Teens and Sexual Promiscuity

"Why do younger teenagers nowadays start having sex in the first place? How do I even approach this topic with my daughter? She just says that 'everyone does it -- it's no big deal'. When I was a teenager, I would never even think about having sex with my boyfriend at the time. I guess this shows how old I am."

The topic of sexuality and teens often makes moms and dads - and adolescents - uncomfortable. It can be difficult to even broach the subject of sexuality, and even more difficult should the mother or father suspect their teenager is sexually promiscuous. 

 

Few moms and dads want to confront the issues of sexual promiscuity or inappropriate sexual behavior in their kids, yet avoiding such behavioral problems can be as risky as the behaviors themselves. Not only does sexual promiscuity cause serious health risks to your teenager, it can damage self-esteem and emotional health as well.

Adolescents often partake in risk-taking behaviors. This seems to be a common theme among teens, but it can become a serious issue in troubled teens. Sex may become an outlet for a struggling adolescent's frustrations, much in the same way drugs and alcohol serve as an outlet. In this way, sex becomes a drug, a way to escape feelings and emotional confusion. However, as with any drug, there is a backlash. Any adolescent who is acting out sexually will begin to feel a diminished sense of value and self-esteem.

In some cases, sex can be used as a weapon or defense. A teen might see promiscuous sex as a way of showing the parent that he or she is "free," a grown-up, someone who can "do whatever" they want to do. Allowing a teenager to continue to see sex in such an emotionally immature and self-destructive manner can lead to long-term problems with intimate relationships.

Environment, age of partner and perceived family support may affect young people's decisions to have sex. While the media bombards us with alarming statistics about the number of teenagers having sex, few reports shed light on what might encourage teens to become sexually active in the first place. Three studies offer some insight into sexually active teens: environment, age of partner and perceived family support may affect young people's decisions to have sex.

In a study presented at a meeting of the American Public Health Association (APHA), researchers at the University of Kentucky followed 950 teenagers at 17 high schools in Kentucky and Ohio from 9th to 11th grades. They found evidence that teens who have intercourse tend to think their friends are too, even if they're not. "You're 2.5 times more likely to have sex by the 9th grade if you think your friends are having sex -- whether or not they really are," says Katharine Atwood, assistant professor at the Kentucky School of Public Health. 

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents 

 

Plus, teens tended to overestimate how many of their friends were sexually active. Only 33 percent of kids in the study had had sex by the 9th grade, but 31 percent said that most or all of their friends had had sex. "If you can persuade them that fewer are having sex than they think," she says, "that can have a significant impact on their behavior."

Among young girls, a partner's age is a risk factor for sexual activity. "The younger the girl is at the age of first intercourse, the more likely she is to have a much older partner," says Harold Leitenberg, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Vermont. His study, published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, found that of 4,201 girls in 8th through 12th grades, those who lost their virginity between ages 11 and 12 tended to have partners five or more years older. 

 

For girls who had sex later in adolescence, the partner's age disparity was much smaller. Early sexual initiation was also associated with a number of behavioral problems. "Ignoring the age of the partners, the earlier a girl was when she first had intercourse, the greater her risk of suicide attempts, alcohol use, drug abuse, truancy and pregnancy," Leitenberg says.

The good news is that while teen sex may not be wholly preventable, the health risks it involves can be reduced through communication within the family. More research presented at the APHA meeting showed that frequent parent-child discussions about sex and its dangers may prevent teenagers from engaging in risky sexual behavior. 

 

Researchers at Emory University questioned 522 sexually active African-American adolescents about the openness and support that their families provided. Adolescents who felt that their families were more supportive were less likely to have unprotected sex, and thus were at a lesser risk for pregnancy and disease.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

"Discipline Tips" for Troubled Teens

If you are feeling fed-up with your teen’s behavior, you’re not the only one. Surprisingly, your troubled teen may be feeling just as fed-up with her behavior. A hostile teenager’s violent acts do not empower her, but leaves her feeling like she has little or no control over herself.

The period of adolescence hurtles a number of mental and physical changes at your teenager. If she has a strong foundation, which comes from your set rules and structure at home, then you can expect that she will be able to deal with these changes more easily and possibly never have to enter into a stage of hostility. If you do not provide a set structure for her to latch on to, then it is like she is plunging through fast-paced adolescence without a seat belt.

You may have noticed that as your youngster has grown from a toddler in her terrible twos to a teenager equipped with mood swings, applicable discipline has been more difficult to enforce.

By the time they reach the early teens, they might not care anymore if they get denied dessert after dinner or not. Nonetheless, there are still some applicable consequences, which may prove useful in disciplining your troubled teen. Here are just a few to get you started:

1. Allowance— The power of money can indeed be a useful tool for a mom/dad. Denying allowance as a consequence of defiant behavior can be utilized as well as giving bonuses when good actions are recognized.

2. Clothing— The way your teen dresses is a big part of his/her expression of individuality. By forcing certain types of clothing on them (for example khaki pants instead of grunge leather), you may prompt them to act in a particular way which is to your liking/approval.

3. Freedom— When your teen displays his maturity and responsibility, you may choose to respond with the opposite consequence and reward his positive actions with more freedom. By just making his curfew time an hour later than usual, you can encourage your youngster to keep at it with his display of responsible behavior. By showing them that you recognize that they are a youngster growing into an adult, you will motivate a sense of positive growth.

4. Grounding your Youngster— Taking away some of your teen’s freedom (like not letting them go out with friends on Friday night) may be just what they need to wake up and recognize that their behavior has been unacceptable.

 

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5. Material Things— A teen’s possessions can be of dear importance to her. By taking away certain items of significance, you can attempt to one’s control behavior.

6. Phone Privileges— A teenager’s peers are one of his main priorities. When you deny him phone privileges, you can expect results as this is not just a penalty they can easily ignore.

7. Time Together— Sometimes what a troubled teenager really craves for inside is just some quality time with a mom/dad. The warmth of care from a parent to his youngster has genuine beneficial effects on a teenager’s behavior.

8. Transportation— As soon as your youngster is old enough to have a student permit, his use of wheels is of prime importance to him. By restraining him from using the family car or making him use public transportation instead, you may have a firm hold over his behavior.

9. Trust— You must show your youngster the significance of a bond of trust between mom/dad and teen. When he commits a mistake which leads to a loss of trust on your part, then it would prove beneficial to think up possible ways or deeds he can do in order to gain your trust again.

10. Your Presence—Teens care a lot about their image and a mom/dad’s constant presence can be exactly what can prompt them to shape up.

If your teen’s mood swings control the entire atmosphere of your family, then you may be feeling at your teenager’s mercy. It is definitely difficult to deal with a hostile teenager, but parents must not be off in one corner feeling sorry for themselves because their efforts go by unnoticed. This is the time when your efforts should double, triple even, if your initial efforts do not take effect on your troubled teenager.

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Parents' Troubleshooting Guide for Teen Behavior Issues

Is your adolescent rebelling, defying your curfew, or hanging out with questionable kids? Here's how to nip behavior problems in the bud:

To be fair, no one has ever pretended that parenting an adolescent was going to be easy. Still, until your own kids reach that stage, it's tempting to believe your family will be immune to teen behavior problems. No, you tell yourself, your adolescent will never talk back, stay out too late or pierce her eyebrow. Dream on...

Adolescents are basically hard-wired to butt heads with their moms and dads. Adolescence is a time of rapid change for kids both physically and cognitively. It's the task of the adolescent to fire their moms and dads and then re-hire them years later, but as consultants rather than managers. But that doesn't mean you have to take it lying down. With the right approach, you can troubleshoot the following teen behavior problems in a relatively civilized fashion.

