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Navigating the Storm: Turning Teen Anger into Productive Conversations


Adolescence is often a turbulent journey, marked by profound changes both physically and emotionally. Teens are faced with the task of redefining their identities amid pressures from peers, the complexities of romantic relationships, and the demands of academic life. Anger can frequently surface during this period, appearing as a natural, albeit challenging, response to the multitude of stressors they encounter. 


While it might be tempting for adults to categorize teenage anger as typical rebellious behavior, understanding and addressing it can pave the way for more fruitful communication and nurturing relationships with adolescents. This article delves into effective strategies for transforming teen anger into productive conversations, outlining practical steps that promote empathy and understanding.


### Understanding Teen Anger


Teenage anger can emerge from various sources such as hormonal shifts, overwhelming academic expectations, social challenges, and family dynamics. At the core of this anger often lies a complex blend of emotions, including frustration, insecurity, and disappointment. Recognizing that anger may be a mask for these underlying feelings is essential for fostering constructive dialogue. For instance, when a teen explodes over a low test score, it might not just be about the grade; it could reflect deeper fears about their academic future or feelings of inadequacy. This understanding can help parents feel more empathetic and patient, fostering a more nurturing relationship with their teens.


### Creating a Safe Space for Expression


Establishing an environment where teens feel secure to express their emotions is crucial for facilitating open and honest communication. Here are several strategies designed to create such a space:


1. **Active Listening**: When your teen expresses anger, focus intently on their words. Show genuine interest by maintaining eye contact and using affirming nods. Avoid the inclination to interject with your own opinions or solutions until they have fully expressed themselves. Respond with statements like, “I can see how that would upset you,” to validate their feelings and encourage further sharing.


2. Non-Threatening Body Language: Your physical demeanor plays a significant role in communication. Keep your arms uncrossed, maintain an inviting posture, and ensure your facial expressions align with your intent to listen—this will help put your teen at ease and make them feel more comfortable opening up. For instance, a relaxed body posture, a calm facial expression, and a gentle tone of voice can all contribute to creating a non-threatening environment.


3. **Choosing the Right Time and Space**: Timing is everything. Avoid initiating difficult conversations during high-stress moments, such as immediately after a conflict or when either party feels rushed. Choose a calm environment where distractions are minimal, like during a quiet dinner or a walk in the park, which can create an atmosphere conducive to sharing.


### Identifying the Root Causes of Anger


Engaging in productive conversations requires assisting teens in identifying the root causes of their anger. Encourage reflection through thoughtful questions that promote deeper thinking and self-exploration:


- “What were you feeling just before you got upset?”

- “Is there a specific event or situation that triggered this anger?”

- “How might we work together to change things for the better?”


These open-ended inquiries not only help teens articulate their feelings but also encourage emotional intelligence, which is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one's own emotions and the emotions of others. Developing emotional intelligence can help teens better understand their anger and develop healthier ways to manage it, fostering the development of problem-solving skills.


### Redirecting Anger Towards Action


Once feelings have been acknowledged, the next step is to channel that energy into positive actions. Here’s how to guide teens in this process:


1. **Co-Creating Solutions**: Instead of simply offering solutions, involve your teen in the problem-solving process. For example, if they're feeling angry about unfair treatment by friends, together brainstorm potential ways to address the issue—whether through direct communication or by seeking out new friendships. This teamwork enhances their sense of control and responsibility.


2. Encouraging Healthy Outlets: Help your teen identify constructive outlets for their anger. Activities such as running, artistic expression through painting or music, or even engaging in team sports can serve as healthy mechanisms for emotional release. By encouraging exploration of these avenues, you help them discover positive habits for managing their feelings. For instance, going for a run when feeling angry, or painting to express their emotions, can be effective outlets for managing anger.


3. **Setting Clear Boundaries**: Clear communication about acceptable expressions of feelings is vital. Let your teen know that while it’s normal to feel angry, lashing out or resorting to disrespectful behavior is not acceptable. Establishing boundaries ensures that while they navigate their emotions, they do so within a framework of respect and understanding.


### Teaching Emotional Regulation Skills


Empowering teens with skills to effectively manage their emotions can significantly reduce the intensity and frequency of angry outbursts. Here are some techniques to impart:


- **Deep-Breathing Techniques**: Teach your teen to pause and take deep, calming breaths when they start feeling overwhelmed. Simple exercises, such as inhaling deeply through the nose, holding for a few moments, and then exhaling slowly through the mouth, can help reduce immediate feelings of anger and promote a sense of calm.


- **Integrating Mindfulness Practices**: Introduce mindfulness exercises—like meditation or guided imagery—that teach teens to observe their emotions without judgment. For example, they can practice sitting quietly, focusing on their breath, and allowing their thoughts to come and go without getting attached to them. This practice can foster a greater understanding of their emotional landscape.


- **Conflict Resolution Skills**: Role-playing different scenarios with your teen can equip them with the tools necessary to handle conflicts effectively. Learn to express disagreements without escalating tensions, using “I” statements such as, “I feel ignored when my opinions are not considered,” instead of accusatory language, which can lead to defensiveness.


### The Role of Positive Reinforcement


Reinforcing positive behavior can shift focus from anger to healthier forms of engagement. When your teen successfully navigates a challenging conversation or calms themselves in a high-stress situation, acknowledge their efforts with specific praise. Statements like, “I was really impressed with how you handled that situation with your friend. You communicated your feelings clearly,” help to reinforce their newfound skills and encourage continued progress. This emphasis on positive reinforcement can make parents feel more supportive and encouraging, strengthening their relationship with their teens.


### Conclusion


Transforming the anger of teenagers into productive and meaningful conversations is a journey that demands empathy, patience, and a commitment to open dialogue. By fostering an environment of understanding, recognizing the root causes of anger, redirecting that energy into constructive actions, and equipping adolescents with the tools for emotional regulation, parents and caregivers can cultivate stronger relationships with their teens. 


As we guide them through the storms of adolescence, we empower them to harness their anger not as a destructive force, but as a catalyst for personal growth and meaningful conversations. Understanding that while it is natural to feel anger, the way in which this emotion is addressed can significantly influence a teen’s emotional health and development serves as an essential reminder of our shared responsibility in nurturing the next generation.


Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
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The Science of Rebellion: Understanding the Psychology Behind Teen Defiance and Growth

Adolescence, typically spanning from ages 10 to 19, is a pivotal and transformative stage of development characterized by profound shifts in physical, emotional, and social realms. During this time, teenagers often engage in rebellious behaviors that can perplex parents, educators, and caregivers. To comprehend these behaviors fully, it's essential to delve into the psychological underpinnings of teenage defiance, illuminating how it serves as an avenue for personal growth, identity formation, and social exploration.


### Hormonal Changes and Emotional Volatility


As teenagers approach puberty, their bodies undergo rapid hormonal fluctuations that significantly affect their mood and behavior. The release of hormones such as testosterone in boys and estrogen in girls can lead to intense emotions, increased sensitivity, and heightened reactions to social situations. This volatility can manifest as anger, sadness, or anxiety, creating the ideal breeding ground for rebellious behavior as adolescents grapple with feelings they are often ill-equipped to manage.


