ONLINE PARENTING COACH

"Is it normal for parents to experience a lot of depression as they deal with their oppositional defiant teenagers? My daughter's behavior is negatively affecting both my work and my marriage now. I feel like such a failure as a parent." Yes... absolutely!   ==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents Here are some of the other feelings and thoughts that occur when parents have to live with a strong-willed, out of control teenager: Ambivalence toward the defiant child (“I love her, but when her mindset causes her to be cruel, I also wish she'd go away.”) Anger and jealousy (“Her siblings resent all the attention I have to give her.”) Anxiety (“I’m afraid to leave her alone or hurt her feelings.”) Bitterness (“Why did this happen to us?”) Blaming self and each other (“If only I had been a better parent... If you would only listen...”) Concern for the future (“What's going to happen after I’m gone? Who will take care of her?) Denial of the...

"I’m raising my grandson who was suspended from school (year 8) for the past week for swearing at a teacher. He was told that he would get 2 weeks next time. He now has the attitude that if I send him back to school he will see to it that he is sent home again and again. I did do the 3 days behaviour in his room and I do notice that he is getting bored, but he seems to have the attitude that boredom is better then school. So now what?!" Click here for my response...

My daughter's status right now is - Grounded during the week until school is over (she was gone every night before). She does have her weekends. Question: How should I go about implementing the 3 day discipline. Should I explain to her what the 3 day plan is?? >>>>>>>>>>>1. Clearly state your expectation. For example... "Be sure to wash the dishes." "It's time for you to get the trash out." "I need you to pick up your dirty laundry." 2. If your child does what she is told to do, reward her with acknowledgment and praise. "You did a great job of doing the dishes." "Thank you for getting to bed on time." "I appreciate that you picked up your dirty clothes." Note: "Rewards" such as hugs, kisses, and high-fives increase your children's motivation to do what you ask them to do. 3. If your child refuses or ignores your request, then...

Hi Mark, Here's the big question (at least for now). What to do about the boyfriend? I thought that, after the prom night fiasco, this relationship should end, but I offered the compromise of letting her see him with my supervision. Daughter says she won't accept that. If she goes off with him without my permission, should I call the police immediately, or is there any other consequence I could impose? >>>>>>>>>>Calling the police would only be a temporary fix …but it will drive them closer together in the long run too. I've thought of telling her that she cannot take JROTC next year if she goes off - I was against it this year because I don't think it belongs in schools and I don't want to feed her military obsession, but let her have her choice. I think that would fit the crime because she met the boyfriend and this older group that drinks and smokes pot through JROTC. Right now our worst fights are over the boyfr...

Mark, Thanks for the previous advice. Your methods do seem to be working. We had a beautiful FSS (thanks!). My husband thinks I'm crazy for how "lenient" he feels I'm being, but he has not interfered for 1 week! My 16 yr old son is in a relationship with a 16 yr old girl (~1 1/2 yrs now) that I feel is not good. I have not said anything negative about her in ~1 month. I have let them see each other in supervised settings. Her parents have no rules whatsoever and tell him we're wrong, but I do try to deal with this. I would like your advice on the following: My son went out after Lacrosse practice last night (I do feel this is part of school and a GOOD thing for him as it helps keep him busy and I know where he is at) which I was OK with since he has been earning this right by following all of our rules. I did get a "bad vibe" later that he was not where he said--can't prove it. He would not answer his phone, ended up at his girlfrien...

>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Dear parent: I’ve responded where you see these arrows. Just as you predicted, we are having some good days as well as bad. My 16 yr old sophomore just got caught skipping a class (chemistry) 2 days in a row this week--his girlfriend turned him in as they were arguing/breaking up (I think they are back together now). He was in the lunchroom. He was given 2 detentions. He now is saying he "may not serve" them. I kept my composure but it is really hard. We also got his progress report in the mail yesterday and as he has been telling us (for several weeks) his grades are lower. I truly thought he was doing this to get a response out of me, and he didn't. He is getting a C- in chemistry (was a B+) and a D in advanced algebra (was a C). I did tell him (as I have been for the several weeks now) that it is his responsibility/future etc. and I cannot MAKE him get better grades. I did try to engage him in a...

Mark …I have a simple question: I try to be my daughter’s friend, because her father is not involved at all in her life. Is this good or bad? Signed, Single Mom _________________ I regularly see a lot of evidence that today’s teens are trying to act older while today’s parents are trying to act younger. So you've got kids trying to be adults, and adults trying to be kids. It makes for a weird dynamic – and confuses the teenager as to who's the role model. In those cases where the parent is a ‘buddy,’ the parent-child relationship tends to be a love-hate relationship. I understand that the family unit itself has changed (e.g., more single parents, gay parents, parents who are dating, etc.). And I also know it’s hard for the single parent to be both a “friend” and a “disciplinarian.” But you have to pick one or the other – and your pick should be the one who employs “tough love.” “Tough love” has 2 components though: (1) the tough part and (2) the nurturing pa...