Behavior Problem 1:

Your Teen Seems To Hate You—

One minute your sweet youngster is begging you to come on the class trip or to lie down with her while she falls asleep. Then, seemingly overnight, she starts treating you like dirt, discounting everything you say and snickering at your suggestions. If you look closely, you'll see that you've been through this before, when she was a toddler -- only instead of shouting "no!" like a two-year-old would, an adolescent simply rolls her eyes in disgust.

It's so hard for moms and dads when this happens. But part of adolescence is about separating and individuating, and many kids need to reject their moms and dads in order to find their own identities. Teens focus on their friends more than on their families, which is normal too.

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Your Solution—

Sometimes moms and dads feel so hurt by their teens' treatment that they respond by returning the rejection -- which is a mistake. Adolescents know that they still need their moms and dads even if they can't admit it. The roller-coaster they put you on is also the one they're feeling internally. As the parent, you need to stay calm and try to weather this teenage rebellion phase, which usually passes by the time a youngster is 16 or 17.

But no one's saying your teen should be allowed to be truly nasty or to curse at you. When this happens, you have to enforce basic behavior standards. One solution is the good, old-fashioned approach of: "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." By letting your adolescent know that you're here for him no matter what, you make it more likely that he'll let down his guard and confide in you once in a while, which is a rare treat.

Behavior Problem 2:

Communication Devices Rule Their Lives—

It's ironic that teenage forms of communication like IM-ing, text-messaging and talking on cell phones make them less communicative, at least with the people they live with. In today's world, though, forbidding all use of electronic devices is not only unrealistic, but unkind. Being networked with their friends is critical to most teens.

Your Solution—

Look at the big picture. If your youngster is functioning well in school, doing his chores at home and not completely retreating from family life, it's probably best to "lay off." It's also OK to set reasonable limits, such as no "texting" or cell phone calls during dinner. Some moms and dads prefer not to let teens have computers in their rooms, since it makes it harder to supervise computer usage, and this is perfectly reasonable. Many experts also suggest establishing a rule that the computer has to be off at least one hour before bedtime, as a way to ensure that teens get more sleep.

One good way to limit how many minutes your teen spends talking on his cell and texting: Require him to pay his own cell phone bills. And do your best to monitor what your youngster does when he's online, particularly if he is using networking sites like Facebook. You still own the home and computer -- so check into parental Internet controls and software to monitor use of any questionable web sites.

Behavior Problem 3:

Staying Out Too Late—

It's 10:30 p.m. and you told your daughter to be home by 10 p.m. Why does she ignore your curfew again and again? Part of what teens do is test limits. But the fact is that they actually want limits, so moms and dads need to keep setting them.

Your Solution—

Do some research before insisting that your youngster respect your curfew because it's possible that yours is unreasonable. Call a few parents of your teen's friends and find out when they expect their kids home. I suggest giving kids a 10-minute grace period, and if they defy that, to set consequences -- such as no going out at night for a week.

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If it seems like your youngster is staying out late because she's up to no good, or doesn't feel happy at home, then you need to talk with her and figure out what might be going on. However, if your curfew is in line with what what's typical in your teen's crowd, then it's time to set consequences and then enforce them if your teen continues to break your rules. When you make a rule, you have to mean it. You can't bluff adolescents -- they will always call you on it.

Behavior Problem 4:

Hanging Out with Kids You Don't Like—

You wince every time your son blasts through the front door with his greasy-haired, noisy buddies. Should you suck it up, or say something?

Your Solution—

Kids can wear weird clothes, pierce their lips, act rudely and still be decent kids. Moms and dads should hold off on criticizing something as superficial as fashion in their kids' friends. Adolescents are so attached to their friends that it's like criticizing them directly.

On the other hand, if you know that your youngster has taken up with a group of troubled teens who skip school and do drugs, a talk is in order. Without putting him on the defensive, tell your youngster you're concerned about who he's hanging out with and that you're worried he's doing drugs. While you can't forbid your youngster to hang around with certain kids, you can intervene and try to nip dangerous behaviors in the bud. Don't be afraid to ask for professional help about hanging out with a crowd engaged in negative behavior. Counseling or family therapy can help.

Behavior Problem 5:

Everything's a Drama—

Every little thing seems to set your daughter off lately, and the more you try to help, the more she sobs or shouts or slams the door. Part of being an adolescent is feeling things intensely, so what may seem like no big deal to you is hugely important to her.

Your Solution—

Moms and dads tend to trivialize the importance of things in adolescents' lives. What happens is that kids feel misunderstood, and eventually they will stop telling you anything. Right now it is the most important thing in the world that her best friend is flirting with her boyfriend, and you need to take it seriously.

Don't offer advice, disparage her friends or try to minimize it by saying that one day she'll see how silly high school romances are. Just listen and sympathize. And put yourself in her position -- because, after all, you were once there yourself.

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Brother and Sister Hate One Another: Parenting Tips for Sibling Rivalry

Question:

“I have a 14 year our daughter who is a basket of nerves. My son and she HATE each other. He knows exactly how to push her buttons and she gets so upset she usually just explodes in anger followed by tears. When she is upset there is no reasoning with her until she calms down. I can almost see the ‘excitement’ in my son’s eyes when he makes her cry. She is so vulnerable right now. He knows she is very aware of her figure and looks, so he is constantly calling her fat (although she is not fat at all). She then comes back at him with retard and why don’t we ‘send him away’. I fear what this is doing to her self-esteem and emotional needs.”

Answer:

Fighting among siblings is really a problem now with the kids being off school for this extended period of time due to the coronavirus issue. Moms of adolescents may be troubled by the amount of fighting, both verbal and physical, that is going on. This is a common problem in homes with teens, and one many moms find particularly difficult and upsetting. One mother said, "They are constantly bickering and yelling. There's no peace in the house anymore. They won't listen to me, and nothing I do seems to have any effect on them. Why do they hate each other so?"

If parents experience these kinds of problems and concerns, it may help if they try to gain a better understanding of sibling battles and then develop a plan for dealing with them in their home. In this society, people have the expectation that they will love and get along well with everyone in their family. They always expect to feel positive toward their parents, brothers, sisters, spouses and children. Most people, however, have at least some times when they don't feel very loving toward each other.

Relationships within a family are close, both emotionally and physically, and very intense. When the television show parents have been looking forward to is being drowned out by the cheerleading practice in the basement, or when the turkey leg they were saving for a snack is missing from the refrigerator, or when their spouse is gleefully telling a crowd of friends how they dented the car fender, they are not likely to feel loving. Because they are so close, family members have a greater power than anyone else to make other members feel angry, sad, confused -- and loving. This is just as true for kids and teens as it is for grown-ups.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Most siblings have probably been good friends - and good enemies - as they have grown. Having a sibling provides an opportunity to learn to get along with others. Especially when siblings are younger, they may fight bitterly, but they will probably be playing together again an hour later. For example, a youngster will say something hateful to a sibling, knowing full well they will still be siblings and friends when the fight is over. If the same thing was said to a playmate outside the family, that playmate might take his or her marbles and go home for good. Thus, kids learn from relationships with siblings just how certain words or actions will affect another person without the fear of losing the person's friendship.

Siblings fight for a number of reasons:

• They fight because they are growing up in a competitive society that teaches them that to win is to be better: "I saw it first." "I beat you to the water."
• They fight because they are jealous: "He got a new bike. I didn't. They must love him more than they love me." 
• They fight because they want a parent's attention, and the parent has only so much time, attention and patience to give. 
• They fight over ordinary teasing, which is a way of testing the effects of behavior and words on another person: "He called me a _____" … "But she called me a _____ first."

