ONLINE PARENTING COACH

Question I wanted to ask how you suggest we help our daughter move out on her own. She is in her last semester of grade 12 but not putting forward any effort, in fact skipped school all day today I found out. She has life way to easy here at home and I am sick and tired of the way she acts. I feel that she should be out on her own now. She needs a huge reality check. I had hoped to be able to continue with her at home until the end of June at which time she would have hopefully graduated. Unfortunately, with the way things are going, I don't think we can do it. I know this means she will probably quit school as she will need to earn some money to live, but maybe she will appreciate things if she has to do it on her own. Answer If you've decided it's time for your daughter to leave the nest, but she refuses to spread her wings, here's what to do: 1. Assess the situation as objectively as possible. As a mother, you might have mixed feelings abo...

Have you heard of GHB? You may not have yet, but its use is increasing. Once limited to large warehouse scenes such as "raves," GHB is showing up at parties, perhaps in neighborhoods like yours. It gives the user a feeling of euphoria, that everything is fine. GHB, like alcohol, is a central nervous system depressant that takes only minutes to make a user lose control, forget what is happening, or lose consciousness. GHB is colorless, odorless, and has a slightly salty taste. The synthetic form of GHB contains some of the same ingredients as floor stripper and industrial cleaners. GHB was first developed as a general anesthetic, but because it did not work very well to prevent pain, its use as an anesthetic declined. The observation that GHB may cause the release of growth hormone led some people, especially athletes and body-builders, to take it because they thought it would increase muscle development. Before 1990, GHB was available as a dietary supplement, and as ...

Question My 15-year-old son is constantly getting in trouble at school with a new friend. Before that friend came along, he was always so good. What should I do? Answer While your goal as a mother/father is to keep your son protected and safe, your son’s goal is to be with friends who like him. Sometimes our perspectives might be a bit tainted when it comes to our kids. We tend to see ‘badness’ in others families – but not in our own. But adolescents do select friends. They’re not just simply influenced by their friends – they’re instrumental in deciding who to hang around. Maybe you didn't realize it, but if your youngster has befriended a trouble-maker, there were likely problems brewing before the friend ever came into the picture. Few parents like their teenager’s friends – and some parents say, “It's not my teeanger …it’s those friends he hangs out with!” Maybe that's true, but the reason he hangs out with those friends is because he's simil...

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) is a troublesome pattern of defiant, disobedient and hostile behavior in kids and teenagers, toward authority figures that continues for a period of at least six months. The base prevalence rate for ODD is somewhere between 1 and 16 percent, yet surveys from non-clinical samples range between 6 and10 percent. So, at minimum, 1 to 16 percent of kids and teens in school (or of school-age) has ODD. Also, the disorder most frequently appears in boys in multiple contexts, and manifests before the age of 8 years. Behaviors included in ODD are: • argues excessively with adults and authority figures • blames others • can be manipulative, spiteful and revenge-seeking • does not take responsibility for behavior • gets annoyed and angry easily • intentionally annoys others • intentionally defies and disobeys requests and questions rules • is stubborn • refuses to follow rules The youngster may say hurtful or mean things when ang...

“Punishing” teenagers often creates more discipline problems than it solves. I define punishment as anything that causes blame, shame or pain. When moms and dads focus on blaming, shaming and causing pain to their teenager, his or her brain's limbic system reacts with intense defense. When a parent punishes teenagers, they don’t react with remorse and a “how can I make it better” attitude. Instead, they react with one of the "Four R’s", which leads to increased discipline problems. Moms and dads use punishment because it “appears” to stop misbehavior immediately (and sometimes does). Sometimes we must beware of what works when the long-term results are negative. The long-term results of punishment are that children usually adopt one or all of the Four R’s of Punishment: Rebellion Resentment Retreat (avoiding contact/conversation with the parent) Revenge When a teenager reacts with one or more of the "Four R’s", he is not focused on “life lesson...

Moms and dads can play a crucial role in helping defiant children and adolescents handle homework challenges and succeed in school by lending a little help, support, and guidance, and by knowing what problems demand their involvement and which ones require them to hang back. 1. Apply school to the “real world”— Talk about how what children/adolescents learn now applies outside the classroom, such as the importance of meeting deadlines — as they'll also have to do in the workplace — or how topics in history class relate to what's happening in today's news. 2. Be in touch with school— Maintain contact with guidance counselors and educators throughout the school year to stay informed, especially if your child or adolescent is struggling. They'll keep you apprised of what's going on at school and how to help your adolescent. They can guide you to tutoring options, offer perspective on course load, and provide guidance on any issues, such as dyslexia, ADHD, o...

Since kids pass through many developmental stages as they mature, it is important to understand the differences between normal childhood attempts to defy authority and symptoms of full-blown Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Oppositional defiant kids share many of the following characteristics: The ODD youngster is socially exploitive and very quick to notice how others respond. He then uses these responses to his advantage in family or social environments, or both. These kids tolerate a great deal of negativity – in fact they seem to thrive on large amounts of conflict, anger and negativity from others, and are frequently the winners in escalating battles of negativity. They possess a strong need for control, and will do just about anything to gain power. They typically deny responsibility for their misbehavior and have little insight into how they impact others. Besides ODD, these kids may also have another psychiatric disorder. ODD is frequently a co-morbid condition...

Teaching students with Oppositional Defiant Disorder [ODD] will be -- let me repeat that -- WILL BE the most challenging aspect of your teaching career. However, if you have a few special tools in your teaching toolbox, getting through to the ODD child can be simplified, saving you from (a) headaches in the short run and (b) total "burn-out" in the long run. Tips for teaching students with Oppositional Defiant Disorder [ODD]: 1. Address concerns privately. This will help to avoid power struggles as well as an audience for a potential power struggle. 2. Allow the ODD child to redo assignments to improve his/her score or final grade. 3. Always listen to the ODD child. Let him/her talk. Don't interrupt until he/she finishes. 4. Ask parents what works at home. 5. Avoid all power struggles with the ODD child. They will get you nowhere. Thus, try to avoid verbal exchanges. State your position clearly and concisely and choose your battles wisely. ...

The teen years for girls are a period of real danger. Girls entering puberty often face a "crisis in confidence" which makes them vulnerable to risky behavior, and these bad choices can have devastating lifelong consequences. They are confronted with drugs, peer pressure, sex, dating, bullying and more. Teen girls encounter more "stressors" in life, especially in their interpersonal relationships, than teen boys, and they react more strongly to those pressures, accounting in part for their higher levels of depression. The best way to help your troubled teen girl is to intervene as soon as you sense something is wrong. Here are some important tips for raising teen girls: 1. Aim at building and maintaining strong family relationships, especially between daughters and fathers. While teen girls may rebel against this, a close-knit family is a strong support structure in times of need. 2. Allow teen girls to express themselves within reason and don’t ...

Frustration jumps in and gets the better of us all once in awhile. We all know what it feels like and what’s most likely to set us off. It’s important to remember that frustration is a normal human emotion. It becomes a problem, however, when it gets out of control or is used inappropriately. Uncontrollable parental displays of rage resulting from “toxic” frustration rarely do much to improve a youngster's behavior, and can sometimes be damaging to the parent-child relationship. Moms and dads need to find effective ways to deal with their frustration. People use a variety of methods to deal with their feelings of frustration. The three main ways are called: suppressing, expressing, and calming. 1. ‘Suppressing’ frustration is probably the least effective way of dealing with this potentially volatile emotion. It means holding your frustration in. The danger is that, since there is no outward expression of your feelings, your frustration gets internalized and can...