Teens & Alcohol Drinking


Hi Ann,

>>>>>>>>>>>>> I’ve commented below.

Our 15 (almost 16 year old) son went to a friend’s house last night for a party.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Did he “earn” this privilege? If so, how?

The parents were home ...the grandmother was there ...they assured me that they would have a close eye on the kids and when I picked him up this morning them other assured me that they were all good. I know the boy whose house the party was at is wild and know that he bragged about having alcohol there. I picked my son up and he seemed fine.

I have software that allows me to monitor his conversations online. Others are typing him about his "condition" last night and he is bragging about not knowing what he was doing and typed that he was "hoaking" (may be a typo but wondering if this slang word means anything to you?!!?!)

I don’t know now what to do?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Hoaking? Who knows?

* 7.2 million adolescents drank at least once in the past year
* 2.7 million teens drank alcohol about once a month or more in the past year
* 1 million youths drank at least once a week or more in the past year
* Girls were as likely as boys their age to drink alcohol


Short of keeping him in the house 365 days a year, do the following:

Be sure to clearly state your expectations regarding his drinking and establish consequences for breaking rules. Your values and attitudes count, even though he may not always show it.

If one or more members of your immediate or extended family has suffered from alcoholism, your son may be more vulnerable to developing a drinking problem. He needs to know that for him, drinking may carry special risks.

Should he come home under the influence, make sure he is in no immediate danger due to alcohol abuse, but wait until he is sober to address the problem. When he sobers up, do the following:

Say (with your best poker face), "I’m concerned that you consumed alcohol the other night. I feel worried."

Next, Listen. Give your him a chance to speak (although all you're going to hear is a line of bullshit; he will be angry with you for confronting him and will want you to get off his back; he will probably deny that he drank any alcohol; even if he admits to drinking, he will most likely blame someone else for the drinking episode).

Then say, "The house rule is no drinking before the age of 21. If you choose to ignore this rule, you'll choose the consequence -- the police will be called and you will be charged with minor consumption."

End on a positive note by saying, "To help you be successful with following this house rule, I will provide discipline, structure, added supervision, and spot checks. I know you are more than capable of following this house rule - I have faith in you - I know you can do this!"

If your son has another drinking episode, follow through with the consequence you stated.


1. I have asked him and of course he denies anything went on.

2. Before when we have suspected foul play we have bluffed and he has confessed about being somewhere he should not be or having a SIP of booze...

I know that we have come down VERY hard on him for ANY of these events and as such he has been depressed and house bound ...as virtually all of the parties/houses he gets invited to I KNOW have alcohol and I think he has avoided all contact with kids because of this fear that he will get caught and it's not worth going out at all? That was why we let him go to this SUPERVISED party?! Let me know...

Thanks,

A.M.

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

You said it would get worse before it gets better - but now what?

HELP!

We just recently began your program (1 wk ago or so). It is working well with our 15 year old son, not so great with the 17 year old. The older son is definitely our strong willed child who seems to fit the 'class clown' scenario well. Here's the issue.

The older son....
He is on internet school. His car privileges had already been previously suspended (pending his retaining a job to pay for his own insurance, gas, repairs etc - he was abusing our giving natures) so we grounded him for 3 days for an 'infraction'.

My husband typically works from home so he is able to 'monitor' the older sons activities (which also was a bit of a issue as the older son would just about work my husband to death emoting and arguing). This week however my husband is working away from the house. The older son chose to leave the house on Sunday (his last day of grounding). He came home after we were already in bed and then chose again to leave the house for the entire afternoon and evening on Monday (tried to borrow his biological fathers vehicle and was sent away from dad's office based on him being grounded and subsequently had to a 4 hour walk home - arriving again after my husband and I had gone to bed). He has done the same thing again today.

He has told my younger son that he is trying to get a lot of time in with his girlfriend as her family is having some paternally inflicted physical abuse and she is being sent to family in California 'soon'.

By the way...we pulled him out of formal school as his 'social life' was dominating his daily decisions and he was on the brink of total educational disaster.

