Mark,
In the Emails From Parents ("This Mom Has A Backbone"), you used the word "terminate." Could you elaborate on what you mean exactly by this term? Surely you're not telling us to abandon our kids.
J.D.
______________
When you "terminate the relationship," you're not saying to your child, "Hey ...I don't love you anymore, and I never want to see you again." Rather, you are sending a clear, verbal message that "as long as you choose to use abusive language and threats, I choose not to be around you." You could include the comment, "whenever you decide to stop using abusive language and threats, I'd love to spend time with you" (tough love that, in many cases, is equally tough for the parent).
In those cases where the child does not have the luxury of going to live with the other parent, you have to adopt a different approach obviously (which is discussed in the ebook).
I hope this clarifies,
Mark
www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com
He's Got 4 Parents.
Hi Mark,
I have read quite a bit of your ebook now. I am finding controlling my anger a problem. I have not found my poker face yet. I do have a question for you though. My son goes to his fathers for dinner every Tuesday night and every other weekend. How do I enforce the discipline?
My son did not earn this past weekends wrestling tournament and was told he could not go, his father took him anyway. So now my son is acting like he got away with something. And I feel like what I say doesn't matter. I except that I cannot control my son's reaction. But, how do I control his father’s actions or reactions? My son has 2 mom's and 2 dad's and none of us get along very well because we have different idea's of what's best for our son.
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Hi A-M.,
If he has 2 moms and 2 dads, then you only get 25% of the say-so -- not good odds.
In any event, I would recommend that, if possible, the 4 parents get together and come up with some type of parenting plan that everyone can live with (compromise). A watered-down, weaker plan supported by all 4 parents would be infinitely better than a solid, stronger plan supported by only one parent.
If the other 3 parents are not interested in working WITH you, then let your son know that your rules are different than theirs, and there are consequences for violating your rules while he's on your watch.
I know this is a frustrating situation. You make two steps forward, and then it seems that the other parent pulls you 3 steps back. But don't try to control what they do on their end. Your son will simply have to operate under two or more different sets of rule-structures.
Mark
www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com
I have read quite a bit of your ebook now. I am finding controlling my anger a problem. I have not found my poker face yet. I do have a question for you though. My son goes to his fathers for dinner every Tuesday night and every other weekend. How do I enforce the discipline?
My son did not earn this past weekends wrestling tournament and was told he could not go, his father took him anyway. So now my son is acting like he got away with something. And I feel like what I say doesn't matter. I except that I cannot control my son's reaction. But, how do I control his father’s actions or reactions? My son has 2 mom's and 2 dad's and none of us get along very well because we have different idea's of what's best for our son.
---------
Hi A-M.,
If he has 2 moms and 2 dads, then you only get 25% of the say-so -- not good odds.
In any event, I would recommend that, if possible, the 4 parents get together and come up with some type of parenting plan that everyone can live with (compromise). A watered-down, weaker plan supported by all 4 parents would be infinitely better than a solid, stronger plan supported by only one parent.
If the other 3 parents are not interested in working WITH you, then let your son know that your rules are different than theirs, and there are consequences for violating your rules while he's on your watch.
I know this is a frustrating situation. You make two steps forward, and then it seems that the other parent pulls you 3 steps back. But don't try to control what they do on their end. Your son will simply have to operate under two or more different sets of rule-structures.
Mark
www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com
J's school counselor recommended a part time job.
Hey Mark~
J's school counselor recommended a part time job. Thought it necessary since he will be 17 on Apr 28 (more important than a sport). I thought track would be a better idea- get him social and active- and he could pick up a job in the summer. J refuses to do either. He is taking Drivers Ed. but has no motivation to drive or go anywhere (child of indulgent parent). How do I handle this?
Thanx- L.
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I think this falls into the 'pick your battles carefully' category. Here's my 2 cents:
If he doesn't want to work -- fine. But he should do chores around the house to earn money.
If he doesn't want to do track -- no problem.
If he wants to be a homebody -- that's o.k.
Your son is going to be a late bloomer ...I can see that now.
I wouldn't spend time or energy fighting these battles,
Mark
p.s. Don't go lookin' for trouble.
www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com
J's school counselor recommended a part time job. Thought it necessary since he will be 17 on Apr 28 (more important than a sport). I thought track would be a better idea- get him social and active- and he could pick up a job in the summer. J refuses to do either. He is taking Drivers Ed. but has no motivation to drive or go anywhere (child of indulgent parent). How do I handle this?
Thanx- L.
---------
I think this falls into the 'pick your battles carefully' category. Here's my 2 cents:
If he doesn't want to work -- fine. But he should do chores around the house to earn money.
If he doesn't want to do track -- no problem.
If he wants to be a homebody -- that's o.k.
Your son is going to be a late bloomer ...I can see that now.
I wouldn't spend time or energy fighting these battles,
Mark
p.s. Don't go lookin' for trouble.
www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com
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