HELP FOR PARENTS WITH STRONG-WILLED, OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

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He has been boozing...

Hi Mark.

I am email you for advice. I had emailed and told you my son C__ had moved home after being out on his own. It has been a struggle. He is off of drugs and has sub it for booze. This week he found out that he has been boozing, he said it is to get the edge off. He is scared about applying for college and what direction he will go etc. etc. We found the booze in our house drank etc. On Friday, the old C__ had returned, he went out with his girlfriend and he came home when he was expected and came in and touch base with me and apologized to my husband for being 5 mins. late. No big deal we said, they had gone to a late movie and he drove her home. This was the old C__. Last night he went out to a friend's place, his girlfriend met up with him and he snuck her in his room. I had not heard him come in and it was 2:00 am. he was suppose to be in at 1:00. I told A__ she had to leave his room. He was drunk and they went downstairs to the rec room. My husband and I went to the rec room and I told C__ that there is no problem with A__ staying the night we have a guest bedroom. I was called every name in the book he just snapped and then my husband started yelling at him. I told A__ I would drive her home. She told me that she had never seen this side of him, and why did he just snap. I told her it was the booze and that when he was on drugs this is how he gets. That we had a concern about him, because of our backgrounds with alcohol that people in our family at a point act like this. That he is a good person but that this is the problem we are facing now. When I got home, he had gone for a knife and was going to kill himself my husband and him got into a fight. P__ got the knife away from him. He then took off out the door. We called the police, they came and took him to the crisis center. This morning the hospital called to pick him up, that he was not a threat to himself. We sat down as a family, and told him that the next time the police were called that he will be removed from the house for good.

What are your thoughts?

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Why wait for another bout of chaos before you make a move? Plans should be drafted and discussed immediately so that he can get back out on his own as soon as possible. Most parents attempt to change a child or situation through reason and discussion, usually one-on-one. When this fails, frustration may lead to anger. This can go on for years. Appeals to reason and one-on-one discussions rarely produce change in someone engaged in self-destructive behaviors.

Begin making plans for him to move out - before, not after - another crisis occurs.

Mark

1 comment:

pastfirst said...

He's your son and you love him, but he has to understand that there are limits to what you can and will accept.
His behavior in unacceptable in your house!
But he needs help for his addictions, whether they be drugs or alcohol.
He has to agree to go into rehabilitation. If he does not, he has to find his own way in life and you can no longer be responsible, as heartbreaking as this may be.
He has to be made to understand that he's destroying his own life, but he cannot pull you and your husband down with him.
He probably won't listen to you so get counseling and help to talk to him.

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