So, we finally found some 'practical' advise on disciplining our children. I'm afraid we may be too late with the older child - he seems bent on doing things 'his way'. Our older son is like a pit bull with issues (I'm afraid he gets that from me) he debates well and typically leaves us looking at each other wild eyed because his arguments have validity. He then can pull the emotional card with the 'class clown' flair and have us laughing so hard our eyes are tearing. This has always worked for him - we've just recently figured out his game! So we're dead set on not allowing the arguments and not letting him break through our 'barriers'.

You said it would get worse before it gets better - but now what????

S. & T.

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Well first of all, let me point out the things you are doing right:

Re: “His car privileges had already been previously suspended (pending his retaining a job to pay for his own insurance, gas, repairs etc - he was abusing our giving natures) so we grounded him for 3 days for an 'infraction'.”

==>You hit the bull’s eye (or should I say pit bull’s eye).

Re: “By the way...we pulled him out of formal school as his 'social life' was dominating his daily decisions and he was on the brink of total educational disaster.”

==> Another bull’s eye!

Re: Your son refusing to complete his 3-day discipline.

==> I’ll simply refer you to the anger management chapter of the ebook for this one. If you’re still unclear about what to do after reviewing that chapter, just email with a specific question.

Re: “I'm afraid we may be too late with the older child - he seems bent on doing things 'his way'.”

==> It’s not too late …you’re just still trying to figure out his poker hand. At this point, he’s much better at poker than you. Get your game on lady! : =)

Re: “You said it would get worse before it gets better - but now what????”

==> You stay in the game. Are you thinking about folding (poker lingo)? You put on your best poker face and keep following the strategies in my ebook. If you have a specific question at any point down the road – hit me.

==> Your son is trying very hard to prove to you that you have no power, that your disciplinary techniques don’t work, that your parenting strategies are ineffective – DON’T BE FOOLED!!!

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

WHAT DO I DO TO STOP HIM?


Help Mark,

I just intercepted an email of my son’s where he's asking people if they want to buy pot from him. WHAT DO I DO TO STOP HIM?

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If your son's potential drug use / drug dealing has been purely recreational, you may only need to clearly state your position regarding abstinence and then closely monitor his behavior. If your son is more deeply into substance abuse, seek the advice of a behavioral health or substance abuse professional.

Click here for more info...

Mark

Why Only $19.99 ?


Mark ...C.S. here.

I thought your website was a scam when I read that you were only charging people 19 bucks for your ebook, plus audio, plus video, plus power points, plus access to you for coaching, plus a bunch of bonus parenting ebooks, and so on. I even called you to make sure you were for real ...remember?

Well anyway, thank God this Online Parent Support is for real, and thank you for providing so much for so little. But I have to ask: Why do you only charge $19.99 for this ...I think you are under-estimating the value of what you offer.

C.S.

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Hi C.S.,

I get asked this a lot. But here's the deal:

$19.99 is not a whole lot of money to most people in the U.S. But at least 50% of parents who join Online Parent Support live elsewhere (e.g., AU, CA, IE, NZ, UK, ZA, etc.) and would simply not be able to afford the ebook if it were over 20 bucks. Too many cannot afford it at $19.99 (in which case, I turn the parent onto Online Parent Support MINI-REPORTS site -- and they can still email me for some advice.

The upshot is that my eBook consistently stays in the top spot for 'parenting ebooks' on ClickBank (the secure website that takes payments via eChecks, credit cards, PayPal, etc.).

Don't expect the cost to go up anytime soon,

Mark
www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Mark Hutten, M.A.

Mark Hutten, M.A. received his Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology from Norwich University.

