She is coming around in a positive way...

Mark-

Update. K___ has been in touch with use several times. We have given her permission to move in with a friend in Port Orchard. She is going to call us every week with updates. We have an address, phone number, her boyfriends first, last name, phone number, license plate, everything we need in case something happens.

We decided to give her this space to show us she is responsible enough. She went to her school to get her make up schoolwork. She is going to complete the work and turn it in for her credit. She is an honor roll student, and at the present time has more credits than necessary to enter the 11th grade. She has promised both P___ and I that she will graduate from high school. She actually wants to go to college and P___ and I assured her we will do whatever it takes to make that happen.

P___ and I both told her she could "push us away all she wants, but we will never give up on her". When we sit down and speak with her, we never yell or scream. We keep our voices down and try out best to "communicate with her", something her mother can't accomplish.

It is apparent that K___ holds a lot of anger toward her mother. I asked her to deal with her anger. She told me she was aware of it and she planned on dealing with it on her own. I told her I wasn't sure she would be able to do it on her own, but to let me know if she needs help. She is coming around in a positive way. We are both optimistic about her adventure this summer. We believe she will see how difficult it is on her own and end up coming back before school starts in the fall.

Thank you for your continued support. It means a lot to me.

A.

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Heavy Petting

Dear Mark,

C___ just bought your e-book for him and I to read, and we're currently reading it. At least I'm trying to read it. It's difficult for me to hold my head and neck in one spot for a period of time because of my disability, so I wanted to ask you before moving on, if your e-book comes in a hard or paper bound form? We don't have a printer to print your e-book.

Let me introduce myself. My name is P___ and I'm from Wellsville, PA. I live with my "common-law" husband, C___. Him and I have been together for 16 years now, and we have three daughters. Their ages and names are: M___ 13, K___ 9, and L___ 7. I am a disabled person. C___ is a painter and does painting work when he can.

Right now we are having a big problem with are oldest daughter M___. On Tuesday, May 29, 2007, M___ and a boy named, I__, was in "movie time" at school, with 100 other students and two adults there. Everyone was supposed to be watching the movie, but apparently M___ and I__ was not. A student saw the two of them with her hand down his pants and his hand down her pants.

I reckon that student went and told other students and by Thursday, May 31, 2007, the principal called M___ and I__ up to her office and asked them about this matter. I don't know what I__ said, but the school principal told me after asking M___ if it was true or not, she first said "NO", then the principal got a bit of an loud-toned voice with M___ and asked her again, M___ then said "yeah, it's true, it happened". M___ and I__ both got "out-of-school-suspension" starting May 31, and the rest of the school year, which by the way was about to end. They only had till June 5, 2007 and the school year was out for the summer.

Just so you know, the two adults was watching the movie, they were not going around checking the middle school students to make sure there was no talking, no caring on, no anything going on.

Can you help C___ and I with this matter? Honestly, I don't know what to do about this. Have you ever came across a issue like this before?

M___ acts as if it's no big deal. She said to me: "it happened, it's over, everyone makes mistakes, now lets forget about it and move on!" M___ is sassy-mouth, disrespectful to her dad and I, as well as other adults, mean to her younger sisters, doesn't do what she is told and/or asked of her, blames everything she does on me or someone else, she does that "cutting" stuff to her arms, thinks her friends are the best people on the plant, has tried to run away, and one time we didn't find her until 1 hour and 30 minutes later. We was scared to death.

M___ calls her dad stupid all the time, she tried to stay in her room as much as she can, she is only nice when she wants something from us, she's always mean and hateful, M___ has even been caught shop lifting, with one of her so-called-friends, she gets and has bad grades, she's demanding, she will not clean her room, she has written all over the walls. This list can go on and on.

HELP!! Please help us.

I take M___ to a Counselor ever week and a Psychiatrist every month, but they had no information, help, or anything to offer me when I let them know about this matter with the boy. Things have gotten worse, not better. I thought these people are supposed to help us and help M___!

I'm at the end of the line and can't handle any more problems with M___. I'm begging you to please help us!

Sincerely and awaiting your reply,

P. & C.


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Re: Does your e-book come in a hard or paper bound form?

No …I’m sorry. For a hard copy, you must print from your own printer.

Re: Have you ever come across a issue like this before?

Yes …petting, more often referred to as making out or rounding the bases (you know, getting to 1st base, 2nd base, 3rd base, and so on), and sometimes called heavy petting is a term covering a broad range of sexual behaviors (e.g., giving/getting a hickey, deep kissing, sexual touching of one's partner). The touching, caressing, massaging and kissing of another person's body can take place through the clothing or under the clothing, and 'heavy petting' usually involves removing some clothing and touching BELOW the waist.

