My son is in juvenile detention as we speak...

HI Mark,

My son is in juvenile detention as we speak, He is calling me constantly to get him out. We had a court appearance last Friday and the judge is keeping him the rest of this week. My son is pleading with me to bond him out, it is tearing at my heart strings. I do not want to go against the judge, he will be in there a total of 2 weeks due to drugs. He is charged with possession of drug paraphernalia a misdemeanor right now. I do not think I should bond him out, he is due to go in front of judge this Friday …any helpful advice would be appreciated. I believe that he has learned his lesson but these are his consequences, do I help him get out?

M.

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Hi M.,

Re: … do I help him get out?

No. You shouldn’t try to save him from uncomfortable emotions associated with his poor choices. Over-indulgent parents DO try to save their children from consequences – which is a huge mistake.

Having said this, in Indiana (where I reside), juveniles do NOT have the right to bond out. The same may be true in your area.

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen

I have finally done it!

Hi Mark,

It has taken longer than necessary for me to complete this program, but I have finally done it! During these past few weeks, my husband and I have been implementing many steps, successfully. Our son, Daniel, has been completing his weekly chores with not much complaint. The times that he forgets, or for some reason doesn't complete the chores, we deduct from his allowance. There haven't been any big blow ups around here, and the few irritable times we've had have been much less stressful. Once school begins in a couple of weeks, we might have some tense times, but I do feel prepared for them now. Also, I re-took the quiz; the first time I scored in the 80s, today I scored a 56. I really do thank you very, very much. This is a great program and I will be re-reading it many times.

I would love the certificate as well. I hope it's ok to email you from time to time to say hi and fill you in on our progress.

Enjoy your summer

S.

Online Parent Support

I can see already that with our "over parenting & over indulging" that it hasn't done Scarlett any favours at all.

Hi Mark,

Your web site has given me and my partner a great deal of hope with our daughter. She is 12 but I can see already that with our "over parenting & over indulging" that it hasn't done Scarlett any favours at all.

I thought that one of the key areas you wrote about was very interesting to me, was the topic that as parents you shouldn't feel guilty for trying your very best & to take time out to look after yourself. I constantly feel guilty for being a working mum etc etc.My mother was very strict and i was afraid that i was treating Scarlett the same as i was quiet frightened of her as a child and didn't want to make Scarls feel the same ever. I guess I have again over done the indulging side.

A thing that makes me laugh to myself is that I teach in a further eduction college here in the UK and I can get my kids at work to literally eat out of my hand and are as good as gold. Even the ones it ADHD etc but my very own 12 year old girl well thats another matter!

I love the site and have read the material over and over. I will stick to the 4 weeks with vivid interest, and i can see how the techniques you promote would help me in my job as a lecturer too.

Keep the good work, with kind regards

J.

Online Parent Support

She was released from the Singapore Girls Home, a juvenile prison on the 22nd after 1 months stay...

Dear Mark,

I read with interest your parenting book, we are one of those parents that tried everything including the Beyond Parental Control juvenile help in Singapore.

Our daughter has a history of running away as soon as she does not get her way, the last time for 25 days, with the threat of killing herself and or over dose on drugs.

We finally put her in a very disciplined structured boarding school in Malaysia. It is her 16<sup>th</sup> birthday on Saturday, and she needs permission to go out.

As this is a privilege she has not earned, nor the trust, we refused the permission. The threats of running away and killing herself were howling in the phone.

I am going thru your book, as to be ready for her first home leave, 2 weeks from now, and the problems are back, before we can implement anything. As soon as she gets a negative answer or a way to earn a privilege - she runs away, does not care if she has no bed, food, as long as she can decide herself how to spend her time.

She was released from the Singapore Girls Home, a juvenile prison on the 22<sup>nd</sup> after 1 months stay. Tears and promises made us decide to take her out of it and into a boarding school.

This is the 5<sup>th</sup> school in which we hope she can finish secondary 3. She got expulsed from the others due to bad behavior.

Any advice? If you need more info, we will gladly supply.

Many thanks

Mr. & Mrs. G.