Kids need not weeks or months, but years to learn some of the socially approved ways to behave in relationships. Lessons about jealousy, competition, sharing and kindness are difficult to learn, and, indeed, some grown-ups still haven't learned them. Teens fight for the same reasons younger kids fight. But teens are bigger, louder and better equipped physically and intellectually to hurt - and be hurt - by words and actions.

From a mother's point of view, they "ought" to be old enough to stop that kind of behavior. What moms may forget is that teens are under pressure from many different directions. Physical and emotional changes - and changes in thinking - cause pressures, as do changing relationships with parents and peers. 

Adolescents may be concerned about real or imagined problems. They feel pressure about the future as adults and about learning to be an adult. In many ways, adolescents are in greater need than ever for parental love, attention and concern, and for a belief that they are as good as their siblings. A teenager may not recognize these needs, or may be too embarrassed to express them verbally, so fighting with siblings as a way to get parental attention may actually increase in adolescence. In truth, siblings don't really hate each other, at least not all the time. As kids mature and learn to control their energies and anxieties, chances are they will be good friends.

Moms and dads can recognize the reasons for the fighting and make up their minds that they will not tolerate it. It's not easy to stick to that resolution! However, many parents have found that sticking to that resolution is the most important factor in bringing peace to their home. Parents should tell their teens that while it's normal to have disagreements, the constant fighting upsets them and they value peace at home. They can say they will no longer be the judge and jury over the siblings' disputes, and they will not stand for it! Then, they must stand by the resolution.

One mom reported that every time a fight started, she would say to her teens, "You're fighting. I'm leaving." And then she would go out to work in the yard or take a drive or run an errand -- but she simply walked away from the fighting. Another mom used a similar tactic. When the fighting began, she said, "Call me when it's over." Then she went to her bedroom, slamming the door to emphasize her point. Another parent made his teenagers leave the house when they began fighting.

In each of these cases, the parents demonstrated that fighting would not get their attention and they would not get involved in the fight. Other parents have had success in imposing penalties for fighting (e.g., fines deducted from allowances, a certain amount of grounding for each fighter, etc.). These parents are showing their teenagers the cost of fighting is higher than the reward. Whatever tactic moms and dads use, if they are consistent and stick to their guns, they will almost certainly be successful in reducing the amount of fighting between their kids.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Living with fighting siblings is not pleasant. If parents can remain calm in the face of battling adolescents, if they can retain their sense of humor, and if they put up a determined and united front, they will find the war in their living room will end before long.

As a parent, do you:

• Avoid initiating competition among your kids?
• Make sure older kids are not usually forced to give in to younger ones because "he's little" or "she doesn't know better?" 
• Believe there can be something good in sibling fighting? 
• Make sure your teens realize they are each unique and have a special set of strengths? 
• Praise your teenagers for being who they are, not just for what they can do? 
• Realize teens and younger kids need to be given the right to decide not to share at least some of the time? 
• Recognize that each youngster is different? 
• Set aside some time to be alone with each youngster? 
• Talk to your teens about their fighting?

Here’s some more tips:

1. Be available to listen patiently to the problem and control your emotions. Typically, parents have more insight into solving a problem, so give your child positive suggestions she can use to work the problem out with her sibling.
2. Don't intervene, but do give some guidance.
3. Don't take sides -- remain neutral.
4. Encourage adolescents to work out issues constructively.
5. Do not allow aggressive behavior (e.g., hitting, pushing, etc.).
6. Express to each of your kids that you care for each of them as individuals and love them unconditionally.
7. Give them the opportunity to work out their problems on their own.
8. Help enforce the rules by outlining consequences when rules are broken. 
9. Help them recognize each other's individuality. 
10. Insist that they try to cooperate first. 
11. Overcome your own competitive nature. 
12. Share an interest in their activities. 
13. Spend time with them individually. 
14. Teach your kids good communication techniques, problem solving skills, and the importance of compromise.

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

5 Teen Behavior Problems & Their Solutions

Is your kid rebelling, defying your curfew, or hanging out with questionable kids? Here's how to nip behavior problems in the bud. To be fair, no one has ever pretended that parenting a kid was going to be easy. Still, until your own kids reach that stage, it's tempting to believe your family will be immune to teen behavior problems. No, you tell yourself, your kid will never talk back, stay out too late or pierce her eyebrow.

Dream on...

Adolescents are basically hard-wired to butt heads with their moms & dads, says Stuart Goldman, MD, director of psychiatric education at Children's Hospital in Boston. "Adolescence is a time of rapid change for kids both physically and cognitively," he explains. "It's the task of the kid to fire their moms & dads and then re-hire them years later, but as consultants rather than managers."

But that doesn't mean you have to take it lying down. With the right approach, you can troubleshoot the following teen behavior problems in a relatively civilized fashion.

Teen Behavior Problem 1: Your Teen Seems To Hate You

One minute your sweet child is begging you to come on the class trip or to lie down with her while she falls asleep. Then, seemingly overnight, she starts treating you like dirt, discounting everything you say and snickering at your suggestions. If you look closely, you'll see that you've been through this before, when she was a toddler -- only instead of shouting "no!" like a two-year-old would, a kid simply rolls her eyes in disgust.

"It's so hard for moms & dads when this happens," says Nadine Kaslow, PhD, a psychologist specializing in kids and families at Emory University in Atlanta. "But part of adolescence is about separating and individuating, and many kids need to reject their moms & dads in order to find their own identities." Teens focus on their friends more than on their families, which is normal too.

Parent’s solution—

Sometimes moms & dads feel so hurt by their teens' treatment that they respond by returning the rejection -- which is a mistake. "Adolescents know that they still need their moms & dads even if they can't admit it," says Goldman. "The roller-coaster they put you on is also the one they're feeling internally." As the parent, you need to stay calm and try to weather this teenage rebellion phase, which usually passes by the time a child is 16 or 17.

But no one's saying your teen should be allowed to be truly nasty or to curse at you; when this happens, you have to enforce basic behavior standards. One solution is the good, old-fashioned approach of: "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." By letting your kid know that you're here for him no matter what, you make it more likely that he'll let down his guard and confide in you once in a while, which is a rare treat.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Teen Behavior Problem 2: Communication Devices Rule Their Lives

It's ironic that teenage forms of communication like IM-ing, text-messaging and talking on cell phones make them less communicative, at least with the people they live with. In today's world, though, forbidding all use of electronic devices is not only unrealistic, but unkind. "Being networked with their friends is critical to most teens," says Goldman.

Parent’s solution—

Look at the big picture, advises Susan Bartell, PhD, an adolescent psychologist in New York. If your child is functioning well in school, doing his chores at home and not completely retreating from family life, it's probably best to "lay off." It's also OK to set reasonable limits, such as no "texting" or cell phone calls during dinner. Some moms & dads prefer not to let teens have computers in their rooms, since it makes it harder to supervise computer usage, and this is perfectly reasonable. Many experts also suggest establishing a rule that the computer has to be off at least one hour before bedtime, as a way to ensure that teens get more sleep.

One good way to limit how many minutes your teen spends talking on his cell and texting: Require him to pay his own cell phone bills. And do your best to monitor what your child does when he's online, particularly if he or she is using networking sites like MySpace and Facebook. You still own the home and computer -- so check into parental Internet controls and software to monitor use of any questionable web sites.

Teen Behavior Problem 3: Staying Out Too Late

It's 10:30 p.m. and you told your daughter to be home by 10 p.m. Why does she ignore your curfew again and again?

"Part of what teens do is test limits," explains Goldman. "But the fact is that they actually want limits, so moms & dads need to keep setting them."

