ONLINE PARENTING COACH

Hi Mark, Thanks for sharing and helping us parents who are frustrated and absolutely dumbfounded as to what to do with our little darlings. My question to you is how do parents who are divorced work together and stay consistent? My ex and I are equally worried and upset with our 17yr old boy. We however, have very different parenting styles. I'm more into boundaries and keeping the lines of communication open. My ex lets our son run the show. I cannot tell my ex what to do or how to handle situations because he doesn't like anyone doing this, especially his ex. He takes everything very personally. I have raised my son for over 16 yrs. My son is now living with his dad. He needs to see if the grass is greener and in some ways it is through his eyes. Less structure, way more freedom, no chores, no sch. meals, girlfriend can sleepover, money magically appears in his bank acct., curfew not enforced. These are just a few examples that I cannot deal with. His father doesn...

  Good education is a way to a successful future. You can agree or not with this statement, but it is the general thought of modern society. Special colleges and universities that graduate future billionaires are available to a small number of students and have no free places for common people. Big money, big intellect or special connections can open the road to these places. The main problem for those who want to become a part of this system is that you need to start studying deeper and harder from the first years, but 6 or 7 years old children can’t plan so far. He can’t even schedule his future for a few weeks ahead. The only way for them to become successful is the involvement of parents in their education. However, it does not work for the best, because parents forget that they make their dreams come true, using their children. Let’s find out a shortlist of the pros and cons of the increased involvement for both sides. Parental Involvement: Controlling Scenario Here we discuss...

Hi J., >>>>>>>>>> Please look for my (Marks') comments within your email. Mark, It's been a while since I last e-mailed you. M______ has been to court. They dropped the DV charge but kept the incorrigible which is in his best interest if he decides to follow the rules since they can be dropped when he turns of age. He did get 6 mos of probation and must still meet with his counselor. It seems that things at home have been better since he has motivation over the use of a car. We made him sign a driving contract and when he messes up, we just pull it out and their is no argument (well he tries but it is fruitless). He has been checking in when he is supposed to also. Mind you, this is MOST of the time. He still "forgets" and has consequences. Husband has come around to a degree. What is working for us (again still some arguments over your program and we had to compromise somewhat but like you preach, 2 parents in agre...

"Hi Mark: Having problems with my 15 year old son, B___. In the past twenty-four hours.... He returned to school yesterday after a TWO WEEK OUT-OF-SCHOOL SUSPENSION for calling one of his teachers an F----ing B----- and wadded up the office referral and threw it at her hitting her in the face. We had to meet with the Principal and he was told to tow the line or he would be sent to an alternative school. Three hours later...I get a call from school. He was in the ISS room, used HIS CELL PHONE to call the ISS monitor's phone to make it ring many times and disrupt everything. His phone was confiscated. This morning after he left for school, I was picking up things in his room. I found a receipt from the grocery store for the machine that swamps in coins for cash. He had helped himself to $80.00 worth of change I had in my closet and took it in to cash. Everyday it is something else... every day the only responses I get from him are F ___YOU! He is very angry since his Dad l...

"My son 'sucker punched' me right in the face. I'm not violent, and to say the least, it really surprised and hurt me (emotionally, he didn't hit hard enough to hurt) ...he is 13. What do I do with this situation?" There is great concern about the increased incidence of violent behavior among kids and teens. This complex and troubling issue needs to be carefully understood by moms and dads, educators, and other grown-ups. Kids as young as preschoolers can show violent behavior. Moms and dads who witness the behavior may be concerned; however, they often hope that the youngster will "grow out of it." Violent behavior in a youngster at any age always needs to be taken seriously. It should not be quickly dismissed as "just a phase they're going through!" Violent behavior in kids and teens can include a wide range of behaviors, for example: cruelty toward animals explosive temper tantrums fighting fire setting homicidal t...

Mark, It has been awhile since I last e-mailed you (middle of June I believe). At that time, our 16yo M______ had gotten into a fight which sent the other person (18yo) to the hospital. We weren't sure what was going to happen. We left 2 days after the fight for vacation visiting relatives in another state. When we got back, we were told that the boy was not pressing charges and M______ would be "off the hook". We almost wished for SOMETHING to happen to possibly instill a different view in our son. He felt justified since he didn't hit first. Anyway, he was home for only 3 days before he left for a month long wrestling camp out of state (we were looking forward to the respite!!) Needless to say, he went against our permission on the first day with driving privileges and lied about it, so could not go anywhere the following 2 days before leaving. He was VERY UPSET and threatening to "just leave anyways" but he did in fact stay home (I credit your program and...

Hi L., This is Mark, and I’ve responded where you see these arrows: >>>>>>>>> Thanks for your answer Mark. I really appreciate how quickly you respond. You must get hundreds of emails every day from desperate parents! Re the fighting: I understand what you are saying and I agree with your analysis. This is what we did for many years when E___ was very small. I never felt safe leaving the 2 kids alone. The last few days I have been successful in keeping my 'poker face' although i see that I have to work on being consistent and keeping to the said consequence. Here is a scenario that just played out. My kids say I am being unfair. Could you please give me some feedback and any advice? This afternoon I was taking my kids B___ 11 yo (the intense one) and E___ 7 yo to the grocery store and said we would get an ice cream. >>>>>>>>>> What did they do to earn this privilege (i.e., ice cream)? As I stopped for...

Consequences can be used to discourage unacceptable behavior in defiant adolescents . Usually this will occur after other techniques have been tried unsuccessfully. In summary, consequences: are given to help defiant adolescents establish boundaries are more effective when discussed in a matter-of-fact manner from a caring and controlled point of view help moms and dads present their adolescents with fundamental life lessons while helping adolescents recall what they learned from these disciplinary actions should be applied consistently (i.e., the behavior disciplined today will again be disciplined  next week if needed) should be clearly explained, related to the behavior, and completed as soon as possible should never be given in anger should not be confused with punishment Also, behavior disciplined for one child will not be allowed for others. This consistency lowers anxiety by making the environment predictable. "Discipline” means to teach, and positive disc...

Hi S., I’ve responded to each of your points below. Please look for these arrows: >> >>>>> Good Morning, To begin, I just wanted to say that I joined your online program a few days ago and it has already been so helpful. There seems to be an ample supply of resources in my commu nity for parenting young children, but haven't come across much for parenting the pre-teen and teen age s. I've been studying the materials and started implementing the strategies therein. Which has now brought about a couple of questions I could use some support on. First, a few days ago I removed my daughter's computer privilege for the 3 day time frame. I didn't engage in the power struggle, simply explained the consequence, and stated I wasn't going to argue. The first day went surprisingly well. She did say my rules were dumb and asked for clarification about how long and when she would get computer time back. I told her if there we re no more occurr...

==> Effective Disciplinary Techniques for Defiant Teens and Preteens

==> Help for Parents of Children and Teens with ODD (and comorbid ADHD)

 "What's the most appropriate way to talk to teenagers about the topic of sex education?" Sex education basics may be covered in health class, but adolescents might not hear or understand everything they need to know to make tough choices about sex. That's where parents come in. Awkward as it may be, sex education is your responsibility. By reinforcing and supplementing what your adolescent learns in school, you can set the stage for a lifetime of healthy sexuality. If parents wait for the perfect moment to discuss sexual issues, they may miss the best opportunities. Instead, think of sex education as an ongoing conversation. Here are some ideas to help you get started and keep the discussion going: Clearly state your feelings about specific issues (e.g., oral sex, intercourse). Present the risks objectively, including emotional pain, sexually transmitted infections, and unplanned pregnancy. Explain that oral sex isn't a risk-free alternative to intercour...