What Oppositional Defiant Disorder May Look Like Throughout Childhood

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is defined as a recurrent pattern of negativistic, defiant, disobedient, and hostile behavior toward authority figures that persists for at least 6 months. Behaviors included in the definition are as follows:

• refusing to follow rules
• losing one's temper
• deliberately annoying other people
• blaming others for one's own mistakes or misbehavior
• being touchy, easily annoyed or angered
• being resentful, spiteful, or vindictive
• arguing with grown-ups
• actively defying requests

Here’s what ODD looks like throughout childhood:

Preschool—

• family instability, including economic stress, parental mental illness, harshly punitive behaviors, inconsistent parenting practices, multiple moves, and divorce, may also contribute to the development of oppositional and defiant behaviors
• temperamental factors, such as irritability, impulsivity, and intensity of reactions to negative stimuli, may contribute to the development of a pattern of oppositional and defiant behaviors in later childhood
• when the parent punishes the youngster, the youngster learns to respond to threats
• when the mother or father fails to punish the youngster, the youngster learns that he or she does not have to comply
• the youngster's defiant behavior tends to intensify the parents' harsh reactions
• moms and dads respond to misbehavior with threats of punishment that are inconsistently applied
• interactions of a youngster who has a difficult temperament and irritable behavior with moms and dads who are harsh, punitive, and inconsistent usually lead to a coercive, negative cycle of behavior in the famil
• these patterns are established early, in the youngster's preschool years; left untreated, pattern development accelerates, and patterns worsen

School-age—

• they lack the skills to solve social conflicts
• they blame their peers (e.g., "He made me hit him.")
• these kids may be more likely to misinterpret their peers' behavior as hostile
• noncompliance with commands
• kids with patterns of oppositional behavior tend to express their defiance with educators and other grown-ups and exhibit aggression toward their peers
• kids with ODD and poor social skills often do not recognize their role in peer conflicts
• in problem situations, kids with ODD are more likely to resort to aggressive physical actions rather than verbal responses
• failure to take responsibility for one's own actions
• emotional overreaction to life events, no matter how small
• as kids with ODD progress in school, they experience increasing peer rejection due to their poor social skills and aggression
• ODD behavior may escalate and result in serious antisocial actions that, when sufficiently frequent and severe, become criteria to change the diagnosis to conduct disorder

NOTE: When many kids with behavioral problems and academic problems are placed in the same classroom, the risk for continued behavioral and academic problems increases.

==> Effective Disciplinary Techniques for Oppositional, Defiant Teens 

Why We Are Seeing Our Young People Commit Horrific Violent Acts

“Why are so many of our young people turning to senseless acts of violence these days… why are we seeing such an epidemic of mass shootings …why …why?!”

Several things have occurred in recent years that appear to have created the perfect storm for mass shootings. In no particular order, mass shooters tend to have the following commonalities:

1.    All mass shooters had the means to carry out their violent act (in most cases, purchasing their weapons through legal avenues). 

2.    Most mass shooters reach an identifiable crisis point in the months leading up to the shooting.

3.    There was both a means and an opportunity to carry out the crime in all cases.

4.    Most had experienced trauma or exposure to violence in childhood (e.g., teasing, bullying, and/or ostracization by their peer group, physical and/or sexual abuse, parental suicide, neglect, domestic violence, etc.).

5.    Most felt 100% justified in carrying out the shooting (i.e., they honestly thought they were “doing the right thing”).

6.    Most become angry, despondent and violent because of a specific grievance (in the El Paso case, having a serious problem with Latino immigrants). Other examples of specific grievances include relationship rejection (or some other type of loss), a change in job status, feeling belittled or shamed by certain individuals, etc.

7.    Mental health concerns are often present (e.g., thought disorders, suicidality, depression, anxiety, etc.).

8.    Many of these shooters have been radicalized online (i.e., they study other perpetrators and model their violent acts after previous shootings).

9.    Most had studied the actions of other shooters and pursued validation for their motives, which might explain why we had 2 mass shooting back-to-back (i.e., mass shootings tend to be socially contagious – they come in clusters).