### Brain Development: The Tug-of-War Between Emotion and Reason


At the same time, the adolescent brain is undergoing dramatic changes. Recent research in neuroscience reveals that while the limbic system—the brain’s emotion center—matures significantly during these years, the prefrontal cortex, which governs rational thinking and impulse control, develops much more slowly. This imbalance explains why teenagers might engage in impulsive, sometimes reckless behaviors that seem irrational to adults. They often feel an irresistible pull toward risk-taking, whether it’s challenging authority, experimenting with substances, or pushing curfew limits, driven by an emotional response rather than a logical assessment of consequences.



### Border Testing: A Natural Exploration of Limits


Testing limits is a critical part of an adolescent's journey toward independence. When teens push back against family rules—whether by negotiating later curfews, defying household chores, or experimenting with personal style—they aren’t merely seeking to annoy their parents; they are exploring their capabilities and asserting their individuality. Each act of rebellion represents a step toward self-discovery, a way for them to gauge the boundaries of their freedom and agency.


### Identity Formation: Crafting the Self


As adolescents experiment with different identities, their rebellious actions may reflect deep-seated explorations of self. They might adopt contrasting styles, shift friend groups, or align with various social causes—all tied to a quest for personal and collective identity. It's during this tumultuous phase that they navigate complex questions about who they are, what they believe in, and where they fit in the broader context of society.


### The Dynamics of Peer Pressure


The adolescent brain is particularly attuned to peer approval, often valuing social bonds over familial ties. This desire can drive teens to engage in rebellious behaviors, such as experimenting with substance use or participating in risky activities, to gain acceptance from their peers. Acts of defiance, such as skipping school or breaking curfews, may be pursued more for the sake of conformity than personal desire. Understanding this dynamic can help adults recognize that these actions are often less about the rebellious act itself and more about the social context in which they occur.


### Personality Traits and Rebelliousness


Some adolescents may naturally exhibit more rebellious tendencies due to their personality traits. For instance, those with high levels of sensation-seeking—characterized by a strong desire for novel experiences—may engage in riskier behaviors simply as an outlet for this trait. Alternatively, a temperamental predisposition toward emotional sensitivity may lead some teens to react more strongly to perceived constraints, resulting in oppositional behavior.


### Environmental Influences: Support vs. Restriction


The social and familial environments wield significant influence over a teenager's rebelliousness. Supportive environments characterized by open communication and mutual respect can mitigate acts of defiance. Adolescents who feel understood by their parents are more likely to express their needs and negotiate boundaries without resorting to outright rebellion. Conversely, overly strict or authoritarian parenting can provoke a stronger reaction, compelling teens to rebel more vehemently against prescribed rules and limitations.


### Channeling Rebellion into Positive Outlets


Instead of framing teenage rebellion as a purely problematic behavior, caregivers can utilize these moments as teachable experiences. For instance, allowing teenagers to voice their opinions, engage in discussions about rules, and question norms can enhance critical thinking and empower them to navigate future challenges thoughtfully. When adolescents feel that their voices are heard and respected, they are more likely to channel their rebellious impulses into constructive avenues.


### Establishing Boundaries While Fostering Autonomy


Creating an environment that allows for both boundary-setting and autonomy is key. Adults can establish clear expectations while inviting teenagers to participate in discussions regarding their freedoms. For example, negotiating consequences for rule violations or discussing the rationale behind household expectations can foster a sense of shared responsibility. This collaborative approach not only respects the teenager's growing need for independence but also reinforces the importance of accountability.


The teenage years are often characterized by emotional upheaval, identity exploration, and an intense desire for independence. For caregivers of troubled teens, navigating this complex landscape can be particularly challenging. While many adolescents naturally seek to assert their individuality and autonomy, troubled teens may exhibit defiance and rebellion as they grapple with personal struggles. Striking a balance between setting essential boundaries and encouraging a sense of autonomy can seem like a daunting task, but it is crucial for fostering healthy development. This article will delve into effective strategies that promote autonomy while ensuring that teens feel secure and accountable.


## Understanding the Quest for Autonomy


Adolescence marks a transformative period when young individuals begin to forge their own identities. It is a time when they transition from the protective confines of childhood into the uncharted waters of adulthood. This burgeoning desire for independence lays the groundwork for vital self-discovery and personal growth. However, for troubled teens—who may face emotional, behavioral, or mental health challenges—this quest for autonomy can often manifest as resistance or opposition to parental authority. Recognizing the innate need for autonomy is pivotal in understanding and addressing the behaviors of these adolescents effectively.


## The Crucial Role of Boundaries


Establishing well-defined boundaries is a cornerstone of parenting that offers essential structure and stability in a teenager's life. Boundaries serve as guidelines that help teens discern acceptable behavior and understand the ramifications of their actions. However, imposing overly strict or inflexible rules can inadvertently lead to feelings of resentment and rebellion in teens. Therefore, it is essential to establish boundaries that not only promote safety but are also perceived as reasonable and adaptable.


### Key Principles for Effective Boundary Setting


1. **Collaborative Approach:** Invite your teen to participate actively in the boundary-setting process. Engage in open discussions where they can voice their thoughts, preferences, and concerns. By co-creating rules, you empower them and instill a sense of ownership over the agreed-upon guidelines, fostering an atmosphere of mutual respect.


2. **Be Clear and Specific:** Vague boundaries can lead to confusion and may result in misunderstandings or conflicts. It’s vital to articulate rules in a straightforward manner and ensure that your teen comprehends not only what is expected but also the rationale behind those expectations. For instance, rather than stating “be home by curfew,” specify “please arrive home by 10 PM to ensure you get enough rest for school the next day.”


3. **Utilize Natural Consequences:** Allowing teens to face the natural outcomes of their decisions can be an impactful teaching method. For example, if your child neglects their school assignments, let them experience the repercussions of a poor grade rather than intervening immediately. This approach not only reinforces responsibility but also encourages them to make more informed choices in the future.


4. **Flexibility and Adaptability:** As teenagers mature, their needs and capabilities change as well. Be open to revisiting and adjusting rules in response to their growth and improved behavior. Showing flexibility in boundaries conveys trust and acknowledges their increasing independence.


### Strategies for Promoting Independence


1. **Encourage Decision-Making:** Empower your teen to make choices within the framework of established boundaries. This can range from everyday decisions—such as selecting their outfit or choosing extracurricular activities—to more significant issues, like managing their academic workload. Providing them with opportunities to make age-appropriate decisions fosters critical thinking and confidence.


2. **Support Individual Goals and Interests:** Take an active interest in your teen’s passions and aspirations. Engage them in conversations about their ambitions, whether they pertain to academics, sports, or creative pursuits. Help them set attainable goals and celebrate their accomplishments, no matter how small. This positive reinforcement not only boosts their self-esteem but also reinforces their motivation to explore their interests independently.


3. **Create Safe Spaces for Expression:** Cultivate an environment where your teen feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment. Actively listen to their concerns, and validate their feelings, making it clear that their opinions matter. This open dialogue encourages emotional expression and reinforces their belief in their autonomy.


4. **Teach Problem-Solving Skills:** Equip your teen with effective problem-solving abilities by guiding them through real-life scenarios. Discuss various situations they may encounter and brainstorm potential solutions together. This collaborative problem-solving process not only enhances their critical thinking skills but also prepares them to navigate challenges independently.


## Balancing Boundaries and Autonomy -- Achieving a harmonious balance between setting boundaries and promoting autonomy requires ongoing dialogue and patience. Here are some additional tips for maintaining this crucial balance:


- **Regular Check-Ins:** Establish routine discussions to assess your teen’s feelings about the boundaries in place. Use these moments to adjust expectations as necessary and reinforce your commitment to their well-being and growth.


- **Model Positive Behavior:** Serve as a role model by demonstrating healthy boundary-setting and responsible decision-making in your own life. Your behavior can serve as a powerful example of how to manage independence within defined limits.


- **Maintain Open Communication:** Encourage your teen to communicate openly about their feelings regarding the boundaries you set. Establishing this practice can help mitigate misunderstandings and foster a deeper sense of trust between you.


- **Seek Professional Guidance if Needed:** If you encounter persistent challenges, consider consulting a mental health professional specializing in adolescent behavior. They can provide tailored strategies and insights that benefit both you and your teen, enhancing your efforts to foster independence within a framework of appropriate boundaries.


The science of rebellion in adolescence is multifaceted and must be viewed through the lens of the developmental, psychological, and social factors at play. Recognizing that acts of defiance often serve as crucial milestones in an adolescent's journey toward maturity can empower parents, educators, and caregivers to respond with empathy and understanding. By fostering open lines of communication, encouraging autonomy, and nurturing a supportive environment, adults can help steer rebellious behavior toward growth and self-discovery. Understanding rebellion not only enlightens the experience of navigating adolescence but also enriches relationships, ultimately contributing to the emergence of resilient, independent young adults better equipped to face the world beyond their teenage years.


Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
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The Impact of Divorce on Teenagers: A Closer Look

Divorce, a challenging and often tumultuous life event, can dramatically reshape family dynamics. For teenagers, who are in a critical phase of development as they transition from childhood to adulthood, the consequences of their parents' separation can be particularly impactful. The emotional, social, and academic ramifications can lead to a profound transformation in their lives, and understanding these effects is essential for providing the necessary support.


### Emotional Turmoil


When parents divorce, teenagers often find themselves enveloped in a whirlwind of emotions. Initially, feelings of sadness are common as they grapple with the reality of their family structure changing. Some may experience anger directed at one or both parents, perceiving the divorce as a betrayal or a failure of love. Confusion is also prevalent; teenagers may struggle to make sense of the situation, questioning whether they could have done something to prevent the separation. Anxiety can creep in as they worry about their future, fearing instability and the unknown, and these emotions can lead to a heightened sense of vulnerability as they navigate their formative years.


### Shifts in Family Structure


Divorce typically leads to a significant alteration in the family unit, and for teenagers, this shift can be disorienting. They may find themselves transitioning between two households, each with its own rules and routines, which can create feelings of fragmentation. Some teens struggle with how to divide their time, which can foster resentment or guilt towards one parent for monopolizing time. They may also have to adjust to the introduction of stepparents and stepsiblings, which can contribute to feelings of jealousy or insecurity about their place in the family. This disarray can amplify the stress they’re already feeling, making it difficult to find a sense of stability.


### Academic Disruption


The emotional chaos resulting from divorce can significantly hinder a teenager's academic performance. As they contend with ongoing distress, concentration can become a monumental challenge. Adolescents may experience a drop in grades or may become disengaged, skipping classes or homework due to overwhelming feelings. They could find themselves unable to focus during lessons, their minds preoccupied with familial issues rather than academic pursuits. Such distractions not only impact their present education but can also affect their future prospects, as academic success is often tied to opportunities in higher education and career paths.


### Behavioral Responses


The way teenagers respond to the upheaval of divorce can manifest in various behavioral changes. Some may become noticeably rebellious, acting out against authority figures or engaging in defiance at home or school. Others might withdraw from friends, choosing isolation over social interaction, and displaying signs of depression or anxiety. The pressure of coping with their parents' separation may lead some to seek unhealthy avenues for relief, such as substance use or risky behaviors, which can create even more significant challenges as they navigate their adolescent years.


### Social Dynamics


The social landscape for teenagers can shift dramatically in the wake of a divorce. Friends may struggle to comprehend the complexities of divorce, leaving teens feeling isolated and misunderstood. The stigma associated with family separation can exacerbate feelings of embarrassment, leading some to avoid social gatherings or hide their family situation altogether. This isolation can reduce their support network, leaving them vulnerable at a time when peer relationships are crucial for emotional development.


### Lasting Effects


The effects of divorce during the teenage years are not confined to the present; they can also carry into adulthood. Research indicates that individuals who experience parental divorce in their teenage years may face challenges such as heightened risks of anxiety, depression, and difficulties in sustaining relationships of their own. While these challenges may loom large, it is crucial to recognize that not all teens will experience adverse long-term effects. With effective support systems in place, many can develop resilience and coping strategies that empower them to navigate future challenges.


Research has shown that teenagers who experience divorce are at a heightened risk for various mental health issues. This may stem from feelings of instability and loss of familial unity, which can leave teenagers feeling uncertain about their place in the world. Additionally, the stress of adjusting to new living arrangements, perhaps moving between two households, and the potential conflict between parents can exacerbate these feelings, making it challenging to form a stable emotional foundation.


Furthermore, the impact of divorce on relationship dynamics can follow teens into adulthood. Individuals who have gone through parental divorce may find themselves struggling with trust issues or fear of commitment in their own romantic relationships. This apprehension can manifest as a reluctance to enter long-term partnerships or an inclination to disengage emotionally, leading to cycles of instability in their adult relationships.


However, it is essential to acknowledge that the consequences of parental divorce are not uniformly negative. While some teens may grapple with these challenges, others emerge from the experience with resilience and a deeper understanding of relationships. Effective support systems, whether through family, friends, or counseling, play a crucial role in this process. Providing teenagers with tools to develop coping strategies, fostering open communication, and ensuring a stable environment can significantly mitigate the adverse effects of divorce.


### The Path to Support


To help teenagers manage the emotional toll of divorce, maintaining open and honest communication is vital. Parents should encourage dialogue, allowing teens to express their feelings without fear of judgment. Establishing a safe environment where they can share their thoughts about the divorce can foster healing and growth. Additionally, seeking professional guidance through counseling or therapy can provide teenagers with tools to process their emotions more constructively. Therapists can introduce coping mechanisms and foster resilience, assisting teens in navigating their feelings in a healthy manner.


Furthermore, preserving routines and stability within each household can provide a grounding sense of normalcy amidst the changes. Parents should strive to minimize conflicts in front of their children and reassure them of ongoing support and love from both sides, which can help ease anxiety about the future. Involving teenagers in discussions about family logistics can also empower them, giving them a sense of control over the changes unfolding in their lives.


### Conclusion


The impact of divorce on teenagers is profound, marked by emotional distress, shifts in family dynamics, academic challenges, and alterations in social relationships. Each teenager will experience this period differently, with varying degrees of resilience. By recognizing the complexities involved and providing the necessary support, both parents and caregivers can help teenagers navigate this challenging chapter, equipping them with the skills they need to thrive despite the upheaval in their lives. With love, understanding, and effective coping strategies, many teenagers can emerge from the experience of divorce with renewed strength and adaptability.


Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
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How to Set Boundaries with Rebellious Teenagers

Before we discuss how to set boundaries with rebellious teenagers, it's important to understand why boundaries are crucial. Boundaries provide structure and guidance, helping teenagers develop self-discipline and make responsible choices. By setting boundaries, parents can establish clear expectations and create a safe and supportive environment for their teenagers to thrive.

Effective communication is key when setting boundaries with rebellious teenagers. Start by having open and honest conversations about expectations, rules, and consequences. Listen actively to your teenager's perspective and validate their feelings. It's important to maintain a respectful tone and avoid getting defensive. Remember, communication is a two-way street.

To set effective boundaries, establish clear rules and consequences. Be specific and consistent in outlining what behaviors are acceptable and unacceptable. Ensure that the consequences are reasonable and logical, directly related to the misbehavior. By being firm and consistent in enforcing these boundaries, you send a clear message about your expectations and reinforce accountability.

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While it's important to set boundaries, it's equally important to set realistic expectations. Understand that rebellious behavior is normal during adolescence as teenagers assert their independence. Don't expect perfection from your teenager but rather focus on progress. Celebrate their achievements and offer support and guidance when they make mistakes.

Parents play a crucial role in modeling behavior for their teenagers. If you want your teenager to respect boundaries, you need to lead by example. Demonstrate good communication skills, respect for boundaries, and healthy conflict resolution. Your actions speak louder than words, so be mindful of the behaviors you exhibit in front of your teenager.

When faced with rebellious behavior, it's important to stay calm and emotionally regulate. Avoid getting into power struggles or arguments with your teenager, as this can escalate the situation. Take a step back, practice deep breathing, and respond in a composed and non-reactive manner. This will help de-escalate tension and create a more productive environment.

Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool when setting boundaries with rebellious teenagers. Recognize and reward your teenager's efforts when they follow the rules and meet your expectations. This can be in the form of praise, privileges, or small rewards. By focusing on the positive, you motivate and encourage your teenager to make better choices.

If you find it challenging to set boundaries with your rebellious teenager or if the situation escalates beyond your control, don't hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide guidance, support, and practical strategies tailored to your specific situation. Remember, it's okay to ask for help when you need it.

Creating an environment of open dialogue is essential when dealing with rebellious behavior. Encourage your teenager to express their thoughts, concerns, and frustrations. Listen attentively and non-judgmentally, showing empathy and understanding. This will strengthen your relationship and help your teenager feel heard and valued.

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While it's important to set boundaries, it's also important to be flexible and willing to compromise. Adolescence is a time of self-exploration and identity formation. Be open to discussing and renegotiating certain rules and expectations, adapting them as your teenager grows and matures. This shows that you respect their individuality and are willing to work together.

Rebellious behavior can sometimes be a cry for help or a manifestation of deeper emotional struggles. It's important to provide emotional support to your teenager during this time. Be there to listen, offer guidance, and help them navigate their emotions. Let them know that you're there for them unconditionally, no matter what mistakes they make.

Consistency is key when it comes to setting boundaries with rebellious teenagers. Stick to the established rules and consequences, even when it's challenging or tempting to give in. This sends a clear message that your boundaries are non-negotiable and helps your teenager understand the importance of consistency in their own lives.

As you navigate the journey of setting boundaries with rebellious teenagers, don't forget to celebrate their progress. When your teenager demonstrates positive changes and respects the boundaries, acknowledge their efforts and let them know how proud you are. This will reinforce their behavior and encourage them to continue making positive choices.

In summary, dealing with defiant teens can be challenging, but setting boundaries is an important step in helping them learn how to follow rules and respect authority:

1. Be clear about your expectations: Let your teen know what is expected of them in terms of behavior and responsibilities. Be specific and clear about the consequences of not following the rules.

2. Be consistent: Follow through with consequences every time your teen crosses the established boundaries. This will help them understand that you mean what you say and that there are consequences for their actions.

3. Be firm but calm: It's important to remain calm and composed when setting boundaries with your teen, even if they are being defiant or argumentative. This will help defuse the situation and prevent it from escalating.

4. Involve your teen in the process: Ask your teen for their input on the rules and consequences. This will help them feel more invested in the process and more likely to follow the rules.

Remember, setting boundaries is not about punishment, but about helping your teen learn how to make responsible choices and respect authority. By being clear, consistent, and firm but calm, you can help your defiant teen learn to follow rules and behave appropriately. Adolescence is a challenging phase, but with patience, consistent communication, and a supportive approach, you can help your teenager navigate this period and thrive. Stay positive and keep investing in your parent-child relationship.

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“Parenting my angry rebellious teenage daughter is SO HARD!"

Hi S.,

I’ve responded to each of your points below. Please look for these arrows: >>>>>>>

Good Morning,
To begin, I just wanted to say that I joined your online program a few days ago and it has already been so helpful. There seems to be an ample supply of resources in my community for parenting young children, but haven't come across much for parenting the pre-teen and teen ages. I've been studying the materials and started implementing the strategies therein. Which has now brought about a couple of questions I could use some support on.

First, a few days ago I removed my daughter's computer privilege for the 3 day time frame. I didn't engage in the power struggle, simply explained the consequence, and stated I wasn't going to argue. The first day went surprisingly well. She did say my rules were dumb and asked for clarification about how long and when she would get computer time back. I told her if there were no more occurrences of the specific behavior she would have her computer time back on Saturday (3 days).

>>>>>>>>>>> You are doing a wonderful job. Go MOM!

The second day however, wasn't as smooth. She attempted to argue with me about it and I stated I wasn't going to argue. Then she tried to manipulate the issue and say she ONLY wanted to put music on her ipad and wouldn't use the computer for anything else. I said she could download her music on Saturday. I was on the phone with a friend at the time, and had already put the call on hold once to tell her I wasn't going to argue and restate the time frame. I went back to my phone call and she started mumbling unpleasentries and even throwing some things around the living room. I ignored, then she started yelling get off the phone and eventually, inappropriate things to my friend on the phone.

>>>>>>>>>> At this point, the parent should assert [with a poker face], “If you choose to continue to interrupt me while I’m on the phone, you will choose the consequence, which is the 3-day-discipline will re-start.” If she interrupts again, then follow through with the consequence.

I continued to talk in hopes that my friend wouldn't hear and did not end my telephone conversation immediately. That is absolutely inappropriate, but I was so lost as to what to do or how to address. On one hand if I got off the phone ... then, I allowed her to control the situation ... on the other hand, my friend should not be verbally attacked by my 13 year old daughter? What is your suggestion for an appropriate response in that situation. I know she needs attention and approval and I am making sure to spend time with her, ask about her day, give positive feedback for good things I notice, etc. I did nothing during or after that to address it. Do you go back and talk about it after the situation is calm? I'm confused ... I don’t want to engage in a power struggle, but there are certain boundaries she shouldn't cross isn't there? When I was off the phone, she then asked if I would download the music for her. I said yes, I could download the songs if she made a list (not sure if that was right).

>>>>>>>>>>> Unfortunately, this was a form of retracting your established consequence – you just got manipulated again!
 
She then decided she would wait until Saturday and do it herself. This is so confusing and hard because it seems that every situation perpetuates another?

>>>>>>>>>>If you find that “one problem is creating another,” you simply state that if she chooses to introduce a new problem, she will choose the consequence, which is the 3-day-discipline will be started over.

>>>>>>>>>>> Let’s use an example: Daughter has been issued a 3-day-discipline (i.e., no computer privileges) for getting on Facebook when she was warned not to. On day 2, daughter wants to get on the computer to download music. Mom says “no” (one time) …gives her reason for saying “no” (one time) …and tells her daughter that when the 3-day-discipline is completed, the privilege will be reinstated.

>>>>>>>>>>>The daughter begins to have an inappropriate temper tantrum as a result. Thus, mom states, “If you choose to continue to argue with me, you will choose the consequence, which is the 3 days starts over.” Daughter continues to argue. Mom now says, “Because you chose to continue to argue, you chose the consequence, which is the 3 days starts over -- as soon as you calm down.” When the daughter chooses to stop yelling/arguing, mom looks at her watch and re-starts the 3-day-discipline.

Also, I know I need to accept and validate her feelings about things ... how/when do you do that?

>>>>>>>>>> You do that when she is calm; when she is behaving appropriately. Validation is not part of the equation during the period of time you are issuing a consequence.

At the moment the situation occurs I'm not arguing about it or showing emotion or engaging in any power struggle. But, I also want to be careful not to totally disregard her. After a blow up do you go back and discuss what happened?

>>>>>>>>> This is optional. If the employment of “Fair Fighting” (see the section on Fair Fighting) works in her case, then yes, discuss and problem solve. Otherwise, just let the execution of the consequence be the teacher.

Mark Hutten, M.A.

==> Effective Disciplinary Techniques for Oppositional, Defiant Teens 
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Does divorce "cause" defiant behavior in kids and teens?

“My 14 y.o. son’s behavior has taken a major turn for the worse. My husband and I have recently separated and are making plans to divorce. Could there be a connection between my son’s erratic behavior and the fact that his dad has left?”

The inter-parental conflicts surrounding divorce have been associated with defiant behavior in teenagers affected by the break-up. However, although some single parents and their kids become chronically depressed and report increased stress levels after separation, others do relatively well.

For some single parents, the events surrounding separation and divorce set off a period of increased depression and irritability which leads to loss of support and friendship, setting in place the risk of more irritability, ineffective discipline, and poor problem-solving outcomes. The ineffective problem solving can result in more depression, while the increase in irritable behavior may simultaneously lead the teen to become rebellious and antisocial.

Studies into the effects of parental separation and divorce on child-behavior have revealed that the intensity of conflict and discord between the parents - rather than divorce itself - is THE significant factor. Kids and teens of divorced parents whose homes are free from conflict have been found to be less likely to have problems than kids whose parents remained together, but engaged in a great deal of conflict, or those who continued to have conflict after divorce.

In addition to the effect of marital conflict on the teenager, conflict can also influence parenting behaviors. Marital conflict has been associated with inconsistent parenting, higher levels of punishment with a concurrent reduction in reasoning and rewards, as well as with moms and dads taking a negative perception of their teen’s adjustment.

As a side note, research has suggested that parents of kids with behavior problems frequently lack several important parenting skills. Parents have been reported to be more critical in their use of discipline, more inconsistent, erratic, and permissive, less likely to monitor their kids, as well as more likely to punish pro-social behaviors and to reinforce negative behaviors.

A coercive process is set in motion during which the child or teenager escapes or avoids being criticized by his or her parents through producing an increased number of negative behaviors. These behaviors lead to increasingly aversive parental reactions which serve to reinforce the negative behaviors.

Differences in affect have also been noted in defiant kids. In general, their affect is less positive, they appear to be depressed, and are less reinforcing to their parents. These attributes can set the scene for the cycle of aversive interactions between parents and kids.


==> Effective Disciplinary Techniques for Defiant Teens and Preteens
By

How to Tell the Difference Between Normal Rebellion Versus a Psychological Problem

"My seventeen year old daughter is so very angry. She is involved with drugs and has gotten in some legal trouble as well. She is verbally abusive to me and to my husband who is her stepfather. The problem is that other times she is a joy to be around. She is funny, and very bright and creative. I wonder if she may have a psychological problem or may be an opposition defiant child. Not sure what to think right now."

How can a parent tell the difference between normal rebellion and the signal that an adolescent is troubled? Ask yourself these two questions:

1. Is this behavior change drastic for my adolescent? Normal rebellious behavior develops over time, beginning with an adolescent wanting to be with friends more and disagreeing with moms and dads more frequently. Problem rebellion is sudden and drastically out of character. For example, a normally rebellious "A" student may get a few "Bs" and cut a class or two, but if he suddenly starts failing or refuses to go to school, this can be a sign that your adolescent is experiencing an emotional crisis.

2. How frequent and intense is the rebellion? Normal rebellion is sporadic. There are moments of sweetness, calm and cooperation between outbursts. If on the other hand, rebellion is constant and intense, this can be a sign of underlying emotional problems.

Dealing with Normal Rebellion—

The main task of adolescents in our culture is to become psychologically emancipated from their moms and dads. The teenager must cast aside the dependent relationship of childhood. Before she can develop an adult relationship with her moms and dads, the adolescent must first distance herself from the way she related to them in the past. This process is characterized by a certain amount of intermittent normal rebellion, defiance, discontent, turmoil, restlessness, and ambivalence. Emotions usually run high. Mood swings are common. Under the best of circumstances, this adolescent rebellion continues for approximately 2 years; not uncommonly it lasts for 4 to 6 years.

 ==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

How do I deal with my teenager's rebellion?

The following guidelines may help you and your teenager through this difficult period:

1. Treat your teenager as an adult friend— By the time your youngster is 12 years old, start working on developing the kind of relationship you would like to have with your youngster when she is an adult. Treat your youngster the way you would like her to treat you when she is an adult. Your goal is mutual respect, support, and the ability to have fun together.

Strive for relaxed, casual conversations during bicycling, hiking, shopping, playing catch, driving, cooking, mealtime, working, and other times together. Use praise and trust to help build her self-esteem. Recognize and validate your youngster's feelings by listening sympathetically and making nonjudgmental comments. Remember that listening doesn't mean you have to solve your adolescent's problems. The friendship model is the best basis for family functioning.

2. Avoid criticism about "no-win" topics— Most negative parent-adolescent relationships develop because the moms and dads criticize their teenager too much. Much of the adolescent's objectionable behavior merely reflects conformity with the current tastes of her peer group. Peer-group immersion is one of the essential stages of adolescent development. Dressing, talking, and acting differently than adults helps your youngster feel independent from you. Try not to attack your teen's clothing, hairstyle, makeup, music, dance steps, friends, recreational interests, and room decorations, use of free time, use of money, speech, posture, religion, or philosophy.

This doesn't mean withholding your personal views about these subjects. But allowing your adolescent to rebel in these harmless areas often prevents testing in major areas, such as experimentation with drugs, truancy, or stealing. Intervene and try to make a change only if your teen's behavior is harmful, illegal, or infringes on your rights (see the sections on house rules). Another common error is to criticize your adolescent's mood or attitude. A negative or lazy attitude can only be changed through good example and praise. The more you dwell on nontraditional (even strange) behaviors, the longer they will last.

3. Let society's rules and consequences teach responsibility outside the home— Your teen must learn from trial and error. As she experiments, she will learn to take responsibility for her decisions and actions. Speak up only if the adolescent is going to do something dangerous or illegal. Otherwise, you must rely on the adolescent's own self-discipline, pressure from her peers to behave responsibly, and the lessons learned from the consequences of her actions. A school's requirement for punctual school attendance will influence when your adolescent goes to bed at night. School grades will hold your teen accountable for homework and other aspects of school performance. If your adolescent has bad work habits, she will lose her job.

If your teen makes a poor choice of friends, she may find her confidences broken or that she gets into trouble. If she doesn't practice hard for a sport, she will be pressured by the team and coach to do better. If she misspends her allowance or earnings, she will run out of money before the end of the month. If by chance your teen asks you for advice about these problem areas, try to describe the pros and cons in a brief, impartial way. Ask some questions to help her think about the main risks. Then conclude your remarks with a comment such as, "Do what you think is best." Teens need plenty of opportunity to learn from their own mistakes before they leave home and have to solve problems without an ever-present support system.

4. Clarify the house rules and consequences— You have the right and the responsibility to make rules regarding your house and other possessions. A teen's preferences can be tolerated within her own room, but they need not be imposed on the rest of the house. You can forbid loud music that interferes with other people's activities or incoming telephone calls after 10 p.m.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

While you should make your adolescent's friends feel welcome in your home, clarify the ground rules about parties or where snacks can be eaten. Your adolescent can be placed in charge of cleaning her room, washing his clothes, and ironing his clothes. You can insist upon clean clothes and enough showers to prevent or overcome body odor. You must decide whether you will loan her your car, bicycle, camera, radio, TV, clothes, and so forth. Reasonable consequences for breaking house rules include loss of telephone, TV, stereo, and car privileges. (Time-out is rarely useful in this age group, and physical punishment can escalate to a serious breakdown in your relationship.)

If your teen breaks something, she should repair it or pay for its repair or replacement. If she makes a mess, she should clean it up. If your adolescent is doing poorly in school, you can restrict TV time. You can also put a limit on telephone privileges and weeknights out. If your adolescent stays out too late or doesn't call you when she's delayed, you can ground her for a day or a weekend. In general, grounding for more than a few days is looked upon as unfair and is hard to enforce.

5. Use family conferences for negotiating house rules— Some families find it helpful to have a brief meeting after dinner once a week. At this time your teen can ask for changes in the house rules or bring up family issues that are causing problems. You can also bring up issues (such as your adolescent's demand to drive her to too many places and your need for her help in arranging carpools). The family unit often functions better if the decision-making is democratic. The objective of negotiation should be that both parties win. The atmosphere can be one of: "Nobody is at fault, but we have a problem. How can we solve it?"

6. Give space to a teen who is in a bad mood— Generally when your teen is in a bad mood, she won't want to talk about it with you. If teens want to discuss a problem with anybody, it is usually with a close friend. In general, it is advisable at such times to give your adolescent lots of space and privacy. This is a poor time to talk to your teen about anything, pleasant or otherwise.

7. Use "I" messages for rudeness— Some talking back is normal. We want our teens to express their anger through talking and to challenge our opinions in a logical way. We need to listen. Expect your teen to present her case passionately, even unreasonably. Let the small stuff go — it's only words. But don't accept disrespectful remarks such as calling you a "jerk." Unlike a negative attitude, these mean remarks should not be ignored. You can respond with a comment like, "It really hurts me when you put me down or don't answer my question."

Make your statement without anger if possible. If your adolescent continues to make angry, unpleasant remarks, leave the room. Don't get into a shouting match with your teen because this is not a type of behavior that is acceptable in outside relationships. What you are trying to teach is that everyone has the right to disagree and even to express anger, but that screaming and rude conversation are not allowed in your house. You can prevent some rude behavior by being a role model of politeness, constructive disagreement, and the willingness to apologize.

When should you seek outside assistance?

Get help if:
  • you feel your teen's rebellion is excessive
  • you find yourself escalating the criticism and punishment
  • you have other questions or concerns
  • you think your teen is depressed, suicidal, drinking or using drugs, or going to run away
  • your family life is seriously disrupted by your teen
  • your relationship with your teen does not improve within 3 months after you begin using these approaches
  • your teen has no close friends
  • your teen is skipping school frequently
  • your teen is taking undue risks (for example, reckless driving)
  • your teen's outbursts of temper are destructive or violent
  • your teen's school performance is declining markedly


==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents
By

Testing Your Teen Using a Home-Drug Test: Good or Bad Idea?

"What are your thoughts on testing a teen suspected of using drugs through the use of a home drug-testing kit that can be purchased online?"

Home drug-testing kits sold on the Internet may not be the best way to determine if a teen is or is not using drugs, because it is not easy for moms and dads to know which test to choose, how to collect a urine or hair sample for testing, or understand the limits of test results.

Parents who are anxious to know whether their kids are using drugs have easy access to kits sold on the Internet, but home drug testing is not consistent with the guidelines of professional medical organizations. The mother or father using these kits may be reassured by a "false negative," or mistakenly accuse their youngster of using drugs because of a "false positive".

I recommend that the parent who suspects that her youngster is using drugs seek a professional assessment rather than conduct a drug test at home. I want to caution you about the limitations and potential risks of home drug-testing products. Testing for drug use at home, with or without the consent of the teen, can also seriously undermine the parent-child relationship.

Moms and dads who are concerned that their youngster is using drugs may not know exactly which drug the youngster is using, and using the wrong test may delay the correct diagnosis of a serious substance abuse disorder. There are several types of tests for alcohol, marijuana, amphetamines and other drugs common among teens.

Laboratory testing for drugs of abuse is a technically challenging procedure, even for medical professionals, and tests performed at home by an untrained  parent may have higher rates of error than professional tests. I have cited one study in which a certified laboratory had false negative tests between 6% and 40%, depending on the drug detected.

False positives are also a problem as in the case of amphetamines, especially if the youngster is using high doses of caffeine or cold medications containing pseudoephedrine or theophylline. Similarly, poppy seeds contained in bagels and other foods may result in a false positive for morphine.

Collecting a urine or hair sample is not an easy task for a parent. The standard protocol for collecting urine samples requires "observation" to avoid adulteration or dilution with water, and teenagers are quite adept at beating the tests. In addition, teens can purchase products from the Internet that "clean" urine by interfering with standard drug tests. But, observing the collection of a urine sample would not be acceptable to most families -- and is not advisable. The Web sites we reviewed did not address these issues, nor did they offer any details about how to collect a hair sample.

Coerced home drug testing by parents may be perceived by teens as invasive and a violation of their rights, potentially damaging the parent-child relationship. Only one of the eight Web sites viewed gave clear advice on testing a youngster against his or her will.

Many of the claims of benefits of home drug testing made by the Web sites are "unsubstantiated." Seven of the eight sites claimed that random drug testing prevented drug use by reducing peer pressure, but I can’t find any studies to substantiate that claim.

Here are five ways that adolescents may try to cheat drug tests. They're all described elsewhere on the Internet, so you should be aware of them:

1. Popping vitamins: Perhaps this works because niacin (aka vitamin B3) is known to aid metabolism, or perhaps it's because Scientologists are said to take it in excess to flush their bodies of toxins. Whatever the reasons, some adolescents got the idea that extreme doses of this vitamin would erase any trace of their illicit drug use. Instead, it almost cost them their lives. In two separate incidents, emergency physician Manoj Mittal of Children's Hospital of Philadelphia has found adolescents who downed at least 150 times the daily recommended dose of niacin (15 mg) to cheat drug tests. Both kids were vomiting, had low blood sugar, and had "significant" liver toxicity when they arrived at the ER. And the niacin didn't even do what they'd intended; both tested positive for illicit drugs. People might think that since niacin is a vitamin it's harmless. But these cases suggest that our bodies have limits.

2. Swapping urine samples: Whether they use a friend's clean urine, synthetic pee, or even freeze-dried urine purchased online, some adolescents try to pass off foreign samples as their own. The biggest tip-off is temperature. Anything significantly lower than body temperature is suspicious, which is why some have tried to shuttle samples in armpits or taped to thighs to keep them warm. Possibly the oddest trick of all is a device marketed to those trying to beat witnessed drug collections: a sort of prosthetic penis called the "Whizzinator" that claims to come equipped with clean urine "guaranteed" to remain at body temperature for hours, with the help of special heat pads. Believe it or not, the prosthesis comes in different colors.

3. Switching drugs: Perhaps most alarming is that adolescents bent on defeating drug tests will sometimes switch their drug of choice to an undetectable (or harder to detect) substance that's considerably more hazardous. Inhalants, for example, include numerous types of chemical vapors that typically produce brief, intoxicating effects. You don't excrete inhalants in your urine, but inhaling is acutely more dangerous than marijuana. Indeed, inhalants can trigger the lethal heart problem known as sudden sniffing death in otherwise healthy adolescents, according to the National Institute on Drug Abuse.

4. Tampering: A sprinkle of salt or a splash of bleach, vinegar, detergent, or drain cleaner is all that's needed to muck up a urine specimen. These and other household substances are all too often smuggled into the bathroom and used to alter the composition of urine, making the presence of some illegal substances undetectable. Same goes for chemical concoctions sold all over the Internet. Sometimes these additives or "adulterants" will cloud or discolor urine, easily casting suspicion on the specimen, but others leave the sample looking normal. Laboratory toxicologists employ simple tests to catch these cheats. For example, a few drops of hydrogen peroxide will turn urine brown if it's been mixed with pyridinium chlorochromate, an otherwise-imperceptible chemical designed to foil drug tests.

5. Water-loading: Gulping fluids before providing urine, a long-standing tactic, is still the most common way that adolescents try to beat tests. Whether cheats use salty solutions to induce thirst, flushing agents that increase urine output, or just plain old H2O, their aim is to water down drugs so they can't be detected. Some testing facilities may check urine for dilution and deem overly watery samples "unfit for testing." But consuming too much fluid too quickly can occasionally have dire consequences. 

As I stated earlier, the best way to drug test your adolescent is to have a professional (e.g., doctor) do it.

==> Critical disciplinary strategies for defiant, rebellious teens can be found here...

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents
By

Parenting Strategies: Behavioral Change for Defiant Troubled Teens and Preteens

  
From the office of Mark Hutten, M.A.
Online Parent Support, LLC
Author of My Out-of-Control Teen

The problem is that most parents of strong-willed, out of control teenagers have tried very hard to regain control -- but with little or no success.  And it seems the harder the parent tries, the more the teenager "acts-out."

I often hear the following statement from parents: "I've tried everything with this child -- and nothing works!"  But when they attend my parent-program, they soon discover they have not tried everything, rather they have tried some things. 

Now there is an online version of the parent-program for working parents who are struggling with their out-of-control teenagers, and you will experience the same success as those who attend the program in person. 

You will learn cut-to-the-chase parenting strategies that work immediately rather than months or years down the road.  And I guarantee your success or you get your money back -- and you can keep the package I am about to offer you.  This is how confident I am that the online version of the parent-program is going to work for you. 






One of many testimonials: 

“Hi mark. I want to thank you so much for putting out the 4 week parenting course. I have completed it and it has literally changed my life. Honestly it worked instantly. I have a foster child who would yell, scream, abuse. Intimidate, swear, punch holes in walls etc if asked to get off the Xbox or to do a job. Yes he has so much trauma and I think is on the spectrum but I kept thinking I don’t think his outbursts are because of this. The bottom line is I was over indulging him. Now he knows nothing is for free and if he wants anything he has to do jobs. I take all technology at the end of each day and if he wants it back the next day he has to do the jobs on the list. I’ve only taken his phone twice for 24 hours since starting the course. That was all it took. Honestly mark, he yelled at me when I told him nothing is for free, not even a donut at the shop. I kept calm and said I’m not arguing. He now can’t drag me into arguments as I keep repeating ‘I’m not arguing’. I could go on and on how he’s changed. It’s only been 3 weeks but no massive melt downs or holes punched in walls. THANK YOUUUUUUUUU”   


The online version is called Online Parent Support (OPS). OPS includes My Out-Of-Control Teen eBook.  In this book, I share over 150 proven techniques to use with your strong-willed, out-of-control teenager.  If parents don’t have these techniques, all they are left with are conventional parenting techniques.  And as they may have discovered, conventional techniques don't work with unconventional teenagers. 

 => Does your child often:
  • lose his temper
  • argue with adults
  • refuse to comply with rules and requests
  • deliberately annoy people
  • blame others for his mistakes and misbehavior

 => Is your child often:
  • touchy and easily annoyed by others
  • angry and resentful
  • spiteful and vindictive

Believe it or not, your child doesn't need counseling.  You don’t need parenting classes.  You don’t need -- nor would you want -- a 250-page manual on how to be a better parent.  Who has time for that?  And you don’t need to go through another year of pain and misery with rebellious, foul-mouthed teenagers with an "attitude."

However, what you may need is someone who has worked with troubled teens and frustrated parents for over 25 years -- and does so for a living -- to show you a set of very effective parenting techniques that are guaranteed to work. That would be me, Mark Hutten, M.A.

OPS includes:
  • Live Audio Recordings of the entire parent-program I conducted at Madison County Youth Center
  • Power Point Presentations and 25 Videos shown during the program 
  • Access to me via email -- always feel free to contact me as often as needed while you begin to implement your new parenting strategies
  • 100% Money Back Guarantee

Whether you have big problems or small problems, teens or preteens, whether you are a single parent, divorced or separated parent, adoptive parent, foster parent, step parent, a traditional two-parent family, or a grandparent raising a grandchild -- this material is guaranteed to work for you.

Initially, the parents who attend my parent-program (the same program you’ll get with Online Parent Support) are at their "wit's end" and describe home-life as “hell's kitchen.” 