Parent’s solution—

Do some research before insisting that your child respect your curfew because it's possible that yours is unreasonable. Call a few of your kids' friends' moms & dads and find out when they expect their kids home. Goldman suggests giving kids a 10-minute grace period, and if they defy that, to set consequences -- such as no going out at night for a week.

If it seems like your child is staying out late because she's up to no good, or doesn't feel happy at home, then you need to talk with her and figure out what might be going on. However, if your curfew is in line with what what's typical in your teen's crowd, then it's time to set consequences and then enforce them if your teen continues to break your rules. When you make a rule, you have to mean it. You can't bluff adolescents -- they will always call you on it.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Teen Behavior Problem 4: Hanging Out with Kids You Don't Like

You wince every time your son traipses through the door with his greasy-haired, noisy buddies. Should you suck it up, or say something?

Parent’s solution--

Kids can wear weird clothes, pierce their lips, act rudely and still be decent kids, says Bartell, who advises moms & dads to hold off on criticizing something as superficial as fashion in their kids' friends. "Adolescents are so attached to their friends that it's like criticizing them directly."

On the other hand, if you know that your child has taken up with a group of troubled teens who skip school and do drugs, a talk is in order. "Without putting him on the defensive, tell your child you're concerned about who he's hanging out with and that you're worried he's doing drugs," says Bartell. While you can't forbid your child to hang around with certain kids, you can intervene and try to nip dangerous behaviors in the bud. Don't be afraid to ask for professional help about hanging out with a crowd engaged in negative behavior. Counseling or family therapy can help.

Teen Behavior Problem 5: Everything's a Drama

Every little thing seems to set your daughter off lately, and the more you try to help, the more she sobs or shouts or slams the door.

Part of being a kid is feeling things intensely, so what may seem like no big deal to you is hugely important to her.

Parent’s solution—

Moms & dads tend to trivialize the importance of things in adolescents' lives, says Bartell: "What happens is that kids feel misunderstood, and eventually they will stop telling you anything. Right now it is the most important thing in the world that her best friend is flirting with her boyfriend, and you need to take it seriously."

Don't offer advice, disparage her friends or try to minimize it by saying that one day she'll see how silly high school romances are. "Just listen and sympathize," says Bartell. And put yourself in her position -- because, after all, you were once there yourself.

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Runaway & Pregnant Daughter

Dear Mark Hutten,

I don't want to alienate my runaway daughter; I don't want to enable her. I haven't seen her since Wednesday morning. She does text me. I can't practice your principles because she's not here to practice them on. I want her to come home at night. When she has the baby, around Thanksgiving, I want to help her raise her and not have her dragging the baby around as she hangs out with whomever. I know where she works, I know approximately where her new lover lives. We own the title on her car. I need specific strategies and approaches, please.

