Or you could schedule some activity for them in which you would be a distant chaperon (e.g., take them to a shopping plaza and tell them to meet you back at the coffee shop in exactly one hour).
· Or your son is allowed to go over to her house for a designated time period (if he violates the time limit, there is a consequence that is commensurate with the “crime”).
Figure out a way for your son to see his g-friend in a way that will keep him safe. This is the best you will be able to do. Otherwise, you are likely to get sucked into weeks – if not months – of power struggles.
Mark
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