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My 15 year old daughter has had years worth of problems being accepted by her peers (she was diagnosed with ADHD at age 12). This past summer, she earned enough money to buy her own cell phone and pays a monthly fee for unlimited texting. Her grades have gone from B's to F's. I think she has become addicted to the constant source of contact with peers (regardless of if it is worthwhile, supportive, etc. or not). While I do not micromanage her school work, I have tried to provide incentive. For example, she was told that she could not get her drivers permit without having a 3.0 average. I had her pay for 1/2 of the classroom drivers ed program, but by the time she was 15 1/2 and could get her permit, her grades were all failing and I did not allow her to get the permit until her grades are back to a 3.0. She is continuing to not show any motivation to do anything in her classes. She frequently does not do homework, fails tests and hands in things incomplete, because she ...

Hi Mark, Thanks for your reply re things worsening again at home. As far as can tell we are doing about 95% of the things you suggest but I will concede we do miss a thing here and there on reflection. M___ gave her some money ($1) the other day because they had gone down to the sea with friends and were jumping off the local pier which was a bit high. The other dad said to his kids that if they were brave and jumped off, he would give them some money so then A___ wanted some and M___ gave in (she did jump off). I got a bit cross but he said she'd earned it-I disagreed because I thought what she was doing was not actually work. I am saying no to EVERY request for a material item or privilege and (as you suggest) telling her how she can earn the item whereas M___ I feel is not taking it all to the "nth" degree and she is trying to take hold of the reins again. After a particularly bad week of disrespect and aggravation, I suspended her allowance but have re-instated it as...

Adult consequences that result when one has been raised by an over-indulgent parent— · Attitude toward life: Self-indulgent, bored, apathetic, restless, no initiative. · Attitude toward others: Passive expectation of getting from others. · Attitude toward sex/marriage: Attaches to partners who indulge him. May use attractiveness or pretend weakness. · Attitude toward work: Expects them to anticipate his wishes. Hates to work. Can't find a job. No career decisions, no preparation, or persistence. As these adults were growing up, here’s what happened: They were given their freedom to choose and decide for themselves. They were not given much, if any, discipline or rules. Their parents were very loving and nurturing, but had great difficulty saying "no" and setting limits. Children with this parenting style tend to have more behavioral problems as adults. Common traits among these children when they grow up: · Cannot maintain employment or constantly moves from job to job · ...

Both my husband and I work. Thus, or son is home alone during the day (after school). We cannot supervise him and have told him not to have any friends over while we are away. He violates this request regularly. Any advice? ````````````````````````` As dual-earner families have become the norm, the different kinds of 'time' kids spend with parents has become an important issue. I suggest that simple parental presence or absence is not necessarily the main problem for teens that are irresponsible with “home alone” time. Rather, it is the lack of trust between parent and teen. All relationships are based on trust. Kids want and need to trust their parents. Parents want (and need) to trust their kids. Trust makes honest communication possible; it builds relational bridges; it gives meaning to our respective roles; it provides security; it stimulates responsibility and caring. If a teen never learns to trust, the results can be devastating. “Trusting” must be lear...

Hi Mark, I recently joined your wonderful "help-net" by getting the Ebook and receiving more information from the chats, etc. We started implementing assign. #1 and some of your other advisements. I've always tried to show unconditional love , but separate the "trust" issue. My husband's emotions ebb and flow - It seemed things were getting a little better with our son but in the last week, he chose to leave school without "permission" and has been asked not to return, it was a small Christian school and they don't have the adequate personnel to handle "problem" students. Based on your information, he definitely has some ODD-ness and now I'm beginning to wonder about some type of learning disability as well. It seems like he's more manageable when schools out, than when it's in. I'm trying to get an appt. to get him evaluated for ESE testing, so I'll know whether to rule that out or not. With no family t...

Hi J., I've responded throughout your email below: Hi Mark, I have a decision to make and hope you can help me with it. My son has his graduation trip booked and the balance payment of $1300 is due now in order to keep the booking of the spot. Originally we agreed that each of us pays a half of the fee and I will reimburse him if he graduates. He paid a half for the initial payment, and I paid the full second payment because he did not have the money ready though he was working. So I told him he would pay the third payment all by himself and he didn't. It was an optional payment, so was left with the balance to be paid all together now. He has not working since September for he planned he would study hard. He did not do that but goes to school every day and is not doing well, hit and miss with the passing. I have been hoping that he would come to me and ask about it because he should worry about the balance payment. He hasn't. Shall I just pay it quietl...

Hi P., I've responded throughout your email below: Hi Mark, This is a wonderful service you provide. I have read most of your e-book and have pick up a lot of tips already. Thank you for the kind words. I have a question for you which I couldn't find an answer in the book. My teen daughter (one of twins) is constantly taking things (particularly) my things without asking and yes I am going to use the cliché "I have tried everything" to stop this behaviour. I have explained to her, if she asks there is the likelihood of me saying "yes" if it is returned after she has finished with it, but she doesn't return the things and still keeps taking without asking. The taking also includes taking and eating foods. I have started making her pay for certain items of food she eats, eg choc chips which I use for cookies. Preteens and teens know they're not supposed to steal, but might steal for the thrill of it or because their friends do. ...