10.    In many cases, the shooter communicated to others through (a) specific threats of violence (e.g., via Facebook and Twitter), (b) an expression of suicidal thoughts or plans, or (c) a marked change in behavior.

11.    At some point prior to the shooting, many decided that life was no longer worth living and that killing others would be appropriate revenge, which might explain why they have either expected to be killed by police during the episode, or took their own lives immediately after they completed their evil task.

In summary, it appears that the core issue for these individuals revolves around mental health problems – specifically starting in childhood!

==> Effective Disciplinary Techniques for Oppositional, Defiant Teens

What To Do When Your Defiant Child Has To Have The "Last Word"

“What do you suggest for a child with oppositional defiant disorder who always has an intense need to have the last word?”

Because defiant behavior is all about control, many kids who exhibit it seem to have a strong need to have the last word. Remember that they don’t want the argument to end, because when it does, their sense of control ends also.

Unfortunately, dealing with a child who has this need to win often generates in parents the same intense need to come out on top.

Your strategy here would simply be to give your child the control he or she wants. Make the conscious decision to “surrender to win.” Go ahead and allow your child to have the last word.

Once his or her goal has been accomplished, the behavior usually stops. “Parting-shot” comments can be ignored and consequences given later (similar to the strategy outlined here).

==> Effective Disciplinary Techniques for Defiant Teens and Preteens

Oppositional Behavior: When Your Child Violates Rules Right in Front of You

Let's look at a couple examples:

• The parent is walking through the living room and, as she passes, the child puts her/his feet up on the coffee table (when told previously not to do so).
• The parent tells all the kids to calm down and use their “inside voice,” but the defiant child immediately shouts out loud.

Planned ignoring is a conscious decision to not attend to the behavior at the time it occurs. It does not mean ignoring the behavior forever, which would be condoning it. 

Usually, when a child violates a rule immediately after it has been given, it is an attempt to engage the parent in an argument and seize control of the situation. Behaviors that are insubordinate, but do not endanger the physical or psychological safety of others, can be temporarily ignored.

When your child sees that you are not going to “give up” control by taking the time to engage in an argument, the behavior often stops. If, however, when the behavior is ignored the child escalates it, you need to interpret the meaning of the behavior.

It’s important to let ALL your kids know about the strategy of “planned ignoring.” You might say:

“There are going to be times when someone violates a rule and it looks like I’m not paying attention or I’m letting them get away with it. I want you to know that I am choosing to ignore them for the time being because what’s most important is that I continue to teach and you continue to learn. I want you to know that the misbehavior will be addressed at a later time and the child will receive consequences for her/his behavioral choices. The rules haven’t changed.”

==> Effective Disciplinary Techniques for Defiant Teens and Preteens

Parent’s Strategy for Dealing with Oppositional Defiant Behavior: Ask Rather Than Tell

Let’s look at this common parent-child exchange:

The parents says, “You need to finish your homework before you go out to play.” The child responds, “If you let me go now, I’ll do my homework later. I want to play with Jason now.”

If you persist, your child may continue to try to “make a deal” (e.g., “I’ll do half my homework now, only play outside for a little bit, and then come back and finish my homework”).

Your strategy is to ask rather than tell...

Oftentimes this type of interchange can be proactively avoided by “asking” the child what he should be doing, rather than by telling him what he is supposed to do (e.g., “What needs to be done before you go outside to play?”).

For the most part, children with defiant behavior really don’t want to be doing something different, they just want to have control and not feel as if they are being told what to do. Kids who are trying to make deals are really saying, “I want to feel like I have control over what I’m doing and when I’m doing it.”

If the parent interprets that sentiment out loud and points out that they do have control, oppositional kids often will comply. For example, you could say:

“You want to feel like you have control about the ‘what’ and ‘when’ of your choices. You do have control. No one can make you do anything you don’t want to do. You don’t do homework – you don’t go outside. You do your homework – you go outside. It’s your choice.”

==> Effective Disciplinary Techniques for Defiant Teens and Preteens