Hello Mark,
Grade 11 begins this week. The drugs are happening as we recently took our son's cell phone away and my husband and I looked through his messages last night and found drug deal info.
He already was taken out of school near the end of last year due to drug involvement. Neighbours are friends and also involved with "D" (we think mainly marijuana).
He is currently at a friends home for an overnight and we will be picking him up soon.
It is hard to know what to do next. Could you offer some concrete advice?
Thanks for your time,
K.
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Hi K.,
If you'll go to this page ==> Emails From Exasperated Parents ...you'll find my recommendation for dealing with drug abuse.
Mark
Son Drinks Hand Sanitizer
I can tell you that the 'alcohol-abuse problem' will have to be addressed first. It would be easier - and a lot less painful in the long run - to go beat your head against a brick wall than tackle multiple problems before getting the alcohol issue resolved.
If you haven't done so already, get him in to see a psychiatrist for a comprehensive psychiatric evaluation. I'm guessing that his father abused drugs and/or alcohol as well. If so, there are special 'addiction-risks' for your son (as evidenced by the bizarre sanitizer episode).
Once he gets a few months of 'clean-and-sober' time under his belt, your son can then begin to work on the other issues. And yes, he may very well need 'in-patient' treatment for awhile, but most facilities will work with you on a sliding scale (i.e., payment commensurate with your income).
Mark Hutten, M.A.
==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents
We have a challenging teen daughter...
Mark,
We have a challenging teen daughter (17) who has been in plenty of trouble. I will spare you the laundry list. One of the issues we have currently been dealing with is alcohol consumption. My husband and I have always had a no tolerance rule on alcohol consumption for anyone under age. After all, it is the law. Our daughter tells us that most of the kids in her class drink socially at parties. She tells us that she's going to drink since it's the culture of kids her age. She also wants to be honest with us by telling us which nights she might be drinking and have us transport her and be accepting of this behavior. There are a few parents at our school who have adopted this parenting style which makes my job a little more challenging.
My gut tells me not to compromise our no tolerance rule. Can there be a middle ground/gray area on this issue or does it need to be black and white?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated Mark.
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Hi D.,
If you lower your standards (via compromise), you will send a very clear message to your daughter that: (a) if you complain long enough you eventually get your way, (b) if everyone is doing it then it must be the thing to do, and (c) it’s o.k. to break the law depending on the situation. Always follow your gut.
Check out the section in the eBook [online version] entitled “Emails From Exasperated Parents” -- I address alcohol abuse there.
Don’t be fooled: There’s more going on at the party than drinking a couple harmless beers. How would I know? I was a teenager once too, you know.
Mark
Online Parent Support
ODD/Bipolar
I have a 16 year old that was diagnosed in K-5 she had ODD/ADHD. And nothing worked for her. Then 2 years ago I found out she has ODD/Bipolar instead of ADHD/ODD. The medicine has not worked for her. Her Dr. told me yesterday there is no medicine for ODD. But he has put her on a lot and nothing so far has helped her. She does not want to be told no you can not do that and she gets real mad at me and demands why. I don't know what else to do to help her. We have to drive to Amarillo for her Dr. She does not want to away from me. Do you know if there is medicine for her Bipolar/ODD that would help her. She is in 11th grade. She wants to go to collage and go into medical field. I could use all the info I can get. Thank you.
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Re: Meds for Bipolar—
The medication used most often over the years to combat a manic "high" is lithium. It is unusual to find mania without a subsequent or preceding period of depression. Lithium evens out mood swings in both directions, so that it is used not just for acute manic attacks or flare-ups of the illness, but also as an ongoing treatment of bipolar disorder.
Lithium will diminish severe manic symptoms in about 5 to 14 days, but it may be anywhere from days to several months until the condition is fully controlled. Antipsychotic medications are sometimes used in the first several days of treatment to control manic symptoms until the lithium begins to take effect. Likewise, antidepressants may be needed in addition to lithium during the depressive phase of bipolar disorder.
Not all patients with symptoms of mania benefit from lithium. Some have been found to respond to another type of medication, the anticonvulsant medications that are usually used to treat epilepsy. Carbamazepine (Tegretol) is the anticonvulsant that has been most widely used. Individuals with bipolar disorder who cycle rapidly, (changing from mania to depression and back again over the course of hours or days, rather than months) seem to respond particularly well to carbamazepine.
In 1995, the anticonvulsant divalproex sodium (Depakote) was approved by the Food and Drug Administration for manic-depressive illness. Clinical trials have shown it to have an effectiveness in controlling manic symptoms equivalent to that of lithium; it is effective in both rapid-cycling and non-rapid-cycling bipolar.
Re: Meds for ODD—
Medication for ODD is not recommended. Rather, Parent Education Training (PET) is the preferred method for dealing with this disorder. And you will get that education in my eBook: My Out-of-Control Teen.
``````````````
Re: Meds for Bipolar—
The medication used most often over the years to combat a manic "high" is lithium. It is unusual to find mania without a subsequent or preceding period of depression. Lithium evens out mood swings in both directions, so that it is used not just for acute manic attacks or flare-ups of the illness, but also as an ongoing treatment of bipolar disorder.
