Dealing With The Manipulative Child

Have you ever noticed the things your child says to get her way? It’s as if she has taken a course on “how to manipulate parents.” Below are seven statements you probably have heard your child say again and again in her steadfast effort to influence and control you. See if these sound familiar, and discover some effective ways to respond to them:

1.    YOU LOVE BRANDON MORE! This is one of those comments designed to prey on a parent’s guilt. This comment about how you love one of your other children more is often effective in getting moms and dads to launch into a lengthy discussion with the youngster—and that only encourages the youngster to debate the parent’s authority. The next time your youngster accuses you of loving her sibling more, say, “You know that’s not true. I love all my children equally, but I parent them differently.”

2.    GET OUT OF MY BEDROOM! Somehow, kids have the idea that their bedrooms are off-limits, and that any parent who enters is trespassing on sacred ground. Generally, it’s O.K. to respect your child’s desire for privacy. But when moms and dads suspect that the child has stolen something, for example, they have every right to check things out.  If your child accuses you of violating her rights, simply say, “Your bedroom is a privilege –not a right. When you get your own home and pay the bills, you can put a “keep out” sign on your front door. It the meantime, this bedroom is actually mine – but, I’m willing to let you stay in it.”

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

3.    YOU DON’T TRUST ME! This is a favorite accusation of older children and adolescents. They’ll use this line to try to get you to relax an “established limit” (e.g., child has to be home from the Mall by 9:00 PM). How should you respond? Like this: “I trust you, but I don’t trust a bunch of strangers. That’s why I don’t think it’s safe for you to spend all evening wandering around the Mall with your friend after 9:00 on a Saturday night.”

4.    THAT’S NOT FAIR! Since moms and dads feel it’s important to be fair to their kids, this statement can really throw parents for a loop. For their part, children tend to say this when they’re trying to get their mother or father to change a “no” into a “yes.” By accusing moms and dads of being unfair, children try to make parents feel guilty so they’ll change a rule they have established.  How should you respond? How about:  “You’re right – it’s probably not fair in your mind. And I have a lot of unfair things that happen to me too. Some things in life aren’t fair. And my answer is still ‘no’.” As a parent, you have to postpone worrying about what’s fair and remain focused on what needs to be addressed (e.g., your youngster’s misbehavior).

5.    I HATE YOU! Your youngster may tell you that he hates you when he is forbidden from doing what he wants to do. A good way to respond to “I hate you” is to reframe what the youngster has said, eliminating the word “hate.”  For example: “I know you’re angry, but that’s the rule. You can’t ride your after dark.”  Kids often drop the “hate” bomb word when what they really mean is that they’re angry. It’s understandable, of course, that new or inexperienced parents would be hurt when their youngster yells “I hate you!” But try to remember that your youngster doesn’t really mean it. In a fit of rage, kids don’t always find the right words to express their feelings.

At some point in your parenting career, your kids will launch one or more of these comments your way. Like a broken record, your children may return to them again and again, hoping they’ll eventually wear you down and get their way. Use the responses above as a cheat sheet of sorts, relying on them when your children put you in a tough spot. But be sure to choose the language that makes you most comfortable. 

Just remember that your youngster is saying what he’s saying to get his way. Stay focused on the current issue rather than getting derailed by your child’s comments and complaints. Your authority is not a subject open for debate.

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

The New Teen Drug: Bath Salts

Just when you thought you’ve seen it all in drug abuse among teens, here comes a new drug reportedly more potent than heroin and more dangerous than crack: bath salts.

"Bath salts" (mephedrone and methylenedioxypyrovalerone) or MDPV has been responsible for sending scores of teenagers to the emergency rooms across the country. The number of emergency related incident calls related to this widely available drug skyrocketed from 235 calls last year to 246 calls in January of this year alone.

The “bath salts” being sold contain cathinone, which is a plant grown in Africa. It affects the neurotransmitters in the brain much like meth or crack would. However, there is no government regulation at this time because of the fact that it is not manufactured for human consumption. Louisiana currently is being hardest hit with deaths and serious injuries because of ingested bath salts.

“Bath salts” has been sold under the street names of Cloud 9, Ivory Wave, Ocean, Charge Plus, White Lightning, Scarface, Hurricane Charlie, Red Dove and White Dove. It comes in powder and tablet form and is ingested by snorting, injection, smoking, or less often, by use of an atomizer. “Bath salts” is a psychoactive drug with stimulant properties, which acts as a norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitor (NDRI).

Also called synthetic cocaine, fake coke, “charge” or the new Miaow Miaow, the usage of this product has become a fast-growing, highly addictive trend. Teens who have used and survived to tell the story say they can’t get enough of the fake coke. Unlike cocaine or meth, the white powder is still legal in most of the U.S. and it is sold at gas stations and specialty shops around the country. Some parents are reporting that their teenagers are staying awake for as long as 72 hours in complete pandemonium.

“Bath salts” is a powerful synthetic stimulant that has been responsible for many deaths. Many users are overdosing, committing violent drug-induced suicide, or having accidents caused by their paranoia. Producing effects worst than cocaine and meth, “bath salt products” have already been banned in Scotland following related deaths. Last December the DEA listed “bath salts” as a drug of concern but has no current plans to ban it nationwide. Florida has become the second state to ban "bath salts" following Louisiana. Officials in Mississippi, Kentucky and other states have begun to take similar steps.

Sold with items like herbal incense and synthetic marijuana, local drug advocates say they've seen abuse of bath salts increase dramatically. While it's a fairly new problem in Florida, deaths have already been reported in Kansas, Louisiana, and overseas. Now, the legal high is becoming more popular in the Miami / Fort Lauderdale area.

According to Dr. Richard J. Geller of the California Poison Control System, the problem is what's inside these so-called salts. The most common ingredient used in “bath salts” is called 4-Methylenedioxypyrovalerone, also known as MDPV. But also commonly found inside that "instant spa at home" is Mephedrone, aka 4-Methylmethcathinone, a compound very similar in structure to Methamphetamine. Other substances Geller says are "implicated" as “bath salts” include 4-Methylenedioxymethcathinone (Methylone), 4-Methoxymethcathinone, 4-Fluoromethcathinone, and 3-Fluoromethcathinone. All four are derivatives of Methcathinone, also known as Khat, Jeff, and Cat …a drug Geller says is structurally and pharmaceutically similar to methamphetamine. The Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) has it listed as a "schedule one" drug under the Controlled Substances Act -- the same class as heroin, pot, and mescaline.

Adolescents who abuse household products (e.g., prescription pills or bath salts) may benefit from tough love. Parents may consider limiting their child's access to certain areas of the house until they can be trusted.

If your teen has gotten involved with this highly addictive substance or any other drug, please seek help before it’s too late. For immediate attention, seek your nearest emergency room -- and when your teen is stabilized, seek the help of an addiction treatment center that specializes in treating teens.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents