ONLINE PARENTING COACH

 Hi Mark, Thank you so much for your reply and suggestions. They all sound very reasonable and sound. We have been very happy about J___'s attitude and although still skeptical, as he can sweet talk us at time, it is looking good. Our initial 1st assignment talk went well with both our Sons. We did it seperately due to a surprising incident with our 21 year old son. We planned to sit down with both of them on Sunday where schedules permit a time when we can all gather. Friday night, P___ announced his plan to get a tatoo at the same time his girlfriend is getting one (on her 18th birthday, her parents don't like it but did not forbid it) Our ban on tatoos and piercings while they live under our roof, has always been all very open and steadfast. So we were confronted with this situation. When I stood my ground, our calm ever respectful son erupted! His reaction was just like we would expect from J___. He was shocked and we were as well. We kept our poker faces on. He managed to ...

Hi Mark, First let me say that my husband and I feel that finding your website and ordering your ebook have been heaven sent. We will have our sit down discussion with our two boys, P___ 21 and J___ 16. We have already started the poker face and requesting a task or chore when they request a privilege. It has shown great results already and I hope paved the way a bit into our family talk. J (16) was the one we were having anger issues with, P has always been very sweet...we realize now.... both were used to manipulate us. I would have never considered myself indulgent until I read your definition… oh boy am I! I know I will have more questions for you as we go along but I have one now that I could really use some suggestions on. J has a friend who has dropped out of school, no job and we feel not a good influence at all. He is from a broken family and just went to live with Dad, but that fell apart very quickly and he is back.... We thought our prayers were ans...

"Hello, we have just started to work through your book and it seems to be going well so far. However we need help about what to do if an incident happens again like last week - this has happened once before. Our 13 year old daughter went out got drunk - possibly smoked weed, was hit by another girl, then refused attempts to get her home - she was crying and was hysterical eventually a friend calmed her down - she would not respond to us at all. She has just gone through a 3 day grounding and has signed a contract with us (she also self harmed when she was alone in her room). We will deal with things as they happen, but what if that happens again? We felt so helpless. Many thanks." Be sure to clearly state your expectations regarding your daughter’s drinking and establish consequences for breaking rules. Your values and attitudes count, even though she may not always show it. If one or more members of your immediate or extended family has suffered from alcoholism, yo...

Hi Mark, I have finally realised that I'm in a situation of the tail wagging the dog! I need my son to go back to school – and to the school he was originally at, not to a new school. I shall tell him that he will be going back to school after the holidays. But I am not sure what to say will be an appropriate consequence if he refuses to go back to school. Do I go say there will be negative consequences – no computer, no tv etc? Or do I offer positive consequences – bribery – eg new computer game? I am worried because I know he can sense the weakness in me like a horse can sense a nervous rider. So I know I have to be firm, calm and confident when I speak to him. Your thoughts would be appreciated, Thanks, S. ``````````````````````` Hi S., A good combination of both negative and positive reinforcers would be best. Example: The positive reinforcer (the carrot) would be that if he chooses to go to school, he will be allowed to have a friend spend the night on weeke...

"My daughter has been caught stealing lately. What do you suggest in the way of a consequence?" Kids of all ages - from preschoolers to teenagers - can be tempted to steal for different reasons: · Elementary school kids usually know they're not supposed to take something without paying, but they may take it anyway because they lack enough self-control. · Preteenagers and teenagers know they're not supposed to steal, but they may steal for the thrill of it or because their friends are doing it. Some might believe they can get away with it. As they're given more control over their lives, some teenagers may steal as a way of rebelling. · Very young kids sometimes take things they want without understanding that things cost money and that it's wrong to take something without paying for it. And there may be more complex reasons why some kids and teenagers steal. They may be angry or want attention. Their behavior may reflect stressful problem...

Well, I like making long stories short. At first, when we discussed household chores I met with resistance. It was during this time, that I was able to ask my son... What have your father and I ever done to make you think that we are out to get you? (That is that "friend"'s way of thinking.) I also asked him how he would feel if I said bad things about him, in front of his friends. How could he call me psychotic and embarrass me like that. Why? I have always been in your corner? Haven't I. At the time, there was an opportunity to discuss these issues, so I did. And regardless of what happened in the past, it is time for a new day, and changes in both of us, all of us. I thought you would like to hear some good news, and affirmation that your concepts/ideas work. Thanks again. C. Online Parent Support

Why shouldn't I use physical punishment? Mothers may choose to use physical punishment (such as spanking) to stop undesirable behavior. The biggest drawback to this method is that although the punishment stops the bad behavior for a while, it doesn't teach your kid to change his or her behavior. Disciplining your kid is really just teaching him or her to choose good behaviors. If your kid doesn't know a good behavior, he or she is likely to return to the bad behavior. Physical punishment becomes less effective with time and can cause the kid to behave aggressively. It can also be carried too far -- into kid abuse. Other methods of punishment are preferred and should be used whenever possible. What else can I do to help my kid behave well? Make a short list of important rules and go over them with your kid. Avoid power struggles, no-win situations and extremes. When you think you've overreacted, it's better to use common sense to solve the problem, even if you ha...

Mark, Regarding your reply about lying and issuing a consequence. In talking to J on the phone he still insists to us that he wasn't stoned the time he got his "disciplinary bounce", however, he admitted it to the staff at the group home during an interview with them yesterday. He said to me that he admitted it to them even though it wasn't that time, but to me he admitted it was another time. Now, I'm not sure whether he's lying or actually telling the truth (my gut says he's lying to me), and he asked me "you don't believe me?" I said to him that he's lied so much in the past, that I find it difficult to believe him. How do I deal with this even though he's not at home or in our custody and how do I consequence him? We are going to see him for a 2 hour visit this weekend and plan on telling him about our plan and being honest. ````````````````` Hi E., Re: How do I deal with this... I would drop it. You told him what he needed ...

Dear Mark I am writing after firstly downloading and reading your article on 'Out of Control Teenagers' and wished I'd had this manual a few years ago. I have a fifteen year old daughter 'L___' and a ten year old boy 'C___'. Since L___ reached the age of 12 and onwards I have had an uphill daily struggle and battle within our home. She has pushed the boundaries full scale and more. In brief, she has had sex at age 12, started smoking, drinking and trying out drugs from that age, continually truanting school, arguing and walking out of class and school, to the point of near exclusion from that school, running away from home, threatening suicide and cutting herself (due to mixing within a cult of what we calls 'Emo's' who seem to be into all this and self harm). From this, I decided to (before she was expelled) moved her to an all girls grammar school (just starting into Year 9 and because her grades being an A and A* student at this point, s...

Hi Mark, First, thanks for your great ebook and website. I realise I had been very unclear as a parent and started on the assignments with a sense of relief. Things did get worse before they got better but I am very pleased that I did not lose my cool or get drawn into arguments and we started to settle down and my 11 year old son S__ said that he felt so much better because he knew where he stood. But our new-found calm was shattered by something that happened at school. A boy accused my son of something that he did not do and said that he was going to fight him. S__ alerted a member of staff but they didn't act in time and S__ got beaten up. Since then he has not been back to school. The school has been apologetic and admits that they let S__ down by not acting quickly enough. They have offered various strategies to try and settle him back into school but he is hysterical at the thought of going back. As I want S__ to be happy and to feel he has some choice in t...

Hi Mr. Hutten, This is Patty and I just purchased your e-book on out of control teens. I have some questions. For online presentations and support do I just go to the website? Do I need a password? How is it going to work? Do I automatically have access? I am confused. Please let me know thank you. Patty ````````````````````````` Hi Patty, For Online Presentations, go to the Online Version of the eBook. Re: support. There are 3 ways to get support— 1) You can go to the website and type a question in the chat room. If you have questions about medication, direct your question to David McLaughlin, MD. If you have questions about a specific child or adolescent mental disorder, direct your question to Julie Kennedy, Ph.D. Direct all other questions to me. We usually return your chat messages within 24 hours. 2) You can go to the website and type your question in the text box where it reads Post to Online Parent Support Blog. Here you will get feedback from other parents going through much o...

Have recently signed up and have been reading and trying to implement some of your ideas. Today was not a good day at all. My son has a fixation on the xbox system and spending money to enhance his game supply. Today while trying to visit my mother who is in the hospital, and taking my father along, (both in their 80's). L originally said he would go for the visit, now refused to go because he did not get his way of wanting me to spend money on a second TV to enhance his X box lan system to show off to his friends what he has. After I said no, and left to pick up my father, outside, I heard two thuds in the house, I've heard these before and knew that he had just busted either the thermostat or the phone off the wall, it was the phone. He denied doing it on purpose… he said he fell going back to his room, tripping on his pj's. My brother has been trying to see my side of the story for many years as most of the family on both sides say that we have not raised him right. My b...