I don’t feel it is fair for us to pay that kind of money...

Hi Mark,

It is the 2^nd week of school and my kid already has missing assignments and has a D- and an F in two of her classes. I am not saying anything about it. She is doing her chores and her attitude is okay. My problem is this….she has made the freshmen volleyball team. It will cost me $250 for her to continue to play. I feel it is really important for her to play, it keeps her busy. She obviously is going to get kicked off of the team for her bad grades; she needs to maintain a 2.0 to play. I had told her previously (before I read your book) that if she doesn’t play she could lose any or all privileges. I don’t feel it is fair for us to pay that kind of money for her to play for a couple more weeks and for her not to have any consequences. Do you have any suggestions for me?

Thanks!

W.

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Hi W.,

A kid can earn privileges at home as well as school. Sports are school privileges that are earned by maintaining a minimum grade point average. It looks like your daughter may soon be on the receiving end of a “natural consequence” for poor academic performance (i.e., getting kicked off the team).

Should you cough up $250.00? Check with the coach first to see whether or not she is likely to be kicked off the team. If the coach says “yes” …then that’s pretty much the end of it. You shouldn’t throw your money away in that event.

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen

Why do I feel so guilty ?

Dear Mr. Hutten,

It's been awhile since my last e-mail.

My son M__ is 17 1/2. He's quit 2 jobs over the last 6 months, but has a car. I've told him that he at least needs to have a job 1 weekend day . I think he should at least put gas in it himself. He is a senior this year and plays soccer now and hockey all winter until March. He has no interest in working at all and keeps asking for money. Per your advice I have stopped with the handouts. I've told him pay for gas or park the car- Why do I feel so guilty ?

I can't get him motivated to do anything, but I also know that he needs to motivate himself. He can be extremely charming until he hears no, that turns to the "whatever" mentality. What else can I do ?

Looking forward to your response,

M.

P.S.

I've intituted an 11:00 pm curfew and no more sleepovers-nothing good comes from teenage boys up all night !! I've stuck to both and probably couldn't have done this without you- you've helped me feel that I am doing the right thing instead of feeling guilty.(11:00 curfew is early, but is because of early summer incident- I've told him he can get back to 11:30 but it is up to him-

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Hi M.,

I don't have too much to add really. You're doing exactly what you should be doing ...and "feeling guilty" is very typical.

It does get better over time though. When you realize that you are doing all this FOR your son rather than AGAINST him, then you won't feel as though you've done something "wrong" or "bad" while implementing this "tough love" approach..

Mark

Online Parent Support