He works for:

· Madison County Juvenile Probation
· Madison County Correctional Complex
· The Community Justice Center
· The Indiana Juvenile Justice Task Force
· Sowers of Seeds Counseling

Mark performs home-based counseling for families experiencing difficulty with their child's emotional and behavioral problems, and conducts the following group therapies for court-ordered individuals (although many volunteer):

· Parent Education Training
· Anger Management Group
· Relapse Prevention Group
· Drug/Alcohol Workshop
· Sex Offender Group

Mark is the creator of the Parent-Teen Support Group (a "parents only" group for parents with ‘out of control’ teenagers), the author of ‘My Out-of-Control Teen’ eBook, and the founder of Online Parent Support.

Mark began counseling teens and pre-teens in 1988. All of his current adolescent clients are on probation/parole and are considered to be “serious habitual offenders.” Many of his articles and columns related to parenting children with ADHD, ODD, Conduct Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, etc., are featured on prominent online magazines and websites.

Contact info:

Mark Hutten, M.A.
SHOCAP Program
Parent-Teen Support Group
Online Parent Support
Madison County Juvenile Probation
Madison Superior Court, Division 2

Cell: 765.810.3319
Email: mbhutten@gmail.com

MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Want Some Peace In Your House Again?

If you would finally like to:

1. Have some peace in your house again (remember what that was like?)

2. Not argue every minute of every day with your kid

3. Feel that what you do for him/her is actually appreciated

4. Stop the disrespect and verbal abuse

5. Know how to deal with problems such as disrespect, lying, stealing, truancy, and drug abuse without having to call the police to have your kid locked-up (if this hasn’t happened already!)

...then this might be the most important website you’ll ever visit:

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Teenage Son is a Trouble Maker

"The main problem I have with my son Ryan is his behaviour in school, from all accounts, is disruptive in class, has got into fights in school, has been suspended on a number of occasions for smoking, being very argumentative with teachers, skipping off school, porn mags …turns up to school with no books, no homework.

When we sit down to talk about these things, he sits in front of me and either cry's or just says "I don't know" or there's a big story that the teacher was all wrong or it was some one else and no one believes him. I have punished him e.g.: grounded him, taken his cell for weeks on end, Ryan has always been giddy and is very easily detracted, I feel at times he just doesn't know how to change things around at school and they are so sick of him they have given up.

At 15 he is 6 f 6". Lets on he is full of confidence, but at home he is kind, affectionate, very witty and would do anything for you, he has a part time job working on a farm, driving all sorts of machinery, and his boss cant speak highly enough of him, finds him hard working, responsible and can use his own initiative, so why is he doing these things in school. Ryan has good grades in tech drawing, woodwork and history but all his other subjects are below average, his teachers all feel he is capable of a lot more and Ryan talks about being an architect. I hope you can point me in the right direction in helping Ryan reach his potential and become an all rounded happy kid."


For some children, behavior in school requires a positive behavior intervention plan to address the behavior. If your child's behavior is significant enough that it interferes with your child's or another child's ability to learn, you should ask your school to hold an Individualized Educational Program (IEP) meeting to develop a plan to address the behavior.

To request an IEP meeting call your special education coordinator to schedule the meeting. Send a follow-up letter to confirm your discussion. At the meeting, the IEP team, including you, should address how to assess your child's behavioral needs and what services are needed. The following is a sample letter:

Date (include month, day, and year)

Name of Your Child's Special Education Coordinator

Name of School District

Street Address

City, State, Zip Code

Dear (name of Special Education Coordinator),

I am writing to request an IEP meeting for my child (child's name). I am requesting this meeting because my child is having behaviors in school (describe the behaviors). At this meeting I would like to discuss how to address my child's behavior and development of a behavior plan for (child's name).


In addition to the regular IEP team, I am requesting that a person able to assist the IEP team in developing a plan to address (child's name)'s behavior be present at the meeting.

I can arrange to meet with you and the other members of the IEP team on (list days you are available) between (give a range of time, such as between 2:00 and 4:00). Please let me know what time would be best for you.

I look forward to hearing from you within five school days of the date you receive this letter. My daytime telephone number is (give your phone number). Thank you for your help.