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Mr. & Mrs. G.,

First of all, be sure to watch ALL the Instructional Videos in the online version of the eBook. If you only read the printable version of the eBook, you’ll only get about 40% of the total material.

The advice I have is simple and straightforward:

When she returns home, implement session #1 during the first week …session #2 during the second week …and so on. If she chooses to ignore your house rules, then she will also choose to continue her involvement in the Juvenile Justice system. There’s no way around this.

If you can’t control your daughter – the world WILL control her. Let her decide which controlling entity she wants to answer to. It’s not a question or whether or not she will be controlled, rather it’s a question of who will do the controlling – parents or the law. Again – let her decide which. Then, whatever her decision – let go of the outcome. (Easier said than done – but you have no other choice as I see it.)

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen

Motivating Your Teenager to Find Employment

"Hi Mark, I am so glad I found your web site, my husband and I have just started reading it and we are putting assignment 1 into place this week. I am actually a stepmother to my husband’s eldest boy (16yrs old) that we have been having terrible trouble with for many years but in the last 2 months things have become quite horrendous. To help you with the overall picture, his two brothers (12yrs & 15yrs) and himself live with us week about, 1 week with his mother and the other week with us and my 11yr daughter lives with us full time.

He is a very bright boy, but school just didn’t interest him and was getting into trouble, didn’t want to go, wouldn’t do any work, unmotivated and incredibly addicted to computer games – exactly what you have outlined in the start of your web site, it explained so much. It’s the old scenario his Dad felt sorry for his kids after the divorce and indulged them way too much, but he did the best he could at the time. He has since left school around 2 months ago, wants to go into the Police Force when he is 21 because in Australia to get into the Police Force you need to finish your Higher School Certificate or have a trade or certificate 3 in some sort of profession.

He is currently working part-time at McDonalds and some weeks only getting 1 shift a week and he feels this is enough and eventually McDonalds will give him a management role which will help get into the Police Force. But he would sit around all day, meet his friends after school and not look for another job. His father has offered him help with his resume, he has offered to take him to different organizations to find work. But he refuses to go. We have taken the internet off him altogether in both houses, because that would encourage him to stay home play computer games and not look for a job. Our question to you is how do we motivate him to work?"

Click here for the answer...

I had taken away my son’s computer game and nintendo privileges ‘until things improved at school’ (which I know is a bit vague)...

Thank you so much for that Mark. I understand. I’m definitely working the program, not jumping ahead, and believe me I know from experience there is no magic bullet. I’m into week 2 now and have read/watched both articles. But I do need clarification on how to proceed with this week’s assignments, if that’s ok:

So do you mean you think I should just forget school issues and the moment and let them deal with it in order to just focus on the program at home? For example, before I started the program I had taken away my son’s computer game and nintendo privileges ‘until things improved at school’ (which I know is a bit vague). Should I therefore scrap that consequence in order to just focus on the saying yes/say no practice?

Kind regards
L.

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Hi L.,

Yes.

Start with a clean slate. ONLY implement session #1 assignments during week #1 ...session #2 assignments during week #2 ...and so on.

Mark

Online Parent Support

He doesn't seem interested in any type of "plan"...

Mark,

Thanks. Any tips on getting my husband to support ANY consistent plan? He doesn't seem interested in any type of "plan". He just criticizes me when one or both of my daughters get in trouble. He's seldom at home. He rarely talks to them, except to criticize them, usually to me. I know it's important for him to be involved, but again, I can't force him either. I feel very frustrated. Also, I have told them to keep their facebooks clean. This is where I find out most of the stuff that they are doing. How should these websites be handled. I can't seem to block the site without blocking the whole internet. This is stuff that the "whole world" can see. I told them I don't want anything about drug use or foul language on them. How do I control this? The computer is in the kitchen, but their sites have passwords?

M.

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We use PC Tattletale at our house. We can pretty much control everything with this software: PC Tattletale.

Re: Any tips on getting my husband to support ANY consistent plan?

One lady (going through the same thing with her husband) played the audio CDs in the car whenever the two of them were out and about. She used the "captive audience" approach. (Sneaky!)

You can get the CDs here if you want: Audio CDs.

Mark