A few short weeks after they complete the program (which is divided into 4 sessions, 90 minutes each session), the majority of parents report that problems in their homes have reduced in frequency and severity and are finally manageable.

You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how simple it is to get started with these non-traditional parenting strategies.  Whenever you have a couple spare moments sitting at your computer, you can see how to bring about positive change in your household …change that will reduce parent-child conflict …change that will reduce your stress-level significantly …and change that will increase the likelihood that your child will be a success both at school and in life.


                 *** Purchase This Parenting Program Using PayPal *** 
 

=> Is your child in charge (the tail is wagging the dog)?

=> Does she/he have an "attitude" 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?

=> Is she/he resentful about something that happened in the past and just can’t seem to get over it?

=> Are you concerned that your child is:
  • Having unprotected sex?
  • Hanging with the wrong crowd?
  • Experimenting with drugs or alcohol?

=> Has your child:
  • Lied to you?
  • Stolen from you?
  • Skipped school?
  • Destroyed property?
  • Ran away from home?
  • Had a brush with the law?
  • Refused to follow any rules?


You Can't Lose With My 100%, Ironclad,
"Better-Than-Risk-Free" Money Back Guarantee

I say "better-than-risk-free" because this whole package is yours
to keep even in the unlikely event you decide to ask for a refund.

If for any reason you aren't thrilled and satisfied
with your purchase, just contact me and I'll give you a 100%
prompt and courteous refund ... no questions asked!


Feel free to contact me.  You'll get no "sales pitch" -- just answers to any questions you may have. My email: mbhutten@gmail.com  (I will respond within 24 hours!)

A few emails from parents:

"I just have to let you know that I just started reading your book...I am in tears as I am reading. It is like you have been hanging out in our home, watching us. We are on our 4th therapist in a 3 year period and not one of them have seemed to have a grasp on what we are dealing with, but your first few chapters have summed us up almost immediately. I had to stop and say thank you." -- M.J.

"I had problems with my 15-year-old daughter last year and found your online course. I can’t even begin to tell you how helpful it was in turning my daughter around.  I followed it up with a trip to Uganda – just the 2 of us – for 15 days last summer, which forced us to bond. It’s been a great year this year and I want to thank you for your huge part in that. No more sleepless nights.  Your website gets lots of referrals from me! I think your method utilizing online courses and support groups is brilliant. Warm regards." -- M.H.

"Thank you for your concern for others. My husband and I were at the end of our ropes. I prayed for wisdom and God certainly answered my prayer.  I have already tried some things on the first week actually the day I ordered this and to my amazement - they worked!!  I had already been thinking the turmoil was like a drug for my daughter and I was right.  Thank you so much and God Bless you!" – E.H.

"Tara and I joined your website for our 16 year old quite a few months back. Let me say this after having gone through many different programs for difficult teenagers, your program is very solid. We have told our current counselors and connections about it so that other parents may use your very good resources, too. Our son is to the point now where he no longer argues." – T.M.



                 *** Purchase This Parenting Program Using PayPal ***


Dear Discouraged/Frustrated Parents,

I know I’ve made some pretty strong claims above. And you might be thinking, "This guy is full of it …he must think he can work miracles.”

No, I’m not a miracle worker. But you don’t need a miracle! All you need is this simple set of proven parenting techniques to use with your oppositional, defiant child.

I'm not offering a complete cure for ALL behavior problems, and I'm not trying to claim that every single thing that you'll ever need to help your child is in my eBook. But if you are looking for rock solid and proven solutions to a whole bunch of parenting-predicaments that you have with your out-of-control child, then I'm confident that you can benefit from my help.

For many years, I ran a very successful parent program, but I wanted to take it a step further.  I wanted to reach out to parents worldwide and help them discover that there really is light at the end of the tunnel. That’s when I came up with Online Parent Support (OPS).  Since its launch in 2004, OPS has overwhelmed users and success rates have been phenomenal.

If you're one of those parents who has paid a fortune on must-have parenting eBooks only to find they were full of useless information you could have gotten anywhere, then don’t make the mistake of clicking off this site before you at least call or email me with some specific questions about My Out-of-Control Teen eBook. I guarantee you won't find this information anywhere else.

You could (and may) spend the rest of the afternoon surfing and "researching" only to find that you've gained a wonderful knowledge of what the problem is without any knowledge of what to do about it.

Let’s face it: You have been force-fed garbage and misinformation that will never put your teen back on the right track.  All you have really been doing is building-up even more barriers and creating more stress – for you and your family.

I'm tired of reading all the bad advice out there …I’m tired of seeing teenagers' lives ruined because they just can’t be controlled …and I’m tired of seeing parents chase their tails in a hopeless cycle of frustration, drama and chaos.

I’m giving you the chance to break the cycle of abuse and mistrust …to bring harmony back into your life …and to keep your child from self-destruction. 

Parenting strong-willed, out-of-control children is tough! If you don't know how, that is...

Here’s a recent email from a new member of Online Parent Support. She and her husband sent this email to their son’s Counselor:

“…coming up with a proper diagnosis and treatment has taken us down many roads, all leading to different therapies, parent-education classes, including Jayne Major's course Breakthrough Parenting Services as well as James Lehman's Total Transformation Program. Through countless hours of research and phone calls, we have discovered the different levels of support are dependent on insurance, out of pocket expenses, including potentially selling our home and putting him in a residential treatment center with no guarantees of a positive outcome. Needless to say, quality intervention has been hard to find. Recently we found an on-line course by Mark Hutten called My Out Of Control Teen. It seems the most helpful and pragmatic approach so far. We wanted to share with you where we are in the course so we are all on the same page in helping our son and family through this crisis.”

$29 is really a painless drop in the bucket compared to the money you could lose over time with counseling, parent-education classes, psychiatric evaluations, treatment, etc.

Yes, for the price of dinner at a local restaurant, you will have all the information you need to jump full force into getting peace and respect back in your house again. If you need to justify the expense, skip taking the kids to McDonald's for dinner once this week - and it's paid for.

If you’re going through the same parent-child conflict that most of the other parents who land on this site are going through, then the problems at home and school are not getting better -- they’re steadily getting worse. How much longer are you willing to wait?  I'm guessing that you have already wasted too much time and energy trying to get some real solutions.

I trust that you’ll take a step of faith here and get started with this online program immediately.

~ Mark Hutten, M.A.


                 *** Purchase This Parenting Program Using PayPal ***



==> Frequently asked questions...

==> Emails from a few of the parents who have joined Online Parent Support...

==> A brief biography can be viewed here...


 

_______________________________________

About the author: Mark Hutten, M.A. is the founder of Online Parent Support and a parent coach. He has worked with hundreds of children and teens with behavioral problems over the years. He presents workshops and runs training courses for parents and professionals who deal with troubled children and teens, and is a prolific author of articles and ebooks on the subject.

About Online Parent Support: Online Parent Support was one of the first “online program” for parents with defiant children and teens, and has been helping parents like you since 2003. Dozens of parents join Online Parent Support every day. YOU can be next! You can start your program in 15 min. from now, and you WILL see positive changes in your child’s behavior within the first week -- or your money back! Has your son or daughter been "out-of-control" for several months - if not years? If so, then alarm bells should be going off. You know changes need to happen!

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