Sincerely,

Your Name

Street Address

City, State, Zip Code

Daytime telephone number

Ask the school to conduct a functional behavioral assessment (FBA). Document the behavior and interventions. In order to decide how to address your child's behavior, the school must document the behavior. The school should document the type of behavior, where the behavior is occurring, what and how responses to the behavior have worked, and why the behavior is occurring. With this information, your child's IEP team can determine ways to address the behavior.

Determine how to assess the behavior. Your child's IEP team should determine how best to assess your child's behavior. Behaviors can be assessed by observation and by formal evaluation tools. Observation can confirm the accuracy of the information collected through documentation and can provide insight into why the behaviors are happening. It is important for your child's behavior to be observed and assessed in the environment where the behavior happens. Your child can be assessed by a variety of people, including teachers, special education personnel, and behavior specialists.

Determine who is qualified to assess the behavior. The IEP team should determine who is qualified to assess your child's behavior. It is simple to document where and when behavior happens, but more difficult to assess the reasons for behavior. Your child's IEP team may be capable of determining why your child is having behaviors or the team may require the assistance of a specialist in behavior. Your child's IEP team should discuss what qualifications are required to assess your child. This discussion should include the required level of behavioral expertise and knowledge about your child's disability. A person capable of assessing your child's behavior might be a "behavior specialist," a psychologist, or a Ph.D. in education or a related field.

Determine if independent assessments are available. Information on your child's behavior from sources independent of the school can help your child's IEP team determine how to address the behavior. This information can include psychological or psychiatric evaluations, information about medications, and information from your child's physician. You should decide whether to share this information with your child's IEP team. Generally, the IEP team will be able to better address your child's behaviors if the team has more information about your child and the behaviors.

If your school has conducted an evaluation of your child's behavior and you disagree with the evaluation, you may be able to pursue an independent educational evaluation (IEE) at the school's expense.

Once your child's behavior has been assessed, the IEP team should consider the results of the assessment. The individual(s) who collected data about your child's behavior should attend the meeting. You should request that the individual(s) who conducted assessment or evaluation of your child's behavior also attend the meeting. The data collector and assessor should explain the results of their assessment and their recommendations to address the behavior. From this discussion, the team should determine if a positive behavior intervention plan is needed.

If needed, a positive behavior intervention plan (BIP) should be written to address your child's behaviors. This plan can be written as goals and objectives on your child's IEP, or can be a separate plan that is attached to your child's IEP. The BIP should include positive ways to reduce your child's behaviors. This can include goals that teach your child more appropriate behaviors or modifications to your child's environment, which decrease the likelihood that behaviors will occur. In addition, the plan should include recommendations to school staff about appropriate ways to respond to your child's behaviors.

Training or inservice opportunities for staff may be included in your child's BIP. The IEP team should determine whether staff working with your child have the necessary information and training to effectively implement your child's BIP. Your special education regional resource center (SERRC) can provide information about training opportunities.

It can be helpful to have the on-going support of a behavior specialist, especially from the behavior specialist who assessed your child. This on-going support is helpful to determine if the BIP is working, and if not, to help your child's IEP team to modify the BIP. You should ask your child's school to agree to on-going involvement from the behavior specialist until your child's BIP is successfully implemented.

The goal of your child's BIP should be to reduce or eliminate the behavior so that your child can learn in school. Another goal should be to reduce or eliminate any discipline of your child. However, even with a BIP, your child may be suspended from school for behavior for short periods of time. Your school is required to follow specific procedures in disciplining a child with an IEP for more than short periods of time. If school discipline is a problem for your child, you should learn the discipline procedures.

Your child is entitled to receive an education in the least restrictive environment (LRE). This usually means in the school setting with the most opportunity possible to be with students who do not have a disability. Your child's IEP is required to address your child's behavior so that your child can receive an education in the LRE with access to and progress in the general education curriculum. Your school should not change your child's LRE because of behavior if your school has not appropriately addressed your child's behavioral needs. If your school wants to place your child in a more restrictive environment you should request an IEP meeting and ask the school to follow the steps outlined in this section.

==> Effective Disciplinary Techniques for Defiant Teens and Preteens

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