Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD

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Modified Grounding

I have ordered your e-book and have spent the last couple of days reading through the online version. ODD is not recognised in this country (yet) but you describe my son to a tee. He is 15 and we have had problems with him since he started school at the age of 3. However, things have come to a head of late. He is on the verge of being excluded from school with only 8 school week until his main exams start. He was in trouble with the police this week for the first time and was cautioned with criminal damage.

We have always been strict parents and have never given him everything he wants, but still comes out as a highly overindulged child (score 83) and he fits every trait you mentioned (except malicious gossip).

However my question is this. We have always used grounding as a consequence and up until the last month or so he has adhered to it. But now he refuses to accept the grounding and just walks out of the house. I feel powerless to ground him now as he just ignores me and his father and goes. At the beginning I was phoning all his friends to try and find him, but the last couple of times this week I haven't bothered and he has come home at the time he is supposed to.

Tonight he asked to stay out at his friends til 10pm and I said I would like him home at 9 as this is becoming the norm of asking for an extension everytime he goes out. I then said (following your programme) that if he stayed out until 10 then he would have a consequence, to which he replied we would just have to wait and see until tomorrow came and see what I could do about it.

We are both at our wits' end and don't know how to handle this, as part of your course is grounding. Can you give us any advice please. Have thought of doing something else apart from grounding, but then that means that he is in control of the situation?

Click here for my response...


Anonymous said...

I like this because I think as parents we too can sometimes be emotionally charged discipliners I plan to make this list and put it into practice. Thanks for sharing!

DisasterBrat said...

However, what do you do when your teenager seems to be the exception to the rule. I've imposed similar restrictions on my, now 18 year old, son. It just doesn't work with him. I have yet to find the incentive or motivation that works with him. I have unsuccessfully tried removing every type of privilege I can think of at one time or another, trying to find the one that clicks. I have even gone as far as removing the door to his room until he at least got all of his clothes picked up, washed, and put away. Then I would replace the door and even offer help as soon as enough space was made for me to get in. Being disabled, I need clear space to get around in. As upset as he got when I removed the door and explained what he needed to do to get it back, I thought for sure I'd found the incentive. Then the door remained off all summer and he didn't get a stitch more picked up than what he needed to wear and I gave up, letting him replace the door. He just committed petit theft recently, so I banned him from the internet. He still received the rewards he'd already earned, though. What else haven't I tried? If I try to demand anything, he challenges my authority "Whatcha gonna do about it? You gona make me?". Physically, I can't pick up behind him like when he was little and any mess I do clean up is back within a week. Argh!!

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