Lithium will diminish severe manic symptoms in about 5 to 14 days, but it may be anywhere from days to several months until the condition is fully controlled. Antipsychotic medications are sometimes used in the first several days of treatment to control manic symptoms until the lithium begins to take effect. Likewise, antidepressants may be needed in addition to lithium during the depressive phase of bipolar disorder.
Not all patients with symptoms of mania benefit from lithium. Some have been found to respond to another type of medication, the anticonvulsant medications that are usually used to treat epilepsy. Carbamazepine (Tegretol) is the anticonvulsant that has been most widely used. Individuals with bipolar disorder who cycle rapidly, (changing from mania to depression and back again over the course of hours or days, rather than months) seem to respond particularly well to carbamazepine.
In 1995, the anticonvulsant divalproex sodium (Depakote) was approved by the Food and Drug Administration for manic-depressive illness. Clinical trials have shown it to have an effectiveness in controlling manic symptoms equivalent to that of lithium; it is effective in both rapid-cycling and non-rapid-cycling bipolar.
Re: Meds for ODD—
Medication for ODD is not recommended. Rather, Parent Education Training (PET) is the preferred method for dealing with this disorder. And you will get that education in my eBook: My Out-of-Control Teen.
Where's Brian?
Brian Sullivan, 19, of Chili, NY has been missing since July 8. Has anyone seen him!?
Online Parent Support
Online Parent Support
My Out-of-Control Teen
Mark-
You have given us so much relief by responding to our questions. Thank you very, very much. Your ebook is great, and we can't tell you how much we appreciate your dedication to teaching parents how to deal with difficult kids, like the one we have!
B. & B.
You have given us so much relief by responding to our questions. Thank you very, very much. Your ebook is great, and we can't tell you how much we appreciate your dedication to teaching parents how to deal with difficult kids, like the one we have!
B. & B.
Will your Online Parent Support be of any assistance?
Dear Mark,
I live in Sydney Australia, and I have teenage grandchildren. Currently one granddaughter is causing great concern with her self-destructive behaviour. She is being secretive, meeting 18-year-old boys, [she is 14] lying to her mother, and showing no remorse regarding defiance, loss of personal standards, flaunting house rules, petty theft, and smoking. Will your Online Parent Support be of any assistance? She comes from a family of high achievers, with a strong Christian background, and a strong community commitment. Will your product help my daughter? She is a beautiful girl, who is always done well at school, but has turned into someone with no conscience, or sense of self-preservation. I would appreciate your feedback, & will willingly purchase your product, as this young girl is precious to us, & refuses counselling.
Regards,
H.
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Hi H.,
I have to ask:
· Do you dread what your child will do next?
· Do you often feel like you are failing as a parent?
· Do you feel helpless to correct your child’s behavior?
· Does his/her attitude make you wish YOU could run away from home?
The problems are not going to get better by themselves, and your child is not going to “grow out of it.” If the behavior problems are bothering you now, what will it be like a year from now?
If your child’s defiant behavior is running you ragged and straining your marriage …if you lie in bed at night dreading tomorrow's fighting and screaming …if your home is like a battlefield, then please don’t wait another minute to get started with my program.
The strategies in my eBook are universal, so it doesn’t matter who you are or where you live, this program will work for you.
Mark
Online Parent Support
P.S. As hard as it is to believe, your teenager actually wants to make you happy …wants your love …needs your guidance …and wants you to be proud of him/her. I’m ready to show you how to regain respect and cooperation, but you will be the one who will have to do the work.
I live in Sydney Australia, and I have teenage grandchildren. Currently one granddaughter is causing great concern with her self-destructive behaviour. She is being secretive, meeting 18-year-old boys, [she is 14] lying to her mother, and showing no remorse regarding defiance, loss of personal standards, flaunting house rules, petty theft, and smoking. Will your Online Parent Support be of any assistance? She comes from a family of high achievers, with a strong Christian background, and a strong community commitment. Will your product help my daughter? She is a beautiful girl, who is always done well at school, but has turned into someone with no conscience, or sense of self-preservation. I would appreciate your feedback, & will willingly purchase your product, as this young girl is precious to us, & refuses counselling.
Regards,
H.
``````````````
Hi H.,
I have to ask:
· Do you dread what your child will do next?
· Do you often feel like you are failing as a parent?
· Do you feel helpless to correct your child’s behavior?
· Does his/her attitude make you wish YOU could run away from home?
The problems are not going to get better by themselves, and your child is not going to “grow out of it.” If the behavior problems are bothering you now, what will it be like a year from now?
If your child’s defiant behavior is running you ragged and straining your marriage …if you lie in bed at night dreading tomorrow's fighting and screaming …if your home is like a battlefield, then please don’t wait another minute to get started with my program.
The strategies in my eBook are universal, so it doesn’t matter who you are or where you live, this program will work for you.
Mark
Online Parent Support
P.S. As hard as it is to believe, your teenager actually wants to make you happy …wants your love …needs your guidance …and wants you to be proud of him/her. I’m ready to show you how to regain respect and cooperation, but you will be the one who will have to do the work.
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