I am at the end of my rope...

I have a 12-year-old daughter who has been diagnosed with numerous conditions (Tourette's ADD, ODD and early onset bi-polar disorder). However, of all these the Oppositional Defiance disorder is giving me a great deal of heartache. She will not do anything I ask (including bathing and general hygiene) is extremely argumentative and annoying with everyone and now has started to refuse to get up and get ready for school. We have reached the lifetime limit for mental health treatment on our insurance. Any help or advice you can give me will be greatly appreciated as I am at the end of my rope.

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Hi E.,

My full-time job consists of going to the homes of parents who are at a loss on what to do or how to help. Out of a pure sense of hopelessness, these parents have come to Madison County Juvenile Probation seeking help.

They have tried very hard to address their child’s emotional & behavioral problems, but with little or no success. And it seems the harder they try to help, the worse it gets.

Here’s the good news. These kids with these “disorders” (e.g., ADHD, ODD, Conduct Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, etc.) are the most enjoyable bunch of kids I could ever work with. I get respect and cooperation from all of them.

But …and this is an important point here …I know how to approach them. Through years of trial and error (as well as research), I have found a method for over-coming the obstacles that formerly prevented any positive outcome with these kids.

I want you to hear me very clearly here …there is no need for you to continue living as a frustrated, stress-out parent. I will help you bring the chaos and confusion to a grinding halt, but I can’t help you unless you are willing to work with me – I can’t do it for you!

If you will read my eBook, listen to my lectures, view my videos and power point presentations, and email me with specific questions as you go along – we WILL get the problems turned around. If you will take a step of faith, you will experience the same success that hundreds of other parents are now enjoying.

After years of dealing with a dishonest, disrespectful and dysfunctional child, many parents feel so defeated that they believe nothing or nobody will be able to help them – they think it’s simply “too late.” But I promise you – it is never too late.

Now…

You have to make a decision. You must decide whether or not to take a step of faith here. I cannot help you unless you are willing to help yourself.

You deserve much better than you are settling for.

Click here to get started with my program: http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/sl

I hope to hear from you soon,

Mark Hutten, M.A.
Online Parent Support
Madison County Youth Center
Madison Superior Court, Division 2
3420 Mounds Road
Anderson, Indiana
46017-1873
Probation: (765) 635-9037
Fax: (765) 646-9229
Toll Free: (856) 457-4883
Email: mbhutten@gmail.com

She is completely out of control...

Please ...is there any advice for my husband and I about his teen daughter with Bipolar and Aspergers. She is completely out of control with her anger and very threatening to my 5-yeard-old and 18-month-old who are her half siblings. Please let me know if there is any free advice anywhere on how to handle being around her and how these situations should be handled. Her mother and father are giving in a lot and it has taken its toll on my children and me. Thank you.

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Hi S.,

For info on Bipolar Disorder, please refer to this section of the eBook: http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/bi-polar

For the entire eBook on dealing with out-of-control teens, please click here:

http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/sl

Mark

He fights physically with other children...

Hello --

We are new to the My Out of Control Teen and are really impressed with the material. We have an 11-year old that fights physically with other children when he's frustrated or angry and I'm looking for an appropriate punishment. I see in the material that you have lots of suggestions for many things, but I didn't see anything about this specifically. It doesn't happen that often (but it did tonight when he spent a couple of hours with a new neighbor's son), and he's not in the same situation that often so it's hard to deal with it on a regular basis, but when it does happen it's a big enough deal that I want it to stop. Any suggestions would be most welcome.

Thank you for providing all of this material and any assistance you can provide.

B.

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Hi B.,

The strategy for this particular behavioral problem is in the “Anger Management” chapter, and is entitled “When You Want Something From Your Kid.” Please refer to this strategy using the online version of the eBook (listen to the audio as well).

I’ve taken the liberty of “plugging” your particular situation into the steps:

1. Clearly state your expectation.

"In the future, do not push or hit any of your friends.”

2. When your child plays with friends without fighting, reward with acknowledgment and praise.

"You did such a great job of playing without fighting …that’s you being a good friend.”

Note: "Rewards" such as hugs, kisses, and high-fives increase your children's motivation to do what you ask them to do.

3. If, on the other hand, your child refuses or ignores your request, then a clear warning (with your best poker face) should be given immediately in the form of a simple “If/Then” statement.

"If you choose to push or hit, then you’ll choose the consequence, which will be ________ " (pick the least restrictive consequence first, such as no computer games or T.V. for one evening).

4. If the warning is ignored, then quickly follow through with the discipline.

"Because you chose to hit/push, you also chose the consequence -- which is no games or T.V. this evening."

5. If your child refuses to accept the consequence (e.g., watches T.V. anyway), take everything away (or at least his "favorite" stuff and/or activities) and ground for 3 days. If child has a temper tantrum when he finds out he is grounded for 3 days, the 3-day-discipline does not start until he calms down. If he violates the 3-day-discipline at any point, merely re-start the 3 days rather than making it 7 days or longer.

6. Tell your child exactly he can do to EARN his way off discipline.

"If you do not hit or push anyone over the next three days, then you will be ungrounded – and you will get all your toys and games returned to you …on the other hand, if you DO hit or push anyone, the 3-day-discipline starts over."

We can tweek the above strategy as needed. Please keep me posted.

Mark

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

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Thank you Mark! That really helps. We are doing much of this and appreciate seeing the pattern laid out to keep us on track. With the consistency idea in mind, I'm working on zeroing in on every little instance of angry behavior as a means of working it out with the small things—even kicking the stairs when he walks up to take a shower he doesn't want to take :) and I'm hoping I can be diligent enough to make a difference. The idea of complimenting him and small rewards for behaving well often do get overlooked (it seems so basic to be civil when we're around other people!) but your recommendation to notice those is a good one.

B.