ONLINE PARENTING COACH

Hi Mark, During the last few weeks me and my husband have been following (as much as we can) your program. Thank you for making it available on line. We have a fourteen year old daughter and an eight year old son. Our daughter is very well described in your lectures. I recognised that my overindulging approach and the fact that in the past me and my husband had different opinions on her parenting and also the fact that she is very strong willed person led to her behaviour problems. We are trying really hard to keep being firm and give her the consequences of her bad choices. Meanwhile we encourage all the small positive steps that she does. What can we do to make sure we keep the behavioral changes from her moving in the right direction and help her to be a productive adult? Thank you for your support. ~ M. RE: "What can we do to make sure we keep the behavioral changes from her moving in the right direction and help her to be a productive adult?" In a nutshell,...

Hi Mark, I just purchased your program today. I am going to try and make this brief. My daughter has been with father for the last 4 months we have 50/50 custody. Recently she has talked about moving back and going to her old school. We had a blow out the other day because of a pierced lip that her father allowed her to get knowing this is not allowed in my house. I would also not get her a dress that night. She hit me called me bad names and was out of control. I called her father and said I would be picking her up Sunday night and am going back to 50/50 custody because of how she felt I have no control over her behavior. My problem is this program takes about 4 weeks and this Sunday is days away. My question is should I not pick her up and let her stay with her father if that is what she so desires and explain I love her and this would be her choice to live with her father instead of being with me and the rules at our house. Or should I pick her up Sunday night and re...

We see the main problem is he has turned on us... he is angry and is baiting us... he just came in from soccer and hit me with a tirade of swearing. He was angry because he wanted takeaway food and he was told that there was food at home. He has now taken off – it is 11pm. How do we make him realise that he needs to conform to our rules. He has no friends and we are the only people who support him. The punching of the walls and threatening to tell people that his father rapes him etc are just his way of punishing us. Will keeping the screws on him keep making the situation worse or will it eventually break him? `````````````````````````````````` Re: Will keeping the screws on him keep making the situation worse or will it eventually break him? First of all, we're not in the business of "breaking" children. This implies a power struggle with one winner and one loser. Rather, we're in the business of fostering the development of self-reliance. ...

"Dear Mark: My daughter is asking to extend her curfew. It seems she can fight whatever. Would you please help me and let me have a strategy to have the curfew settle down. Thanks & Best Regards! F." ``````````` Hi F., Here are some ideas and perspectives regarding curfews, including why having a “time you agree to be home” that is somewhat flexible might be better than the notion of a hard-and-fast curfew which most of us grew up with: 1. Practice Negotiation. It can be tempting--and easy--to create hard-and-fast rules about curfews, but most parenting experts agree that times that teens must be home should be worked out by parents and teens together.“Where are you going to be? How long? Is that enough time? Can you get home by then? Will you let us know if it’s a problem?” Asking these types of questions sets up a pattern of negotiation between parents and child that allows the child to be honest. Such questions also show that your main concern is the ...

Hi Mark, In your article about Permissive Parenting under the conditional permissiveness I am confused---as you have said to make the kids EARN EVERYTHING---yet in this article it sounds like that is Conditional permissiveness and that is supposed to be a bad thing? Can you help me clear that up please? Thanks. ``````````````````````````````` Conditional parenting is not assertive parenting. Assertive parents: Say No Have a detailed Plan for Consequences Are Honest with their Children Structure Children's Behavior Foster Self-Esteem Manage Parental Stress Exercise Parental Leadership With Conditionally Permissive Parenting: Parental demands are usually not explicit or spelled out in detail Freedom and material benefits are often given in return for behavior that reflects well on the family (parent’s ulterior motives or hidden agenda), such as making good grades or buttering up Aunt Sophie Moms and dads tend to see the adolescents as mini-adults. Pro...

"My daughter is having great difficulty getting in by curfew. She always says things like, 'It’s so unfair! All my friends get to stay out later than I do. I don’t need a curfew. Just call me on the cell when I need to come home. Don’t you trust me?' Any advice? ~ Aussie mom" `````````````````````````````````` Setting a curfew is pretty easy when your kids are little, but it gets harder and harder as they mature. You have less control over their lives and they can get around on their own, particularly when they begin driving. But while kids certainly need more independence as they grow up, giving kids structure is also vitally important to their growth and development and, just as importantly, it helps keep them safe. Only 48 percent of adolescents surveyed indicate that their family has clearly defined boundaries, which includes having clear rules and consequences and having parents that monitor their whereabouts. Girls are more likely than boys to ...

Mark, As a responsible, caring parent, I want my children to make responsible choices regarding alcohol use that are consistent with my beliefs and values. But it’s not a simple issue. We have alcohol in our home and with meals, but don’t want the kids to drink before they are adults. In the midst of these issues, our children see and hear numerous ads that promote alcohol. They may be curious, and—particularly as they grow older—face pressure from their peers to drink. How do you deal with this issue in a positive, healthy way? T. C. ``````````````````````````````` By the time they graduate from high school, half of adolescents report consuming alcohol regularly. One-third report binge drinking. The greatest increase in alcohol usage occurs between grades 6 and 10. Good news: many young people do not consume alcohol. Fifty-five percent of middle and high school-aged students say that it is against their values to drink alcohol while they are adolescents. Helping kids ste...