Thank you,

A.

```````````````````

Hi A.,

Runaway teens, seemingly unmanageable, desperate, desolate, lonely AND alone… they run, in one of two directions:

1. Away from something, someone, a bad situation, perceived threat, disciplined unloving and/or abusive, or in more complex cases of troubled teen run-aways a loving home environment where there are for them, in their minds no real future; or maybe in the other direction.

2. Towards something, the unknown, safety, a life where they can live according to their own rules, not answering to anyone else, where they can be independent, make the rules, be their own boss, independence and freedom to do as they please and answer to no-one… the list could go on and on hypothetically speaking.

Teens who run away from home are often crying for attention. Some teens will attempt to run away just once, after an unusually heated argument or situation in the household, and return shortly after. More serious cases, however, happen with teens in extreme emotional turmoil.

Parents also need to be extremely aware of the symptoms, warning signs and dangers of teenage depression. Far too many teens are suffering from this disease and going untreated. Often, runaways feel they have no other choice but to leave their home, and this is in many cases related to their feelings of sadness, anger and frustration due to depression.

Teens who become runaways will have shown symptoms and warning signs prior to running away. Knowing these signs is the first step to prevention; the second is learning how to prevent symptoms all together. Communication is KEY!
Here are concrete prevention tips:

• Always use direct eye contact when speaking.

• Anger is difficult to subside. However, it is important to never raise your voice or yell/scream at your teen, especially when they are already doing so. A battle of strength doesn't get anyone anywhere.

• If both parents are involved in the conversation, it is very important to take turns, rather than gang up on your teen together. Make sure each parent allows time for your teen to speak in between.

• If your teen is demanding or threatening you, be sure to get professional advice or help from a qualified mental health professional.

• Keep a calm demeanor and insist that your teen does as well. Do not respond to their anger, but instead, wait until they are calm.

• Keep in mind that it is possible to agree with your teen, without doing whatever they want you to. For example, you might agree that there are little differences between 17 year-olds and 21 year-olds, but that doesn't mean you agree with having a party serving alcohol at your house.

• Let's say you are sure you understand your teen's point of view and they understand you understand. If you still don't agree with their statement, tell your teen "I think I understand, but I do not agree. I want to think we can understand each other, but we don't have to agree."

• Make sure that you comprehend what your teen is saying, and when you do, let them know. Simply stating "I understand" can go a long way to making your teen feel as though you are respecting their feelings and thoughts, as well as taking them in to consideration.

• NEVER interrupt your teenager when they are speaking or trying to explain their feelings or thoughts. Even if you completely disagree, it is important to wait until they have finished. Keep in mind that just listening and using the words "I understand" does not mean that you agree or will do what they want.

• Never use threats or dare your teen to run away, even if you think they wouldn't do it.

• Refrain from using sarcasm or negativity that may come off as disrespect for your teen.

• Take a break if you get too overwhelmed or upset to continue the conversation with a calm attitude.

• Talk less, slower, and use fewer words than your teen.

• Under no circumstances should you use derogatory names, labels or titles such as liar, childish, immature, untrustworthy, cruel, stupid, ignorant, punk, thief or brat. Continue to be respectful of your teen, even if they have been disrespectful to you.

• When your teen has finished speaking, ask politely if they have anything else they'd like to talk about or share with you.

If your teen runs away—

• Call every one of your teenagers friends. Talk to their parents first, not the friend. Teenagers tend to stick together and will not always tell you the truth. The parents will tell you if they've heard their child talking to yours on the phone and it will also alert them to watch for what their child is doing.

• Call your local Juvenile Detention Officer and ask for their help in finding out your rights concerning what you may or may not do if you find your child yourself.

• Call your local television stations. Many today are more than willing to run stories on missing teens since so many have been lured from home by 'friends' they met online.

• Check any local weeklies and online community papers; they are usually more than willing to help.

• Contact your teenager's friends, their parents, and school staff. Express concern and clearly state your willingness to work out any problems that might exist.

• Do not "storm" a relatively safe place that your child might be staying. If they run out the back door you'll have no idea where they are. They might also run to a less safe harbor.

• Do not threaten the school, friends, or parents. These people may be potential allies. They are the most likely to help if they understand, that you are willing to listen to your child and be open to other perspectives. Even though you're very worried, remain calm. Threatening statements or making accusations only reinforces the notion that you are an unreasonable person. If you have reason to believe that specific individuals are harming your child, pass that information onto the police.

• Go straight to the local authorities, be it police station or sheriff's office. Take with you the flyers you have made up, a copy of the id, color pictures and digital pictures on a floppy. Get in their faces. Do not just make phone calls, be there in person. Drive them nuts until they do something. Make them understand that you are a concerned parent and that you will not let them ignore the fact that YOUR child is missing.

• If your teenager is gone for over 24 hours, or if you have reason to suspect foul play, call the police.

• Make sure they list your runaway in the national database.

• Make sure you follow up and stay in touch with parents and the police. They are your best bet in finding your child and bringing them home.

• Make up one-page flyers that have a clear picture of your child's face and all information you have. Height, weight, age, last seen, etc.

• Post your flyers everywhere kids meet. Phone booths, soda machines, local hangouts, grocery stores, anywhere and everywhere that will let you.

• Put out the word asking that your teenager check in, just to let you know they are safe. You may want to offer an alternative contact of an adult you both know and trust.

• When you get home, call your local paper and ask if they will run a description and picture of your child. Tell them you will either bring them a flyer or email the information. Whichever option they prefer. Beg if you have to.

Regarding teen runaways, know that:

· 40% of runaways return home at their own initiative

· 50% stay within 1-10 miles of home

· 60% percent of runaway episodes last 1-3 days

· Forcing a child to come home without resolving the problem is likely to result in another runaway incident.

· The majority of teenagers who run do so because of a problem they perceive to be unsolvable

I hope this helps,

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen

Parenting Troubled Teen Girls: 30 Tips for Parents

The teen years for girls are a period of real danger. Girls entering puberty often face a "crisis in confidence" which makes them vulnerable to risky behavior, and these bad choices can have devastating lifelong consequences. They are confronted with drugs, peer pressure, sex, dating, bullying and more.

Teen girls encounter more "stressors" in life, especially in their interpersonal relationships, than teen boys, and they react more strongly to those pressures, accounting in part for their higher levels of depression. The best way to help your troubled teen girl is to intervene as soon as you sense something is wrong.

Here are some important tips for raising teen girls:

1. Aim at building and maintaining strong family relationships, especially between daughters and fathers. While teen girls may rebel against this, a close-knit family is a strong support structure in times of need.

2. Allow teen girls to express themselves within reason and don’t take everything personally. It is not good to repress emotion and by occasionally overstepping boundaries, girls will get a feel for what is appropriate.

3. Ask your daughter's teachers and school staff for an update on her. If they are seeing the same behaviors that you are, it's sign that your teen girl is in trouble. If they tell you her grades are slipping, she's skipping class or becoming aggressive, you should be concerned. This is also important information to gather if you're going to take your daughter to therapy.

 
==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

4. Be patient. It is very important not to lose your cool every time your daughter makes a mistake or goes wayward. Remember, patience and perseverance pays. Learn to give your teen girl some time to open up. Spend some quality time with her. Give her the freedom to approach you at anytime of the day. Once this is done, your daughter would discuss with you every time she is in a dilemma.

5. Define the problem. It's important to determine the source of your daughter's behavior. Although the teen years are a time of great flux, a complete behavioral change is not a normal facet of adolescence. If your daughter seems to have done a complete 180-degree personality change, it's important to determine why. There usually is a reason.

6. Discuss sex. This might be a little awkward for you, but it is very important to discuss everything related to sex with your daughter. With virginity not a big thing for the new generation, make sure your daughter realizes the need to be careful with her sexuality and the matters relating to sex. Ensure that she knows what is right and what is wrong, when it comes to sexual intimacy between a boy and a girl. Let her see the advantages of remaining a virgin. If you don’t talk about sex, she will gather information from the Internet and uneducated peers, which may lead to bad choices.

7. Don't feel you have to defend yourself. Your teen daughter may accuse you of things that are not true, say things that are hurtful or exaggerate situations. As the parent, you do not need to help them rationalize these things during an emotional moment. Likely your teen girl is not going to be able to hear what you are even saying, and if she is able to hear it, she will likely not be able to effectively process it. If you feel it is important to explain yourself (and often time it is not) then it is better to wait and do this during a time when emotions are under control.

8. Encourage daughters to set goals in life and as far as possible, model the balance between family and work.

9. Engage in family therapy. If your teenage daughter is abusive, whether you know it or not, it's affecting every member of your household. You'll want to involve everyone in therapy to deal with this issue.

10. Engage teen daughters in discussions about pop culture and advertising. Ask their opinion on the latest trends and whether she thinks they are healthy.

11. Find your teenage daughter a mentor that can help her weather the rocky teen years. Even if you feel as though you have a fairly open relationship with your teen girl, some things she simply cannot communicate to you. Whether it's a relative, a mentor from a non-profit organization or a friend of the family, allowing your teen girl to talk to someone without feeling hurt or jealous can help her talk her feelings and emotions out.

12. Get individual therapy for your daughter and any other family members greatly affected by the abuse. Parents of abusive teens can usually benefit from individual therapy or couples therapy as well, because it's extremely difficult to deal with this type of situation every day.

 
==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

13. Give space. Make sure not to be too nosy. Remember, your daughter needs some personal space and that she would not like you to interfere and be intrusive about every small thing in her life. Give her the space she wants, but do not let her totally loose. A little bit of restriction and a little bit of freedom will ensure a balanced lifestyle for her.

14. Help teenage daughters to reach their full potential. This can be done by encouraging interests and providing opportunities and training in those areas. Teach them independence and allow them to make decisions and learn from mistakes. Help her to find a path by asking her what her goals are. Troubled teens are often those that lack direction. Perhaps your teenage daughter hasn't thought about her future and chooses activities with short-sightedness. Help your daughter define the future and register her in activities and classes that will help to get her there and help to keep her out of trouble.

15. If your daughter is using drugs, she's probably not going to admit it. In fact, she'll probably try to hide it at all costs and make excuses to cover it up. If you want to know if your daughter is using, drug test her. Drug-testing kits are available at most local drug stores; you also can take her to her primary care physician to get tested. Drug tests aren't always reliable, because teens have ways of messing with them such as putting water in the test instead of urine. What your daughter and the therapist discuss is going to be confidential, which means the therapist will not be able to tell you anything your daughter has told her. However, if your daughter informs the therapist that she is in danger, then the therapist is mandated to let you know. For example, the therapist will tell you if your daughter is being abused, is suicidal or is using dangerous amounts of drugs.

16. Know what matters. It's important to keep your priorities intact during your daughter's struggles. If your daughter is dealing with larger emotional, social or psychological problems, it's probably not in anyone's best interest to nitpick over a messy room or poor grades. In this case, save your energy for the more important battles.