Since heavy petting is progressively more sexual, it carries greater risks and consequences (e.g., risk of pregnancy or infection of a serious STD). In the example of petting below the waist and inside the pants and underwear, the same hand touches both person's genitals (i.e., when touching yourself and then your partner, you can transfer body fluids, including sperm, to your partner's genitals). This same risk is true when two people share the same sex toys in the same way. Even a tiny amount of fluid or sperm is enough to transfer a disease or get a girl pregnant (warning: sperm can live outside the body, though not for very long).

Transferring body fluids, including sperm, from one partner's genitals to the other person's genitals can result in pregnancy (when male to female), or the passing of a serious sexually transmitted disease (e.g., Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Chlamydia, Herpes, AIDS, HPV, Hepatitis, Trichomoniasis, Pubic Lice [crabs], Scabies). Heavy petting with many different partners greatly increases the risk of STD's.

Thus, I think some simple ‘sex-education’ would be better for your daughter at this point than some type of negative consequence.

Mark

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

How do you get the balance?

How do you get the balance? Great kid – Used to be outstanding in school – has the intelligence to do it – but is totally unmotivated. Can’t get him to do anything – Husband tells me it’s my fault. He has currently lied to be – told me he had movie club after school till 4:30 – got letter from school today – has detention at school till 4:30. I believed him – even offered to bake when he told me – how dumb could I be?

How to I change his attitude?

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You’ve raised 3 issues here:

1. Poor academic performance – Refer to the recommendations here: “Emails From Exasperated Parents” (Online Version of the eBook)
2. Lying – Refer to the section “When Your Kid Lies” (Online Version)
3. School behavior problems – Use the strategy “When You Want Something From Your Kid” (Online Version)

Mark

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Take EVERYTHING Away?!

 

"Mark, When you say take everything away (during the 3 day discipline) do you really mean EVERYTHING? Is this always necessary? ~ S.F."


Hi S.,

It's not necessary to take everything away in most cases. Usually the kid only has a few things that she/he enjoys (e.g., phone privileges, iPod, computer). Thus, in most cases the parent can just confiscate the really important stuff.

However, there have been times when parents have literally taken away everything. Most recently I had a mother who took it all away (but only for 3 days, as directed). Her son only had the clothes on his back and a mattress on his floor (she even took his bedroom door off the hinges and removed all the 'junk food' from the house).

Now this may sound drastic -- and it does take some work, but when parents follow the program (and this particular mother is), they achieve outstanding results.

When taking everything away, you can put stuff in a locked closet, the trunk of your car, a neighbors house, etc. But again, it's not usually necessary to go this far.

Tuff luv mom!

Mark

==> Help for parents of defiant teens...

How Do You Eat An Elephant?

Mark, What do I do when I've issued the 3-day-discipline (e.g., for violating curfew), but then my son creates a new problem before completing the discipline (e.g., calls me a "bitch", then breaks a plate by throwing it in the sink too hard)? Do I start the 3 days over even though the "broken plate episode" is unrelated to the curfew violation, or does this new problem get a different consequence?

Click here for the answer...

He has received F's in most of his core subjects...

My son is all set on graduating the eighth grade tomorrow but has received F's in most of his core subjects (Math, language and social studies) my husband and I are wondering if we should allow our child to graduate or should we petition the school for him to be retained, hopefully so that he will do a better job academically this time realizing he will need to do some work in order to pass. If we want to petition the school it must be done today otherwise it is a done deal. What should we do, we don't want our child to be ill prepared for high school and therefore get overwhelmed and drop out? Please give us your professional opinion!
B.O.

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I'm not a proponent for holding children back due to bad grades. It has been my experience that grades tend not improve the second time through. If poor academic performance has been a problem for several months now -- and if it is a constant source of parent-child conflict, then please follow the recommendation in the eBook ("Emails From Exasperated Parents": online version).

Mark

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

My Out-of-Control Teen

Mark,

You're selling yourself short. You really should be charging much more for your services. I've had 2 phone consultations with you, plus several email consults ...not to mention access to your website and the eBook. Before joining Online Parent Support, I had searched everywhere for info on ODD and ADHD, but could not find anything close to what you offer. Why are you doing this so cheap?

M.S.

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Hi M.,

If I remember correctly, you live in the U.S. And 19 bucks is not a whole lot of money to those of us who live in the States. But keep in mind that "My Out-of-Control Teen" eBook sells all over the world -- Central America, South America, Caribbean, Europe, Australia, New Zealand, Melanesia, Asia, Africa ...and so on.

$19 is a lot of money for most people outside the U.S. If I raised the price to $29 or above, too many people simply would not be able to afford it.

Hope this answers your question.

Mark

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com