The Mom From Hell?

Mark, Thanks so much for responding so quickly, and for the validation. I'd been feeling like the Mom from Hell, and seeing "there you go doubting yourself again" made me find some humor in the situation (that has been a hard part of the assignment)! It's good to hear that I didn't do anything wrong with her friends. I had lost perspective - there's no law against what I did. You won't be surprised to hear that there was no phone call from the school. Actually, I doubted that they complained at all - if they could put two brain cells together, they'd figure out that, if anyone from the school asked why I did it, they would hear about underage drinking and pot smoking and sexual activity on prom night between 18 year olds and minors. Not what they wanted! 

 

The counselor isn't falling for her tantrums - she just said what you did, keep an eye on her [queen]. Next time, I'll do like I did with toddler tantrums, let it run its course and not respond. I see now my most frequent mistake has been getting pulled into it when she goes off. Even Grandma called her a drama queen - she talked calmly to the counselor and to Grandma, but when she sees me, she screams and cries and it's like the end of her world. What exactly would happen if I did file a battery charge? Have to admit I'm afraid to get the courts involved. But maybe saying that as a warning would work?  

 

>>>>>>>> I wouldn't 'warn' if you're not willing to follow through with the consequence. Your job is to prepare your daughter for the 'real world'. In the real world, one cannot smack another individual out of frustration without legal difficulties. 

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>> For you to withhold a negative consequence after she smacks you is to send the wrong message about domestic violence -- a message that may cost her dearly in the future with other relationships. We, as parents, do our children a great disfavor by protecting them from painful emotions and negative consequences when they make a poor choice. 

 

I think she does want to be stopped. When I told her grounded or ungrounded, she is not going to go off with these older "friends" I don't know, she didn't argue (maybe she was exhausted). Another question: I'd been planning on going away for a week to grade AP essays (ETS pays well, and going would be like a vacation) and leaving her with Grandma. But with all the drama now, I'm wondering if I should withdraw because of family emergency. What do you think?

 

 >>>>>>>> For only a week? I think it would be O.K. to go. This will be a great opportunity for the two of you to take a time out from one another. Plus, you'll be able to come back home with a fresh perspective on how to continue the good parenting-changes you have undertaken. 

 

Mark

 

 ==> Effective Disciplinary Techniques for Defiant Teens and Preteens

The Truth About Free Government Grants

Hi Mark,

You provide some 'gov grants' info on your site. How realistic is it for a single mom, for example, to actually receive a free grant?

``````````````

It all depends on what kind of grant you're looking for and whether or not you represent a non-profit organization.

Free government grants are funded in one of two ways: (a) the money comes from the taxes we pay and (b) from private foundations that must give five percent of their assets to stay tax-exempt.

Gurus, companies, and others out to make a quick dollar will try to reel you in and get you to buy their information on free grants. This information is already free and readily available to the public. Do NOT pay to receive this information.

While the government does give farming, housing, business, college, education, and house building grants, these grants are given to non-profit organizations that help people -- they are not given to individuals. An individual grant is more likely to involve food stamp programs, section 8 vouchers, FAFSA, job training, nursing traineeships, Head Start program, welfare/TANF/AFDC, scholarships, free vaccinations, and other such programs. Grants to individuals are most often given for educational support (i.e., financial aid), the arts, and various types of scientific or other research, although some agencies award grants to individuals for other purposes.

Grants require you to fill out forms, generally on a quarterly basis, that tell how much money you have spent and what you have spent it on, as well as how you are progressing on the work you promised to do.

Business—
Even though many publications and talk shows publicize grants to small businesses, there is only one grant available -- and that is for research and development for technology based products and services for the government. Government grants are generally given to non-profit organizations for programs and services that benefit the community or the public at large.

Unless your business involves the development of new technology or is a non-profit organization, you will be wasting your time looking for a grant. If you are looking for funding for an existing or new for-profit business, you WILL encounter difficulties in finding and getting grant funding. The U.S. government does not currently provide grants for starting or expanding a small business. However, the government does offer plenty of free help in planning how to start or improve your business and in securing low-interest SBA-backed small business loans. Also, many States DO offer small business grants to individuals.

Women—
Women have the largest opportunity of any group to benefit from the government’s generosity. In spite of the perception that women should not look to the government for help, government grants have remained so incredibly huge that if each of the approximately 8 million businesses applied for an equal share, they would each receive over $70,000 in free grant money.

Scholarships—
You will find many diverse educational grant programs in FREE databases, directories and resources. Here's a partial listing of all the free government grants and scholarships currently available:

·$30,000 in available for students who want to become teachers
·$6000 plus tuition and fees for teachers to return and get a graduate degree
·$7500 a year for undergraduate or graduate students in health, science, or mathematics
·Free Government Grants for dependents of veterans killed or disabled in military service
·Free Government Grants for flight training
·Free Government Grants for graduate training in family medicine
·Free Government Grants for health care students who want to train in rural areas
·Free Government Grants for undergraduate and graduate students who have trouble paying tuition
·Free Government Grants to states to give scholarships to those who want to serve the community
·Free Government Grants to train to be a professional nurse
·Free tuition to children of law enforcement and firefighters killed in the line of duty
·Free tuition to white students who want to attend black colleges
·Health professionals student loans
·Money for American Indians who want to be health care professionals
·Money for health care students who want to study job safety and health
·Money for health professionals who want to be in public health
·Money for high school students in the top 15% of their class
·Money for students and teachers to travel and study overseas
·Money for students who want to become bilingual education teachers
·Nursing student loans
·Scholarships and money to repay loans of disadvantaged health professionals
·Scholarships for National Health Service Corp
·Scholarships for students in child development
·Scholarships for students in exceptional financial need
·Tuition, books and fees to Vietnam Vets

Mark

He Doesn't Care

Dear Mark, Just committing to your rules but finding it difficult in this area: I have grounded my child for three days, he doesn’t care, walks out the house. I ground him when he comes home. Doesn’t care and doesn’t do the grounding. So I disciplined him for 3 days, no unsupervised TV, no music in his room. Doesn’t care and doesn’t care – his attitude is beginning to drive me crazy. Very insolent, but I have managed to keep my temper (so far). He is caught up with this girl who has no rules whatsoever in her home, both parents working full time and little supervision. She comes from a very argumentative home and she relays how unhappy she is at home and she wants to run away. My child is an immature young fella (13) at the best of times, but he is listening so closely to her and bringing her attitude right back. She has him hooked. What should I do?!!!! Thanking you loads in advance, Marie 

 

````````````````````` 

 

The recommendation will depend on where you live. For the sake of discussion, I’m going to assume you live in the U.S. (if not, email me again, and we’ll come up with plan B). In those cases where the child simply refuses to accept a consequence, the parent will either (a) have to get some outside assistance from juvenile probation, or (b) continue to spin her wheels. So, as difficult as it may be, tell your son that if he refuses to complete the 3-day-discipline, you will call the police so they can make a 'runaway' report – AND you will go to juvenile probation to file a complaint. 

 

 Mark