17. Listen and acknowledge. Make time to talk to your troubled daughter. Arrange a time and a safe, neutral place to draw your daughter out without too much pressure. This could be while driving in the car, watching a show or over dinner. Ask how things have been lately, and listen without lecturing, rebuttals or dismissing concerns. Instead, acknowledge and validate your daughter's concerns and fears. Let her know they are normal, and you want to talk about them. Open the lines of communication between you so you can better understand how she is feeling. Listen to complaints and woes, but don’t try and fix everything. It is more helpful to listen in an understanding manner to allow your daughter to come to her own conclusions.

18. Offer positive feedback so your daughter can count on your for a self-esteem boost. When your daughter acts up, it can be tempting to overreact and blow up at the situation, doling out harsh consequences and even harsher words. But a teen girl will see your reactions as typical and use them to fuel and validate her bad behavior. Before you say anything negative to your daughter, make sure it's prefaced by something positive. You'll likely simultaneously surprise her and let her know that she has worth in your eyes.

19. Open the lines of communication so that your daughter knows that they are available. You may be willing to talk, but your teen daughter doesn't feel comfortable opening up to you. Wait until you're in a casual setting; ask her open-ended questions about her life at school, her social life and her romantic life. She may be generally unreceptive at first, but you're letting her know that talking is OK, and you're available when she needs to vent.

 
==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

20. Provide a sounding board for your daughter. Although teens often seek autonomy and independence from their parents, they still need to feel loved, respected and understood. Talk to your teen girl about the things she's dealing with at school, her friends, and the pressures she might encounter. Let her know you're there for her as a safe and unwavering source of support. This will make her less likely to seek out approval and support from questionable sources.

21. Put yourself in your daughter’s position when trying to understand what seems to be an unreasonable request. Find out what motivated her to ask for such a thing.

22. Remain calm. This can be very difficult - especially if your daughter is yelling at your or saying hurtful things. However, if you also become extremely emotional, you will likely not have a productive interaction and you may end up feeling bad that you said things you later regret. Speaking in an even, calm voice often results in the other person lowering their voice and calming down.

23. Say "No". Too often parents sabotage their own efforts by saying "yes" too freely. Whether you don't have the energy for a fight or you simply don't care, saying "yes" too often can give your teenager too much freedom. Even if your daughter rebels, saying "no" lays the ground rules, especially if your daughter is dealing with drug or alcohol abuse. Learn to say "no" to your daughter when she begs you for money, the car or a late curfew. Be consistent and firm so your daughter knows what to expect.

24. Set and maintain boundaries in connection with activities such as drinking, driving, drugs, sex, curfews and computer use. Set clear consequences for breaking the rules and carry these through.

25. Stay involved with your daughter’s education, no matter what her level of ability, and guide her into wise subject choices according to her gifts.

26. Take space. If you feel yourself ready to blow, there is no reason why you cannot take space for yourself. A lot of parents find that going into the bathroom is the best way to do this (although each person should do what works best for them). Whether you go to take a shower or bath or just pretend you need to be in there doing something, often times this gives both the parent and the teenager a "cool off period" and prevents situations from escalating further. Teenagers most often will not bother others when they are in the bathroom with the door closed.

27. Talk to your daughter about what you're seeing and why you're concerned about her. More than likely she'll blow it off and say that you're worrying for nothing and she's fine. Most teenagers don't admit they need help to their parents.

28. Teach your teenage daughter calming techniques during non-emotional times. It is often helpful for parents to talk to their daughters about ways of remaining calmer during times when things are going well. Many parents come up with plans for their teenage daughters where they can ask to be left alone for ten minutes to listen to music and calm down before continuing the conversation. Other parents have worked with their daughters on deep breathing, counting to 10, writing down how they are feeling first before yelling it, etc. These can all be effective if discussed and reviewed during non-emotional times. You know your teen daughter the best and can likely help her find a technique or a couple techniques that will work for her.

29. Use positively discipline. Your troubled daughter expects that you'll yell and discipline when she does something you don't approve of. But positive discipline can be just as effective with teenagers who think they've got you figured out. Parenting experts recommend using positive discipline to teach teens the value of compliments and positive reinforcement. Avoid negative statements, and look for the good in your troubled daughter.

30. Validate. Let your daughter know that you understand she is upset (even if you don't understand why) and that you know it must be difficult for her to be that upset. Sometimes just feeling heard can make a very big difference in how your teenager responds to you. You don't need to agree or fully understand, just acknowledge and validate how she is feeling.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Defiant Behavior versus Normal Teenage Rebellion

Many families of defiant teens live in a home that has become a battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected. After all, we knew that problems would occur because teens are naturally rebellious, to a degree. Initially, stress can be so subtle that we lose sight of a war, which others do not realize is occurring. 

 

We honestly believe that we can work through the problems. Outbursts, rages, and strife become a way of life (an emotionally unhealthy way of life). We set aside our own needs and focus on the needs of our teenager. But what does it cost us?

There is a significant difference between normal teenage rebellion versus defiance:

• Defiant teens are destructive and disagreeable by nature
• They like to push their parents' anger-buttons
• Every request results in a power struggle
• Lying is a daily habit, and stealing is a favorite hobby
• Getting others to react strongly pleases and amuses them
• They blame others for their mistakes and misbehavior
• And they have no remorse for the hurtful things they say and do

The majority of the population does not understand the dynamics of parenting a defiant child. Family and friends may think that you -- the parent -- are the one with the problem. Parents of defiant teens are frequently turned in on false abuse allegations. Support is non-existent, because outsiders can't even begin to imagine that children can be so destructive. Where does that leave a parent?

Without strong support and understanding, the parent will become isolated, demoralized, hurt, confused, and often held accountable for the actions of her/his teenager.

Families are simply not prepared for the profound anger that lives in the heart and soul of the defiant teen -- he/she sees YOU, the parent, as the enemy. Small expectations on the parent's part can set the defiant teen off in ways that are not only indescribable, but also often unbelievable.

Your home becomes a war-zone and you feel totally inadequate. You begin to question your parenting abilities -- and your own sanity. Your heart's desire is to provide your child with untold opportunities, a future, and all the love in the world. You want to soothe your troubled teen. You want him/her to have a fulfilling life and to grow up to be a responsible adult. Yet, you are met with hatred and fierce anger.

In war, the battle lines are drawn; an antagonism exists between two enemies. In our homes, we are not drawing battle lines; we are not prepared for war. We are prepared for parenting. Consequently, the ongoing stress can result in disastrous effects on our well-being, literally causing our emotional and physical health to deteriorate.

In parenting a defiant teenager, you will not escape adverse effects. It is essential to recognize that your feelings are typical under stressful conditions. It is just as essential to accept the fact that extensive stress is unhealthy. By recognizing the symptoms and seeking support, you will strengthen your abilities to cope.

The strains a defiant teen puts on your family can be enormous.

Effects on the family:

• A defiant teen will play one parent off the other, which could result in  a rift between parents.
• Dreams of the perfect, loving, caring family are squashed. There is no such thing as perfect family, but a family with a defiant child can become quite dysfunctional.
• Due to the child’s disruptive behavior, parents often withdraw from social functions.
• Family events, like Christmas, can be filled with anger and frustration.
• Parents appear to be unfair, strict and sometimes hostile, as parenting skills used with healthy children do not work with defiant children.
• Siblings and pets can often be targeted and threatened.
• Siblings often feel ignored or overlooked as the defiant child takes up so much of the parent’s time.

Defiant teens are not bad -- but they are very intense.  And they seek intensity from others as well -- especially their parents!

Unfortunately, they have discovered that their parents are the most intense and exciting when things are going wrong.  What parents may have viewed as punishment for their defiant child was actually a reward (i.e., he/she received a bigger payoff for misbehavior).

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Skype Workshops for Parents of Strong-Willed, Out-of-Control Children and Teens

Mark Hutten, M.A. - Master's in Counseling Psychology

The problem is that most parents of strong-willed, out of control children and teenagers have tried very hard to regain control -- but with little or no success.  And it seems the harder the parent tries, the more the child "acts-out."

I often hear the following statement from parents: "I've tried everything with this child -- and nothing works!"  But when they work with me, they soon discover they have not tried everything, rather they have tried some things.

If you're interested in Skype counseling, simply do the following:

1. Create a Skype account, if you haven't done so already -- it's free!
2. Add me to your contacts list. My Skype name is: markbhutten. [After you get into your Skype account, do a search using my Skype name. You'll see my picture and my name: Mark Hutten.]
3. Send me a contact request. I will accept it and add you to my contacts.
4. Email me so we can set-up a day and time to talk: mbhutten@gmail.com
5. At some point before we meet, you will need to send a PayPal payment of $49.00 to: mbhutten@yahoo.com

Sessions are 1 hour long (only one session per week, but we can do multiple weeks if needed).

I'm here for you if you need me, Mark Hutten, M.A.

Email me if you have questions: mbhutten@gmail.com 

Not ready to do counseling yet? Try my program first then:

==> Effective Disciplinary Techniques for Defiant Teens and Preteens 

...is a downloadable eBook with video instruction designed to help parents of strong-willed, out of control children and teenagers.

My bio:

I'm the founder of Online Parent Support, LLC. I'm a life coach, couples' coach, and a parent coach with more than 30 years’ experience. I've worked with hundreds of children and teens with behavioral problems over the years. I also present workshops and training courses for parents and professionals who deal with troubled children and teens.

Follow me on:

• Pinterest
• YouTube
• Linkedin

My Facebook support group:

• Parenting Defiant Children and Teens - Support Group

Boys Ranch?

Thank you for your telephone conversation with me today on Sunday and helping me with getting the online version; somehow just hearing from the real person who began this program was a sense of hope that this may be my first successful door to help my troubled 15 year old teenager.

I have contemplated and contacted twice The Boys Ranch for troubled teens in the last 2 years; due to mixed reasons such as unsupport of my husband (doesn't want to send our child away), the on / off times of my child with seemingly better behavior only to get in trouble again, and myself torn between to send him or not are all reasons I have not sent him their for help. But things have only escalated with him; this place is a free facility, as I do not have the finances otherwise for somewhere else. I can't remember if there is a minimal time that your child has to be there once enrolled or not; I just felt this would be a very controlled environment with one on one adult supervision and counseling because right now he resides in a very disruptive home environment where my husband and I have serious marital problems (that is a whole other topic I am trying to make a decision about) and also sending him here I thought would help him realize that he his hanging around people and friends at school that influence in all the wrong ways, including doing drugs, taking over the home, constant disrespect, round-about- death threats on me, running away, likes to mix things to make things blow up, plays with fire, shoves me, uses his physical force with at times, manipulates my child safe program on the computer by hacking my administrator password, and as had numerous downloaded adult porn sites/videos on the computer which I had the computer restored to wipe that out; these are a few of the things I can mention that I am dealing with.

Could you please give me your input if you think it would be beneficial to send my teenager to The Boys Ranch or not in addition to your program? Thank you once again.

