HELP FOR PARENTS WITH STRONG-WILLED, OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD

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How long? How long?

Mark, It's been a while since I updated you on our family. M is in intensive probation as you recall. He had his first court hearing yesterday. They couldn't bring up the fight or the driving past curfew (from 9/07) since they did not have the completed paperwork from the prosecutor. He has started back to work, going to his counselor once a week, taking his ADHD rx (that I know of) is attending school every day (I am transporting to/from however) and he is maintaining all A's and B's with a C in psychology. Our home life, however is slower to come around. He is keeping himself very isolated in his room. He is either playing with his laptop, PSP, I-pod, etc. He will cook food for himself and leave a mess. Whenever he is asked to help out in the home, he either just says "no" or says "in a minute" and then never does it. The littlest thing will get him angry and then the F#*& come rapidly. They are aimed usually at me, and not just in conversation.

He misused his laptop the other day, I asked him to put it away, he didn't and the F bombs started, he threw his pillow at me (I believe he showed restraint here as his bedroom was recently painted and with new furniture), but I told him if the behaviour did not stop he would lose his laptop (we are blocking his Facebook page and he keeps trying to find a way around it, and was very mad that it was blocked again). He was at school the next day, and I locked up his laptop. He immediately went for it (it was gone) and then starting trashing the house looking for it. He turned over my bed, upturned all the chairs, sofa, etc. He started throwing things out of my china cabinet, and when I warned him, he did show restraint and not break any dishes/glassware. I took my keys, told him to clean up his mess, and the 24hrs would start when it was clean. I left. When I got back, younger brother had put back all the furniture/bed but not the contents of china cabinets and some papers I had that were scattered. M was just laying on sofa. I calmly told him he had 5 minutes or I would take pictures and loss of computer would be 7 days. He chose to do nothing. Within a day or so, he was talking to me again, etc. and has NOT asked for computer. Husband however, told M "I would give you back your computer". He has not been backing me as he has done before. I feel he has given up. He gets angry, shows the anger, blows over the top, and then furiously back pedals. This is definitely not helping.

Last counseling visit, we parents were not called in (parents are usually included first or last 10-15minutes). Dad has only recently agreed to go with us, (it is VERY difficult) and the counselor did not call for us. Husband very upset, yelling, and probably will never go back. He says M is the one with the problem, not him, it is a total waste of time, etc, etc.

Mark, I realize that we probably won't see any REAL genuine improvement until M accepts responsibility for all of this, but how long before we see improvement in the home? His behaviour has been a real issue for almost 2 yrs now. Bosses at work, co-workers, teachers, etc. say he is polite etc. to them. The devil only shows himself at home. Counselor and PO say it will take time for him to "adjust". How long?

Also, husband and I truly believe M is just waiting until he is off probation and then he will go back to his old behaviors/old friends. He is 17 now and knows we don't have much "power" to control him anymore. We would like to ask the referee to keep him on probation until he is 18 (2/2009)--currently scheduled to be off 4/3/08 if he continues to do well. Have you heard of anyone asking this before and how was it accepted?

I should mention that M doesn't talk to us. When we try to talk to him about anything other than superficial he gets angry and the F bombs start to fly. When do you think he will start to open up to us?


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