`````````````````````````

I don't think it will hurt anything for your son to go to a ranch; however, you should know that - unless you make changes on your end - your son's behavior, when he returns home, will be the same as before. "Positive change" that occurs in ranches, camps, wilderness programs, etc. has no longevity.

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen

Effective Disciplinary Techniques for Defiant Teens and Preteens

  

From the office of Mark Hutten, M.A.
Online Parent Support, LLC
Author of My Out-of-Control Teen

The problem is that most parents of strong-willed, out of control teenagers have tried very hard to regain control -- but with little or no success.  And it seems the harder the parent tries, the more the teenager "acts-out."

I often hear the following statement from parents: "I've tried everything with this child -- and nothing works!"  But when they attend my parent-program, they soon discover they have not tried everything, rather they have tried some things. Learn more about the parent-program.

Now there is an online version of the parent-program for working parents who are struggling with their out-of-control teenagers, and you will experience the same success as those who attend the program in person. 

You will learn cut-to-the-chase parenting strategies that work immediately rather than months or years down the road.  And I guarantee your success or you get your money back -- and you can keep the package I am about to offer you.  This is how confident I am that the online version of the parent-program is going to work for you. 

One of many testimonials: 

“Hi mark. I want to thank you so much for putting out the 4 week parenting course. I have completed it and it has literally changed my life. Honestly it worked instantly. I have a foster child who would yell, scream, abuse. Intimidate, swear, punch holes in walls etc if asked to get off the Xbox or to do a job. Yes he has so much trauma and I think is on the spectrum but I kept thinking I don’t think his outbursts are because of this. The bottom line is I was over indulging him. Now he knows nothing is for free and if he wants anything he has to do jobs. I take all technology at the end of each day and if he wants it back the next day he has to do the jobs on the list. I’ve only taken his phone twice for 24 hours since starting the course. That was all it took. Honestly mark, he yelled at me when I told him nothing is for free, not even a donut at the shop. I kept calm and said I’m not arguing. He now can’t drag me into arguments as I keep repeating ‘I’m not arguing’. I could go on and on how he’s changed. It’s only been 3 weeks but no massive melt downs or holes punched in walls. THANK YOUUUUUUUUU”   


The online version is called Online Parent Support (OPS). OPS includes My Out-Of-Control Teen eBook (a digital book).  In this book, I share over 150 proven techniques to use with your strong-willed, out-of-control teenager.  If parents don’t have these techniques, all they are left with are conventional parenting techniques.  And as they may have discovered, conventional techniques don't work with unconventional teenagers. Learn more about traditional parenting strategies.

=> Does your child often:

• lose his temper
• argue with adults
• refuse to comply with rules and requests
• deliberately annoy people
• blame others for his mistakes and misbehavior

=> Is your child often:

• touchy and easily annoyed by others
• angry and resentful
• spiteful and vindictive

Learn more about defiant behavior versus normal teenage rebellion.

CLICK HERE to view a partial list of topics covered in the eBook.

Believe it or not, your child doesn't need counseling.  You don’t need parenting classes.  You don’t need -- nor would you want -- a 250-page manual on how to be a better parent.  Who has time for that?  And you don’t need to go through another year of pain and misery with rebellious, foul-mouthed teenagers with an "attitude."

However, what you may need is someone who has worked with troubled teens and frustrated parents for nearly 20 years -- and does so for a living -- to show you a set of very effective parenting techniques that are guaranteed to work. That would be me, Mark Hutten, M.A.

OPS includes:

• Live Audio Recordings of the entire parent-program I conduct at Madison County Youth Center
• Power Point Presentations and Videos shown during the program 
• OPS Website -- updated daily with many additional parenting resources
• Parent Forum -- where members of OPS support and seek advice from one another; meet and talk to married and single parents who are experiencing the same parent-child difficulties as you  
• OPS Weekly Newsletter -- provides additional resources for parenting today's teens and pre-teens
• Access to me via email or OPS Chat Room -- always feel free to contact me as often as needed while you begin to implement your new parenting strategies
• 100% Money Back Guarantee

Whether you have big problems or small problems, teens or preteens, whether you are a single parent, divorced or separated parent, adoptive parent, foster parent, step parent, a traditional two-parent family, or a grandparent raising a grandchild -- this material is guaranteed to work for you.

Initially, the parents who attend my parent-program (the same program you’ll get with Online Parent Support) are at their "wit's end" and describe home-life as “hell's kitchen.” 

A few short weeks after they complete the program (which is divided into 4 sessions, 90 minutes each session), the majority of parents report that problems in their homes have reduced in frequency and severity and are finally manageable.

You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how simple it is to get started with these non-traditional parenting strategies.  Whenever you have a couple spare moments sitting at your computer, you can see how to bring about positive change in your household …change that will reduce parent-child conflict …change that will reduce your stress-level significantly …and change that will increase the likelihood that your child will be a success both at school and in life.

=> Is your child in charge (the tail is wagging the dog)?

=> Does she/he have an "attitude" 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?

=> Is she/he resentful about something that happened in the past and just can’t seem to get over it?

=> Are you concerned that your child is:

• Having unprotected sex?
• Hanging with the wrong crowd?
• Experimenting with drugs or alcohol?

=> Has your child:

• Lied to you?
• Stolen from you?
• Skipped school?
• Destroyed property?
• Ran away from home?
• Had a brush with the law?
• Refused to follow any rules?

If so, then I hope you download My Out-Of-Control Teen eBook and join Online Parent Support today. Click on the Buy Now button below AFTER WATCHING THIS SHORT VIDEO:

You Can't Lose With My 100%, Ironclad,

"Better-Than-Risk-Free" Money Back Guarantee

I say "better-than-risk-free" because this whole package is yours

to keep even in the unlikely event you decide to ask for a refund.

If for any reason you aren't thrilled and satisfied

with your purchase, just contact me within 365 days

(that's right - one year!) and I'll give you a 100%

prompt and courteous refund ... no questions asked!

Online Parent Support is all about:

• Serving people, specifically parents who are at a point of frustration with their child's emotional/behavioral problems and resultant parent-child conflict
• Providing an invaluable product that everyone can afford
• Providing a parenting-package that continues to grow over time by incorporating additional products and services at no extra cost to existing members

Feel free to contact me.  You'll get no "sales pitch" -- just answers to any questions you may have.

• My email: mbhutten@gmail.com  (I will respond within 24 hours!)
• My cell: 765.810.3319

1. What is your toughest parenting challenge currently?

2. What other problems are you experiencing with your child right now?

3. Do you have any questions about OPS or My Out-Of-Control Teen eBook?

A few emails from parents:

"I just have to let you know that I just started reading your book...I am in tears as I am reading. It is like you have been hanging out in our home, watching us. We are on our 4th therapist in a 3 year period and not one of them have seemed to have a grasp on what we are dealing with, but your first few chapters have summed us up almost immediately. I had to stop and say thank you." -- M.J.

"I had problems with my 15-year-old daughter last year and found your online course. I can’t even begin to tell you how helpful it was in turning my daughter around.  I followed it up with a trip to Uganda – just the 2 of us – for 15 days last summer, which forced us to bond. It’s been a great year this year and I want to thank you for your huge part in that. No more sleepless nights.  Your website gets lots of referrals from me! I think your method utilizing online courses and support groups is brilliant. Warm regards." -- M.H.

"Thank you for your concern for others. My husband and I were at the end of our ropes. I prayed for wisdom and God certainly answered my prayer.  I have already tried some things on the first week actually the day I ordered this and to my amazement - they worked!!  I had already been thinking the turmoil was like a drug for my daughter and I was right.  Thank you so much and God Bless you!" – E.H.

"Tara and I joined your website for our 16 year old quite a few months back. Let me say this after having gone through many different programs for difficult teenagers, your program is very solid. We have told our current counselors and connections about it so that other parents may use your very good resources, too. Our son is to the point now where he no longer argues." – T.M.

Dear Discouraged/Frustrated Parents,

I know I’ve made some pretty strong claims above. And you might be thinking, "This guy is full of it …he must think he can work miracles.”

No, I’m not a miracle worker. But you don’t need a miracle! All you need is this simple set of proven parenting techniques to use with your oppositional, defiant child.

I'm not offering a complete cure for ALL behavior problems, and I'm not trying to claim that every single thing that you'll ever need to help your child is in my eBook. But if you are looking for rock solid and proven solutions to a whole bunch of parenting-predicaments that you have with your out-of-control child, then I'm confident that you can benefit from my help.

For many years now I've been running a very successful parent program, but I wanted to take it a step further.  I wanted to reach out to parents worldwide and help them discover that there really is light at the end of the tunnel. That’s when I came up with Online Parent Support (OPS).  Since its launch in 2004, OPS has overwhelmed users and success rates have been phenomenal.

If you're one of those parents who has paid a fortune on must-have parenting eBooks only to find they were full of useless information you could have gotten anywhere, then don’t make the mistake of clicking off this site before you at least call or email me with some specific questions about My Out-of-Control Teen eBook. I guarantee you won't find this information anywhere else.

You could (and may) spend the rest of the afternoon surfing and "researching" only to find that you've gained a wonderful knowledge of what the problem is without any knowledge of what to do about it.

Let’s face it: You have been force-fed garbage and misinformation that will never put your teen back on the right track.  All you have really been doing is building-up even more barriers and creating more stress – for you and your family.

I'm tired of reading all the bad advice out there …I’m tired of seeing teenagers' lives ruined because they just can’t be controlled …and I’m tired of seeing parents chase their tails in a hopeless cycle of frustration, drama and chaos.

I’m giving you the chance to break the cycle of abuse and mistrust …to bring harmony back into your life …and to keep your child from self-destruction. And I’m going to put my money where my mouth is:

If you don’t begin to experience success with these strategies within the first week, then I want you to email me – mbhutten@gmail.com – and say, “I want a refund.” With one click of my mouse, I will send your refund-request to PayPal (the secure network that sells my eBook), and they will promptly refund 100% of your purchase.

Parenting strong-willed, out-of-control children is tough! If you don't know how, that is...

Here’s a recent email from a new member of Online Parent Support. She and her husband sent this email to their son’s Counselor:

“…coming up with a proper diagnosis and treatment has taken us down many roads, all leading to different therapies, parent-education classes, including Jayne Major's course Breakthrough Parenting Services as well as James Lehman's Total Transformation Program. Through countless hours of research and phone calls, we have discovered the different levels of support are dependent on insurance, out of pocket expenses, including potentially selling our home and putting him in a residential treatment center with no guarantees of a positive outcome. Needless to say, quality intervention has been hard to find. Recently we found an on-line course by Mark Hutten called My Out Of Control Teen. It seems the most helpful and pragmatic approach so far. We wanted to share with you where we are in the course so we are all on the same page in helping our son and family through this crisis.”

$29 is really a painless drop in the bucket compared to the money you could lose over time with counseling, parent-education classes, psychiatric evaluations, treatment, etc.

Yes, for the price of dinner at a local restaurant, you will have all the information you need to jump full force into getting peace and respect back in your house again. If you need to justify the expense, skip taking the kids to McDonald's for dinner once this week - and it's paid for.

If you’re going through the same parent-child conflict that most of the other parents who land on this site are going through, then the problems at home and school are not getting better -- they’re steadily getting worse. How much longer are you willing to wait?  I'm guessing that you have already wasted too much time and energy trying to get some real solutions.

I trust that you’ll take a step of faith here and get started with this on-line program immediately.

~ Mark Hutten, M.A.

WATCHING THIS SHORT VIDEO before purchase:

Click on the PayPal button below to order

My Out-of-Control Teen eBook

and join Online Parent Support for a
one-time payment of only $29.00

This program is GUARANTEED to work,

so there's absolutely NO WAY that you can lose!

Members Download Access provided by
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Instant Download Access  ~  No Monthly Fees
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==> Frequently asked questions...

==> Emails from a few of the parents who have joined Online Parent Support...

==> A brief biography can be viewed here...

My Out-of-Control Teen eBook is the

#1 Best Selling Parenting eBook for "Defiant" Teens.
Even if you have a very slow internet connection,

download time is only about 5 - 30 seconds.

Audio CDs of the parent-program are
available to OPS members upon request.
Delivered in 3 - 7 days.

 

Mark Hutten, M.A. 

Parent Support Group of Madison County Youth Center

Online Parent Support, LLC
2328 N 200 E
Anderson, Indiana  46012 

Cell: 765.810.3319
Email: mbhutten@gmail.com

ONLINE PARENT SUPPORT STAFF:
Mark Hutten, M.A. (Counseling Psychology)
David McLaughlin, MD (Consultant: Psychiatry)
Julie Kennedy, Psy.D. (Consultant: Clinical Psychology)

_______________________________________

About the author: Mark Hutten, M.A. is the founder of Online Parent Support, a practicing counseling psychologist, and a parent coach with more than twenty years’ experience. He has worked with hundreds of children and teens with behavioral problems over the years. He presents workshops and runs training courses for parents and professionals who deal with troubled children and teens, and is a prolific author of articles and ebooks on the subject.

About Online Parent Support: Online Parent Support was the first “online program” for parents with defiant children and teens, and has been helping parents like you since 2003. Dozens of parents join Online Parent Support every day. YOU can be next! You can start your program in 15 min. from now, and you WILL see positive changes in your child’s behavior within the first week -- or your money back! Has your son or daughter been "out-of-control" for several months - if not years? If so, then alarm bells should be going off. You know changes need to happen!